Marmite & Mistletoe
by ArcadiaArden
Summary: The spirit of Christmas can found in the most unexpected of places and when holiday magic is in play, what you wish for can make all the difference. (multi-chapter, in-progress, slow burn rizzles)
1. Chapter 1

Rizzoli & Isles – I certainly don't own them. I give a lot of credit to the people that do and thank them for letting me mess about with them for a bit. The story and any original characters that might crop up belong to my addled little brain.

**Written for one very random feltknickers prompt (prompt revealed at end of the story) **

Beta work by the ever suffering sideadde, & the new to my world of beta insanity, living-on-borrowed-crime. I'm hoping to rope back in Charlie so we can get this thing posted quickly. It's long but I'd like it up by Christmas (at least this is the excuse I'm going with other that the truth of liking to torture betas;)).

Warning: I try to give accurate warnings. This is a mature reader fic. It's not going to be funny or fluffy but hopefully you'll see the humanity. If I've done my job right you'll run the gambit of emotion both in the story and perhaps, while in progress, at me the fic writer.

Those new to my writing, I usually write at a point they are in TV canon. This is going to include all that we have of S5. That means both our leads last relationships were/are with men.

Reminder to all who read on: Sometimes getting to Rizzles is half the fun and we all know that is where I steer this ship when I take it out for a spin.

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><p>The box was heavy and it wouldn't budge no matter how hard Jane shoved the vacuum at it. Stupid Christmas decorations shouldn't have been sitting there in the first place. Grunting she kicked it out of the way with her foot, growling when it moved less than an inch. This was exactly how her entire life went.<p>

Slowly inching forward with way too much effort needed.

Jane grasped the cardboard side and shimmed it out of the way, cursing when part of the top ripped off in her hand. She looked at the piece of box before flinging it over her shoulder. Damn box should be empty right now, stowed back in the storage unit in the basement and the contents spread around her apartment in whatever fastidious order Maura thought fit.

It was their tradition. But so was murder.

And murder was a bitch of a boss and the hours sucked. Nights, weekends, holidays, people never had the decency to be homicidal on a nice regular 9-5 schedule.

So last Saturday she shouldn't have been surprised that Dispatch called, because this was how her life went. Nope, the minute Jane heard her phone ring and Maura's right after, she knew her decorations were going to be staying in the box. Never mind the fact it had already taken them two weeks to pencil in a day that was close enough to Christmas to decorate and they both were free from other obligations. It had been practically Christmas miracle.

Until her stupid phone rang.

On top of the fact she didn't get her decorations put up, the homicide was a double involving a kid. Right outside the Macy's in Downtown Crossing. Two nights before the giant tree lighting ceremony. Nothing makes a giant retail chain melt down quite like yellow tape blocking the front of their prize store in the middle of holiday shopping rush.

Angry retail giants always have the right friends in the right corner office but apparently it was BPD's fault their security camera had frozen ice droplets on the lens. Nina was working with crap for footage.

But angry retail giants also had plenty of pretty boys in prettier suits who managed to have Cavanaugh on speed dial. And perhaps her choice in language while the Mayor was in with Cavanaugh was not her best life decision but lack of sleep and dead ends were not exactly a good mix. She couldn't wave a magic wand and make the case close no matter what the Macy's would like to see running as a headline on the 6 o'clock news.

What was worse was Cavanaugh had been right, there was nothing they could do until Nina tweaked the video more or the boyfriend turned up. Maura's people were long since done, Jane had figured she'd interviewed half of Boston personally and the best lead they had, the missing fiancé, was exactly that. Missing.

With the box out of the way, Jane started the vacuum up again with a determined set to her shoulders. She might be staring at a dead end on her case, alone in her apartment except for a box of Christmas decorations and a dog, but clean floors she could control and that had to count for something.

Jane sighed. Clean floors had to count because what else was she going to do on this forced, little 24 hour break? She was certainly not hanging Christmas decorations she didn't want up in the first place. Not when she knew Maura would end up switching it all around later.

Jane could picture exactly how it would go. Maura would come over, try to ignore her decorating, but eventually she'd start to crack. First it would be shifting uncomfortably on the couch, then fiddling with her ring or her clothing and by the time Maura would start straightening up the junk mail on the coffee table Jane would know it was game over.

Maura would tell her some decoration would look better in some place Jane never would have considered, Jane would tell her to have at it and then 3 hours later everything would be in a new spot.

So waiting for Maura was logical.

Jane tried to let the repetitive motion of cleaning her floors wipe away the fact that since the moment murder trumped their decorating plans, Maura hadn't been free. Workload, she understood. Maura liked the fieldwork, but in addition to actually being a medical examiner, that whole Chief part of her title meant testifying, prepping for trials, managing her staff, signing off on reports and last week dealing with HR over an incident involving a tech, dry ice, balloons and the HAVAC system. Jane wasn't sure about the specifics but Maura had shook her head and left early that night.

Now, in addition to work, Jane had to be patient about Jack. Wonderful, non-serial killer Jack. Jack with the pro baseball player uncle. Jack with the precocious daughter with whom Maura got along perfectly. Jack, who apparently had an issue with conveniently misplacing his clothing around Maura's house. More than once. And no, Jane was pretty damn sure she didn't find it as funny as Maura did with each retelling.

The whole Jack-thing was getting a tiny bit sickening and frankly a little boring. Jane got it. She really did. Jack was smart. Jack liked classical books. Jack was a brilliant professor. They even had fabulous monkey sex. Maybe she should make Maura a banner so she'd understand that Jane was full on celebrating for her and then perhaps Maura would stop talking about him.

Jane carefully maneuvered the vacuum under her desk, eyes drawn to the photo of last year's softball team. Wistfully she moved it back to front and center and wondered if Maura was going to be able to join this year. Maybe in the spring the newness of the relationship would wear off and Maura would need a break from trying to make sure Jack had enough of her time.

Because right now that was top priority for Maura: time for all things Jack.

Making certain she met Jack for dinner. Making certain she went to his daughter's Science Fair and piano recital. Scraping whatever free time she'd had over the past two weeks since they caught this latest case to cook him enough late dinners and then subsequent breakfasts that Jane finally decided she'd be better off driving herself into work. Who really needed to start their day watching Jack parade around Maura's kitchen in a short robe?

Not her.

Reaching down, Jane pushed aside her coffee table to vacuum under it. She was happy for Maura. She really was. The woman deserved a break after Dennis Rockmond. She was glad that Maura could finally see what Jane kept trying to tell her. Aside from a few quirks that other people might not understand she was warm, wonderful and kinda perfect.

Jack seemed really crazy about Maura too. So that made him okay in Jane's book. It was probably understandable that he seemed a little intense about spending enough time with Maura. Jane could relate to that. Maura was the perfect person to spend time with.

Jane simply wished she didn't miss her so much. Maybe after the case she'd talk to Maura and see about making more of an effort to get together at work for lunch or something.

Just as she was about to finish the area in front of her couch, a small glint under the table caught her eye and Jane scooped the little bit of metal off the floor. The delicate filigree earring with inset amber certainly wasn't hers. Flipping the vacuum off Jane slumped down on her couch and watched the light play off the delicate swirls.

Maura had lost this the night Jane had struggled up the steps with the box of ornaments. The earrings were from a trip last spring to the Czech Republic and were one of a kind. Maura had been frantic. They'd searched and searched for the earring, but finally gave up. In the craziness of the call on the double homicide, Jane had forgotten her promise to look for it.

She chewed the edge of her thumb and stared out her window. The light outside was already waning. Sometimes she hated this time of year. Things seemed to be so dark and grey all the time. It was depressing. Jane glanced at the vacuum but her couch was more comfortable. She spotted her mobile phone on her end table. She should call and let Maura know she'd found the missing earring. But Maura had rushed out of work earlier, already upset she was too late to cook Jack this dinner she'd rambled on and on about over morning coffee.

In fact, Maura had barely stopped by to say goodnight as she rushed out, hurrying to pick up the take-out she'd finally had to order instead of cooking. There had been a hand brushing along her shoulder and folder dropped in her lap. Jane had watched her practically bounce out of the room with a smile thrown over her shoulder and sparkling eyes that narrowed just long enough to firmly remind her to get some rest.

It was only as Jane had watched her go that she realized it was a night off and with the case going full throttle, she didn't have plans. Usually that had never been too much of a problem. It never took much to convince Maura to go to dinner or out for a drink. Ever since Rockmond, if Maura had some obligation or event and was busy, she'd invite Jane along or meet her after. It had been a long time since Maura didn't find some way to include her when she asked.

It had been too easy to take it for granted. Now Jane realized she was always watching Maura run off to meet Jack.

Jack, who had managed to get boyfriend status. Jack who managed to keep Maura busy all the time. And happy. Maura seemed happy with Jack.

It was almost a compulsion Jane couldn't control. Her phone was in her hand without realizing what she wanted to do. By the time she'd keyed in her password she had managed to get her wits about her. She shouldn't call. Maura was busy. An earring wasn't important.

But a quick text couldn't hurt.


	2. Chapter 2

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

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><p>Maura settled the blanket around her legs and curled up against Jack's side. He was focused on his laptop, reading material spread over the end table as he tried to come up with next week's lecture for one of his classes.<p>

She thumbed through her copy of Vogue, noting the changes in clothing colors for the spring lineups that were coming across in the featured designers. Jack's free arm pulled her closer before he went back to flipping between his slides and the articles on his lap and Maura let out a contented sigh.

He looked up from his laptop. "Comfortable?"

A contented hum was her first response as she rubbed his thigh. "This is perfect. I'm glad you could stay this afternoon."

She relished this time with him. It was all happening so quickly, but perhaps this indicated that this relationship would be different in a positive manner. The only relationship that had ever been this easy was her friendship with Jane. It was an important comparison. One she hadn't thought to find in a romantic partnership.

And being with Jack was almost effortless. Sometimes she didn't believe this was happening for her.

In fact, the only problem they had difficulty navigating were the demands of their individual lives. The longer they were together the more apparent it became that Jack's life had significant obligations. The impact made finding time to be alone together a surprising challenge; there did not seem to be a particular reason. The causes were varied and ever changing.

With one important exception.

His daughter featured, rightfully so, at the center of much of his free time.

Allie was Jack's world. Maura admired that, and time spent with Jack and Allie was enjoyable. Enjoyable or not, it made a moment like this, where she could be comfortable enough to sit quietly by his side, rare.

To be fair, her own life was equally complex. There was her career and its demands, forefront in her mind quite often, both by choice and by design. There were also her various volunteer efforts and board meetings to attend to. Maura looked at Jack's profile and admired the intense way he studied his work. The volunteer work she could perhaps curtail. Give up a seat or an advisory committee or one of the smaller, established boards. That would free up some additional weeknights.

And there was Jane. Something was off between them. Stilted. As she thought about Jane, Maura let her attention wander around the room. It was so quiet in her home today. Usually Sunday was bustling. Angela would have been in the kitchen for hours. Jane would have already been here, commandeering the remote before her brothers arrived.

But this case was grueling and along with the rest of her responsibilities, she hadn't argued when Angela had suggested they skip this week and let everyone rest. It wasn't Jack's weekend with Allie. It would be the perfect time for her and Jack to spend together and so far it was as she had hoped. Perhaps a little different than she had imagined, a bit too subdued, but still nice.

Maura could hear her clock ticking and the strike of Jack hitting his laptop keys. She wondered what Jane was up to, whether or not she actually used the day to get some rest. Jane had seemed too tired recently. There was the case, yes, but this was different. Even their usual easy working partnership seemed to be upset somehow, not in rhythm...

Feeling slightly melancholy, she shifted until she could see Jack's profile better. "How is the lecture coming?"

"Getting there. It's always a struggle to make sure I balance the information with a little bit of an entertainment hook for the freshmen." Jack leaned back and looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "Can't have them getting bored."

Maura could see the invitation in the quirk of his lips. "I can't see how they could ever find you boring." She put her magazine down and reached up to stroke his chest. "You always manage to keep me entertained."

His arm was around her and pulling her across his lap when her mobile chimed from the coffee table. His hands steadied her as she slid her leg over to straddle him, inhaling the lingering smell of his aftershave as the brush of his mouth found her lips. Maura broke the kiss briefly. "See? I'm instantly entertained."

She shivered as his hands swept up her back and his deep voice rumbled against her neck. "Happy to oblige." It was the moment that he pulled her closer that her phone chimed again.

Maura dragged her gaze to the coffee table. "I should probably…" His lips sucked where her neck met shoulder and she shivered. "…check that."

Jack raised his head long enough to capture her gaze. "You're off the clock right?" She nodded, feeling his fingers toying with the hem of her blouse. "Ignore it."

His hands were under her shirt and slipping along bare skin and she could feel herself falling into him when sudden flash of another day, another phone call, memories of Jane, Tasha, and a lost dream gave her enough steel to stiffen her spine. "I can't."

"You can't or you won't?" Maura could hear the irritation lacing his tone. She knew he was frustrated with this part of their relationship as well.

"I'm not certain it matters in this situation." Maura let out a sigh as she carefully extracted herself from his lap. Picking up the phone she unlocked it to look at the text from Jane. It was inane. Nothing urgent. A found earring. She looked back to Jack who had his hand against his forehead, jaw clenched. The damage was done.

Maura bit her lip. Why did this have to be so hard? Why did she always do this?

Maura looked at the phone in her hand. The correct thing would be to put the phone back down. Jack startled her when he abruptly got up from the couch and Maura watched him stalk off towards the bathroom. When the door was shut she couldn't help but type a quick reply.

When Jane's response came back quickly and Jack still hadn't emerged she replied, barely containing the laughter as she quickly typed out that she was fairly certain that Jo hadn't hidden it, but she'd be happy to have the lab run tests tomorrow if Jane was truly worried the dog was starting a criminal lifestyle.

She was so engrossed in waiting for Jane's reply she didn't notice Jack's return until she was staring at his legs. For whatever reason guilt made her blush and she hastily palmed the phone. "It wasn't urgent. I lost an earring over Jane's a few weeks ago and she found it today."

Jack seemed to have pushed aside his annoyance. The charming smile and quick wit were back in full force. "In that case, could I interest you in a very entertaining tour of your bedroom?"

Maura tried not to analyze the reluctance she had as she put the phone down on the coffee table and let Jack pull her to her feet.

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><p>AN: Well damn. Hello there readers. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings , Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanzaa and Happy New Year.

I thought I'd write a little story and I was in the mood to truly WRITE. Write a story without worrying too much about avoiding certain topics because they tend to polarize the fandom. Write for the sheer pleasure of digging at a few concepts and exploring/ripping them down and building them back up with words.

I had this vision of posting like an advent calendar and posting very late at night (my time zone) to perhaps slip it by people until more chapters were up and it was obvious what I was doing. I even kept it off my tumblr account.

However you all caught me :)

But I am so happy to share this journey with you all. A little nervous too. It will probably be a heck of a lot more fun with everyone climbing on the bus...But tighten those seatbelts. This is not going to be a smooth ride in some regards. This chapter alone probably starts to show that. I'll explain why I've done what I did at the end like I usually do for those who will wonder.

No WAY WOULD this fast-to-post would be possible without siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG. Bless the three of them for the slight mental insanity they surely will feel on a daily basis.

***Special thank you for the massive amount of support after that one unfortunate review… that one review against the positive response? I'll take my odds in that fight. Again, thank you all so very much.***

I can't control non-guest reviews or I'd pull that review off because** I won't have slut-shaming of women in any fashion around me.**

Jane and Maura are 38 years old in the series. They come with a history and they come to us imperfect. We have 5 seasons of baggage collection played out in front of our eyes. 5 seasons of boyfriends and mistakes. TV characters aside, humanity is a colorful, convoluted thing. If I'm writing toward S5, I have to honor all parts of that humanity, even if I may, at times, be frustrated with how it was portrayed.

There are enough truly horrible things in the world today that we need to support each other as women. We are all worth it, we are all perfect because we are imperfect. Truly that is what makes us beautiful.


	3. Chapter 3

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…no, really...

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><p>Jane waited with the phone in her hand until she finally realized Maura wasn't going to reply to her last text. She tossed the phone on the coffee table and didn't bother retrieving it as it slid along the surface before falling over the edge.<p>

It was dark out already. She thought about trying to fix something to eat, and got so far as leaning over to the back of her couch to consider the shadowy space where her kitchen was.

Cursing under her breath, Jane flipped around and crossed her arms over her chest. Screw it. There wasn't much in there to start with, she was sick of take out, had run out of cereal, and unlike Jack, she didn't have Maura running around trying to cook her dinner.

As an added bonus she was out of beer.

"Fuck this." Jane braced her hands on her knees. "Jo!" She gave a low whistle as she picked her phone off the floor. "Jo Friday! Come on, get your furry butt out here, we're going out!"

It took a few minutes of contortion before she managed clip a lead on a spastic terrier and bundle herself up, but eventually they made it out of her building. The night was sharp, clear, cold. Jo was sneezing as she sniffed, and Jane watched her breath make white puffs in the air. Maura's voice was in the back of her skull echoing "condensation" and Jane tilted her head back, trying to make a wispy white circle as she exhaled.

Above her head the city lights tried to drown out the stars but on an almost arctic December night like this, the strongest managed to break through as bright white specks. Jane licked her lips, almost tasting the snow the weather report was promising for later in the week. Looking at the shining dots above her head Jane tried to recall which constellation was where. Giving up after locating the Little Dipper, she made a mental note to make Maura bring her back to the Planetarium at the Museum of Science and this time she would actually shut the hell up and listen so she could figure out what she was looking at.

Jo tugged the leash hard and Jane almost lost her balance. Shaking her head, she pulled back on the leash, laughing when Jo sat down and refused to move. "Don't look at me like that, you mutt. You pulled first." Determined, Jane tugged a little harder and Jo simply stared up at her. Jane dropped her arm with the leash. "I do not need your canine problems tonight. It's freezing out here and I need beer." She flapped the leash. "Let's go." It earned her a doggy head tilt but nothing else. "Please? I'm desperate Jo. Desperate. I'm going to lose feeling in my toes if we stand around sniffing every inch of curb." Jane had no clue if the dog had understood a word she said or if it was the leaf skittering up the sidewalk that caught her attention but Jo gave a full body shake before trying to sprint ahead.

As they walked along Jane took in the sights of Boston during the holidays. Bright cheerful lights rimmed the windows. Banners hung from the street lights. Shops had images of Santa on display in full force. The local barber shop even had a big plastic Santa in the window that looked just like the one her parents used to have for the yard. She paused, looking at the molded plastic grin and the red dots on St. Nick's cheeks. Growing up she remember believing, truly believing, that Santa existed. Never once had it occurred to her that there was any other explanation for presents on Christmas morning.

She missed that. The simplicity of it. That unshakable belief in something that existed simply because she thought it did. No qualifiers needed. No magic proof. Back then she didn't need anything else but the certainty that she was on the nice list come Christmas morning.

There were days she'd give anything to have a little bit of that back.

The plastic display Santa glowed unblinking and Jane shook her head, shoving her hands deep into her jacket pockets. Sometimes it sucked to be a grown-up with grown-up logic. She realized that Jo wasn't pulling and she looked down at her pleased dog, pulling a bag off her leash with a groan. "How is it that I pay for your kibble and I'm the one cleaning up your shit? Ever think of paying me back a little Jo? I bet Lassie would know how to dust the living room once in a while." Jo simply watched her scoop the poop up, ready to move on.

Jane cut down the alley on the next corner so she could toss the bag in the dumpster when she noticed a pair of legs sticking out by an emergency stairwell. The purple boots were familiar. Jane crouched down and reached into the box wedged against the wall so she could shake the old woman's shoulder. "Verna!"

Tired eyes opened. "No! You go away! That Rondo has no business telling me to be nice to you. I don't like cops. Especially sneaky ones who hide the truth."

"Yeah, well, I like you, so deal with it." Verna rolled until she was sitting up and Jane sat back against her heels. In the scant light Jane made out a deep cut across Verna's cheek and bruising around her left eye. "It's way too cold to be out here and you look a little banged up. Do you need me to call someone to give you a ride to a shelter?"

Verna crossed her arms and shook her head. "St. Vincent's is full and the rest of those places are crawling with bastards, whores, and trolls. Did you see my face! Did you see what those trolls did to my face?! He thought I didn't know that he was one of them. But I saw the real him in heaven's light. I saw the troll with the devil's hand. I know things!"

Jane took a deep breath. She always tried and Verna always refused. Ever since Verna had found out that she had only been undercover in her Vice days, the old woman distrusted her with a passion. But there had been a time when Jane had watched her try to protect the youngest faces on the Chinatown street corners. A time when Verna had almost made her blow her cover by stepping between Jane and a knife. Those were moments you couldn't forget, especially on a night like this one, unseasonably cold and dangerously bitter.

Lately the only one Verna would bother to listen to was Maura. Maura, who had made short work of wrapping a young prostitute's sprained ankle at a crime scene and forever earned Verna's approval. Maura who had told Verna rather sternly that she must not spit at Detective Rizzoli anymore.

Jane exhaled, her breath a white stream between them. Maura wasn't available tonight so she was going to have to try a new tactic. "You run out of your medication again, Verna? How about I see if Korsak can give you a ride to the doctor's? Remember Korsak? He has that dog you really liked. The white one. It's warm at the doctor's and remember how last time you found out trolls couldn't get in through the sliding doors? Remember? You told me that."

Verna shot to her feet. "That's not what that man will do! He's a cop and that dog is a cover! All of you is the same! Trying to lock me up where I can't find angels! Lock me up for the trolls to come get me! Where's Doctor Maura? She'll tell you."

Jane wracked her brain, trying to put herself into Maura's head. Tried to figure out what Maura would do. "Doctor Maura is busy getting dinner." Jane paused, Verna was quieter now so it was a start. The glowing café caught her attention across the street. "In fact she sent me here to get you and bring you over to Mike's for something warm to eat. She always tells you it's a good idea to get a meal inside, right? It's too bright in there for trolls to see you. Let's just go get dinner okay? No Korsak. Nobody is going anywhere until we eat something."

Verna was still glaring at her but she started to shuffle towards the street and Jane frantically patted her jacket until she found her phone.

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><p>Somewhere off in the distance Maura was aware of a phone ringing. Jack was running his tongue up her thigh. Her head snapped back when strong thumbs followed. She gasped for air and realized the phone was ringing again. By the third time she recognized it was Jane's ringtone right as the heat of Jack's mouth skirted over her hip to plant kisses on her abdomen.<p>

She went to raise her head but then his hands were parting her legs and his mouth was wet against her breast. It could wait.

But there it was again, shattering the sound of their breathing and she fisted her fingers reflexively in Jack's hair, stopping him. Maura sucked in air, knowing she shouldn't be stopping anything, her body was practically begging her not to stop anything. The voicemail ping echoed sharply.

Jack's voice was dark against her breast. "Maura." He didn't have to say anything else. The ringing started up again.

"She wouldn't be calling if it wasn't important." Jack growled and his fist hit the pillow next to her head.

"It's always important Maura. Always." He lifted his head and rolled to the side. "Your job is important. The charity of the week is important. Sunday dinner with every Rizzoli is important. And god damn it, I certainly know Jane is beyond important. Wasn't this was supposed to be our 24 hours?"

Maura stuttered, trying to formulate a response when her phone rang again. Jack rolled into a sitting position, defeated. "Just go answer it." She hesitated, her body still throbbing. She reached out to him, her hand looking small against his back. She should have turned off the phone. She knew that. You had to give of yourself to have a successful relationship. Jack wasn't wrong. She knew all she'd have to do is ignore the phone, run her hands over his shoulder, whisper in his ear and he'd be back in her arms.

In the kitchen the voicemail pinged again.

Maura got up from the bed.

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><p>AN

*To people who ask/PM if I'm writing a Rizzles story…. 24 complete Rizzles stories of all types. Comedy, fluff, slow burn, angst, hurt/comfort, ... a few smut free pure romance, a few show level subtext and at least one just about love.

AND maybe few PWP… like that first time story that happened by phone…then there was that one about the BPD roof... or that one inspired by a certain blue dress…(crap I write a lot of smut)

That's a really long way to say, read the warnings, SLOW burn. SLOW. But I only have one ship in R&I. (what can I say, I'm a purest and a romantic at heart)

*To everyone… I love you, don't hate me, we're getting through most of the hard to read stuff right away, tomorrow is Tuesgay, our girls have to be in at least the same room for that….I seriously DID NOT think anybody would have found this story this fast. You've all been great… did I mention the whole don't kill me? My wife likes me in one piece… I've got this crazy dog that nobody wants…my kid kind of needs both moms…umm…. I'll have my wife bake you all cookies?

(oh and sorry to any fine upstanding gentlemen reading along as a review pointed out, I've had a few brave men tell me over the years say they enjoy my Rizzles stories. So I'm going to wave to ALL the genders or combination thereof and say "If you ship my ship get on board bitches, plenty of room for all around here")


	4. Chapter 4

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

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><p>"Oh thank god you're here." Jane pushed her coffee cup aside, Maura's rapid approach the most welcome sight of the night. "I think Verna needs to take a pit stop in an emergency room but we're having a difference of opinion."<p>

Verna looked up from her burger. "I keep telling you, I ain't going and getting prodded." Her expression softened when she realized Maura was there. She pointed at Jane. "That one's a nitwit."

"She has her moments." Maura ignored the scowl directed at her and placed her black bag on the floor. "May I see how silly Detective Rizzoli is being?" Verna nodded against the light touch on her cheek and let Maura tilt her head up to the light. "Well you're correct Verna. Detective Rizzoli is a nitwit."

"Hey!" Jane spun in her seat until she could cross her arms and glare at Maura.

"The laceration is at least few days old, it may have benefitted from stitches then but there is little value in adding them now." Gentle fingers prodded the tissue. "But how about you let me clean that up a little and we'll put a few butterfly bandages on?"

Verna grabbed some fries off Jane's plate and chewed thoughtfully. "No shelter?"

Jane looked pleadingly at Maura for help. "Verna come on. It's freezing out there."

Maura raised an eyebrow discreetly as she gently rubbed an antiseptic wipe along Verna's cheek. "Sometimes in life all we have is the power of choice right, Verna?" Verna didn't answer and Jane knew Maura's words were for her.

Jane snorted. "Did you see the black eye?" Maura didn't look up from her task but she nodded.

This time Maura stopped what she was doing to look Verna in the eye. "How hurt are you under your clothes? We don't have to go to the ER, Detective Rizzoli has made sure all my medical skills are quite sharp, I can look you over here if you wish."

Jane rolled her eyes as Verna patted Maura's shoulder. "You're a nice person. A good girl." She looked over her shoulder at Jane. "You should stay away from this one. She's going to ruin your life."

Maura made a noise someplace between a snort and sad laugh and the sound was such that Jane paused and looked up, fry part way to her mouth. "Perhaps Verna, but I think I'll keep her all the same. Now how about you? May I examine you?"

Verna shook her head rapidly. "That troll didn't stop me. Bastard was looking for me. He knew I'd seen him in heaven's light. Found me working my lights by the Longfellow. Got my dinner money and my face but he couldn't have my soul. Pisser flew up to the sky in his ship after that. Ate my dinner and laughed at the angels."

Jane swallowed a mouthful of burger. "Hate when that happens. This time of year you got to watch out for Santa too, right Verna?"

Verna scowled and whispered to Maura. "That one's not right in the head. There's no such thing as Santa."

Maura finished putting the last bandage strip in place and straightened up. "I don't disagree."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Kill what little Christmas spirit I have. Both of you."

"You'll be fine." Maura packed up her bag. "And so will Verna but I did notice poor Jo Friday is out there shivering."

Jane pointed to the kitchen. "Go talk to Dan about it. Health code this and health code that but he made her a burger too, so I think the dog will forgive me this time."

Jane's phone buzzed and she looked down with a sigh of relief. "Korsak managed to get a hold of the director at St. Vincent's." Verna looked up at the name. "They squeezed an extra bed in there tonight. Will you let Maura drive you over?"

"Not if you're coming. You'll make the ship go out to the ocean. Locking me in, under the water. Nobody is sending me there ever again." Verna continued to drink her milkshake, oblivious to Jane burying her head in her hands. "You cops are the same. You need to take care of the angels."

Jane peered at Maura through the curtain of her hair. "The stupidest idea I had tonight was going out to get beer. I could be home, watching bad Christmas movies on TV and talking to my dog." Jane stood up, dropping money on the counter to cover the bill. She looked at Maura and shrugged, already thinking ahead to what movie she could put on while they finally put up that box of decorations. "I'll go ahead with Jo and meet you at my place as soon as you drop Verna off? That box of Christmas crap is taking up half my living room."

Maura next words stopped Jane in her tracks. "I can't." Jane bit the inside of her cheek to make herself shut up. "Jack was annoyed enough that I left in the first place." She reached a hand out and held onto Jane's elbow. "But I'll see you at work tomorrow?"

Jane didn't trust herself to say anything. The words were too heavy to get out. She nodded instead and tried to rush out of the diner when Verna's yell of "I'm not going!" made her look back.

The old woman narrowed her eyes. "Not tonight! The trolls laughed and the angel fell! There is no peace, only blasts of fire! My face! Stole my dinner."

Jane rubbed a hand over her face and took a deep breath."Verna, please go with Maura. Get a good night's rest someplace warm. St Vincent's will protect you from the trolls. Remember how you always tell me that?"

Verna stared at her for awhile. Jane was acutely aware of the other diners watching them both. "Please Verna?"

Finally the old woman folded her arms across her chest. "Who is going to watch the sky and protect the angels?"

Maura was looking at her expectantly and Jane let the tension leave her body and softened her voice as she met Verna's eyes. "I will. Okay? I will." She looked at Maura. "Right Maura? I'm good for at least that."

Maura's voice was almost tender, her eyes on Jane as she reached out to pat Verna's forearm. "I trust Detective Rizzoli. She'll make sure your angels are safe."

Slowly Verna looked between them before nodding slowly.

Jane hesitated, waiting for what, she didn't know but all seemed peaceful behind her. Not bothering to look back she pushed through and grabbed Jo's leash. "Come on Jo, let's get our asses home."

Jo seemed just as intent as Jane to hurry home through icy air but when they were at the crosswalk between Green and High Street all Jane could think about was the box of ornaments still sitting in her apartment. She had really thought Maura wouldn't go straight back to Jack.

The terrier leaned into her leash, furiously tugging back towards home. "Yeah, I know. You have to be freezing." The wind buffered Jane cheeks and legs sharply. "I'm right there with you but I think we still need to stop for my beer."

She had to drag Jo along, but Jane changed direction, running a few blocks up. The corner store wouldn't have high end microbrew but it would have something.

The store was empty except for her and the bored looking clerk. The guy barely looked up from the TV playing behind the counter.

Jane made a few selections quickly from the limited display and had to clear her throat to get him to turn around and look at her.

Instead of turning around he jabbed a finger towards the screen. "World is going crazy lately, don't cha think?" He shook his head. "I don't think the cops have a prayer's chance of finding who did it. Mother and a kid like that, right outside Macy's in broad daylight. Christmas shopping for fuck's sake. We need better law enforcement around here if people think they can get away with stuff like that."

Resisting her urge to roll her eyes, Jane watched the TV as footage from the edges of the crime scene played over and over. The newscaster was droning on and on about people staying safe during their holiday shopping.

The guy behind the counter wasn't wrong. They didn't have any leads. They couldn't find a workable motive. She'd be disappointed in the progress herself if she was standing where he was. With a sigh she stormed over to the case and one pack of Sam Adams turned into two.

By the time she stormed up her front steps the mental image of the clerk pointing out her failure on TV was echoing in her head. Unlocking her door only showed her an empty apartment. For a second she imagined Maura sitting down next to Jack on her couch.

She downed the first beer between changing her clothes and finding her TV remote.

Jane was popping the top off her second beer when the box of decorations caught her eye again. Christmas was in a couple of weeks. She looked around her place, all her usual things in all the usual places. Not very festive. Not that it mattered, who was going to know or really care?

Jane looked at Jo Friday, curled up against the arm of her couch. She waved her beer at the mantelpiece. "Jo, am I wrecking your Christmas by not hanging up your stocking?" The dog only gave her a small thump of her tail against the cushion. Jane shrugged. "You're probably right, no point hanging up anything. We all know I wasn't the one that peed in the kitchen last week. What do they give dogs instead of coal if they're on the naughty list? Broccoli?"

All Jane got for a response was a snore. The quiet of her place surrounded her. She sprawled out on her couch with a sigh and turned on the TV. Suddenly Chevy Chase's face filled the screen as Clark Griswold, maniacal as he yelled at the family surrounding him.

"_Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. "_

"Damn it! He's right!" Jane hit the couch with her hand and Jo startled awake. "Jo, we're decorating!"

In between refreshing her beer and pausing to watch National Lampoon Christmas Vacation roll through the joys of the season Jane randomly pulled decorations out of the box. Half of them she couldn't remember buying and was pretty sure she never would have picked any of it out. Those totally had to be Maura's contributions. Where any of them belonged was beyond her.

It became a challenge then to wander around and randomly find a spot that somewhat made sense and stick some garland or stick a reindeer statue up. If it bugged Maura, well, then she could fix it herself. That is, if she ever actually had the time to see it this year.

Jane paused when she finally pulled out an old shoe box. Unwrapping the porcelain statue with care she brushed it lightly with a hand. Her Nonna had given it to her for her first Christmas she was out of the academy and had her own place.

A more recent memory made her suck at her bottom lip. Early in their friendship, when Maura was still hesitant and afraid to piss her off, she had carefully tried to cajole her into putting up some Christmas decorations. She'd spent weeks refusing, insisting that it was a waste. Not only was she never home but she didn't have anything to put up. But Maura was Maura and she'd perfected that head tilt, don't-kick-me puppy look that was almost impossible to say no to. So one night Jane found herself surrounded by a box of decorations that had somehow been wrangled out of her mother.

That first year, Jane could distinctly remember Maura unwrapping the angel, hands moving with care and precision. It was white, Romanesque and decidedly more formal than any other decoration Jane had allowed into her apartment so far.

Jane knew it was because she didn't whine or complain about the figurine that must have initially piqued Maura's fascination. Looking back it seemed silly she'd had an issue telling Maura why she had the delicate angel. It had taken a few too many glasses of wine and a night spent watching "It's A Wonderful Life" together but eventually she spilled. And maybe she'd felt like it was a little personal at the time, but each year since Maura always pulled the angel out first and personally placed it just so on the mantle.

Last year in particular there had been something about the way Maura had run a finger over the wings with such reverence after placing the angel on her perch that Jane had to finally ask. "What is it with you and that statue? I thought you didn't believe in all that crap, religion and angels?"

Maura's reply had been hesitant, almost reluctant and her tone had been soft. "I may have difficulty believing in the concept behind the statue but you told me your grandmother wanted you to have an angel watching over you. Someone to take care of you when she could not." Hazel eyes had tentatively found hers. "I can understand the sentiment."

Just thinking about last year made Jane hesitate for a moment. She _could _wait for Maura to do her thing and leave the angel aside. Jane considered the mantel and wrestled with why she even thought she should wait. This was stupid. It was a statue. Maura was busy.

Rolling her eyes at herself Jane finally went to place the angel in her spot when her phone blared at her hip, shocking her.

It was almost slow motion, the way the angel seemed to rotate in the light, almost graceful, before shattering into white shards all over her clean floor. Jane stared at the ceramic pieces.

Her mother's ringtone from her phone ceased.

On the TV the movie echoed through her living room. The National Anthem was playing as a fiery Santa flew across the moon.

* * *

><p>AN:

This update brought to you by the best beta trio to ever beta. siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG. They're working constantly both on the daily update and the forward chapters. During the busy holiday season. I love them. (um…ps…guys, I added more beta work in there tonight…ummm… sorry /not sorry? :) )

Conversation in my house tonight: "Honey, I told the internet you'd bake them cookies."

"That's nice. Did you also them you need a new wife?"

"But…"

Daughter jumps in. "Tell them my joke instead!"

"Which one?"

"The one from this morning!"

*wracks brain, it was early, there was not enough coffee* "Ummm…can you remind Mama?"

*insert, pained child groan at my ineptness* "You're getting old."

(can't argue with her, shrug)

Child puts the ipad down (what a glorious moment!) "Okay, but don't forget this time. So what kind of car does Santa drive?"

"A sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer?" (Instantly wonders where child has gotten unique talent of raising one eyebrow quite that high.)

"MAMA! You're not even trying!" *Deep, sigh.*

"Okay, okay, what kind of car does Santa drive?"

"Santa drives a TOYota."

**_***good night Rizzlers ***_**


	5. Chapter 5

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

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><p>Maura parked in the lot behind St. Vincent's. Verna was dozing against the passenger window. For a moment Maura wondered how old she was. Human age was notoriously difficult to gauge by appearance alone. Verna's grey hair straggled out from under her hat. Her skin had long since rippled and dipped over cheekbones.<p>

Maura didn't know her story and Verna wasn't able or willing to share it. Jane had met her during her early years undercover. Jane had mentioned Verna getting in the way of a set up one night when she'd been working on a human trafficking case in Chinatown. Maura didn't know too many details but what she had managed to coax out seemed to surround Verna trying to attack the suspect they were setting up, thinking he was after Jane.

Whatever had actually happened between the two of them remained a mystery. All Maura knew was last year when Verna had disappeared from the area for more than just a few months, Jane had been worried enough to ask Rondo to put the word out.

Her passenger started to stir as Maura turned off the car. They never did find out where Verna had been, but she came back fixated on St. Vincent's and the angels in the stained glass windows of the church. The shelter next door was now the only one she was willing to stay in.

Maura shook Verna's shoulder. "We're here."

Verna blinked sleepily, her voice betraying her age and the cold nights behind it. "The troll stole the color from the sky for his ship. Like yours. The angels can tell you how."

Maura nodded. "We should go get you that bed okay?"

The shelter director met them at the front door and a volunteer gently took Verna's arm from Maura. "Nice to see you again Dr. Isles and welcome home Verna. Why don't you get a hot drink and get to bed?"

Verna patted the director on the cheek. "I know you. You're a good girl, Marcie. You didn't let the trolls steal my jacket." She smiled at Maura. "Good night Doctor, thank you for visiting."

Maura watched Verna shuffling off, waiting until she was out of earshot before filling Marcie in with what little facts she had. "She was in a fight of some kind. I did the best I could to help her but her injuries seem several days old by the state the bruising and the condition of the laceration on her cheek."

The director sighed. "It's not uncommon, especially when it gets cold."

"She doesn't seem able to tell us what happened." Maura finally tore her eyes away from the hallway. "Thank you for making room on short notice, Jane was particularly worried." The director's eyes were soft and understanding. Maura relaxed enough to ask, "Is there any chance you'd be able to hold a bed for her? At least through the holidays? You know she won't stay in any other place."

Marcie sighed. "I'll do my best. No promises that I can get her to stay and if she won't, I can't hold the bed. Verna doesn't like to feel like she's being kept." They shared a smile and something seemed to shift in the director. "I'll see if Father McMacken can convince her that the angels want her to stay, at least through Christmas."

Relieved, Maura went to say more when her phone started buzzing in her purse. With a last thank you she headed out, quickly pulling the phone out just in time to see Jane's name disappear. She barely had time to type in her password when the phone lit up again but this time Jack's name flashed.

She hesitated. She wanted to let Jane know that Verna was settled and that she'd arranged for her to have a spot in the shelter through Christmas. But Jack was the one waiting for her. Jack was the person she was dating. Jack was the one she had already run out on once tonight.

Guilt picked at her. Neither decision was going to feel right.

She hit accept.

~R&I~R&I~R&I~R&I~R&I~R&I~R&I~

Maura licked at chapped lips. Jacks arm was heavy and sticky across her middle. Against her back his breathing had finally evened out. Her own slumber was elusive. Every time she'd close her eyes she couldn't seem to relax. Instead her mind seemed intent on running through Jane's latest case.

The victims were mother and daughter. The mother was fresh out of rehab, clean according to the labs. Both victims had multiple gun shots. What the gunman clearly lacked in precision he had made up with in enthusiasm. The wall around Macy's side doors had been peppered with missed shots. The cause of death was a bullet to the head for the Mother and a potentially fatal wound to the chest for the child coupled with the mortal wound across the back of the head.

The first twist in the case came from an eyewitness who swore a third person had bolted from the crowded courtyard when the shots started. Maura's best tech had later confirmed the theory when reviewing the blood pattern at the scene. The initial photos of the break in the splatter seemed indicate something substantial blocked the initial spray but in the limited light it was difficult to photograph, even with spotlights set up.

Jane had insisted that her techs were wrong. Every image from inside the store had the mother and child by themselves. But evidence didn't lie and Maura stood by her team's assessment. She was vindicated when the results from the blood at the scene was from three different sources. There had been a third person at that scene, possibly wounded.

Maura shifted out from under the weight of Jack's arm, trying to find a comfortable position. Every time she closed her eyes she could see the blood on the ice, starting to freeze against the pavement. She wished she had insisted that Jane look at it again, fresh at the scene. But in her mind she could hear Jane speaking to officers, rounding up witnesses. She could see the crowds and the lights flashing against the dark sky. Then Cavanaugh and Korsak had arrived and Jane was pulled away.

Now thanks to Jane's witness interviews they had a person who linked a photo of the fiance to the third person and DNA from his parents had confirmed he had been there.

Maura tried to adjust herself slightly away from the sticky heat of Jack's bare skin against her own. Now that she thought about it, Jane owed her dinner from that little bet about the presence of a third person at the time of the shooting. They were supposed to have gone out, she distinctly recalled plans… Maura pursed her lips trying to remember.

Suddenly it came back.

Maura bit her lip. She had forgotten to reschedule. She had cancelled because Allie had asked her to come see her at her school's science fair and how could she have refused that? Then everything had been so hectic. There had been the holiday party for Jack's department, the Corporate Salute from the Massachusetts Council on Biotechnology that she was the Keynote for, and she had personally handled both autopsies for Jane's latest case which translated to long hours in the morgue.

Somehow she had forgotten about rescheduling their dinner.

Maura tried to sort the facts and actions from each other. Debating what she should and should not have done. Jack's breath was hot on her shoulder, the dark of her bedroom slowly started to feel restrictive. The more she thought about the cancelled dinner the more she couldn't help but focus on the fact that she hadn't returned Jane's call to let her know that Verna had been okay.

Maura plucked at her pillowcase. She was trying so hard not to ruin her relationship with Jack. She had listened to Jane about monitoring her conversation topics and tried to limit discussions about her job. She got along well with his daughter and he was well-read, topics to discuss flowing easily between them. He was proud to attend her functions and events whenever he could. He was good looking and in fine physical health. He was a willing lover and enthusiastic in his need to please her.

All she had to do was consider tonight. She'd come back from dropping off Verna and he'd been waiting up for her with a bottle of Merlot breathing on the counter. None of his irritation from earlier was present from when she had walked out on him. Instead he'd been happy to see her. He'd listened intently to her story, maneuvering her as they sat together on the couch so he could give her a massage. Jack was special. She knew it.

Yet somehow it was such an effort to fit Jack into her life. Maura inhaled and exhaled, tried to quiet her thoughts. At least for tonight, no more thoughts about the case. No more trying to sort through her relationship with Jack. Jane was always telling her to live in the moment more.

Jane.

Jane and the missed call. Jane who had seemed surprised that she wasn't able to go back to her apartment with her.

Maura gave up on trying to rest. She carefully got out of bed and wrapped herself up in her robe. Once in her living room the darkness became strangely soothing. She bypassed the lights and grabbed her phone from the island, surprised that it was off. She looked towards her bedroom curiously and steadied her thinking. She did not guess and she did not jump to conclusions.

She also could not recall turning it off.

The phone powered up, flashing a missed text message from Jane. Opening up the message, her chest seemed to contract tightly, making inhaling difficult. Instantly Maura realized that Jane was decorating her apartment for the holidays. Without her.

She sucked her lip against her teeth, pressing down. Her pulse rate increased and her lachrymal glands responded to a sudden release of hormones in her system. She didn't understand the emotion rolling through her over an inanimate object.

Maura twisted the silk of her robe in her hand. She looked at the time on her phone and knew Jane would be asleep.

Defeated she pulled out her favorite throw and curled up in the corner of her couch. Her clock ticked behind her as the minutes slowly crept by.

Shrouded by the dark of her living room, Maura kept rereading the sparse words while staring at the photo of the shattered ceramic.

"_Guess Verna isn't the only one having trouble with angels tonight."_

* * *

><p>AN

I love my betas, siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG. Why? Because I can post Ch 5 on time. Even when my board meeting ran an hour over and I was able to open the document and see they'd been busy little beta elves on not only tonight's but on all the new rough stuff I tossed them off in the story's future….

Okay, well, I'm going to guess this chapter is not going to help heal my reader's hearts from last night based on the reviews…. So well I have this whole really great survival kit. Line up people. It includes wine (lots of it), Blue Moon (no idea if this is good or not, I don't drink beer but it's the sponsor of at least the S4 references in this chapter ;)), lots of chocolate covered bacon (Jane's favorite food, undecided if I'm on board with this idea, need to try it) and gluten free almond cookies (cardboard flavor included for Maura). Oh and I'm putting some candy canes in there for reasons (this will make sense someplace in chapter 15ish)

Coming attractions include the start of the prompt next chapter… which I'm a little bit excited about. It won't be obvious but still, it's hidden in there :)


	6. Chapter 6

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>The enthralled audience of the infomercial was the first sound Jane was aware of as she slowly opened her eyes. Pain shot through her right side and she carefully shifted on her couch until she could stretch out the tightness in her hip.<p>

In the pitch black of her living room the TV screen glowed with some enthusiastic guy shoving fruit into a blender while Midwest housewives squealed on command as the machine whirred, instantly making some concoction.

The second she yawned, Jane became aware of one other important fact. The fuzzy taste in her mouth was disgusting. She rolled her shoulders against the cushion of her couch, slowly becoming aware of the the pounding of her brain as it tried to push its way out of her head.

Running her tongue over dry, creviced lips, Jane gave a soft groan when the amazed audience oohed and aahed over the blender again and the sound thumped against her skull. Turning her head hopefully to the coffee table, all Jane saw was scattered empty beer bottles and half of another sitting upright, but no water.

Blinking, Jane pushed herself up into a sitting position, trying to assimilate the strange colored dots around her window. Christmas lights. With a dry cough it all came flooding back and she looked at the mantle and the scattered remains of her shattered angel still spread across her floor. The half empty box of Christmas decorations was shoved against her desk.

She glanced at her phone and remembered sending Maura a photo of the carnage at about her third beer. She remembered the third beer became a fourth during the replay of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation as she wondered if calling to check on Verna would've been too pushy. It would have been perfectly normal before. But now there was Jack to consider.

Jane could distinctly remember deciding that decorating for Christmas was asinine if she was the only person who was going to be in her place staring at a bunch of crap she really didn't want in the first place. She remembered that the fourth beer became a fifth as her phone remained silent and her text went unanswered.

Now there was half of an empty sixth beer littering her coffee table and her head pounded out the story that there must have been a point where at least one bottle in the pack should have been left unopened. Thank god she never started on the second. Jane struggled to her feet and shuffled into her kitchen to pry open her cabinet. She reached all the way to the back, intent on finding the biggest sports bottle she had.

As her arm reached past her glasses and fumbled in the corner her fingertips brushed a jar. Confused she pulled it out and the pounding in her head intensified.

Stupid jar of Marmite.

Jane bit her lip, remembering rescuing it from Casey, shoving it in the back of the cabinet to protect it from anybody else tossing it in the trash. It was hers. She could do whatever she liked with it and keep whatever she wanted in her cabinets. Including an outdated jar of Marmite from Maura.

That alone probably should have clued her in that he wasn't for her. Not really. From the start Casey had to be in control. Right down to when they'd started dating. He had barreled in and taken over like she needed somebody to make decisions for her. He took over her kitchen. He put himself in charge of her laundry. He had even cleaned up her entire apartment. Jane glanced around her place. Maybe that part hadn't been so bad.

Scattered thoughts about her relationship with him bounced in time with the pounding of her head. One particular memory focused sharply. She remembered Casey, sweaty from a run, covering her, lips teasing against her neck as Maura had called through her apartment arriving for their planned jog. Then there was Maura standing in her doorway, expression hesitant but determined. Jane could recall how pinned she had suddenly felt under Casey. Jane remembered looking between Maura and him, feeling trapped between staying and going. Ultimately, he had told her to go, but she remembered warring between wants and obligations, not sure what to do.

Using the edge of her t-shirt, Jane methodically cleaned the dust off the Marmite jar. She wondered if Maura ever felt like that now. She couldn't help but compare her relationship with Casey to Maura's relationship with Jack.

Staring off across her living room at the Christmas lights rimming her windows, Jane tried to imagine if what she was feeling right now was anything like what Maura had felt while she was involved with Casey.

Shit, she hoped not. She rubbed the jar in her hands, warming the plastic. Had Maura felt this lonely? Jane let out a long sigh, she didn't have to even think about it. There had been tears following her engagement announcement to Casey.

So yes, Maura had certainly been affected. Jane swallowed thickly, the dry feeling in her mouth making her remember why she was in the kitchen in the first place. She placed the jar of Marmite down and turned back around to pull out her sports bottle. In the back of her mind it was Maura's voice encouraging her to drink at least two sports bottles full of water before morning, not her little bottles but the big Gatorade one, take 4 Advil, and get some sleep.

Jane took the first swig from the bottle, drinking deeply, ignoring her stomach's protest as the water sloshed down her throat. Breathing heavily, she braced against her sink, nausea waving through her. She couldn't stop letting thoughts of her relationship with Casey and her friendship with Maura tumble through her head.

Maybe she hadn't noticed the similarities before because Casey was out of touch for most of their relationship. In fact the only time she felt pressured by having him in her life was when he was actually present in her life.

The memory of Maura lingering in her bedroom doorway remained clear.

The difference between Casey and Jack suddenly clarified.

Jack was present in Maura's life. He was around for dinners on weeknights and dates on Saturday. He had a family and obligations that existed in Boston. He wanted to spend time with Maura.

Casey had never been truly present in hers. The only real threat had come the moment he had wanted her to come with him. Away from Boston.

Away from Maura.

"Shit." Jane swallowed against the rolling nausea. She walked back to her little jar of Marmite on the counter and held it close, pressing against her stomach. Her thumbs rubbed against the lid of the jar.

Suddenly all she knew was she didn't want Jack taking one millimeter of her space with Maura. She needed that spot.

Behind her, Jane could hear the TV infomercial announcer's voice booming towards his audience. "I think I've proven that this little thing right here ladies will make your life easier! But wait that's not all. Just for being with me here, right now, I'm going to throw in this amazing bonus gift that will change your life! Are you ready?"

Along with the cheering women on screen Jane chuckled darkly, eyes down as the pounding in her head amplified the announcer's words. She lifted her head to mutter at her ceiling. "Oh I'm ready. Let's see what you got there buddy. What could you possibly have that is going to change my life?"

The sudden shiver that ran down her spine startled Jane into dropping the jar of Marmite in her hands, the plastic bouncing off the countertop. Before she could grab it off the floor a whirring mechanical song blasted from behind and she shot upright.

"Have a holly, jolly Christmas! It's the best time of the year."

Jane spun around, eyes wide as the box on her floor shook. Gingerly she edged out of her kitchen,over to the box by her desk, and poked at a piece of vibrating garland. Under the glittering strand there was a polar bear in a sweater, bouncing up and down in time to the music.

The bear's unseeing eyes stared at her as he lifted his blue stocking hat off his head, belting out "Oh ho the mistletoe, hung where you can see; Somebody waits for you; Kiss her once for me!"

Jane laughed at herself, breathing deeply, trying to figure out how it had turned on. She crouched down to pull out the dancing white bear, turning it over in her hand, until she finally spotted the switch on the bear's hat and turned him off. It was an odd spot but something must have shifted in the box and hit it just right.

"Your poor angel! I told Doctor Maura to stay away from you." The voice was scratchy and worn, bouncing off the walls and overpowering the TV.

Jane whirled around; bear flying out of her hand as her hand reached for a gun that wasn't there. Eyes wide, she stumbled and caught herself, hand on the edge of her mantle as the figure on her couch glowed eerily in dark, outlined by the sparkle of her Christmas lights.

"Verna?" Jane's hand fluttered against her side before grabbing her shirt and fisting the material against her palm. Her heart was pounding. "Verna… I… what are you doing here?"

Verna refused to look up from the shattered mess on her floor. "So lost is the way. Angels don't belong where the world is so hard. So hard it breaks you." Her head lifted and she glared at Jane. "You promised to take care of the angels."

Jane shook her head rapidly but the image didn't change. Without thought she stepped forward and pain ripped up her leg. "God. DAMN. It!" She went to grab her foot and toppled to the floor, landing on her butt and slamming into the box with her back, crushing it.

Struggling upright, Jane stared at the back of her couch. This was not happening. This had to be some weird dream.

Her entire body pulsed in time to the pain radiating from her foot. Gingerly Jane let her fingertips feel around until they brushed the shard sticking out of her foot. She yanked on the piece and yelped, fingers instantly sticky. She hurled the glass piece across the room.

Verna's voice tutted from the couch. "I told the Doctor you were a bad girl. Language like that belongs to whores like you."

Jane pulled up her knees and leaned her forehead against them. "This is not real. This is definitely not real." Warily, she tilted her head up and could see the outline of Verna's shaggy hat and profile. Verna shifted until she could stare down at Jane over the back of the couch. Jane pressed her blood-coated fingertips together, feeling the sticky coating. "I'm not actually listening to you slut-shame the female population while I sit here bleeding. This is a dream. Or I'm insane."

Jane went to stagger to her feet and her foot stuck to the floor. Wincing she picked it up. "But then again, my blood is sticking to the floor and that feels pretty _fucking_ real."

Jane stepped closer but the image of Verna didn't change. "How did you get in here, Verna?"

A hand unsteady with age pointed to the front door. Jane squinted but couldn't tell if her security chain was in place or not so she headed toward it. As she got a little closer she realized the door was cracked. She shut it firmly and turned around, flipping on the light. Verna remained sitting on her couch, purple boots propped on her coffee table. "How did you know where I live?"

Verna shook a finger at her. "My secrets! Mine."

Jane rubbed her arms. "Verna you can't just walk into somebody's house." Verna didn't even look at her. She was busy lining up the empty beer bottles counting under her breath. Jane let out a sigh. "What do you want?"

Verna carefully centered the empty bottles, meticulously turning each so the label faced her. "Six not seven. The sky is heaven. Six not eight. The angels danced behind St. Peter's gate."

Running a hand through her hair, Jane walked over to her coffee table and sat on it, facing Verna. "How about I call Maura again? Will you let her come take you back to St. Vincent's? I bet they're worried if you disappeared in the middle of the night."

Verna reached out a worn hand and patted Jane's knee. "St. Peter's gate calls to the night. Everyone knows where I am. The ocean was too deep; not even the trolls could save me now."

"I'm going to call Maura." Jane went to pick up her phone and Verna's screech stopped her.

Arms flailed, a finger pointed at Jane. "Nobody can find me! Not the trolls. Not the whores. Only you called me here. Only you. You let that angel sleep and save me from the night!"

Verna's panic was genuine. Jane carefully put the phone down. "Okay, see?No phone. But you gotta help me here, Verna. What do you need? Why are you here?"

"You have my jar!" The old woman nodded definitively. "You said you were ready! I heard you! Ready for your three wishes. Three Christmas wishes."

Jane's head pounded. Her foot pounded. She needed to go back to sleep. "That's all I have to do? Give you three wishes and you'll let me get you back to St. Vincent's?"

Verna shook her head. "NO! You only get one wish tonight! One!"

"Anything I want?" Jane felt the weight of the night pressing around her. "That's easy enough. Give me a million dollars."

Verna looked at her expectantly. "You have to say the words."

Jane closed her eyes, summoning her patience. "What words?"

"You have to wish!" Verna leaned towards Jane. "What do you wish?"

"Enough Verna!" Her patience was nearing its end. Jane was too tired tonight to deal any further with Verna. "I'm going to fall asleep at my desk tomorrow at this rate." Putting her hands on her hips, Jane squared off with Verna. "Seriously, you want a wish? Okay then. I wish for a perfect cup of coffee to be handed to my exhausted ass first thing in the morning."

"I told the angels you were unworthy!" Verna shot up and threw her hands in the air. "You're a nitwit!"

"Damn it Verna, you're going to give me a complex." Jane stood up. "That's two times in one night you've called me that. But that's my wish. You said they were my wishes and right now I want the perfect cup of coffee tomorrow morning."

"I want to go leave!" Verna looked towards her ceiling. "I want to go back to my angels!"

"Well that's a deal. Just let me go to the bathroom and I'll call a cab so we can take you back to St. Vincent's." Jane waited until Verna sat back down on her couch and started fixing the beer bottles again. Wincing with the pressure against the cut on her foot Jane limped into her bathroom.

She took one look at herself in the mirror and groaned. Her hair was sticking at odd angles, there were dark circles under her eyes, and she was pale. She definitely looked as crazy as she felt.

After peeing, Jane scrubbed her face and brushed her teeth. Wadding her hair up she pulled it back and twisted an elastic around the mass. She looked one last time in the mirror, thinking she looked marginally better. Good enough to drop Verna off at least and not scare the staff at St Vincent's.

Pulling open her medicine cabinet Jane grabbed the bottle of Advil and swallowed four with a quick gulp of water from her sink. No more drinking. She had drank way too much if Verna had managed to get in without her hearing a damn thing.

"Okay Verna, I'm going to call you that…" Jane froze as she pushed out of her bathroom. Her living room was dark. She hobbled over to the couch but it was empty. "Verna?" Jane looked around. Empty. She rushed to the window but the street was empty below. Moving as fast as her foot would let her Jane ran to the door, automatically undoing the deadbolt, trying to catch Verna but when she went to pull it open, her security chain prevented it from budging.

"What the hell?" Jane fingered the brass chain. That had definitely been open a few minutes ago. No way Verna was going to be able to put that up from the outside. At the sound of the metal chain dropping and the door opening Jo Friday came careening through the hallway from the bedroom, dancing eagerly at the door. "No Jo, not going for a walk." The terrier spun madly, chaotic at her feet. Confused and overwhelmed, Jane found herself clipping the leash on and grabbing a coat and boots.

Outside her building she looked up and down the street but there was no sign of Verna amid the parked cars. Jane waited while Jo Friday squatted in her favorite spot and tried to figure out what had happened. Her foot throbbed. Verna could have headed off in any direction if Verna had even really been there to start with. Jo would have woken up right? The door had been locked a minute ago. The chain was attached. No way to do that from the outside.

Plus she had never taken Verna near her place.

This was it.

She was officially losing her mind.

Feeling slightly dazed Jane tugged at Jo's leash and made it back up the stairs and into her apartment. She kicked off boots, dropped her jacket, and leaned against the door. Her TV glowed with the with the off-broadcast bars. Exhausted, Jane limped back into her kitchen and grabbed her water bottle on the way back to the couch.

A groan escaped as she dropped onto the couch. She sucked down water and turned to stare at her mantle with the missing angel. That had been one fucked up, vivid dream. She flopped to her side with sigh, drinking water and staring at the little colored lights around her windows.

Her eyes started to drift shut of their own accord, her limbs becoming heavy and still. Jane let the night wash over her.

The last conscious thought that rolled through her mind was that there was something significant about the beer bottles lined up neatly on her coffee table, carefully turned so their labels faced her.

* * *

><p>AN

Who has wonderful betas? ALL OF US. Thank you siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG :)

I want to thank everyone for your reviews and your humor. You all are insightful, funny and slightly terrifying.

Now a few peeps are all "Rizzles?" …. Okay so here goes… if you read my stuff when I rate M, I'm headed to M….but Rizzles to me is way, way, more than the moments when they're finally clothing free . Rizzles to me is all those little moments. Jane missing Maura. Maura leaving Jack at a pivotal moment….

So we already have Rizzles….it's just on a scale from 1 to "Your're a wanker #9"…we're running about a 3 at the moment.

And I have to live up to my "SLOW" warnings. Otherwise I'm a total liar and I'll get hives or something.

Finally…Time for the good news! Tonight after work I walked in to a gazillion sugar cookies with red sprinkles. They were everywhere. So I think I can now share. ALL THE COOKIES!

But who wants cookies when you can have Marmite. Jane has a whole jar she'd love to share….


	7. Chapter 7

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

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><p>Jane tugged the zipper on her parka all the way up her neck as the arctic blast buffered against the front of her jacket. Sometimes she couldn't fathom why the hell she still lived in Boston. Two days ago she'd been too warm in her fleece coat, and starting last night some front was pouring down from Canada making it almost painful to breathe.<p>

She climbed the steps to the precinct, the cold instantly making her think about Verna and her freakish dream last night. Obviously it was the combination of seeing Verna sleeping outside mixed with way too much beer on a "school" night.

But still.

When she woke up the first thing she noticed was her neck was killing her almost as much as her head. The next thing was the beer bottles lined up like deranged sentinels on her coffee table. Clearly she'd had some sort of drunk OCD moment, but that dream…

She shivered and rubbed her arms, shoving the memories from last night out of the way so she could go inside and do her job. Verna had not been in her place, and therefore there was no way Verna had lined up her empties.

Jane flashed her badge at the front desk and snagged a cookie out of the tin Murphy held out before she bypassed security. Mouth full she held up the remaining half to him. "Tell your wife these are even better than yesterday's."

He shrugged and pointed to the café. "Can't you get your mother back? Lori feels so bad we're stuck with Stanley that she's been baking nonstop and I get stuck with the dishes."

Popping the last bite of cookie in her mouth, Jane chewed before answering. "Oh heck no. You guys just want my mother back so you can watch her nag the crap out of me. Maura does enough of that on her own." She grabbed another cookie. "Besides, this way I have breakfast waiting for me the second I walk in the door."

Jane ignored Murphy's grumbling at her back, and dashed for the elevator before the doors shut. It was only after she was in the tiny space that she realized she was stuck in there with Martinez for company.

He raised an eyebrow at her cookie. "I see you still like something sweet for breakfast."

Jane turned her back to him. "Jealous?"

Martinez moved close enough that Jane could feel him just behind her shoulder. "Not if you let me have a bite."

"Of my cookie?" Jane snorted. "I think we both know those days of sharing are over." Jane stepped away so she could face him, trying to sort out why the hair was standing up on the back of her neck. She hated that he still had some sort of effect on her and while the younger her might have found it exciting, today's version knew the cost was sacrificing herself.

He smirked and Jane knew he was aware he still had some influence on her. "Maybe, but if you don't share with me then I can't share with you. You so positive you want it that way Rizzoli?" The elevator stopped and the doors opened. He brushed past her, the spice of his aftershave reaching her nose. It was still the same one he'd used when they were partners. She knew what it smelled like lingering on her skin.

Right before he exited, his eyes ran up her form before he winked at her.

"Asshole." Jane hoped he heard her, even through the closed steel doors. She tried to ignore the hum of awareness now running through her body. What the hell was wrong with her? He was a complete prick.

Her body seemed intent on reminding her that he might have been a jerk, but he'd been one hell of a lay. For a minute she wished she possessed a little bit of Maura's cavalier views on sex. At least then she'd have something to do again with her Friday nights.

Jane decided the thought had some merit as she stepped off the elevator. It didn't have to be Martinez either. She needed to clear her head before she joined good ol' Verna and turned bat-shit crazy. All she had to do was review the past 12 hours. Binge drinking, bizarre dreams, _and_ finding Martinez attractive?

Screw trying to find somebody to date. Maura had been right all along. Maybe what she needed was a good fuck buddy.

By the time she strolled into the bullpen, Jane was in a better frame of mind. It made sense. Find someone to blow off a little steam with and she'd finally stop waiting around to see if Maura was going to answer her texts about broken glass figurines. She was almost cheerful as she sat down at her desk.

"Jane!" Her brother's voice boomed through the room and Jane turned to the noise. Frankie was waving from the video room. "Nina managed to get that footage cleaned up from the frozen security camera."

She jogged over, joining Frankie as he leaned over Nina's shoulder.

Nina glanced over her shoulder. "Ready?" She hit enter and the footage queued up. "I slowed it down." She pointed to the dark SUV crawling on the screen. "This footage is from the Hyatt next door. Right as that SUV disappears down Lafayette, you have the start of the footage from Macy's front camera."

Nina double clicked the video and paused the frame. "Here is where the courtyard camera is key. I managed to enhance the ruined footage enough that you can make out a dark blur right about the time…"

Jane watched in slow motion as the two blurred figures fell and people ran. "Hold up. Pause it there." The ice droplets on the camera lens made it difficult to see, but in the enhanced footage there appeared to be a figure darting from the fallen mother and daughter. "Damn, I really can't argue with Maura now."

"Argue with me about what?" The voice was right at her shoulder.

Jane jumped slightly. "Jesus woman. You're going to give me a heart attack." She nudged her brother over to make room for Maura.

"Not from startling you but probably for getting you this." Maura handed her the greasy bag in her hand and Jane eagerly grabbed the sack. "And possibly for the amount of sugar in this coffee."

"Ooh!" Jane pried the cup of coffee from the tray, reading the scrawled script on the side. "They finally have the gingerbread flavoring back!" She grasped the cup with both hands, smelling the spicy waft of caffeinated goodness coming through the cover. She closed her eyes and took a sip. "Ahhh…."

Maura moved into her side and made Jane step over slightly so she could see the video monitor over Nina's shoulder. Jane opened her eyes at the warmth of a hip against her. Maura was smiling. "I shouldn't buy you that. It's terrible for you, but am I to understand that it meets your coffee specifications?"

Jane took another sip and sighed in contentment as she leaned against Maura, the other woman's perfume melding with the spicy scent of the coffee. "Perfect."

"Glad to be of service." Maura held the tray of coffees out as Nina finally turned around. "Nina, I wasn't sure how you took your coffee. There are some extra cream and sugar packets in the bag Jane is guarding."

"You say guarding." Jane narrowly missed Frankie getting his hands on the bag. "I say oversight of important resources."

Maura looked at her, eyebrows raised. "You do realize you need to share the breakfast sandwiches?"

Frankie crossed his arms and glared at her. "Exactly, and Maura is the one that brought them so you have to do what she says." He tried for the bag again. "Share."

Resting a hip against Nina's desk, Jane pried open the bag and avoided Frankie's grab, offering it to Nina. "Has anything Ma's ever said sunk in? Ladies first. Especially the one that gave us a lead."

Maura shook her head when Jane held up the bag to her next. "I already had breakfast."

Jane tried to ignore the flash of irritation. It really shouldn't bother her that Jack had stayed. "I take it this means Jack forgave you for last night?"

Maura sipped at her coffee seemingly oblivious to Jane's mood. "He understood. I left at an inconvenient time. It was rather understandable that he was frustrated at first."

Her stomach rolled at the image that statement brought up and Jane scowled at the sandwich in her hand, the greasy sausage croissant suddenly looking heavy and lumpy. Picking at the corner of the bread, she was vaguely aware of Maura talking with Nina.

"You found a lead?" Maura's voice wrapped around her. Jane wondered if she had read her text from last night about the angel. She looked over at Maura, took in her beautiful hair and her perfect outfit. She looked so happy. That was good.

Nina swallowed her bite of egg and bagel. "We did." She gestured at the monitor. "Well rather, potential lead. Blurry image of a black SUV that would have hit the area at the right time for the shots to happen."

Frankie finished chewing in time to add. "Give yourself some credit, Nina." He smiled at Maura. "You should see what she managed to do by freezing and merging some images, tiny part by tiny part. Best guess is we're looking for a black Ford Explorer. Newer model."

Jane felt Maura's eyes land on her, realized she was being watched, and nibbled at her breakfast trying to focus on what everyone else was talking about. "Any chance we'll get a number off the plate?"

Nina shrugged. "Not from this footage, but material is still coming in from all the businesses in the area. It won't be long before we'll likely have something."

Sighing, Jane put the sandwich aside for the moment. "That is going to take forever. The court orders we're going to need alone make my head hurt. All I want to know is if we're dealing with a smart criminal or a dumb one." She sipped at her coffee. "Let's hope we're dealing with the type who doesn't think to obscure the plate."

Frankie swallowed the last bite of his breakfast. "Too bad those tinted glass license plate covers exist. If they scuffed it up we'll never get anything."

Nina double clicked and pulled up what larger enhanced pictures she had. "The plates appear to be on and not covered; that pixilated speck is white enough you may be in luck. Let's see what Frankie and I can do with the rest of the footage, now that we have an idea of what we're looking for."

Jane stood, picking her sandwich back up and offering the remainder to her brother. "How long do you think it's going to take you?"

Looking away from the screen, Nina's eyes were earnest. "Depends on the quality of the footage and what direction they headed off in."

"Lemme know." Jane turned to Maura, realizing she seemed to be waiting for something.

Maura gestured towards Jane's feet. "You're gait appears to be slightly stilted. Are you hurt? What happened?"

"Long story. Walk you back downstairs?" She didn't miss the sudden relaxation of Maura's posture or the genuine smile that followed.

Maura waited until they were in the elevator. "I'm sorry I didn't call last night."

"You were busy." Jane stepped back until she was against the far wall. "Thanks for breakfast."

"I was busy but that doesn't change the fact that I did want to call." Maura moved towards her when the doors opened and more people stepped on. She lowered her voice. "I'm sorry about the angel, it's why I got you that horrible coffee. I didn't see the text until the middle of the night."

"You mean delicious coffee and it's fine. Shit happens. It was just a statue." Jane flitted her eyes around the space, landing on the doors. Maura's hand on her arm forced her to make eye contact. She tried to change the subject. "Did Verna settle in okay?"

"Verna was fine and it wasn't 'just a statue'." Maura seemed to pick up that she was clenching her jaw and pulled her hand away. Now Maura's voice was hesitant. The elevator stopped again and the rest of the people stepped off. "I was hoping you'd be able to go to lunch with me today?"

Jane had no idea why it was so difficult to say yes or no. Her indecision seemed to register and before her eyes Maura seemed to change. Maura's shoulders dropped slightly, her hands clutched her briefcase in front of her body and her eyes stared straight ahead.

This time when the doors opened Maura stepped off and for a minute Jane debated not following. Her shoulders felt tight and the entire exchange with Maura felt weird.

The doors started to close and in a panic Jane rammed an arm through to stop them, forgetting about the coffee in her hand as it flew from her grasp. The doors sprung back in time for her to watch the cup fly across the linoleum, spewing coffee in its wake.

"Damn it! What is going on with my life?" Her curse made Maura turn around. For a minute there was the coffee, splattered over the white shiny surface and the scrutiny of hazel eyes. Jane shifted uncomfortably and pointed to the floor. "It's only because that was pretty much the perfect cup of coffee and I really needed it. I didn't even get to finish it!"

There was something about the way Maura walked back to her, head titled that made Jane feel oddly disjointed. She found herself pensive, curious about what Maura was going to say. "Jane, it's okay. Let's go out and buy you another cup."

Maura's eyes were hypnotic and Jane felt herself nodding, pushing away the rest of the situation, letting Maura lead the way back onto the elevator.

It wasn't until the doors were shutting that her exact words came flooding back. And she'd said them at least twice.

No, it was a coincidence. Subconscious something-or-other at work. Maura would know. Jane looked at Maura who was standing partially in front of her, close enough to touch. Almost like a shield between Jane and the rest of the world.

Jane let out a quiet sigh. Maura would figure it out. She wasn't going crazy.

Besides, there was no such thing as a perfect cup of coffee.

Nothing was ever perfect.

* * *

><p>AN

Thank you siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG :) Who knew that a google doc could have quite that many colorful corrections? It's like Christmas up in the draft of this thing in the later chapters:)

To all…

So now the prompt has been kicked of officially. That's the key to remember. I'm writing to a one line prompt... if you are familiar with "Layered" - sometimes a good prompt can be rather entertaining... But that is for you guys to judge at the end.

Regardless that means there is a certain something that has to be in the fic and the rest is up to the writer.

I'll let you in on a secret - my initial reaction to the prompt was HOW DO YOU EVER WRITE SOMETHING TO THAT?

Which instantly meant of course, that I HAD to write that prompt. And I've dragged ALL OF YOU into my mania. You're welcome. I suggest drinking.

Some of you got your wish with the coffee this chapter…and this was written weeks ago. Insightful ;) The Rizzles is strong in these readers…


	8. Chapter 8

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

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><p>They would have been next up to the counter when Jane's phone rang, and Maura's right after.<p>

Jane looked at the number and groaned. "This is really not my day." She hit accept. "Rizzoli."

Maura's precise "This is Dr. Isles" sealed the deal. They were walking out the door and back into the cold a moment later.

Jane glanced up at swirls of deep grey obscuring the sun. "Looks like we're really going to get that snow, huh?"

"90% chance of precipitation so yes, I would say that's accurate." Maura steadied herself with Jane's help as she stepped down off the curb and over a sewer grate, carefully avoiding the patch of ice in the crosswalk. "Should we drive together?"

Jane stared at her feet as they walked across the street. Didn't they usually? It was another example of feeling like they were out of step with each other lately. Maura never would have asked before. "Well, yeah, I'm not letting you drive that clown car you seem to view as transportation in a snowstorm."

"My Prius is not a clown car and has an excellent all-weather rating. The TRAC system handles road slippage more accurately than a typical small car." Maura lengthened her stride to keep up with Jane as she picked up speed. "Using your longer stride to reach your car first is an unfair advantage! This skirt is restrictive."

"I know." Jane smirked over her shoulder, unable to help but admire the cause of Maura's duress as she let her long legs cover more ground. "My cruiser is heavier and has all-wheel drive. Ergo, I don't care what weather rating your car has. Mine will handle the weather better if we run into traffic on the way home."

"Your cruiser gets terrible gas mileage." Maura frowned at the distance rapidly growing between herself and Jane.

Jane laughed "Not too worried. The state gets the bill."

"Jane!" Maura raised her voice. "It's not a very environmentally friendly decision."

Jane ducked around the corner of the precinct. "I'll recycle extra next week to make up for it." Glancing over her shoulder she saw Maura practically skipping along in her heels and came to a sudden halt. "Would you please stop? It's icy and you're going to break your neck."

Indignant, Maura reached her, slightly breathless from the awkward jog. "I wouldn't have to do that if you would behave less like a child."

Jane crossed her arms. "Really? For that we are so using my cruiser."

"But my car is right there." Maura pointed to the dark blue Prius. "It's closer and I'm cold."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "It's tiny and I'm tall."

Maura looked at her all wide, innocent eyes. "How about a compromise? My car but you can drive."

"Nice try. Put the puppy dog face away." Jane looked over at Maura's car and pursed her lips. "Besides, Jack wears too much cologne and you let him drive all the time. It stinks in there."

The words seemed to catch Maura off guard and something in her expression fell. Jane almost wanted to take it back, but she couldn't. Maura nodded slowly but her voice came out rushed as she backed away. "Fine, but we should probably go. Harold Parker State Forest is at least 40 minutes up I-93." She turned around and started to walk away "We're going to get caught in the lunch rush if we don't leave now. Are you parked in your usual spot?"

Maura didn't wait for her to answer. Determined steps crossed to the Prius and she pulled her kit quickly out of her trunk before marching through the parking garage. Grimacing, Jane had to jog a few steps to catch up. She tried to think of something to say before settling on running ahead and waiting for Maura with the passenger door open in silent apology. There was a second where Maura's eyes softened as she looked up through lowered lids as she sat down and Jane knew she had been forgiven, at least a little bit.

They were passing through Medford, heading north up I-93 when Maura broke the strained silence. "Your foot must be feeling better?"

"Huh?" Jane blared the horn as a minivan cut her off, the man inside flipping her off in his rearview mirror. "Ugh, dad-driven minivans need to be banned!"

Jane was surprised when Maura left her declaration alone, for once not mentioning her driving, instead remaining focused on her injury. "You seemed capable of practically running a moment ago. I didn't notice you favoring your foot."

Jane shrugged as she merged onto Route 93. "High pain tolerance. It wasn't like I lost a toe. Piece of the ceramic got stuck in my foot. Nothing I can do about it other than pull it out. Time to suck it up and get over it already. Move on. It's my new life philosophy. "

Maura shifted so she could look at Jane's profile, carefully studying every inch and Jane couldn't help but squirm. "New life philosophy or not, if it's still bothering you tonight, I'd like to check for an infection or any leftover debris before we go home."

Jane kept her eyes carefully on the road, refusing to even glance to the side. "Maura, I'm fine. I'll check it myself later. You don't have to worry about me."

Out of the corner of her eye, Jane could see Maura fiddling with her ring and she realized Maura had picked up on the nuance behind her words. Maura's face was in profile, staring through the windows as the landscape flowed by. When she spoke her voice was soft and serious. "Maybe I like worrying about you."

"Which is great. I appreciate it, but I'm okay. It's a little cut on my foot." Jane tried to figure out why the tension was building along her neck. It had to be from the hurt expression building along Maura's features. Jane shrugged, tried to lighten the mood. "Like my Nonna said every time I skinned my knees, it's 'Far from my heart'. I'll survive the cut on my foot."

The phrase made Maura cross her arms loosely across her chest and rub her arms. Maura's next words sounded melancholy. "I'm sad about your angel. I loved her."

Jane moved her head side to side and rolled her shoulders. "I'll find something to replace her at some point. Maybe one of those glass trees that light up. That's a little more me than some filigree, white angel thing."

"She was most certainly 'you' and I don't see how she can be replaced." Maura gave up watching Jane squirm and reached out, fingers probing along tense trapezius muscles, gently manipulating the hard tissue. Jane tried to resist but eventually leaned into the touch.

Jane could feel the pressure from the morning easing as Maura's mini massage seemed to help the strain. Outside the exits for Stoneham whipped by. "Why would they try to hide the body all the way out here but leave his wallet with him? They didn't even bother to pull the plates off the car."

Jane wondered if Maura had noticed that she had changed from massaging muscle knots to sweeping her fingers gently back and forth along the nape of Jane's neck. It was oddly intimate and normally Jane would have shrugged her off but she had missed these little touches.

Maura's voice held that far off tone that Jane recognized as Maura's thinking voice. It also meant Maura was about to get as close to guessing as she ever would dare to venture. "At the risk of speculating, perhaps they did not wish to hide the body. It may have been simply necessary to dispose of it. If I am to understand the initial report, the car with the body was discovered on the State Police's normal patrol route through the state forest. The odor of decomposition made them explore the vehicle after it was left parked on the access road all day."

Jane exhaled as Maura's touch continued to ground her. "Yeah, but it's a weird location. And stranger still is they left his wallet in the glove compartment, and a bag of coke in the center console that has a pretty high street value. For once we can say the boyfriend really didn't do it."

"May I remind you to not speculate that the body is that of Gianni Salvatore until I have confirmed it appropriately?" Maura toyed with the hair at the nape of Jane's neck.

Jane swallowed hard as a shudder ran over her body at Maura's unintentional teasing. Shocked, she stole a glance out of the corner of her eye. "Right now, all I know is we found Gianni's van, with Gianni's wallet, and the body of a guy in the back. I'm going to vote that our missing victim is no longer missing."

Maura's eyes were narrowed and Jane knew she wasn't even aware of what she was doing with her fingers as she thought. She squirmed out from under Maura's hand with a muttered, "Ticklish."

"Sorry." Maura dropped her hand into her lap and gripped the material of her coat, instantly missing the connection and warm skin. It had been the first time in a long time that it felt like they were back in sync. She read the road signs and realized they were almost there. "Jane? You're going to miss our exit."

Cursing under her breath Jane cut across two lanes of traffic and didn't dare look at Maura's expression. "Relax, we lived."

"Apparently, although this demonstrates that allowing you to drive tends to greatly increase our chances of bodily harm." Maura watched the landscape start to become wooded as the road narrowed to a single lane.

"Bet Jack's a perfect driver, isn't he?" Jane bit her tongue. They had been getting along so well and she had to go muck it up. What was wrong with her? "Never mind. That wasn't as funny out loud as it was in my head."

Confused Maura looked at Jane. "Actually, I've been a little lost lately. I thought you liked Jack."

"I do. He's fine. I'm being an ass." Jane noticed the sign for Harold Parker State Forest just past the State Police building. "It's the holidays and with everything that happened in the last year, I'm feeling lonely and I'm taking it out on you."

"I…" Maura took a deep breath. "…I know I've been busy. But I hope you realize you're just as important to me as Jack." She reached out and squeezed Jane's forearm.

Jane swallowed thickly and quickly rolled her eyes to hide the struggle, relieved when the flashing lights and blocked traffic gave her a reprieve. "Looks like we found the party. I'm going to go find a body."

They found a spot to park and worked in practiced unison, pulling out gloves and swapping out shoes.

As they crossed under the yellow tape Maura headed right for the car, waving at the patiently waiting technicians. Jane logged in and wandered over to the Statie in charge. He shook her hand, the grip firm. He had a shock of red hair and bright blue eyes. Jane couldn't detect any resentment that she was on his turf.

"Detective Joe Venno."

"Detective Jane Rizzoli." She decided she liked the clean cut of his jaw. "Thanks for calling us in. You said your guys found the car today?"

He shook his head. "They first noticed it yesterday, but the park is popular. People are always hiking or walking their dogs." He glanced into the trees. "It's the end of hunting season too. Those guys keep long hours so a parked car isn't out of place."

That was new news. Jane glanced towards the van. "So it could have been sitting there for a while?" He nodded and she turned to study the car, instantly noticing the way Maura moved gracefully as her techs swarmed the back. Not even the white booties on her feet or the disposable suit she had stepped into could hide which figure was hers. That white Tyvek suit also meant there was significant decomposition. "What made you guys finally check it out?"

"Local horseback riders couldn't get their animals to walk past the car. Horses spooked pretty badly. One woman fell off and that's when she smelled it. Trailhead is right there." Jane followed his finger noticing the break in the trees.

"Did you check your security footage yet?" The guy nodded. "Not a thing. They must have come in through the residential area up the way. I have a few uniforms canvassing the neighbors. Maybe someone will have their own cameras going. Locals can get protective about their property lines with all the weekend warriors coming through."

She nodded, eyes once again watching Maura, now holding up a vial against the dull light. Jane licked dry lips, noticing the smell of snow was heavy in the air. "Maybe we'll get lucky then."

He shrugged. "Maybe. It's a strange murder so why not. The street value on the blow is rough estimate 40 grand without knowing the quality. Not short change to leave behind. Your guys said this was tied to that double homicide of the mother and child outside Macy's?"

Jane tore her eyes off Maura and tried to pay attention. "Yeah, Mother was Susan Taber, history of drug abuse, fresh out of a rehab stint. Screen came back clean. The kid was eight year old Alida Taber. Your victim is possibly the missing fiancé, Gianni Salvatore. No known record. Supposedly an electrician, but his tastes were expensive for the salary he earned off his last W2. No debt on record."

The rest of the details flowed quickly, and finally free Jane made her way over to the car. The smell of decomp was strong but there was an odd flowery smell. "Hey Maura?" The woman looked up from the notes she was jotting down. "What is that smell?"

Maura gestured to the open back of the van. "There were several cans of Febreze rigged to keep spraying slowly."

Jane edged her way around the techs, grimacing at the bloated corpse. This autopsy was definitely going to need the decomp suite. Like Maura said, there were at least a dozen Febreze cans ringing the putrid flesh. She called over her shoulder, "Well that was creative."

Maura's voice right at her back made her flinch. "And potentially an unwise decision."

"Not a fan of…" Jane leaned down to read the label. "…Dragon Fruit Summer? I don't know. It's not bad. I mean, I'm more a Fresh Linen girl myself."

Maura smacked her shoulder with the back of her clipboard. "Funny. But in this case we now have several specific spots to check for prints and DNA. Each of those cans will have been touched extensively to set up that rigging."

Cold wet snowflakes caught on her hair and Jane realized it had started to snow. Maura's team of techs were dragging out large white canopies to rig over the scene.

She rubbed her forehead hard with her hand, her fingertips cold as she pressed her temple. "This fucking case makes no sense! I still can't see a motive in any of this. I got a dead mother and kid in Boston, and now the fiancé miles away, rotting in the woods."

"This is why I keep trying to make you get some decent rest." Maura grabbed Jane's elbow. "I'm worried about you. Come to my house for a late dinner."

Jane knew her words from earlier prompted the request. Blushing slightly she shook her head no. "It's fine Maura. I know you had plans to meet Jack's friends for drinks tonight. Autopsy or not, you'll have plenty of time for that."

Desperate, Maura tightened her grip. It was suddenly essential that Jane came for dinner. It was a feeling from deep within. "But you owe me dinner. I'm calling in my bet."

Jane laughed, it sounded humorless even to her own ears. "I'll meet you another night. Don't screw up your relationship. Our jobs suck the understanding out of relationships without any help from me."

"Are you skipping out on your debt, Detective?" Maura tilted her head, waiting patiently until Jane looked at her. "I thought I knew you better than that."

Jane flashed to that moment last night when she'd come back, weighted down by beer, to an empty apartment. Remembered the way she had instantly imagined Maura laughing at something Jack said as they curled up on her couch together.

"Will Chinese work?"

* * *

><p>AN

siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG can't be blamed for any errors in this chapter. They did their beta thing and actually had lives tonight and I pulled the chapter to post and went…hmmm… I'm going to fix this one thing… then stuff got out of control… Sorry guys… love you… won't do it again (ha)

All:

Q: What do Godiva Chocolate Liquor and hot cocoa have in common?

A: Me, right now. (Anybody want to join me?)


	9. Chapter 9

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Maura took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, trying to let the tension from the workday flow out of her.<p>

Tonight, it was going to be a relief to be able to peel off her dress and kick off her heels.

Piece by piece parts of her professional wardrobe were placed where they belonged in her closet. Stripped of everything she could finally relax, slip into comfortable clothing, and not have to worry if her thought processes kept returning back to work. Jane wouldn't care if the conversation revolved around stomach contents. Jane wouldn't mind discussing an interesting finding from an autopsy. With the exception of a dramatic facial expression or two if they were eating, she'd listen and she'd engage.

Suddenly, she was elated Jane was coming over for dinner. It had truly been too long since they'd had time together one-on-one outside of work.

She moved over to a drawer and rummaged around until she found her favorite loungewear. The loose cotton top felt wonderful against her skin as it slipped into place. Her yoga pants almost felt sinful. Frowning, Maura tried to remember the last time she had been able to be in comfortable clothes and completely relaxed in her home immediately after work. A few weeks? More possibly…

Making her way into the bathroom, Maura grabbed elastic out of her vanity drawer and pulled her hair back. Her reflection in the mirror looked tired. She traced a finger along the darkened skin under her eyes and the tiny lines in the corner. She should schedule a facial next week. Perhaps a massage.

The thought of a massage instantly perked her up. If she combined the facial with a massage she'd be able to convince Jane to join her. That would be the perfect way to spend time together. Satisfied with her plan, Maura quickly removed her make-up and went to pull her cosmetics kit out when she paused. She didn't have to reapply if she didn't feel like it. This was Jane coming over. Not Jack. No need to be perfect and ready to impress.

Her reflection was smiling in the mirror and Maura felt her cheeks start to heat as she realized how ridiculous it was to be excited for something so simple as a night spent in comfortable clothes where nothing would be expected other than her company over dinner.

She ducked her head and refused to look back up. She was only feeling this way because it had been too long since they'd had a girls' night. In the frantic pace of the last few months she had missed time like this spent with her best friend.

Maura picked up her favorite lotion and rubbed it into the dry skin of her hands. Winter was always brutal on her skin. The seasonal weather combined with the dry heat of indoor air and the harsh soaps in the morgue left her worried that Jack would find her touch coarse.

For a moment she debated briefly calling him to check in. He had been rather disappointed she couldn't meet his friends for dinner. He'd argued a little and Maura understood his point. They were dear friends of his, only in Boston for a few days. She was flattered he felt it was important that she get to know the significant people in his life.

Maura let out a sigh. But meeting new people was rather taxing and she was so tired. It was demanding trying to keep track of the subtle influences of the conversation around her when she didn't know the other people well enough to pick up on the nuances in their expressions. The last thing she wished to do was disappoint.

It took so little to make people pause and look at her oddly. It was perplexing to pick what to share and what to leave unsaid in new situations with strange people that were not tied to a common purpose like her work or volunteer efforts. Jane had a way of playing interpreter in a group of people that allowed her to relax and she had gotten used to having that protection. On her own, at Jack's side, it could be stressful.

Satisfied the last bit of lotion was rubbed into the reddened skin of her palms, Maura left her bedroom and was halfway down the stairs when the smell of Chinese food wafted to meet her.

She paused at the edge of her living room, drinking in the casual appearance of Jane lounging against her kitchen countertop. Maura smiled when she noticed Jo running, nose to the floor, around her couch. This must mean Jane wasn't going to rush home tonight. They could have dinner and relax afterwards. Her grin became large enough that her cheeks hurt.

Jane finally noticed her and held her beer up in greeting. "I hope you're hungry because I couldn't decide." She pointed with the beer to the oven. "I put the food in to warm up. It's snowing at a pretty good clip out there, took me like an hour to get down Huntington. I didn't figure you'd want cold tofu. That stuff is slimy enough on its own."

"I'm famished." Maura walked across the room, still caught up in the simple joy of the night ahead. "I take it by the sweatpants and t-shirt you're planning on staying?"

Jane flushed, cheeks picking up color. "It was snowing hard enough that I figured…"

Maura touched Jane's hand, a brief brush of fingertips against the warm skin. "Smart thinking, you know I'd have worried about you traveling home."

Jane shrugged, putting her beer down and moving away to check the food. "You should try that beer I picked up. It's Chinese to go with the food."

Picking up the amber bottle, Maura studied the label. "It's Japanese actually."

Pulling out the trays of food, Jane rolled her eyes. "Fine, Japanese beer, to go with the food you constantly tell me isn't really Chinese."

"But it's not! Not truly." Maura sipped at the beer and wrinkled her nose. "It's rather dry." She sipped again. "But not unpleasant."

"Get your own bottle, woman." Jane snagged her bottle back and drank deeply. "It's pretty good and you know it. If you'd like to join me, I'm going to go sit down and drink my Japanese beer with my not-Chinese, Chinese food."

Maura turned around and grabbed two plates and a set of silverware from the drawer at her hip. "I think the analogy that would work best here is that calling our dinner Chinese food is like calling The Olive Garden fine Italian cuisine."

"Maura!" Jane voice dropped and her mouth hung open in exaggerated horror. "The nerve! My people will never forgive you."

They shared a smile and Maura doled out the place settings before taking a seat beside Jane. They squabbled for the noodles and Jane shoved the tofu at her with a grimace. "That is all yours. Bean curd and fungus."

"Well, that is dramatic. I thought you like shiitake mushrooms." Maura swiped half of Jane's eggroll off her plate, ignoring the glare, knowing that it was cut that way exactly for that purpose.

Jane speared a cube of beef. "And I thought you were still capable of taste buds but look at what you're eating. Guess we're both wrong."

Maura grabbed Jane's wrist and diverted her fork into her mouth, chewing the bite of beef and broccoli carefully. "That could use less salt but pass me the container, I'd like some." She handed Jane the white rice. "Don't look at me like that. I keep telling you not to guess."

Jane laughed. "I wasn't guessing. Why do you think I always order the large container of my stuff?" At Maura's confused look she continued. "I've had enough dinners with you that I know darn well you'll be eating half of whatever item I actually think is edible."

Maura shivered when Jane leaned into her space, voice dark and low between them. "I'm onto you, Dr. Isles." She stealthy reached out and grabbed Maura's last bite of eggroll.

"Hey! Jane!" Maura glared at her through narrowed eyes, pursing her lips as Jane chewed and swallowed. "I wanted that."

"Well, like I'm starting to figure out, we can't always have everything exactly how we want it, can we?" The statement was innocuous on its own, but when their eyes met it seemed to hang there.

Jane shifted in her chair and filled her mouth with noodles. Her next statement seemed rushed. "Like with the case. Can't figure out a motive, can't figure out a suspect, not going at all how I want."

Confused at the change in atmosphere, Maura sipped her beer. Jane was hunched over her plate slightly. She thought about asking but Jane wasn't meeting her eyes. Better to leave it alone. "Well you might have a clearer picture when the results come back from the screens on the fiancé."

Jane seemed to relax slightly now that the conversation was focused on work. "I spoke to his parents this afternoon after the dental records matched up. They were wrecked. I hate that part."

Maura nodded sympathetically. "He didn't suffer. The shot was execution style and initial examination doesn't show any additional trauma."

Jane didn't appear to be listening to her, staring off into the kitchen as she spoke "I could tell they were good people. Like the type I grew up with. Hardworking, no nonsense." Jane pushed her plate away and sipped at her beer. "I don't know. It was extra depressing or something. Probably the time of year. This job really makes you see that it only takes an instant to change everything."

Maura swallowed, suddenly finished with dinner. "Why don't you go wait for me on the couch while I put the food away? Find us something to watch."

"No, ummm." Jane pushed up from the table and gestured to the living room. "I figured since I was here tonight that I'd go get your holiday stuff from the attic. Throw it all up tonight. In case our plans get changed again or something. With our luck we'd go to the tree lot on Sunday and some crackpot would start a murder spree, then how would we ever get a tree?"

Maura watched her go before frantically picking up her phone. She quickly pulled up her calendar, heart racing when she looked at it. It was the second Sunday in December this weekend. How could she have forgotten? Why had she not put a reminder in? They had picked out her tree the second Sunday for the past three years. She tapped the date and cringed when the day opened up. Allie had asked her to go to her holiday performance at church. Jack was going to take them out to a movie and then to dinner at the Capitol Grill to celebrate Allie's first solo.

Maura put her phone down and covered the screen with her hand. She took several breaths, inhaling and exhaling, forcing herself to moderate the flow. When she felt calmer she went to lift her hand when the phone chimed and a text from Jack flashed at the top of the screen. Still feeling guilty she looked towards the front hall but Jane was still upstairs.

She quickly read his note. He was very sweet and she was very lucky. It was a good thing to be missed and he was very open about expressing his love. Maura glanced again across her living room before typing out a quick reply. He replied back and included a photo of himself with his friends, grinning ear to ear. She smiled delighted he was the type of person comfortable enough to act silly.

Maura relaxed, Jack would understand. Jack valued his friends. She texted him quickly _'I have to cancel Sunday, I had a prior commitment I forgot about.'_

He was quick to reply. _"Allie will be heartbroken, she was looking forward to having you there. Is there any way you could try to make it? For both of us? "_

Maura chewed at her lip. It was only picking out a tree. She could have Jane take her one night after work. The phone buzzed again. _"My parents are going to be there too and I'd love for them to meet you."_ Her heart bounced erratically in her chest as she tried to sort through what she should be doing.

It was a tree. A tree could be picked out at any time. A holiday performance had a set schedule.

Meeting your significant other's parents was a big step in a relationship.

She was so intent on phrasing her reply that she didn't hear Jane's return.

"Jack checking up on you?" Jane dropped the Rubbermaid tub of decorations down. "Tell him I haven't corrupted you or whatever."

"No, I… I don't think he was." Maura knew she was fumbling and Jane's head whipped up predictably.

"Does he have a problem with us hanging out tonight?" The dark eyes were narrowed and Jane folded her arms across her chest.

Maura took a rapid breath, unthinking the words rushed from her mouth. "No! Nothing like that. I forgot it was our tree day next Sunday and I was trying to cancel my plans with Jack…" Her mind was still stuck on exactly what Jack had said, hope fluttering softly. Jack wanted her to meet his parents. She needed Jane's opinion. "Jane, I can't believe it. He would like me to meet his parents. I should go, shouldn't I?"

She hadn't expected Jane's expression to become almost blank. Roman features, statue-like in their austerity. Jane dropped her arms to her side and nodded slightly. "Yeah, that's a pretty big deal. You do what you have to do. We'll go some other time." Before Maura could say another word she turned and stormed back up the steps.

Maura realized she was trembling slightly. She looked down at her phone and reread her reply. Upstairs she heard a loud thump and a curse some place above her head. She looked between her phone and where Jane had disappeared upstairs.

Unsteadily she deleted half her message and added a few words more before pressing send. Maura waited a few minutes but her chest constricted when her message went unanswered. She read the text again and decided there was nothing more she could do. Maybe it wasn't the right choice but she couldn't take back her words. "_I'm sorry but I truly can't make Sunday morning. Perhaps your parents could meet us for dinner later?"_

Maura flipped the ringer to silent and left her phone on the island so she could start digging through the first box of decorations. She looked up and over her shoulder as Jane finally appeared with two more containers. "You are going to fall down my stairs and break something if you overload your carrying capacity. Likely an arm considering the weight distribution and body position you would be in carrying both containers."

"Well that's my problem, don't worry about it." Jane dropped both bins down to the ground. "I promise if I break something from my own stupidity I won't make you take care of me. Your love nest here will be safe from me."

The acid tone made Maura quickly straighten up. "What ever do you mean by that?"

"Exactly what it sounds like. If I break something I'm not going take up your guestroom and come between you and Jack. I can take care of myself. I don't always need you coming to my rescue." Maura felt anger rise as Jane turned her back and pried the container lid off the nearest tub.

"My love nest? Damn it Jane what is going on with you tonight?" Maura stormed over and grabbed Jane's arm and pulled until they were facing each other. "Why in the hell wouldn't I take care of you if you were hurt?" She felt the anger deflate instantly at the haunted look in Jane's eyes. She knew Jane's subtleties well and this confirmed her decision a moment ago with Jack had been the correct choice. "I canceled on Jack next Sunday."

The response was instant. "No! Maura! You can't do that!" Jane's hands grabbed her upper arms. "I'm sorry. I really am. Go meet his parents. That's a big deal and I'm thrilled for you, okay?"

"No, I already cancelled. It's okay. That's our tradition."

Jane was shaking her head rapidly. "We'll go on Saturday, I'll tell Jimmy I can't help him move. You'll be saving my ass, literally. He's moving to a fourth floor walk-up."

Maura stared at the hands grabbing her arms. "I don't want to decorate with you tonight."

Jane's arms flew to her sides and she took a step back. "I… alright…" She took another rapid step back. "I'll I get Jo and head home."

It took her a second to mentally catch up. "No! Jane!" Maura jumped forward and clutched Jane's arm with her hands."Stop! I need you to stop."

Her pleading tone seemed to register and Jane froze in place, staring at her.

Maura closed her eyes briefly and sorted through her next words. "That came out wrong. I do want to decorate with you, but I don't want that activity to take place tonight. I'd like to talk with you. I need…" She tugged lightly on Jane's arm and stepped back towards her couch. She pulled Jane down with her until they were sitting side-by-side. "…this. I miss my best friend."

The truth of the words hit her hard as she said them. Confused at the prick of tears in her eyes, Maura tucked Jane's arm through hers and leaned against the warmth. The fight seemed to drain out of Jane as they sat quietly together.

Slowly Jane seemed to melt against her, her head tilting until it landed on her shoulder. Maura let out a soft sigh and rubbed the skin under her fingertips. Confused, unable to understand the emotion running through her, Maura closed her eyes until the window rattling caught her attention. Maura opened her eyes to gaze out the window over Jane's head.

Outside snow whipped against the glass, obscuring the world as the storm raged on.

"I miss you too." Jane's voice broke the stillness, soft and sad. She cleared her throat and looked up at Maura. "Did I tell you about my dream?"

* * *

><p>AN

siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG continue to pass the editing baton with flawless precision and dedication. They continue to toil away and keep me away from the edge. I can only conclude they were dropped on their heads as babies. (thank you ladies!)

Fitting for this story tonight… To borrow from Imagine Me & You

Q: H: What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?

A: Luce: It never happens. If there's a thing that can't be stopped, it's not possible for there to be something else which can't be moved, and vice versa. They can't both exist. You see, it's a trick question is the answer.


	10. Chapter 10

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Jane blinked her eyes. Her neck was killing her. She went to move and realized there was a heavy weight pinning her shoulder. A flash of panic shot through her at the same time the familiar spice of Maura's perfume registered. She was okay.<p>

Letting her nerves settle for a moment, she glanced around, spotting the empty wine glasses on the table and the containers of Christmas decorations on the floor. Tonight had knocked her on her ass. She hadn't meant to say anything.

Part of Jane knew she and Maura couldn't continue this odd avoidance of the real issue. Jack changed things and Jane couldn't escape him. He always seemed to be lurking at the edge. When she was with Maura, Jane couldn't avoid hearing about him. When she wasn't with Maura she had to face the fact that Maura was usually with him.

Maura shifted and Jane blinked her eyes, glad that Maura was asleep and grateful that the dark hid her from herself. Jealousy was not something that was easy to accept and she was rapidly realizing Maura was not something she wanted to share.

And then those words earlier. _"He would like me to meet his parents."_ Maura's eyes were so shiny and Jane could see the wonder on her face. One thought had flashed red-hot through her mind: Jack's family couldn't have Maura too. After that it was a little bit of a blur. She'd kept it together until she'd stormed upstairs and paused at the door to the attic steps, trying to understand why she was so angry.

The more she'd thought about it the more her skin had crawled until her fist slammed into the doorframe. The pain had radiated up her arm and she yelped, cradling her hand against her chest, surprised she had reacted like that.

She had tried to get it together, forcing herself to sit on one of the bins of Christmas decorations until she'd felt like she had herself back in check. Jane had reminded herself that Maura deserved to have a life outside their friendship and a husband who loved her. Jack was doing all the right things and taking all the right steps. Maura needed her support.

Arms loaded with the heavy containers, Jane had started down the stairs when it hit her that if Jack was _The One,_ then next year he would probably be the one doing this with Maura. Maura wouldn't need her to haul her shit downstairs anymore and climb the ladders to stick up garland.

In the hallway by Maura's bedroom she'd leaned against the doorframe. The bed caught her attention. Next year Jack's stuff would probably be in there. Or maybe Maura would move in with him. Her heart started to thump. Maybe one day soon finding a night to hang out together at Maura's would be a rare treat.

Jack wanted Maura to meet his parents. Jack wanted Maura by his side at his daughter's performance in church.

Jack wanted Maura and he was not going away.

By the time Jane had navigated the last flight of stairs she was slowly coming to the conclusion that Maura joining the softball team in the spring was the least of her worries. Her entire role in Maura's life was going to change. By the time she had spotted Maura, arms buried in her decorations, Jane imagined Jack right where she was now and her stomach rolled.

It all came out in a burst of frustration and she'd been so ready to fight, when all of a sudden Maura was looking at her with these big, wounded eyes and Jane's breath had caught.

All she could think about was how Maura must have felt when Casey had proposed and back then she hadn't even imagined it had any impact on Maura. Instead she'd babbled on and on, debating her future without thinking about the impact of her decision. She hadn't stopped until Maura's eyes welled over and she had run from the lab.

Tonight she understood deep down in her gut exactly how Maura had been feeling. It was fucking _horrible_.

All she had wanted to do was apologize but that would mean a conversation she couldn't have. It would mean telling Maura exactly why she realized what Casey had meant to Maura.

It seemed safer to ramble on about Verna, broken angels, and Christmas wishes, than it did to put a voice to any other thought she'd been having lately.

Maura had remained quiet, fingers randomly stroking patterns against her skin and Jane let out a sigh. "And then you had brought me that gingerbread coffee this morning and do you remember what I said about it?"

Maura had taken a moment to respond. "After your first sip you said it was perfect."

"See? Do you see why I'm feeling nuts right now?" Jane had poked Maura's thigh for emphasis. "It was the perfect cup of coffee! Just like my wish. I'm losing it, Maura."

Maura had pushed their fingers together and squeezed her hand. "No, you're not. It's perfectly natural to have vivid dreams if you consider the pressure you've put yourself under with the case. Plus you had just found Verna in a risky situation. "

Jane had stared at the way Maura's hand looked, holding on to hers. She'd been hyperaware of the strange sensation where her skin came in contact with Maura's. "Maura?"

She hadn't known if Maura's hum counted as answer or not, but she continued. "What would you wish for next if somebody showed up and told you they were giving you three wishes for Christmas?"

Maura's voice had been soft and contemplative. "I think I would wish for some insight or clarity on if I've met that one person that I can build a life with. Something irrefutable and tangible that will let me know that they truly want me in their life."

Instantly, Jane had felt horrible for feeling jealous of Jack. For every assholish thought she'd had for the last few months about Jack's ears and Jack's voice. Maura deserved that sort of peace in her life. She promised silently to behave better. She was even going to try to think only good thoughts about Jack. "That's better than a perfect cup of coffee I guess. But not by much."

Maura had laughed and squeezed her hand tightly. "How about you? What's your second wish?"

The answer had been shockingly easy and Jane sucked in a shaky breath and lied. "I don't know. I need to think about it." She'd struggled upright and stared out the window, watching the snow swirl in the scant light glowing through the glass. "I'm hungry."

Maura had looked at her like she didn't buy a word she'd just said, but how could Jane say she hoped that Jack would screw up, have some weird syndrome or some hidden past that would make Maura kick his ass to the curb? She was a horrible person and a shitty friend. She couldn't even keep her own promise for five minutes.

Desperate to deflect as random fragments of her dream were still bouncing through her head, Jane blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Is Marmite edible?"

Maura had released her hand and stared at her. "Marmite? I don't think I follow?"

Jane grimaced slightly. Maura was looking at her like she was in the middle of a seizure. "I don't know. Marmite was in my dream." She shrugged. "You bought me some once but I was afraid to try it after you told me what it was. It was too different I guess. Now I'm curious." She put on her best smile. "So, have any Marmite kicking around?"

It took Maura a minute to respond and Jane hadn't blamed her. "I don't believe I have any. If I do, it would be in the third cabinet with the regional specific foods. However, there might be some fruit in the refrigerator. Perhaps some crackers and cheese to go with it?"

Jane had jumped up and gently pushed Maura back down when she went to rise. "I'm on it. Stay there; let me wait on you for once. Do you want a drink?"

Maura's eyes had narrowed and Jane could see she was trying to figure out exactly what she was missing from the conversation. "Yes, I opened a bottle earlier and set it on the counter to breathe, but I had some of your beer instead."

Jane had rummaged through Maura's kitchen putting everything on a tray. She had to get her shit together. Friends managed to stay friends after they found husbands all the time. She had to stop wishing that Jack would get hit by a bus… Jane shook her head, trying to clear the pleasing image of Jack getting knocked out of his shoes by the MBTA. It was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Out of curiosity she had opened the third cabinet and searched through, seeing a familiar jar and grabbing it. Unlike hers, Maura's was opened and made of glass. She carried everything over. "You know, usually I think most of the kitchen stuff you have is frivolous, but I like the serving tray." She placed it down on the table. "One trip! And you had Marmite. Only yours is in a pretty glass jar."

"I used to keep it on hand all the time in case my father came by. He enjoys it on toast in the morning." Maura had picked up a glass of wine and sipped it. "I picked out the plastic on purpose so you wouldn't have to worry about dropping it."

"You know, I should be offended you think I need the kid-safe version." Jane grabbed the Marmite and turned the jar over, read the label, and opened the cover up to sniff at it. "Interesting." She snatched a cracker and a knife and went to slather Marmite on it when hand shot out and stopped her.

"Scrape about 9/10ths of that off." Maura had released her hand and before Jane could do it herself, had fixed the cracker. "Now try it."

She popped it into her mouth and two seconds later, "Oh My God what is that? That's not a food!" She was gulping down her wine, shaking her finger at a hysterical Maura. "WHY didn't you warn me! It's DIRT! Salty DIRT." Jane grabbed a napkin and scrubbed her tongue with it. "People do NOT eat this."

It had taken Maura a full minute to stop laughing before she was able to select a cracker and lightly spread it with Marmite. She topped it with a slice of gouda before taking a bite. "People do, in fact, eat this. People are actually quite passionate about it. I find it a lovely compliment to many different foods."

"Nobody needs to eat this." Jane picked up the jar and the lid and carefully screwed them back together. She put the Marmite back on the tray and patted the top. "There. Now we're never going to speak about this again."

"I'll agree on one condition." Now Jane had known she shouldn't have agreed until she asked what condition Maura was placing on her eternal silence. Maura had selected a grape and turned it over, inspecting the globe. "You need to tell me what you are going to wish for wish number two."

"If I tell you, it won't come true." Maura hadn't budged, she'd waited quietly, carefully selecting and inspecting each grape before she ate it.

Frustrated, Jane had drained the last of her wine and flopped back on the couch, arms crossed. "Fine. For my second wish, I'd wish not to go stag to Friday's holiday party at good ol' BPD and to completely avoid every mistletoe trap those misogynistic assholes try to hide this year so I can avoid kissing Martinez. The jerk always used to make it a mission to trick me into one of those."

Maura had laughed. "You do realize most women would take Raphael's interest as a compliment, yes?"

"Most is stretching it. Airheaded idiots perhaps, and even that's a reach." Jane frowned at her empty glass. "I need more. You want a top off?"

"He's very handsome."

Jane glared over her shoulder at Maura. "He's also a prick."

"You're attracted to him." The words were succinct and very sharp. Jane didn't turn around but she did grab the opened bottle of wine from the counter and another out of the fridge before heading back to the couch.

"No, I'm attracted to the fact he's good for an orgasm. Problem is that means I have to talk to him or at least acknowledge that he's breathing. Not even getting laid is worth that." Jane topped off Maura's glass before filling her own. "Why? Think I should sleep with him?"

"No." When Maura hadn't added anything Jane had turned to look at her.

"No? Why no?" Jane braced herself for a complete rundown of every possible reason but when Maura didn't add anything Jane had shifted until she faced her. "I thought sex cured everything. Isn't that why you're all aglow recently?"

"I never said it cured everything. Sometimes it causes more problems than it helps." Maura hadn't offered anything else, choosing instead to keep her glass practically attached to her lips.

"Since when?" Jane had wrinkled her nose at the dryness of the wine and wondered if the alcohol was worth it.

"I haven't changed my views on recreational sex between two consenting adults." Maura's sigh had been long and weary. "But I think the past few years have taught me that there are consequences to every action that can reach beyond the event itself. Perhaps in my aberrance in general, I neglected to consider the emotional consequences that sexual intimacy can bring into the equation."

Jane hadn't known what exactly to make of that and it must have shown on her face because Maura had swirled the wine in her glass briefly before taking another sip. "Your relationship with Casey for example. The existence of it was linked directly to sexual gratification or lack thereof. Even after the relationship ended there were emotional ramifications."

It had taken Jane a moment to sort the words and put the message in context. Her miscarriage. She drank deeply, the bitter wine now welcome. It was a topic they touched on and brushed past. One that she knew they should probably discuss.

Instead she had dismissed it. "So says the woman getting off on a regular basis."

Maura had given her a look but changed the topic.

It hadn't been much later that the wine and late snack had them both yawning and discussing heading upstairs to bed. But neither one had moved and the conversation had slowly become nonsensical until Jane had let herself close her eyes briefly.

Now she was awake with a stiff neck, but it was cozy under the throw blanket with Maura. Tomorrow it was going to be back to reality. Back to trying to schedule in a quick dinner. She sighed as Maura turned and slipped off her shoulder, startling herself awake.

Yawning Maura had sat up and stretched before slumping against Jane again. "We should probably go to bed."

"Yeah, probably." Neither moved. The night had gone too quickly.

Finally Jane shifted away and forced herself to stand up, leaving the warmth and he comfort behind. She hauled Maura up to her feet and then followed her up the stairs, a hand against the dip in her lower back. At the doorway to the master bedroom they both stopped.

Maura was looking at her, sleepy eyes locking her in place. "I'm glad you came over tonight." As she watched, Maura seemed to be struggling for a moment and Jane realized a nervous bubble of anticipation was in her chest. "I think perhaps, that we've been so busy that it's easy to forget that the people you count on the most might need to know that you appreciate them. You know I love you right? Jack can never take your place."

Jane felt a flutter in her chest. "Yeah, I know." She shifted under Maura's gaze. "Rizzoli and Isles, right?" A sudden compulsion to kiss Maura's forehead made her fist her hands tightly and step back. "And I'm glad that you held me to my end of our bet. I needed this." She continued backing up and Maura was looking at her quizzically, waiting. "So, I'll see you in the morning."

She hurried to the next door, refusing to look back, barely breathing until she shut the guestroom door. "What the fuck?"

She stared at the wall separating the guest bedroom from Maura's and tried to settle the familiar tingle along her nerves. What the hell was going on with her? Maura wasn't Casey, or even Martinez.

Jane stumbled into the guest bathroom and finished her evening routine before crawling into bed. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling and wondered if Maura was already asleep. Jane tossed an arm over her eyes. She needed to stop thinking about Maura and get some rest.

She closed her eyes and tried running through the facts of the case. Dead mother, child, and fiancé. Mother was a recovering addict and the fiancé had nearly 40k worth of blow in his glove compartment. She knew from meeting the fiancé's parents today that Gianni had been in and out of rehabs as a teenager into his early 20's. But he had been sober for 16 years according to the parents. Jane knew from his bank records that he had been a successful electrician, but no massive deposits. Neither parent had known how nor where he had met Susan Taber, and they had no idea their son was even engaged.

Breathing deeply Jane closed her eyes, trying to banish the open eyes of the little girl staring lifelessly at the crime scene.

Rolling on her stomach and tucking her head against her arm, she bit her lower lip hard and tried to count the tick of her pulse at the point of pain. She could box this up. She could. Jane kept counting, 10 turning into 40, turning into 140, her own voice a metronome.

She didn't know how long she'd been lying there trying to forget the way the cold air had started to freeze the little girls curls to pavement with her blood. How the tiny hand had been unfurled towards her mother's arm as if trying to get back that connection that had been permanently severed. But slowly the sharp smell of damp earth and pine from earlier in the day invaded her senses.

Jane burrowed into her elbow. It felt so real. She could almost feel the ice cold dampness curling in the air from the pending snowstorm.

She went to bunch the sheets in her hand and her eyes flew open as she stared at her fingers in the limited light. Damp earth and long dead pine needles crunched against her palm. Jane froze as her pulse ratcheted. Where was she? Training kicked in and she tried to keep the panic at bay, discretely testing arms and legs.

She was at least unbound. Carefully she listened. Wherever she was, it was silent except for the bitter winter wind stealing her breath. Jane darted her eyes around and saw no other signs of human life. Carefully she sat up, forcing herself to move slowly instead of jumping to her feet and running away.

Jane was alone, pine trees loomed overhead. The moon filtered through the canopy and she shivered violently as she got to her feet. The dull glow on the forest floor illuminated a worn path and Jane found herself taking mincing steps over hidden rocks and sharp bits of dead foliage until she was at the edge of the trail.

She hugged herself, rubbing the goose bumps on her arm. Who had done this? She whipped her head to the right and the left. The path disappeared into the murky dark trees no matter which way she looked. Neither direction offered any indication that safety was in one direction or the other.

Jane lifted one foot off the icy ground, squeezed herself tightly. Her foot rapidly throbbed from the chill and she switched to the other. Staying in control of her emotions was becoming harder and harder. . Branches snapping behind her made terror blaze through her restraint. She spun in circles as branches cracked to the right and the left; the ground vibrated and she stopped thinking, terrified.

In a blast of motion a group of deer crashed through the brush and flowed around her, bounding over the ground and dashed towards the left. Unable to think, Jane sprinted after the one sign of life, feeling each ice cold rock that punished the soles of her feet.

Through the dark she plowed on, desperate, finally seeing the soft glow of electricity shining through the dark. There must be a road up ahead. She ran faster, running on emotion, as her feet finally touched pavement. Gasping for breath Jane leaned over, bracing herself against her knees.

There was a squeal of tires and a crunching thud and Jane whipped her head up. She could see taillights from a car disappearing out of sight. Under a streetlight there was a dark lump in the middle of the road.

Exhausted, she hobbled her way over as quick as she could. The shape took a form and the deer lifted its head as she approached, mouth open, panting. Its head crashed back to the pavement as Jane crouched beside it. The deer's sides heaved violently once, twice, a beat and then a third gasp before it was still, dark liquid eyes staring.

A familiar voice tutted over her shoulder and Jane landed on her ass as she tried to spin around. "Verna!?"

Verna didn't acknowledge her, a spotted hand, chapped with the cold reached down to cover the dead deer's eye, voice muttering softly "Sorry, so sorry. Troll with the devil's hand, shatters the innocent life. Always gone, gone. But to take this life is to leave the answer."

She pointed at Jane as she shivered on the ground, staring in disbelief. "You! You need to listen. You need to look!" Verna leapt to the deer, swept her arm along the carcass. "DO YOU SEE NOW?"

"What in the hell are you talking about Verna? You think I killed a damn deer? Seriously? What did I do, shove it in front of a car?" Jane was shaking from the adrenaline coursing through her. She pulled up her legs and rested her forehead on her knees. Her nose dripped onto her sweats. "What do you want Verna?"

Verna flew into a rage, her hands clutched Jane's shoulders and shook her hard. "Look at me! Stand up!" Jane struggled to her her feet and Verna poked her in the chest, forcing her to step back. "Coffee! Mistletoe! Stupid girl! Waste of Christmas wishes. I told you only three!"

Verna stormed around the deer, purple boots staining with red. "Only one left! One last chance." She stopped and stared up at Jane, hands on her hips.

Jane threw her hands in the hair, her body was numb, her feet were swollen. "I didn't wish for a damn thing!"

Verna ignored her, her voice dropping again as she crouched down to stroke the deer's head. "So sorry, so sorry. She does not know, she does not see. Words not spoken cannot be heard." The craggy hand covered the deer's eye again. "So ruined is the life when the angels fall." Verna's eyes locked into Jane's. "But the truth can set you free."

Wrinkled skin folded around squinting eyes. Verna lifted her hand and the deer sprung up from the ground, wildly spinning, eyes rolling in fear before bounding into the night. "You wished, I heard you. One last chance."

Jane shot up in bed, the sheets tangled around her waist. She was sweating and her heart was racing. It was still dark outside the guestroom window. She stood up on shaky legs and went into the guest ensuite. She flipped on the light and leaned over the vanity, staring at herself in the mirror. She was pale and her hands were still trembling.

She turned on the shower and peeled off her damp clothes, letting the water sluice over her. The warmth drove the chill out and Jane felt the tension ebb. It only a dream. She wasn't lost in the woods. She was still at Maura's.

The heat chased the phantom chill out of her bones. Jane rubbed a handful of body wash over her skin, the flowery scent making the echo of dirt and blood wash away. Maura had told her a billion times that dreams came from her subconscious. Obviously her gut knew there was something important hidden in the crap they'd collected for the case. And Verna. She needed to see Verna. Tomorrow she was going to to check on her. Maybe Maura would go with her at lunch.

Jane got out of the shower and toweled off. She wrapped herself up and turned off the light as she walked out and stopped. There was a shadowy figure busily remaking the bed. "Maura? Did I wake you up?"

"No, I was cold and when I went to turn up the heat I heard the water running. I came in to see if you were okay. I could tell you'd had a nightmare." Maura smoothed the duvet out before perching on the edge. "The sheets are fresh."

"I…" Jane turned around and rummaged through the bureau, sighing in relief when she found another set of her clothes from the summer when she was here more often. The cotton shorts were cold but better than nothing. She tried to find the right words to say. She finally settled on sitting next to Maura. "Ummm… thank you."

Maura nodded succinctly. "Are you okay?"

"Weird dreams. Really weird." Jane rubbed her hands along her thighs. "Probably that new beer."

"Are you certain?" Maura was studying her profile carefully and Jane swallowed harshly.

"Yeah. I'm good." Maura nodded one last time and seemed to let it go, standing up with the dirty sheets in her arms.

Jane froze into place when warm lips found her hairline and Maura murmured into damp curls. "Okay then, good night again."

Maura was almost through the door when Jane softly called her name. She stopped and looked back.

Jane couldn't chase Verna's parting words from her head. _'Words not spoken cannot be heard.'_ She cleared her throat. "I love you too, you know?"

Maura's smile made something effervescent float through her veins.

"I know."

* * *

><p>AN

Special thanks to siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG. They talked me away from the edge with great patience with this chapter and Charlie only insulted me a few times ;) I think it would be vaguely amusing to do one of beta session over skype sometime just so I can watch their facial expressions. Sid has pretty eyes that I bet would look hysterical with the amount of eye rolling I'm sure she's doing.

General update:

Hope you all enjoyed the chapter from hell. It made my brain bleed.

So my original plan was to post the last giant lot of chapters on Christmas but I don't think it's going to be clean enough. I have to write the last three and then I have to turn it all over to the betas. So without question this will be up by New Years. I'll keep to the same daily posting schedule except if it's done prior to that I'll dump the entire last bit at once. I worry that people will see this as a "collecting" reviews thing and please know, it's not.

It's a "Well darn this was a complex story you picked to write you IDIOT."

This is your idiot writer saying G'Night Rizzlers, see you tomorrow!


	11. Chapter 11

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Sometimes Maura's insane need to arrive to work early was okay by Jane. Gave her time to think, especially if it happened to fall right at the uniform's shift swap out and the incoming crowd was still down in the main conference room getting their updates and orders.<p>

Jane leaned back in her chair and stared at her computer screen, watching the bouncing logo of the BPD screensaver until it exploded into a hundred raining cats.

Frost's last prank on Korsak.

Kenny down in IT had taken pity on her one night after he caught her staring at Korsak's screen and installed it on her system. She looked up at the empty chair across from her. Everyone knew she missed him. They all missed him. On the computer screen the cats faded away and the cycle started again.

Jane reached across her desk and turned the Guardian Chogokin doll towards her. Her throat tightened when she realized somebody had hung a little silver Christmas bulb off his hand. Must have been Frankie. She knew he and Korsak had some deal about trying to use the desk regularly, but it wasn't doing any good. They still had to get up eventually and that chair was empty again. This morning his desk felt particularly lonely.

The action figure stared at her blankly. Jane tapped the silver bulb with her finger and watched it swing back and forth. She just missed him so much. She missed the way he had of kicking her ass out of whatever mood she was in. She missed the fact he was impossibly neat and organized. How in the middle of the case she could come up with a random idea and he could latch right on and run with it.

He never made her feel like a girl or like she was anything else other than his partner when they were on the street. He was insanely skilled with a computer and in the tech lab, but he never made a big deal about it.

He could be acting like an asshole one second with her brother, and then change gears and listen intently to any problem she had. He wasn't big on judging either, and she had needed that after Hoyt. He had this way of letting her do her thing the way she needed to do it, no harm, no foul.

Jane could almost picture him sitting at his desk; his eyes were always so warm. They gave the real Frost away. He could behave like a douche all he wanted with the guys but that wasn't him, not really. And they were gentle eyes, a clear window to a sensitive soul.

Jane chewed at her bottom lip as her vision blurred. Right now she really fucking needed those eyes.

Thing about Frost was he didn't try to be anyone else other than himself around her, and that meant she could be herself around him. No judging. Which was what she needed this morning. If he was sitting across from her like he was supposed to be, she could tell him about her dream last night. All about Verna and the deer. Then she could tell him to go check and see if there were any deer strike reports in the State Police's system.

He'd give a hard time just to keep her on her toes. Probably ask her if she needed him to hack a satellite and look for Santa's sleigh and the eight tiny reindeer while he was at it. Maybe warn her if she started dreaming about an elf smuggling ring she was on her own.

But he'd try, and he had one hell of a success rate. This idea of hers was probably really easy for him. He'd hit a few keys and then they'd celebrate. But only after she figured out some way to insult his general sensibilities, just to settle the score.

Jane picked up the plastic toy. She squeezed lightly, letting the edges bite into the scar on her palm. It wasn't fair that he wasn't ever going to be back.

If Frost was here she'd have someone to ask what was going on with her. He was the type to be honest. He'd be able to help her figure out why Jack was bothering her so much. It wasn't only the time Maura spent with him, but figuring out why thinking about Jack at all made her skin crawl.

She trusted her gut but she'd checked him out with every resource on and off the books she had. He was clean. Mr. All-American, boy-next-door, clean.

She'd even be willing to ask for his help trying to sort through this morning. She'd tell him how she woke up thinking about her dream and how Maura had put her back to bed. She'd be transparent about how she had gone off to find her and eventually ended up standing in the doorway to the yoga room watching her.

How Maura had sensed that she was there and smiled at her as she patted the spot beside her. Jane would share how she copied Maura's lotus pose and closed her eyes tightly. About how right it had felt to sit there, the spicy smell of the incense curling around them.

Eventually there had been a touch at her knee and she'd opened her eyes. Maura had looked so beautiful. It was Maura, but it was somehow more. Maybe it was the lack of make-up, the smattering of freckles on her cheeks, or the way in that moment Maura appeared almost blurred around the edges, but there was almost an innocent softness present. It was as if the armor Maura had built to survive the world was missing.

Jane swallowed hard, remembering the sheer surge of protectiveness that had washed over her. How, as she stared into soft hazel eyes she knew, without a doubt, that she would shrivel up and die if she lost Maura.

And Frost would understand. Jane knew it. He wouldn't laugh or make a joke. He'd make her go get a sandwich with him. Not at one of the usual spots. One of the trendy places with sofas and chairs that no respectable cop would ever enter. They'd sit and he wouldn't say a word until she asked, and when she did it would be straight talk. No bullshit.

Jane squeezed the statue one last time, hoping he knew how much she loved him and how much he was missed. He was her partner. He was her friend. He was Frost, and she needed him.

"Janie."

She looked up and reluctantly released the figure as Korsak sat down across from her, tossing a bagel bag at her and pushing a coffee cup across the desks.

"You're in early." Korsak leaned back a little, drinking from a cup of coffee, and Jane could tell he was settling in.

She turned the action figure to face him. "Somebody decorated Officer Chogokin for the holidays."

Korsak tapped the Christmas ornament. "Cute." He made eye contact. "You alright?"

Jane nodded. "Peachy keen." She gestured behind her head to the case board. "I got a dead kid, an angry corporation, I pissed off the new Mayor last week, and Cavanaugh is going to want an update in…" Jane looked at her watch, "…40 but I have nothing for leads."

Korsak yawned into his fist. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You have more than nothing. Nothing would be not knowing where the fiance was."

Jane spoke around the rim of her cup as she went to take a sip. "Great, so I know he's down in Maura's shop getting his insides turned out. I don't have a clue why though." She took a gulp. "This is good, thanks." She sighed, the cup hitting the desk with a hollow click. "No strange action on any of his accounts, has a good relationship with friends and family. Good professional reputation." She tilted her head and stared at the ceiling. "On the other hand, we already know the mother had a long history with drugs. In and out of rehabs, some arrests for prostitution. Vice has the word out to their CIs to see who might know more about her."

Korsak linked his fingers and rested the back of his head against them. "See there you go, more possible leads."

Jane straightened back up and drummed her fingers against her desktop for a moment. "Okay, I guess I have something to give the Lu. Thanks, Korsak."

He gave a slight nod and patiently waited.

Jane sighed. "You know, if Frost was here, I'd have him run this idea that came to me in the middle of the night."

Korsak gave her a glance before he pulled out his own bagel and started thickly spreading cream cheese on it. "You ask your brother for help?"

The deflection came easily. "Lazy lump isn't in yet." Jane opened her bag and peered inside. "One of these for Maura?"

Korsak nodded. "The whole wheat, multigrain rock thing." He licked cream cheese off his thumb. "Got you cinnamon and raisin." He took a bite and chewed, swallowing quickly. "You know, Nina enjoys working with you. Why don't you go ask her to run whatever it is you'd want Frost to do."

Jane narrowed her eyes. "Frost did what it took to get the answer. I'm not going to put Nina in that position."

"Fine. Don't ask." Korsak pointed towards Cavanaugh's door. "You go in there in 35 and tell him you didn't follow up on a lead because your head was stuffed up your ass."

"Hey!" Jane glared at him but Korsak didn't budge. "Nina's great, but she's not Frost, and I really need Frost."

"No, she's not Frost and that's a good thing. Frost would look awful in those blouses she likes to wear." Korsak took another large bite.

Groaning, Jane got to her feet, grabbing her bagel and coffee. "Fine, but I'm only doing this because you keep chewing so loud I can't hear myself think."

He gave her a cheerful wave and she rolled her eyes at him over her shoulder.

As she entered the tech lab the crime scene analyst's back was to her. Jane cleared her throat and Nina turned around. "Morning."

Nina pushed back from her computer and turned around. "Good morning."

Jane weighed her options and decided vague would work here. Nina was a former cop. No way was Jane going to share the fact that she was having nightmares about Christmas wishes brought to her by an insane homeless woman-turned-genie that hated her. Nope. Not happening. No matter how hard Korsak pushed her buttons.

Jane cleared her throat. "Got an idea this morning after looking over the murder board. So, you know how the fiancé's body was found dumped in Harold Parker State Forest? Not hidden all that well or anything, the car was left right near a trail head actually." Jane waited until Nina nodded. "Kind of stupid, but anyhow, the Staties have been collecting all the local home security footage that they could and so far, there's nothing on what they've reviewed."

Jane paused long enough to take a sip of her coffee. Nina was looking at her calmly. "I was wondering if you could get into their systems and see if any of the locals reported a deer strike or if animal control had a report of an injured deer. "

Nina's brow was furrowed. "I don't have access to their servers but I could call…"

Jane shook her head. "I don't want to alert them yet. This case is ours."

Nina seemed to be studying every inch of her and Jane resisted the urge to cross her arms. Finally she spoke. "Why a dead deer?"

Jane was almost embarrassed at how quickly a lie came to mind. "Almost hit a deer on the way out of there, made me think of it."

Jane watched as Nina's lips pursed and she rubbed at her nose while she thought about it. Clear, pragmatic eyes met hers. "I'm not buying the whole _why_ you want me to look but I was a cop too, I get it."

Nina turned around and started pulling screens up. "This might take a while and I'm going to ask them. There are other ways to keep control of the case."

Jane resisted the urge to argue and ducked her head, took a breath, and looked back up. "Great, thanks. I'm going to duck down to the morgue and drop off Maura's breakfast."

* * *

><p>AN

My love to siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG for helping me get this out the door.

To all:

There is poignant truth to the saying "You know you've grown up when none of the things you want for Christmas can be bought at a store."


	12. Chapter 12

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Jane stepped to the side as she got off the elevator to give Susie enough space to pass by with her push cart piled with large beakers. "Hey Chang. Is the Boss in her office?"<p>

Susie wrinkled her nose and pushed her glasses up. "_Doctor_ Isles is in her office but she is currently on a call. She asked not to be disturbed."

Jane snorted, not missing the emphasis on the title or the implied order. Susie's loyalty was actually endearing. "Good to know. Thanks." She waited until the criminalist was maneuvering into the lab before walking down the hall towards Maura's office. As she approached she could hear Maura's voice, low and edged with professionalism. Curious she slowed down and lighted her steps.

If she concentrated she could make a few words out. "No, this is a Christmas gift." Jane edged forward as Maura's voice faded until she could catch a little more. "Yes, well, I appreciate the rush, truly. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important, but after seeing Jean-Marc's spectacular metal work in your exhibit last year, he's the only one that I could picture creating this for me. This needs to be special."

There was a pause, and Jane waited, but Maura's next few words were quiet and hushed. Then there was laughter, low and intimate, but then cheer put a little more volume to the parting words. "Well I don't know if soulmate is the appropriate word to use for this situation. That would imply that rather romantic notion existed. I think I've learned by now that another person can't possibly be all those things for you, despite what you insist." More laughter, followed by a, "We will agree to disagree. Thank you for the help Mother, I'll see you and Father soon."

Jane leaned against the wall for a moment and tried to figure out why she suddenly felt as if her stomach had landed at her feet. She squeezed the paper bag in her hand. So Jack was going to get something pretty special for Christmas. She took a deep breath, she knew she was jealous and tried to mentally shake it off before she walked into Maura's office. It didn't help that Constance was implying things like soulmates. She forced herself to push off the wall and walk to Maura's office, giving herself a mental pep talk with each step. They were almost 40. It wasn't like both of them were going to stay single forever, right? Right.

Lounging in the doorway, Jane took a second to admire this version of Maura as well. Expectant eyes lifted and smiled at her when Maura realized who it was. This Maura was crisp and clean, edges clear and well defined. Every inch the professional down to the genuine smile gracing her features. This Maura was a person clearly comfortable in her position of leadership. Her presence filled the room and owned the space. Jane smiled back. While vastly different from this morning's version, she loved this side of Maura too.

She held up the bag. "Breakfast is on Korsak today, if you haven't eaten yet."

Maura stood up from her desk, grabbed her tea and went over to her couch. "Not yet, I was about to get my kefir out of the fridge." She patted the spot beside her. "Join me?"

Wrinkling her nose Jane dropped down and handed over the bag. "That stuff is disgusting. It might be worse than Marmite."

"Kefir is an excellent source of probiotics. I wish you'd attempt to get used to consuming it." Maura opened the bag and went about opening napkins to cover her coffee table before pulling the cinnamon and raisin bagel out and neatly slicing it in half before passing it over. "Go lightly on the cream cheese."

Jane grabbed the other plastic knife and a container of cream cheese and started spreading it. "The point of the bagel is the cream cheese."

"Hmmm… I don't want to hear you whining after your next physical. You'll deserve your lab results." Maura lightly spread her bagel with cream cheese before nibbling at the edge.

"Yet another reason to avoid it as long as possible." Jane smiled at the glare leveled at her. "The trick is to wait until HR finally threatens to put me on unpaid for skipping it."

Maura swallowed and sipped at her tea. Her gaze was unwavering over the rim of her cup. By the careful, precise way the tea was placed down Jane knew Maura was about to win their little debate. "Remember last year how I had your mother drive you?" Jane winced. "Remember when you refused to fast ahead of time? Refused to skip your morning coffee, what happened?"

Jane shoved a chunk of bagel in her mouth to avoid answering.

"I pulled it personally, right in the morgue and sent it out." Maura took another sip of her tea. "I'll do it again too, and this time I'll have Criminalist Chang hold you down rather than deal with you squirming around like TJ at Sunday dinner."

Rolling her eyes Jane picked up the knife again and scraped half the cream cheese off. "Happy?"

Maura's lips were pursed as she considered the amount remaining. "No, but that's better."

Leaning back against Maura's couch, Jane was starting to relax when she spotted a new addition in the décor. "Whoa, is the morgue getting festive this year?" Maura glanced at her in question and Jane waved her bagel at the giant poinsettia tree residing on the floor next to Maura's desk.

Maura blushed. "Jack sent it this morning, isn't it lovely?"

Jane got to her feet and went over to it, circling it. "A little ostentatious don't you think?" She fingered one of the bright red leaves. "I mean, where does one get a poinsettia that is large enough to be a 4-foot mini tree?"

The sigh was soft, but not lost on Jane. Maura swallowed a bit of bagel. "I think it's beautiful. It was very thoughtful of him."

Jane couldn't get over the size of the plant. "Aren't poinsettias poisonous? What is it with this guy and dangerous plants? Couldn't he just send you some roses or something?"

Maura met her gaze firmly. "That is not true, at least to the extent you are referring to. While the plant does have the possibility to be toxic, one would have to ingest over a thousand leaves to potentially reach terminal levels. It's more likely the person would end up vomiting before any damage could be done."

Jane waved her finger in the air. "Aha! That still sounds like poison to me, and this plant is big enough I bet we could knock off at least 3 people with some left over. In fact, I distinctly remember you recommending last year that I not take one home after the holiday party because Jo could get sick from it."

"I inferred Jo could get sick from ingesting it. Not untrue." Maura gave her a pointed look. "I was more concerned with watching the poor plant die a slow death in your apartment."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Ha-ha-ha, you're so funny." She went back to the couch and sprawled out next to Maura. "I think you should go slower with this guy. He has terrible taste in plants."

When Maura didn't answer but kept studying her intently while sipping her tea, Jane felt her skin flush and she shifted uncomfortably, trying to resist the urge to get up and pace. She cleared her throat. "So, umm, I really came down here to let you know I had an idea because that nightmare I had last night."

Maura seemed to allow the change in topic. "You never did share what it was about."

"Ugh." Jane rested her head against the back of the couch. "It was a freakin' trip. I was back in Harold Parker, but I was alone at night in my pjs. I swear it was so real. My ass was freezing and it's dark, totally brought back sort of the same feeling I get in my dreams of being in that basement with Hoyt." She shivered slightly. "It was terrifying."

Jane looked down when a warm hand covered hers. She turned her hand over to lace their fingers together and squeezed lightly. "I don't know. There was this path and I couldn't figure out which way would get me out and then there was this thundering noise and deer flying by me." Jane shrugged a little. "I ran after them and right when I found my way out of the forest there was this crunching thud and by the time I found the road it was quiet again."

She glanced at Maura but there wasn't any judgment that she could see. "There was this lump under a streetlight. It was this little deer, like Bambi, and it was dying. Next thing I know Verna's there, yelling at me about wasting a wish. She prattled on and on about our conversation earlier, where you were trying to get me to tell you what I wanted for my second wish."

Jane slid down until she could rest her head against the back of the couch. "Remember I was being a bit of an ass and I said I wished to avoid kissing Martinez under the mistletoe? I mean I was totally kidding but she didn't understand."

Jane looked at their linked hands. There was such comfort in the simple touch. "Then she was like abracadabra and _boom_, Bambi was running away, fixed, and I was waking up."

"That was certainly a multifaceted experience." Maura brushed her thumb along the scar on the back of Jane's hand. "What was your idea?"

"Strange as this is going to sound, I thought maybe we could see if there were any other reports from those few days the body might have been dumped. There are so many different ways you can get into the park that I was hoping it would give us a shortcut." Jane rubbed her free hand on her thigh. "God, now that I hear that out loud it sounds even crazier than it did in my head."

"It's creative processing, yes."

Jane rolled her neck until she could look at Maura and frowned at her. "Great, you only PC stuff up when you're deflecting." She stared up at Maura's ceiling. "I'm going to be crazier than Verna soon."

"Jane, you're not crazy and neither is Verna." Jane closed her eyes and focused on the repetitive motion of Maura's thumb against her skin as the other woman continued talking. "Verna is mentally ill and I'm worried about you. I never seem to know what is going on with you recently."

Maura stopped stroking her hand for a moment and Jane opened her eyes. "I'm always going to be here for you, no matter what, even for unusual dreams."

Jane glanced at the giant poinsettia plant and stuffed down her quick retort about Maura needing to actually be available to talk to. It was out of line. Maura's hand tightened around hers and Jane swallowed hard when snippets of dozens of conversations during her relationship with Casey ran through her mind. About how Maura had once timed how long she went on and on about Casey. She looked back to Maura and wondered why it took Maura crying over her engagement for her to clue into the fact that Maura probably felt just like she did right now.

Had she really been that clueless? That unaware? None of this was making sense and Jane couldn't handle it right now. She switched topics. "When Frost was around I would have been able to ask him to run a search for dead deer or car accidents, just something and he'd do it. No questions. Korsak made me take it to Nina."

Maura's brow furrowed. "But you like working with Nina. I've personally found her to be very competent at her job."

"She is. But she's not Frost."

Maybe the way she said it meant something to Maura because the next thing Jane knew, Maura's other hand wrapped around hers. "No she's not. But she's not trying to be either."

The emotion from the morning crashed down and Jane felt her chin tremble. "I really want her to be him."

"I know you do." Maura's hand started running up and down her arm. "This time of year makes us focus on family and Frost was part of that. I feel his absence myself. He had helped me arrange the toy drive the past two years. This year I had to ask your mother for help."

Jane stuffed the emotion back and shook her head. "Well cross your fingers that Nina stops asking why in the heck I am looking for dead deer. I'm going to have to tell her Santa reported one missing off the sleigh or something."

There was a sharp knock at the door and Jane was instantly aware of Maura's fingers still wrapped with hers and the hand stroking her arm. She loosened her grip, but Maura held on. "Yes, Senior Criminalist Chang?"

"Sorry Dr. Isles, I can come back." Before the tech could slink away Maura shook her head. "No need. Those must be the results from Gianni's autopsy. Detective Rizzoli will want to know also. Anything of note?"

"Henderson ran the screen twice to be certain but he came back positive for cocaine. The decomposition affected the metabolite levels in the blood so it was difficult to ascertain when the drug was consumed or if it was a lethal dose. But it is possible the drug was injected just prior to death, and at toxic levels."

Confused Jane glanced at Maura. "Parents said he'd been sober for 16 years. Shame." She then gestured towards Susie. "And would you please call the woman by her name already? You work together daily. I think at this point she's Susie and you're Maura even if you're talking about work."

Susie was almost too eager as she looked at them. "But we don't think he was using again. There was only one needle mark so we decided to run a few cross sections of hair. While the hair on his head only had minute traces near the root there was nothing further down on the shaft." Susie made eye contact with Maura only. "To make certain I personally ran the body hair, and it was clean."

Jane looked at Maura. "Translation?"

"I'm afraid it's not exactly the answer you are looking for but it would seem your victim was exposed to cocaine just prior to his death. The autopsy has ruled the cause of death as a single gunshot through the frontal lobe. The angle indicated that the victim was possibly on his knees looking up at the shooter." Maura looked back to Susie. "Do we have any results back from the the car and its contents yet?"

Susie shook her head. "Not yet, I have a western blot running that might give us something preliminary from the Febreze cans in an hour or so. The rest of the vehicle will take a significant time to isolate anything of use. The body fluids alone are difficult to sort out."

Jane could see almost see the wheels turning in Maura's head. The slightly unfocused eyes snapped back to attention, and Maura gestured to Susie. "How much gas was in the tank of the car?"

Susie opened the folder. "It was almost full."

Maura gave them both a small smile. "It's possible the victim filled his car recently, but for a van of that size I'd like to have you test the gas cap, all sides."

Jane couldn't stop her smile or the adoration. Maura's mind was invaluable. She barely noticed Susie leaving, her mind churning, trying to assimilate the facts with the other two deaths.

Glancing at her watch she realized she had to go up to her meeting just as her phone buzzed at her hip. Pulling it off, she read the text and a thrill went through her. "Korsak says Nina hit paydirt. She may have just saved my ass with Cavanaugh and the Macy's thugs."

Jane gently pulled her hand away and stood up, stretching before offering it back out to Maura. "Feel like coming with me?"

* * *

><p>AN

Happy Christmas Eve to my trio siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG . This goes up tonight thanks to everyone working hard prior to the holidays.

Special thanks to the spousal unit who doesn't watch R&I but was willing to give this a quick edit/blessing because she does this for a living and well...

See we hosted Christmas Eve. And there was lots of family and lots of chaos and then there was this Christmas punch.

It was so pretty.

It was so tasty.

It was the perfect complement to the struffoli.

Sometime after my tongue went numb I remembered I needed to post this still...Any mistakes are 100% me.


	13. Chapter 13

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Frankie and Korsak were leaning over Nina's shoulders, blocking the screen. Jane shoved her brother's shoulder hard. "Jesus Frankie, you're practically breathing down Nina's neck. Give her some room."<p>

"You're just jealous because I saw her run it first." Frankie smiled when he noticed Maura and instantly stepped aside to make space.

Korsak gestured at the area in front of him. "Take my spot Doc." He moved to stand behind Jane. "I thought you had a meeting with Cavanaugh?"

Jane shrugged. "I do. I'm sure he'll be looking for me in five but I needed a Christmas miracle and hopefully Nina is going to give me one."

Nina looked quickly up over her shoulder. "I am and I will have you know I did it all above board. Hacking not required."

Jane sighed. "Point taken." She realized she should probably be grateful. "Thank you for rushing this, really. I should especially thank you for letting that mouth-breather that I call my brother stand around and learn something useful." The punch to her shoulder from her brother was entirely expected. "Ouch! You know Frankie, you do not help yourself sometimes."

"Oh trust me, that helped my mood." Frankie was all twinkling brown eyes. "In fact, this might be the best I've felt all morning."

Nina's smile widened when her eyes landed on Frankie. "It's no trouble, I've enjoyed his company." She turned her attention back to her screen. "Let me show you what I've got."

Jane watched Nina's fingers move rapidly, calling up several screens and then finally the system kicked in and they all looked over at the screens banking the walls.

"So Detective Rizzoli asked me to cross reference any deer strikes or reports with any of the video footage the State Police were looking through." The screen flipped to the report and the address as Nina continued. "They had actually already collected this footage but because it was down a public road that wasn't directly connected to the Park it was in their queue for later." She glanced at Jane quickly. "They were happy to send it over, and Jane?"

Jane dropped her eyes off the report. Nina offered her a wicked smile. "Detective Venno wanted me to let you know that Joe says hi, and he is more than happy to help in any way that he can."

Jane glared at Korsak the second he started laughing.

Korsak shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "Whatever it takes to have a cordial relationship with the Staties Jane." He chuckled. "Oh stop looking at me like that. Who in this room dressed up as a sexy librarian to break into evidence? Politically correct shit the bed around here a long time ago."

When Maura joined in with the laughter Jane groaned and crossed her arms over her chest. "I can't win around here sometimes."

"Well, let's see if we can't make you feel better." Nina hit the play button and the footage started out as just a long shot over a front yard and driveway. The sun was setting and deep crimson bands highlighted the dense woods across the street. Nina slowed the video playback down "We were lucky. Another 10 minutes and we wouldn't have been able to see much at all."

At the reduced speed Jane watched two cars roll by. There was a break and the road was quiet. Then their victim's van appeared in the right corner and passed across the screen. Frame by frame the recording played, finally revealing the appearance of a dark blue Ford Escape. At the same time, almost obscured by the leafless winter brush and thick trunks of evergreens, she saw the small herd of deer, bounding through the trees.

The herd crashed onto the road and the SUV swerved to miss the mass of panicked animals. The SUV continued to bank hard to the right just as a straggler ran into the car's path. The brakes weren't enough as the animal went flying in a tangle of legs.

The SUV rocked briefly before coming to a standstill. The taillights glowed red and the SUV rapidly backed up off the shoulder of the road, driving off as the animal struggled valiantly for several minutes. As Jane watched she could see its sides heaving rapidly at first before slowing, tapering off until it was still. She shivered and stepped into Maura's side.

Nina's shut the video and pulled up a bank of stills. "That deer strike was the only reason I was able to do this." She selected and brought up several close up shots of the Ford while it was turned into the woods. With a click and a drag she focused in on the license plate.

The numbers were clear and Jane grabbed Maura's shoulders, squeezing affectionately as she leaned over to Nina. "You are brilliant, thank you!"

Without replying Nina pulled up the next part. "Your brother ran the plates and I'll let him show his part." She pushed her chair back slightly, forcing Maura to step back against Jane.

Frankie slipped into place beside Nina and leaned over the desk to grab the mouse. Jane felt Maura press into her and realized everyone was pushing Maura out of her comfort zone with personal space. Including herself. She dropped her hands and moved back muttering a soft "sorry" so Maura could step aside and was surprised when Maura followed her back, apparently content where she was as long as it was away from everyone else.

Somebody was talking and Jane realized she needed to stop looking at the highlights in Maura's hair. She pulled her eyes away, catching Korsak's contemplative gaze. Jane resisted the urge to move and resolutely stared at the screens.

Frankie enlarged the photo and the police record. "Victor Alvarez, time spent for accessory to drug trafficking back in 2005, two arrests without prosecution for human trafficking, but look at this."

Jane stared at the next arrest record screen. She figured her mouth had to be hanging open and she never noticed when her hand landed on Maura's hip. "Son of a bitch. That's Susan Taber! That's the mother."

Frankie turned his head to grin at her.. "Thought you'd like that." A case record came up next. "Alvarez was her pimp before she got cleaned up and off the street. They got caught two years ago in that sting in Chinatown. I called down to Martinez and he's on his way up."

Jane chewed the inside of her cheek. Fucking Martinez. She let out a huff that Korsak picked right up on. He gave her a look and she rolled her eyes at him. "Great, well that means they'll know where to look for him."

She didn't miss Frankie's eyebrow raised at her either. "Fine. I'll be an upstanding team member when Martinez shows up." Satisfied, Frankie slid Nina back the mouse.

Jane was surprised when there was a gentle pat on the back of her hand. Focusing on the sensation she realized where exactly it was coming from and whispered, "Oops, sorry" as she pulled her hand off Maura's hip and stepped back.

Maura shook her head. "That wasn't what was bothering me." She raised her voice to carry over Korsak debating possible motives with Frankie. "Nina, could you please pull up Alvarez's arrest record." Maura studied the information, nodding slightly. "I couldn't place what fact was disturbing me. Nina, would you please enlarge his photo." Maura turned her head slightly, enough to make eye contact and Jane let her gaze rest there. "See his eyes?"

Jane made herself look back at the mug shot. The umber undertones of his skin made his eyes jump out. "Besides a waste of pretty green eyes, what am I looking for?"

"No, that's it." Maura gestured to the screen. "Green eyes are rare. Alida Taber had green eyes. The child was also biracial."

Jane sucked in air and let it out. "This is where you are going to tell me that I can't say that Alvarez is the father until you have Susie and friends run magical tests downstairs, right?"

"There is no such thing as magic, and certainly nothing that foolish in my labs." Maura mock glared out of the corner of her eye until Korsak cleared his throat.

"Ladies, I don't care if Frosty the Snowman or a tech delivers the answers, but how long until we have an idea."

Maura blushed, tapping a finger against her lip as she ran the scenarios in her head. "Quickly, perhaps by the afternoon. We've run the DNA on the child but it was for exclusionary purposes and not uploaded into the database yet. Victor Alvarez should already be in the system with his arrest history."

Jane had her mouth open to respond when Martinez strode into the room and crowded her. "So I hear you need my help Rizzoli."

Jane glared briefly at Korsak before raising an eyebrow at Martinez's proximity. He grinned at her. "I don't need anything, but I would like it if you could share what you remember about the fine, upstanding citizen on the screen."

This time her hand had to grip Maura's hip to steady them both as the other woman shifted back into her, blocking Martinez slightly. "Turns out this ass was the ex-pimp to the mother in that double homicide I have outside of Macy's. Not only that but his SUV was recorded following a body dump we dealt with yesterday. Waiting on confirmation, but we think it's the missing fiancé. "

Martinez turned around and crossed his arms over his chest as he read the screen. "Oh this guy is a slippery bastard. Jimmy Brown's CI claims he's running a kiddie porn ring, but we got nothing. He's the type that learned the system early and he's smart. I recognize the woman, too. Your female victim used to be a favorite of his. He picked her up off the street, kept her in his stable for years. Don't know where she came from, no priors in the system."

He walked closer to the screen, considering the details. "I remember she sounded educated. Had a little bit of an accent, but none of us could ever figure out what it was and she wasn't sharing. Alvarez trained her well."

"Maura thinks the kid…" Jane yelped when there was a sharp pinch on the back of her hand. "Ow, damn it." With a deep breath she started again. "There is the possibility, which will be verified by the lab, that Susan Taber's daughter may have been Alvarez' child, based on similar eye color."

Martinez rubbed his chin. "You want my guys to shake the bushes?"

Jane cupped the back of her neck and squeezed. Martinez was doing her a favor. She squeezed harder. "Yeah, let us put together a warrant. Could you have your people see if anybody knows anything about what happened to Susan Taber between Alvarez and Gianni?"

"Yeah, I can have someone stop by St. Vincent's." He didn't notice the way either woman froze at the name.

"What does St. Vincent's have to do with anything?" Jane could almost feel the hair standing up on her arms.

"Maybe nothing, but that's where we dropped her off for counseling after her arrest. It was part of her deal with us for testifying on the Chinatown case. Figure that's where I'll send my team first." Martinez turned around and seemed to notice Maura's position for the first time. He tilted his head, eyes flicking up and down before meeting Jane's gaze.

Jane tried not to squirm as he stared at them. "Don't bother with St. Vincent's. I have to go down to there for another reason. I got that one."

He seemed ready to argue but finally started to leave, giving a quick nod as he walked by. "Doc." Without looking back he gestured to Frankie. "Other Rizzoli, you feel like earning your keep? I'm going to do a drive through."

Frankie touched Nina's shoulder. "Thanks for letting me help, I enjoyed myself." He scrambled after Martinez, patently ignoring the look shared between Korsak and Jane.

Korsak looked at his watch. "We're late Jane. Let's go."

Jane reluctantly stepped away from Maura. "Thanks for the personal protection there, Dr. Isles."

"I'm not sure I approve of his methods to gain your attention." Maura shrugged. "It's not very becoming."

Korsak shook his head, tapped his watch again and walked out of the room.

Jane watched him leave. "Yeah, well that's Martinez. Remember how dashing you thought he was when you first met him? Not every pretty package is one you want to touch." She glanced down at her watch. "Are you up for running with me St. Vincent's after lunch? We can check on Verna and I can ask Marcie if she knows anything about the Tabers."

"Possibly, it depends on what I can get through this morning and if any new cases came in downstairs." Maura quietly gestured towards Nina, back at work.

Jane looked up at the computer screen, reviewing each new piece of the case that Nina had helped ferret out. She glanced at Maura, who tipped her head again in Nina's direction, this time with a pointed glare. "Fine. Okay."

Maura smiled brightly and reached out to squeeze her arm before walking away.

Jane walked slowly over and tapped a knuckle against Nina's desk. The tech looked up. "Hey, that was pretty impressive. I'll hand it to you. Your way worked."

Nina smiled softly. "Thanks." She seemed to hesitate. "Jane?"

"Yes?"

Nina looked up at Jane, her voice was quiet but determined."I'm not trying to replace Detective Frost, but I am looking forward to working with you."

Jane felt her stomach drop and she rubbed her hands together, thumbs playing with the scar tissue on her palms. "Thanks." She had to admire the direct way Nina had handled it. It was almost a relief.

She gave herself a mental shake and stopped fidgeting. Jane leaned against Nina's desk. "Thank god someone with a brain is willing to work with me. You just saw the guys Maura and I are dealing with."

"They're sweet." Nina gestured to the screen again. "And your brother is picking up a lot of my tricks quickly. A lot of that was him up there."

Jane groaned. "Sweet? Nina that settles it. They're brainwashing you. I mean, I grew up with Frankie. Trust me on this one. When he was eight, he slept in my bed almost the entire month of December because he watched The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. He was terrified he was going to get sucked up the chimney."

Jane waited until they both stopped laughing. Sobering up she touched Nina's shoulder. "Seriously though. Welcome aboard. Let me know what I can do to help you settle in."

Nina gave her a soft smile. "I will. Thank you."

* * *

><p>AN

My dearest thanks to siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG. Again, I can't be doing what I'm doing with posting constantly without the incredible support I have with these wonderful betas.

To all:

Merry Christmas, my house was insanity personified today. I'm not sure I remember what my name is and I didn't have time to even have one spiked eggnog. I think my family multiplied somehow.

No, I know they multiplied. Like rabbits.

Plus, I'm not 100% positive they managed to get all their offspring out of here. I swear I'm going to be finding strays under the furniture and in closets for days. I'm going to leave trays of Christmas cookies and bottles of water out and hope for the best :)


	14. Chapter 14

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Jane shifted uncomfortably in Maura's passenger seat as they drove through Boston. She should have insisted that she run upstairs and grab her keys. Plus now what should be a 10-minute trip would be at least 30. They would stop at Every. Single. Yellow. Light.<p>

Jane leaned against the passenger door and in the background Susie's voice was prattling over the Bluetooth. She supposed that she should be paying attention, but that would take more effort and energy than she had. Jane vaguely heard Susie spew out some bizarre something or other that the techs had done and Maura started laughing openly.

Jane couldn't help but watch. Maura had the _best_ laugh when she was truly happy and not censoring herself. It lit up her entire face and her eyes would squeeze shut at the corners. For a moment the feeling swelled in her chest and Jane found herself playing with her hands, entirely restless.

She inhaled sharply and immediately regretted it. Despite Maura insisting right before they left that Jack hadn't been in her car for awhile she swore she could detect the lingering smell of cologne. The deeper scent almost buried the comforting smell of Maura's perfume and the combination of both was making her head hurt.

Maura hung up and the joy was still so evident in her face. She was glancing at Jane, hazel eyes dancing. "Criminologist Patil created Christmas trees on petri dishes. I haven't done something like that since high school! I can't wait to show you when we get back."

Now Jane was rather certain she knew what a petri dish was. And she was pretty positive that things didn't grow in them spontaneously. But Maura was excited and keeping that smile on her face was a sudden priority. "How exactly does a petri dish get a Christmas tree in it?"

Maura was practically bouncing in her seat. "He streaked the plates with Aspergillus nidulans, Penicillium marneffei and Aspergillus terreus! I never thought to use the terreus to add a trunk, but it is truly perfect." Jane raised her eyebrows and nodded as if that made perfect sense.

Maura was practically gushing now. "Normally I'm not a huge proponent of using any fungal strains in the lab that are not distinctly tied to the case, but we have them in as controls and he was checking for contamination." She quickly looked at Jane. "Aspergillus terreus is terribly difficult to maintain a pure colony and our freezer is small, with only limited ability to keep freeze dried samples for long. It's rather easy to end up with a contaminated strain purely by accident."

Again, Jane decided nodding was prudent. "And what are we doing with these fungal Christmas trees exactly?"

Maura's brow furrowed. "Enjoy them as a holiday treat of course."

Jane bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. Only Maura had this way of pulling her out of a bad mood without even trying. "Of course." She caught the quick glance and knew Maura was trying to figure out if she was being sarcastic or not. She hoped every warm thought she had was showing on her face, but Jane reached out and rubbed Maura's shoulder quickly in case. "I can't wait."

There was something about the way Maura's smile softened and how she turned her head for the briefest moment to let their eyes meet that echoed someplace deep inside Jane. The urge to fidget flared back up and Jane was relieved to see the front of St. Vincent's looming ahead. "It's too early for the shelter to be open, but maybe Marcie can let us know where Verna's been hanging out lately."

Getting out of the car Jane shielded her eyes from the sun as she looked up at the granite church next to the shelter. "That thing is so ostentatious. The church I went to growing up was fancy enough, but this one takes it to a whole new level."

Maura delicately stepped around puddles of runoff from yesterday's snowstorm, eyes carefully scanning for black ice under the slush. "This one was built in the Victorian era when the upper class contributed extensively so that ornate places of worship could also represent their family name."

"Good ol' Boston Brahmins." Jane watched Maura tiptoe around a chunk of frozen snow and quickly went to her side.

Maura gave her soft smile in thanks and linked their arms together as they continued crossing the parking lot towards the inconspicuous shelter building behind the church. "Actually the Boston Brahmins were primarily Unitarian and Episcopal at the time St. Vincent's was created. The money that drove construction of the large Catholic churches was primarily from newly created fortunes. The people who would have been considered Boston Brahmin would never associate with new money, and they certainly would not display their fortunes in so obvious a manner."

"Good to know." Jane grabbed the handrail at the bottom of the steps and waited for Maura to drop her arm and step in front of her. She followed Maura up, fingertips resting against Maura's lower back. She was looking at the contrast of her skin against Maura's coat when she had a sudden urge to ask, "Maura, are you going to the party on Friday?"

Maura reached the top and stepped aside. "The BPD party? Of course. We were planning on stopping by."

We. Jane felt that word flare harsh in the pit of her stomach. Something very clear must have been present on her face because Maura's carefree, warm expression shifted rapidly.

Now Maura was standing in front of her and reaching glove-covered fingertips out to touch her hand. Her voice was tentative, as if testing. "If you'd like we could go together instead like we usually do. I don't think Jack would mind not having to go. I had wanted him to be able to meet everyone but..."

They were interrupted before she could reply when the front door to the shelter opened and Marcie almost bumped into them on her way out.

The poor woman had her purse clutched against her chest, eyes wide, before recognizing them. "Oh, I'm so sorry. You startled me." She lowered her arm and took a deep breath. "Okay, better." She smiled. " Dr. Isles, Jane, is there something I can do for you? Is this about Verna? I was just on my way out to get donations from Market Basket for dinner tonight."

Jane glanced at her watch. "Yeah actually, can we go inside or are you in a rush?"

Marcie nodded and turned around, opening the front door and stepping aside. "Let me go see if Stephanie can make the food run. If you could go wait in my office I'll be down in a minute. Go to the end of the hall and take a right. My office is down on the right with a giant reindeer stuck on the door."

Jane led the way following the instructions, turning right and continuing until she spotted a wide-eyed paper cartoon fawn curled up in the snow with a cardinal sitting on its head and a wreath around its neck. Walking in the first thing she noticed was the office was disorganized with worn furniture and haphazard stacks of paper threatening to topple off a small table under the window.

"You're twitching right now, aren't you?" Jane dropped into one of the mismatched wooden chairs.

Maura sat down primly, hands folded in her lap. "I am not positive what you are referring to."

"Uh huh." Jane twisted around in her chair noticing the stains on the walls near the floor and the watermarks on the ceiling tiles. "I'm sure we could get a whole bunch of your fungus trees from in here."

Maura's phone rang, the sound muffled by her purse. She pulled it out, glanced at the caller, and put it back in her bag.

Suspicious, Jane crossed a leg over her knee and folded her arms over her chest. "Let me guess. That was Jack?"

Coloring slightly, Maura placed her purse on the ground. "I can call him back later." The phone started ringing again.

"Would you just answer it?" Jane got up from her chair and walked over to the window to stare outside. Behind her she could hear Maura dropping her voice to a more intimate tone. It was more than she could take and she turned around.

Maura met her eyes dead on, Jane could see her eyes widen slightly, stumbling over her words for a moment. "I'm sorry, I missed that." Maura stiffly nodded to whatever was said on the other end of the call. "Oh, I'm sorry again."

It took Jane a minute but suddenly the strange stilted behavior from Maura seemed almost familiar. It was almost as if Maura was sitting across the interrogation table and she'd been caught red handed.

Intrigued, Jane stalked back to her seat and Maura was still staring at her, looking like the cartoon bambi on the office door. When she sat down so their eyes were level, Maura's fair skin flushed scarlet. "Yes, that would be lovely. I've wanted to try Bastille Kitchen."

Jane lost the last part of the conversation when Marcie walked back in. "I'm so sorry to keep you both."

Marcie sat at her desk and pushed empty diet coke cans into a recycle bin and moved a stack of notebooks over to the corner of the desk. Jane could almost feel Maura start to lean forward to stabilize the pile as it stuck over the edge. She reached out and clamped a hand on Maura's knee.

Dusting her hands together, Marcie seemed satisfied at her efforts. "Okay, that's better, now we can see each other. I assume you are here about Verna? I'm sorry I didn't call you. I should have thought to."

Jane heard the words but it took a minute for them to make sense. "Wait, what?" She looked at Maura but could see she was just as surprised.

Now Marcie was hesitating, looking between the two of them. "I thought you were here…" Jane watched her take a deep breath. "You don't know." She stood up from her desk and hurried over. "I'm sorry. I had assumed you had heard Verna passed away. I'm so sorry."

Maura covered the hand on her knee. "No, I'm sorry. This is news to both of us. Perhaps you would be willing to share the details?"

Marcie let out a long sigh. "Sure." She pulled a chair from against the wall and sat down with them. "It happened the night she was dropped off. You know we lock the doors after curfew, but Verna knows this place better than any of us."

Jane knew she should look up, but she stared at Maura's hand on her own and decided to let her carry the conversation as Marcie continued. "We were out of the regular beds, so I gave her one of the emergency family placement rooms. It's near the basement stairs and she must have heard our night security head down. Roger will sometimes use the bulkhead access door to take a smoking break on his rounds."

Marcie picked up a foam ball off her desk and squeezed it. "She took off and ignored Roger trying to call her back. He came right in and told the night staff, but they can't chase people down. We're not a prison."

Jane looked up sharply but before she could open her mouth Maura's hand pressed hers tightly. When she settled back down Maura's thumb stroked back and forth over her skin. Jane dropped her eyes again to study the sweeping motion.

Marcie let out a soft sigh. "Later that night she showed up at the doors to the church. Father Carmichael tried to speak with her, but he thought she was having a psychotic break. She was ranting and ranting. The only place she calmed down was when he stood with her outside by the angel window."

When Jane looked up Marcie made eye contact with her. "By the time the ambulance arrived she had collapsed. They lost her on the way to the hospital."

Jane was aware her cheeks were twitching and that it was hard to swallow. She was aware Marcie was still talking and that Maura was answering her. Verna was old. Verna had a hard life. Verna had been suffering for a long time with mental illness. Maura had told her there was nothing that could fix Verna and medication could only help alleviate some of her symptoms.

Maura's hand squeezed hers tightly a couple times in rapid succession and she realized Marcie had asked her a question. Jane looked up and harshly cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, you were asking?"

"Dr. Isles said that you were here about a case you were working on?"

Jane took a deep, unsteady breath. "Yeah. I'm the lead on that double homicide outside Macy's that you've probably seen plastered all over the news. One of our guys in Vice said the adult female victim was sent here for rehab by the court."

Marcie shook her head. "We were afraid it would come to this the moment the story broke on the news. Detective, you should know that St. Vincent's was swift in terminating Gianni Salvatore. We would never tolerate one of our counselors developing a personal relationship with any of the people sent to us for help."

Jane flinched and immediately sat upright. "Wait, back it up. Gianni Salvatore was a counselor with you? It didn't come up in his background check."

Marcie started to fidget. "He was one of our graduate volunteers. He led our drop-in support group for a number of years." Jane could see her breathing escalate. "He had an impeccable record until Susan Taber joined the program."

Jane knew her expression had to be telling. "I thought there were strict rules in place."

Marcie gripped the armrests on her chair. "We have them. Gianni was trained in them yearly while he was with us. I have the records and he was terminated immediately."

Mystified Jane shook her head. "How was he even qualified to run something like that?"

Marcie's voice was clipped. "We trained him and we were lucky to have him. It was a volunteer I remind you. Do you realize how many people need help and how few resources there are? We can't afford salary for more than one staff therapist and we are fortunate to have that. You used to see this side of our world better, Detective Rizzoli. Isn't that how you met Verna? How many places are there for the Vernas and Susans to get help?"

"But still!" Jane threw her hands up and went to say something more when Maura's hand landed on her shoulder.

"Jane."

It was just her name but the inflection was clear. Jane turned to face Maura. "But…" Maura shook her head and Jane slouched back in her chair.

Marcie bit her lip, apparently deciding something. Her voice was soft. "I knew Gianni for five years. He was already on staff when I got this job. He was a success story. He used to volunteer to fix the electrical work in some of our parish senior's homes. He would do little things like install new fixtures into apartments for people who not only made it through the rehab program, but also got a new start."

She looked between Jane and Maura. She focused for a moment on Maura's hand on Jane's shoulder. "For what it's worth, I do believe it was a true love match. He adored Susan's little girl. I used to watch from a distance and I could see it coming. The way he looked at her. The way Susan looked at him."

Marcie's voice was steady and her gaze unwavering. "I told Gianni as much on the last day he was here. Why, when we live in a world that can offer so much hardship and sorrow, would I begrudge two people a little bit of love and happiness?"

She shrugged. "On paper it was wrong but they were happy for a little while. I envy them that." Marcie seemed to shake off the melancholy and leaned forward.

Jane sighed, knowing the answer. "Can I have a copy of Gianni's and Susan's records?"

Marcie gave her a worn look and stood up. The interview was over. "After the court order is in hand, of course."

"Of course." As she led them towards the door Marcie looked over her shoulder. "I am sorry about Verna. Father Carmichael should be over in the church if you'd like to ask him about the night she died. He had a soft spot for her too. We all did. Did you know she belonged to this church her entire life?"

Jane shook her head and didn't dare say anything. She had long since learned that she could get the most information from people at the most unexpected moments. Especially when they thought the threat of investigation had passed.

Marcie opened the door and leaned against it. "When she was having a good period of mental clarity Verna used to make certain every child was safe at night in the shelter." Marcie chuckled. "In fact, in order to get Verna to settle down for the night one of us had to walk her through the building once on rounds so she could see that everyone was settled."

A small smile crossed Marcie's face as she stared out over the parking lot. "In fact, Verna put your Susan and her daughter under her personal protection when they first came in. The little girl was absolutely terrified. They had been living with the little girl's father beforehand if I remember right. St. Vincent's was overwhelming for the child. I think for all Susan's troubles she tried to shelter that little girl from the outside world."

"This job sometimes…" Marcie shook her head. "When Susan first started to come off the drugs, Verna used to follow her around. It pissed Susan off at first. You should have heard the screeching around here. We tried to intervene but we couldn't do anything outside the building. Then at some point something changed. They developed an odd sort of friendship at first and later the dynamic changed. Susan started looking out for Verna."

"Guess you can never know who is going to be important to you in this world." Marcie straightened up. "I should let you both go. I have to prepare for opening tonight."

Exchanging quick goodbyes Jane waited until the door closed behind them. She followed Maura down the steps. "Well that was interesting."

Maura nodded. "Unexpected." Reaching the last step she looked over at her car, thinking about the night she dropped Verna off. "I wish I had realized that night I dropped her off…"

Jane took her arm as they started walking over the ice and slush. "Don't go there Maura. You know we couldn't have done anything differently. But I want to know what happened. I need to know how she died."

"Well then you know the right person." Maura looked over at Jane's profile. "If you'd like my help I could have her records pulled. Her body should still be in cold storage, the waiting period isn't over yet for a relative to claim the body."

Jane looked over, let their eyes meet for a moment. It was easy to rest there. "Guess it's good to know the Chief, huh?"

"In this instance, yes." Maura felt herself start to blush and looked away. It was as they were passing her car that a memory from that night with Verna made Maura stop and stare at the Prius. "The night I dropped off Verna she focused on the color of my car. I dismissed it as her mind having difficulty processing."

She tugged at Jane's arm. "She said something about the trolls stealing the color from the sky for his ship. That it was like my car and insisted that the angels could tell me. If we hadn't seen the video footage before coming here I'd never have given it a second thought."

The pieces fell into place, one after the other and Jane stared at Maura's car. "Your car is almost the same color as the Ford Explorer. Verna followed Susan around. She must have been there." Jane looked at Maura. "Verna was there. See what you can do. Pull her body, get her records. Just something, anything. I have to know how she died."

* * *

><p>AN

siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG continue to truck through this thing line-by-line. That's dedication. Thanks ladies :)

All: Thank you for all the holiday wishes and thank you for sticking with this story.

I share an actual conversation with Charlie tonight.

_Me: My wit is broken, I need to be witty_

_C: What's wrong with it?_

_Me: It's BROKEN._

_C: HA! Like your brain regarding this posting schedule. ;) Scrap it and rewrite it_

_Me: rewrite the story? okay :) I'm sure everyone reading is going to love that idea_

_C: The AN and you know it_

_Me: It's 1:23 AM – All I've had is cold coffee and stale strouffoli for hours. I know nothing_


	15. Chapter 15

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Jane slid into the booth across from Frankie. "Thanks for meeting me."<p>

He pushed a beer at her. "Ordered you a White Christmas. It's not bad."

She drank deeply and looked out the window, people were bustling along, heads down against the cold, crowded against one another in the limited space between the snow banks. "I am not looking forward to more snow."

"Wrong state to live in Janie. It's only December." Frankie analyzed his sister, noting the tight lines at the edges of her eye. "So what's up with you? Not that I mind seeing your face over a beer."

She shrugged, still watching the people on the sidewalk. A couple walked by and the woman's red scarf caught her attention in the waning light. The scarf ends whipped against the woman's black coat as she started laughing, leaning slightly on her companions arm.

Jane closed her eyes briefly and looked away. "Weird day. The Macy's murder is coming together, but it's in that hurry up and wait stage. Then this homeless woman from my Vice days turned up dead. She had a tough life and I don't think she ever found any peace. I don't know. It's sad."

Jane sighed and sprawled out against the back of the booth. "So my skin's practically crawling. I didn't feel like going home."

Frankie noticed her beer was almost halfway gone already and he craned his neck around until he spotted their waitress. She caught his eye and he held up two fingers. "I heard the update tonight from Korsak. Interesting break from St. Vincent's, and I heard that the crime lab pulled DNA from both the Febreze cans and the inside of the gas cap that matched Victor Alvarez's DNA in the system." He held up his beer. "Congrats."

Jane tapped their bottles together. "Yeah, well I'm not celebrating until we locate the bastard. BOLO is out and Martinez has his people crawling into every alley and bar that they know the guy frequents. I rode along for most of the afternoon and I can tell you everybody knows the asshole, but nobody knows where he is."

Frankie watched as she rapidly drained the last of her drink. "Hey, do you have to go home to Jo or anything?"

Jane put her empty bottle down with a clink on the table and pushed it away. "Left her at Maura's this morning. Ma said she'd grab her for the night." She could see him looking at her empty bottle with concern. "And don't worry about it. I left my car back at the precinct. You're my designated driver tonight or I'll cab it home. "

"Fine, you're paying for parking then. I'm in the garage next door." Frankie watched the way she was flicking a finger at her bottle's label. "Janie, can I ask you something?"

He figured the sardonic rise of her eyebrows was the closest thing he was going to get for permission. "Everything okay with you and Maura lately?"

Jane crossed her arms over her chest and stared back outside. Dusk had dropped to night. "Just peachy, why are you asking?"

He ignored her tone and her body language. "Because I care about her and you. Let's be honest, you would normally be here with her. Or at least she'd be with you. Especially when you look ready to twitch out of your skin."

Jane gestured to the window. "She had plans."

Frankie frowned, confused. "Are you sure? She was looking for you all afternoon. Drove me a little nuts actually, every time I turned around she was there."

The waitress arrived before she could reply and Jane took the new drink gratefully. "She was probably just trying to get me the lab results. I caught up with her before I went out with Martinez the second time to talk with the YMCA in Chinatown."

"Hmmm… Maybe I misunderstood." Frankie drank the last of his first beer. "So Jack is kinda different. I hadn't expected her to pick up with someone so fast."

Jane frowned at him over the lip of her bottle. "What's it to you? And fast? I don't think she's been serious about anybody since Rockmond."

"Well, maybe you don't know everything about her then." Frankie slammed his empty down and the force of the crack made Jane lean back and pay attention. "Maybe she doesn't share everyone that she's interested in with you."

Jane held her hands up. "Whoa there, cowboy." Intrigued, she leaned forward. "You know, you have been weird about Maura since the bomb incident. I warned you about the crush thing. Think about it Frank. I know you care about Maura, but let's get real. After her boobs and legs, how much do you two really have in common?"

"Plenty!" Surprised at his own outburst Frankie colored. "You weren't around when we were fixing my bike. So maybe I'm _not_ a professor, but Maura and I had a good time together."

Jane didn't care if her words were cutting. "What did you talk about? And engine repair doesn't count."

Frankie's mind raced. He went over his time, swallowing hard as the truth came out. "My career, umm a little about Ma, the Red Sox. She knows a ton about baseball history and we talked lots about…"

The last piece of truth he kept to himself as he stared across the table, mind racing, almost embarrassed he hadn't recognized it sooner. He felt like an idiot.

That closeness, what he and Maura had bonded over, was staring at him from across the table. He shut his mouth hard enough his teeth hurt.

Jane nodded, oblivious to her brother's wide-eyed stare. "Exactly. I'm telling you Frankie, the guy isn't first on my list either, but Jack is good for her." She looked away, the headlights from the cars driving past illuminating small groups of people. "He fits with her and he seems pretty crazy about her."

One lone woman on the other side of the street stepped under the streetlight and for a moment Jane could imagine it was Maura coming to join her. She had to close her eyes and take a steadying breath, shifting so her back was to the window.

When she opened her eyes she found comfort in her brother's gaze. It was strange, but for a moment Jane swore he could actually understand a little, and for a second she felt less alone. She went to ask him a question but as she looked up a familiar smile caught her eye from across the room.

Frankie turned around in the booth but after the look on Jane's face, he wasn't surprised to see Maura weaving her way through the crowded space. He smiled when she slid into the booth next to Jane. "Hey Maura."

"Hello Frankie." Maura turned in her seat slight to face Jane. "I have been looking for you all afternoon."

"I was out with Vice." Jane couldn't understand why Maura was there. She wasn't supposed to be. She was supposed to be at some trendy French restaurant with Jack.

"You didn't pick up the phone when I called." There wasn't accusation, but Jane could pick up a hint of irritation in Maura's voice.

"I texted you back that I saw the lab results." Jane chewed at her lower lip. "I was with Martinez and Brown canvassing. Hard to talk with those assholes crowding me."

Jane could tell Maura wasn't buying it by the way a small vee formed between her eyebrows. She reached out and covered Maura's hand with one of hers. "So you've found me now. What's up?"

Maura looked almost excited and Jane felt herself smiling back. "Your mother made baked ziti. I'm in charge of bringing you and Frankie home for dinner but you both were already gone when I went upstairs." Maura gave Frankie a pointed look. "You weren't answering your phone either.

Frankie went to reach for his mobile and came up with an empty pocket. He patted down his jacket and pants. "Must have left it in my car by accident. Sorry."

When Maura turned back to her, Jane could see she was pleased with herself. "So would you like to finish your beer first or drive back with me now?"

"I thought you had plans?" Jane hadn't meant for it to sound accusatory and regretted it when Maura's face fell slightly.

"I did, or I do actually. I told Jack about Verna and he agreed that it is a night that should be spent in the company of friends so I thought we could all have dinner together." Maura smiled brightly at them both. "When I invited your mother she insisted that she cook since I was working."

Jane opened her mouth, excuse on the tip of tongue when her brother shot her a look across the table and jumped in, replying for them both. "Sounds perfect to me, I'll go settle the tab at the bar and meet you both at the house."

He slid out of the booth, rapping his knuckle on the table until his sister's attention was on him. "Jane, why don't you drive with Maura?"

Jane didn't explicitly agree, but found herself following Maura out of the Dirty Robber. As she held the door open for Maura to exit she looked back and Frankie was looking at her with the most peculiar expression. She shot him a dark look before moving quickly to open the next door for Maura.

Once on the street she fell into step beside Maura. "You didn't have change your plans."

"Have, want, and need are interchangeable tonight, so we're dealing in semantics." Maura led the way to the valet at the front of the garage and tipped him heavily as he opened her door. "Thank you for having this waiting."

Jane shook her head at the valet as he started to jog over to her door, slipping inside. "I don't even know what to do with that statement."

Maura started the car and pointed to the flashing icon on her dash. "Worry about it later, buckle up please."

Staring out the passenger window, Jane took a deep breath, trying to push aside the feelings of being trapped as familiar landmarks passed by. "So that was good work by your guys. Fucking brilliant to check the inside of the gas cap." Jane looked over briefly. "I bet that was your idea."

Pleasure at the compliment was evident by the deep dimple in Maura's smile. "My team should be commended for the DNA work."

"Yeah, they should. We got Judge Williams and not even that conservative pencil pusher could say no to a search warrant affidavit." Jane leaned her head against the window. "No sign of Sanchez, but his Ford Explorer was in his garage in back of his triple-decker. Entire right side was bent in and the headlight busted. We pulled a .22 caliber gun from under the spare tire and bagged it for ballistics."

At the light before Maura's house Jane looked up the street, dreading dinner. "I'm going to apologize now. I'm not feeling social."

Maura turned up her street, carefully navigating the narrow streets. "You don't have to be. Come have dinner. Stay if you want, we can drive in together tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, I think I'm going to be good." Jane bit back groan when Jack's car was already parked up near the back courtyard. "Frankie can drop me off on his way home."

She got out of Maura's car and took her time walking towards the brightly lit courtyard. She avoided looking at Jack's car as she passed it.

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

><p>AN

siDEADde, living-on-borrowed-crime and charlietheCAG continue to play beta on this monster of a fast fic.

I have to give a quick shout out though…

Because it's after 1am and where is your beta? For the past several nights poor charlietheCAG would be able to answer "lots of bonding with AA over comma usage or her lack thereof."

I think she's settled on the fact that there is no hope for me and therefore dropping out of law school to beta fanfic at a second's notice is a positive life choice :) (what was that Charlie? You didn't say that? Hmmm….)

To all:

Glad to know those that don't like a case aren't stopping reading. I like to follow the formula of the show every so often. Highlight Rizzles in their natural habitat. Stalk them as they roam the wild streets of Boston in search of their prey.

Try to catch them in their mating rituals…


	16. Chapter 16

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Maura's house was warm and cheerful as Jane followed her inside. Warm smells of her Ma's gravy and garlic washed over her. She was almost happy she was there until she shut the door and turned around.<p>

Jack was up on a ladder, artificial evergreen garland in hand as he took instructions from Angela. "Like this Angela?"

Jane's mother was shaking her head. "No, more like cake decorating. Maura likes it to hang down more."

Angela spotted them first. "Girls, come tell him how to fix this."

Frozen in place Jane couldn't take her eyes off Jack. She didn't even notice Maura taking her coat, or that she had returned by her side, until a hand reached to touch her bicep. "Jane?"

Dark and quiet, Jane muttered "What does he think he's doing?"

"I believe decorating." Maura tried to understand what she was missing. "We never finished last night and he must have seen the boxes. He's trying to be helpful. We can fix it later."

Jane gave a stiff nod and stalked into the room. She looked up the ladder at Jack. "If you want I can put that up."

Her tone and body language must have translated loud and clear. Jack looked at her for a long moment and then at Maura. "No, I'm okay. Maura needs to let me know how she'd like this."

"I already know, just let me up. It'll be faster." Jane put a hand on the ladder.

Maura grabbed her arm and looked up the ladder before looking back to Jane. Jane could see the absolute confusion on what she should do.

"Jane." Her mother's tone was distinct and forceful. Jane turned around. "What?!"

Her mother held up her wooden spoon, the sauce dripping slowly off. "I need your help! The sauce is going to splatter all over the counter if someone doesn't keep stirring it to make sure these meatballs finish cooking. Come over here right now and be my extra set of hands."

Jane stormed over and her mother handed her the spoon. Angela leaned over as if she was checking the pot, her voice sharp with warning. "Don't embarrass her. I mean it."

Anger welled up and she stabbed the spoon into the sauce and meatballs, ready to reply when the front door opened again and Frankie walked in. If she hadn't been so pissed it would have been almost funny. Frankie grimaced the second he spotted Jack.

When he started looking around he spotted her watching him. He shook his head slightly at Jack with a little half smile as he met her gaze. Jane twitched as he studied her, raising an eyebrow in her direction, before going over to hang up his coat. Behind her, their mother was pulling out a steaming pan.

"Jane." She looked over and Angela was staring at the way she was furiously stirring the pot. "If you break my meatballs apart, I _will_ smack you with that spoon."

The pan of baked ziti dropped heavily on top of the trivet on the counter before Angela continued. "Let it go for now and talk to her later when you've given it some thought."

Frankie walked in and kissed his mother on the cheek. "Why do the two of you look like you're about to see who lands on Maura's table first? Lemme go on record as saying, I am not bailing out the last woman standing."

"Cute, but I'm telling your sister to mind her manners." Angela pulled a loaf of scali bread out and filled the bread basket.

Jane pulled the spoon out and dropped it on the counter, ignoring the spoon rest, satisfied at the sloppy wet red mark on the perfect counter. "Decorating is my job." Frankie looked like he was going to laugh and it pissed her off. "What is with you tonight?"

He put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. Jane squirmed against his hold. "Nothing."

He squeezed a little. "I think you're having a bad week." He watched Jack valiantly try to hang the garland and Maura shaking her head, over and over, forcing him to fix it again and again. "Take a deep breath. Have some carbs."

Angela shoved some plates into his stomach. "Stop placating her and go set the table." When he was gone Angela squeezed against her side so she could carefully ladle out sauce and meatballs into a bowl. With her free hand she rubbed her daughters lower back for a moment. "I know change is tough baby, but remember, she was very supportive about Casey. You two will figure this out."

When Jane inhaled sharply her mother met her gaze and cut off anything she was about to say. "No, Jane, she was supportive beyond Casey. She was ready to raise that baby with you, no questions asked. Now it's your turn to give a little. Jack will never get all of Maura anymore than Casey had a chance of getting all of you." Angela gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Now let's go sit down and have some dinner."

Jane settled into the chair across from Maura and tried to ignore Jack sitting in her chair. Banal conversation flowed around her. Snippets about the storm from last night, predictions for more before Christmas.

Jane ignored it all, shoving a mouthful of pasta in, wincing as it scalded the roof of her mouth. Across from her Maura was sitting primly, not eating, watching her as she chugged water quickly.

Her mother must have asked a question because Jack started laughing, drawing Jane's eyes. "Angela, you have no idea how creative kids are these days! And at BCU the intelligence is already top tier."

He covered Maura's hand with his. "I don't know what Maura has experienced in her class, but in mine I started to notice that all my students had a sudden love of Hershey bars." He looked at Frankie. "I mean I don't know about you, I like my chocolate, but several students all at once?"

Jane stared at his hand over Maura's. She ripped a piece of bread apart, letting the tough edge of the scali bread grind between her teeth. Over her head Jack's voice carried over the room. "So eventually I walk over to one student who had barely been to class all semester and picked up his chocolate bar. If a person could have spontaneously combusted, this guy would have."

There was a pause and Jane looked up catching Jack looking at her as he sipped his wine, knowing he'd seen where her attention had been. He put his glass down. "Now every kid in the room with one of those Hersey bars froze in place and looked up at me. Didn't take a genius to figure out, whatever was going on, the bar was the key."

Jack chewed a bite of his dinner, clearly enjoying the story. "You could say I was getting a little taste for what it's like to be Jane. Detective Jack Armstrong." She tried not to roll her eyes, but she saw Frankie sitting there watching her. She shot him a look out of the corner of her eye.

Leaning forward a little, Jack helped himself to a meatball and looked at her mother. "I can't help but take seconds, Angela this is excellent. Enjoying your cooking has been a highlight of meeting Maura." Her mother smiled in pleasure, and Jane couldn't help but stare while Jack's hand caressed down up and down Maura's arm, before disappearing under the table.

Ripping her eyes away, Jane shoved more pasta in her mouth. She could only imagine where his hand was. As she looked up she noticed Maura still wasn't eating. Their eyes met. Jane could see the color heighten on her cheeks.

Jack swallowed his bite, continuing "So I'm staring at this candy bar, trying to figure out why half my class looks ready to pass out when I notice the nutrition label." He shook his head. "They had unwrapped the chocolate bar, reprinted the nutrition label into my test answers and wrapped it back up!"

Jane knew laughter was appropriate and she joined in, but the sound was stilted to her own ears. She wasn't up to one more second of the Jack show. Her fork hit the plate with a clink and Maura met her eyes. "I'm done."

As she stood up she didn't dare look at her mother. "I'm going to start cleaning up the kitchen."

For the first time Jane hated the open concept of Maura's home. Resolutely she grabbed every pan she could find, along with every dish, and piled them into the sink. She turned the faucet on full force, trying to drown out the sound of conversation, relieved this chore let her keep her back to the room.

Frankie appeared at her elbow, dropping off his plate. "Want help?"

"I'm good." She started washing the sauce pan.

"Come on Jane. I don't want to be over there either, with Captain _Awesome_." Frankie grabbed a dripping pot.

Jane looked over at him and passed a dish towel. She cleared her throat a little. "I can't handle the at the way he's charming Ma. I bet she thinks he's perfect. But that's the problem. He is, isn't he? I don't think this one is going anywhere."

Frankie turned around intending to evaluate Jack with his mother and noticed where Maura was looking. Or, perhaps more telling, who exactly she was looking at while Jack leaned over and chatted with Angela. "Seems like a nice enough guy. You're right about liking Maura." Frankie thought for a moment as he turned around and decided to test his theory. "Kinda handsy, isn't he."

Jane leaned into scrubbing a bit of burned sauce off the inside of pan, throwing her back into the effort. "A bit. A little possessive too, so he irritates me. I don't think he liked that I stayed here when I got out of the hospital and took too much of Maura's attention."

Frankie leaned down to put a pan away in the cabinet. "What made you think that."

Jane shrugged and tried to itch her nose on her shoulder as she continued to scrub. "I don't know. Before that he was trying to get to know me, gave me that baseball. Afterwards he seemed to make it a point to bring to my attention that Maura was with him. I mean who walks out in his girlfriend's robe when he knows I was there to pick her up for work? As if coffee was so important he couldn't wait five minutes? Hell no, I'm not stupid. He wanted me to know he was there. Pantless."

Frankie looked back to the table again, Maura's eyes were still laser focused on his sister. "You mention any of this to Maura?"

Jane gave a self deprecating laugh. "Are you kidding? I spent how long trying to give her the courage to date the guy and then I'm going to say I don't like him? She's going to want to know why, and all I have is the guy likes to spend time with her and tried to hang up her Christmas decorations."

She rinsed the large sauce pot and handed it over before picking up the next one. "So do I support my friend in her happiness, or tell her to kick him to the curb because he's acting like her boyfriend?"

"I don't know Janie, but I think you need to think it through. I mean really think about it. Stop pretending you're not jealous, and figure out why you are." Frankie ignored the glare leveled at him before Jane turned away and attacked the sudsy pot.

Grunting as she attacked any bit of food left on the shiny sides, Jane finally turned her head towards her brother. "I'm ready to get out of here as soon as we clean up." She paused for a moment and the anger drained out of her. "Please?"

Frankie hesitated but nodded. "Let me go tell Ma."

She started rinsing the last pan when Maura came over and picked up the abandoned dish towel. She selected a pan and started drying it. "Frankie said you were going home with him? I thought you could stay here with me."

"Maura, I can't stay here while Jack's over. That's strange, even for our friendship." Jane saw the flash of hurt, but she was was at her wits end. "We can meet for coffee in the morning."

"Despite what you seem to think, I'm not so immune to social norms that I was having you stay over while Jack was here." Maura's eyes filled and she blinked. "I didn't want you to be alone tonight. I was supposed to go over to Jack's." She cleared her throat. "His ex-wife has an early meeting tomorrow morning so he needs to leave in a moment to pick up Allie so she can stay with him."

"Well that sounds close to a pity party." Jane turned off the water. "And I know you're trying to help, but Verna wasn't my aunt or something. I adore you for it, but go, have your night."

Maura reached for the pan in her hands and tugged it free. "A pity party would denote exactly that, pity. I don't pity you, but I do think it's quite normal to feel sad about her passing. I'm sad, and I'd rather be sad with you." Maura gestured to her living room. "I thought we'd decorate. You can fix the garland."

Jack called out from the living room. "Maura, I have to go. Allie's mother called and she's done with her homework."

Maura dropped the towel on the counter. "I'm asking you to stay for me as much as you. Think about it, but I need to see Jack out."

"Jane!" She turned around and Frankie was holding her coat out as he let his mother kiss his cheek. "Bus is leaving, let's go."

Conflicted she walked over to Frankie and followed him to the door. She caught Maura's eye briefly as Jack leaned down to give her a kiss goodbye, Maura turned her head slightly so his lips landed on her cheek.

Maura stepped back from the door after watching Jack get into his car and looked at Jane. "Should I wait here to say goodbye to you as well, or are you staying to help me decorate?"

Frankie shoved Jane's coat into her stomach. "Only one leaving is me." He gave his sister a pointed look and kissed Maura's cheek. "Night Maura, thanks for hosting."

He pulled Jane into a hug, surprising her, and used the opportunity to whisper in her ear. "You know, I don't think Jack is quite the perfect fit for Maura that you think he is."

* * *

><p>AN

To all:

Somebody asked "really curious to know what day job you're working right now."…. well the slightly insane answer is I'm on vacation. I'm a work-a-holic and can only carry about 80 hours over. Even taking three weeks off I'm losing time. Plus HR was threatening to take away my access card and they technically shut the building down for a week… So what the heck! Vacation!

I figured, gee… first vacation you've had since they shut the building down last year AA, what should you do? Can't go away because you host everyone for Christmas Eve and Day… Hmmmm… I know… writing fanfic sounds like an excellent idea…

But we all have to make questionable life choices at times ;)

Like referring to any woman that has a sex life as a secondhand vagina. Nope. Not okay. Real poor life decision. Said it once, and I'll say it a million times. Fictional character or not, by doing that you slut-shame any woman that ever has had sex beyond some mystical higher person deemed for them. That means women whose significant others die. Women who are raped. Girls who are molested.

For that I hope you are young and I hope you take the time as you mature to look into the eyes of the women around you and listen to their stories. Learn what lurks in your own mind that could potentially harm your sense of worth one day.

If you are not young then I hope whatever hurt you is eventually healed.

Be well Rizzlers,

AA


	17. Chapter 17

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Jane shut Cavanaugh's door behind her, barely resisting the urge to scream as she stormed back to her desk. She had sat there while he had placated the Macy's representatives again. Yes, they had a solid lead. No, they could not release a name at this time. Yes, the news was a powerful tool, but at this stage in the case it would not help find their suspect. Yes, they understood that Macy's relied on the holiday season to afford to maintain a presence in Boston.<p>

Korsak had sat beside her the entire time, stoic, but unable to do anything more than assure everyone in the room that this situation was being managed to the best of their ability.

Jane marched to her desk and sat down, immediately burying her hands in her hair. Last time she checked, sales numbers at a retail establishment were always a hot topic at Christmastime. Perhaps the economy or shitty stock choices were driving their sales numbers rather than an incident that was already yesterday's news.

In fact, she'd be willing to bet their numbers were better than they would have been otherwise. Wasn't the old saying: any advertising is good advertising? So really, instead of riding her ass they should be inviting her to the damn Macy's company holiday party as the guest of fucking honor.

It was better than what was going to happen at the BPD party. After dinner the other night the last thing she was in the mood for was watching Jack escort Maura around. And no way was she going to tell Maura not to bring him either. This entire situation probably needed some sort of conversation.

She knew Maura knew it too. She could tell.

She could also tell they were both avoiding it. Jane tugged at her curls briefly before letting go and sitting up. What was she supposed to say? _I'm really jealous of the fact that you want to spend time with your boyfriend and have him be part of our lives?_ Or, better yet, _I really want you to stop seeing Jack so you can be at my beck and call anytime I need someone_?_ Because when I need someone, I want that someone to be you_?

Or worse, was she supposed to tell Maura that now that she had Jack, Jane was terrified that she was realizing that her version of needing someone went beyond knowing Maura would always be there for her and dangerously close to wanting to be exactly in Jack's place?

All she knew was yesterday morning she'd woken up and had coffee with Maura, surrounded by all the touches of holiday cheer they'd put up the night before. That she'd been a confusing blend of content mixed with dread, feeling as if all these moments were slipping away.

She'd been so certain that night, when Jack had messed up the garland and Maura had insisted that she stay, that they'd end up talking. The night had been too bizarrely tense for anything else. So after her mother had finally packed up the leftovers and went to the guest house, Jane had fully expected Maura to lay into her about what had happened over dinner.

Instead when she turned around after seeing her mother to the door, Maura was waiting by the ladder. Jane had gone up and tweaked the garland, Maura had told her that she'd found Verna's body at MGH and that tomorrow she'd make a professional request to have the remains transferred.

At the time, Jane had felt like she dodged a bullet as she'd rearranged the garland, but now the whole experience felt stuck, like a giant lump in the middle of her chest. They'd put up decorations. They'd argued about where Maura's newest reindeer statue was going to go.

She suggested the closet because of her dream the other night, but Maura had rolled her eyes and said an artist friend of her family had made it as a gift. In the end they'd compromised on the sideboard behind the dining room table. The night was finished with spiked hot cocoa and conversation about what presents they'd bought for everyone else until they'd shuffled off to their beds.

Yesterday morning, when they'd parted at the elevators to go their separate ways, that was the last she had seen of Maura. Jane had picked up the phone and debated calling or texting, but she didn't have it in her to hear where Maura was, or what Maura was doing. She figured Maura had postponed her dinner with Jack until last night. The rest her imagination filled in for her. She didn't need verbal confirmation.

But it wasn't like Maura had called her either. Before she left for home last night she'd gotten an email updating her that Verna's remains had been released for transport and the initial autopsy report indicated an overdose. Maura had told her she'd let her know when she was going to review the body and that she'd see her tomorrow.

It was a very thorough, very thoughtful, work email.

And that was the problem. Nothing wrong with what it said, but what was missing was glaring. There hadn't been an "I'll pick you up on my way in to work" or a "meet me for coffee in the café". At first she'd figured she was being overly sensitive, but here she was, going on 24 hours later, and there was nothing.

Frowning slightly she noticed that somebody had moved the Chogokin on Frost's desk. As she picked him up she realized somebody had also put a miniature wreath around neck. She put it down so that it faced her. The doll stared at her blankly, the little green wreath with it's gold bow and tiny holly berries almost as absurd as the silver Christmas bulb hanging off his hand.

Jane turned to stare at the cats raining on her computer screen. Frost wouldn't put up with her shit. He'd tell her to grow a set already and go down and talk to Maura. Part of her realized he'd also want her to be honest, and that was what was making her sit right where she was.

How could she be honest when she wasn't positive exactly what it was she wanted from Maura? She knew she wanted the intimacy their relationship had to never change. She knew she wanted to be the only one Maura thought of as her best friend.

But it was also more, and _that_ was what was so hard to define. Suddenly everything seemed to boil down to the simple truth that, now that she had to face losing any part of her life with Maura, all she wanted to do was shove everyone else away and go curl up on the couch together.

That was what Jack had at the dinner table the other night. The right to hold Maura's hand or touch her thigh while he sat by her side. And last night while she tossed in bed trying to get to sleep, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get the idea out of her head that she wanted to be in Jack's place.

Instead of making sense out of anything, the more she thought about it, the more everything was intensifying. All she could focus on was Jack knew things about Maura that she didn't, and it was screwing with her mind. He knew what it was like to have Maura's hands on his skin, and how her body would react to his touch. He knew what it was like to have her reach out for him in the middle of the night or what her lips felt like against his skin.

She positively itched to take away those parts of Maura that Jack thought he could have and it didn't make any sense.

Jane was so caught up in the clamor of thoughts bouncing through her head that she jumped back, startled when a pastry box was dropped on her desk. She looked up through tangled curls, tucking the strands behind her ears as she stared at Martinez.

He placed a cup of coffee next to the box. "Rizzoli, I heard about Verna." He pointed to the box. "Cannoli from that place you used to make me stop at all the time when we rode together." Martinez stuck his hands in his pockets. "I thought you should know I never forgot the way she tried to rescue you that one time, so I've kept tabs on her too. She was batshit crazy, but she gave a damn in her own way, which is more than I can say for most people."

He shrugged. "Verna never expected anything from it, but I've seen her run interference for a lot of the younger street kids over the years. Even if they were cruel to her, she'd be there if she spotted trouble." When he smiled at her, Jane smiled back. This was the part of him that she'd appreciated when they were partners.

He backed up a step. "So I was sorry when I heard from Dr. Isles yesterday that she'd died. Verna was good people. I wished I had done a little more for her. Laughed a little less at one of her rants. Anyhow. Enjoy."

As he was turning to leave Jane reached out and touched his elbow. "Martinez… Raf… thanks. You're right, she was good people." She hesitated but plunged on. "I'll let you know if we find anything funny after Maura looks her over."

He nodded slightly and walked away.

Jane watched him go. She knew anything like that wasn't easy for him, but he'd done it. She fingered the string on the pastry box for a moment before grabbing it and heading for the elevators.

As she got off the elevators she kept an eye out for Maura. She walked past the morgue but didn't spot Maura working on any of the bodies. One of the newer medical examiners looked up and caught her eye. She couldn't remember the guy's name but he pointed over his shoulder towards the labs.

Jane glanced into the lab, still not seeing Maura. Now the fact that she didn't have a single text or email bothered her a little more. She approached Maura's office door slowly, feeling hesitant. If Martinez could man-up so could she.

Maura was looked up when she rapped her knuckles on the door, and Jane leaned against the frame. She couldn't quite decipher the expression gracing Maura's features. Her eyes dropped a moment to the giant poinsettia plant before flicking back to Maura. "Hey."

"Hello Jane."

It sounded formal and Jane frowned as she made her way into Maura's office. "I was wondering when you were gonna pull Verna."

There was a soft sigh and then a slight head tilt as Maura sat up in her chair. "I promised you I'd let you know when I was ready."

Jane held the pastry box up. "Martinez heard about Verna. He knew her too. Remembered when she tried to save me and knew I kept an eye out for her. Guess he felt bad because he brought me cannoli. I wanted to offer you one before I let Frankie near them."

Maura folded her arms over her chest and stared hard at the box. "Martinez bought you those?"

Jane nodded. "Yeah and I wanted…"

Maura stood up abruptly and put her computer on stand-by. "Since you're here now why don't we pull Verna?" She hit the intercom button on her phone and waited until a morgue attendant picked it up. "Please move tray 14 to the decomp suite."

Confused, Jane waited until Maura said her goodbyes. "Decomp suite? I didn't know Verna was in that kind of shape."

Maura met her gaze evenly. "She's not, but the room is free and you know I prefer quiet and solitude when I work." She waved Jane towards the door. "Go put on a gown, gloves, and glasses. You'll be assisting me today."

* * *

><p>AN

Little bit short tonight but I had to make a cut and that cut was blessed by the betas. Or maybe not blessed so much as enforced. (See Charlie? I CAN listen…please don't tell my wife)

To all:

Since yesterday's note was a bit glum, I must cheer you up with a fine example of my parenting ineptitude. I asked the dear child for a joke for you all and she thought for a bit. Finally she looked at me and asked if I'd get mad if she uses a bad word.

I figure, what the heck. Why not? I've got readers who are so Jack tortured they're competing for sainthood…

_Q: Mama, where are butts made?_

_Me…. butts? Like bottoms? Tushies?_

_Kid… eyebrow raised (she's really really good at this. I can't do it. I BLAME her mother). Yes._

_Me… Okay so where ARE butts made?_

_A: On the **ASS**embly line._

And as I leave you all groaning I say…Good night Rizzlers.

PS: A favorite chapter of mine goes up tomorrow once it has the full beta blessing/scrub. (AND before I mislead people… no clothing gets ripped off and sex does not happen on Maura's autopsy table. I mean… stainless steel is cold people. Really, really cold.)


	18. Chapter 18

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Jane was pushing the glasses up on her nose when Maura arrived. For a minute Jane admired this version of Maura as the doctor finished suiting up, thinking perhaps this might be her favorite. Black scrubs, hair bound just so behind her head, every movement competent.<p>

Out of her heels and formal clothes, but dressed in this non-descript, gender neutral uniform of Maura's trade, there was an unintentional transformation that Jane secretly adored. There was something about it that highlighted Maura's innate femininity and elegance while Jane knew how brilliant and imposing the inner workings of Maura's mind were.

Maura appeared delicate and strong all at once and it got to her every single time.

Maura looked over at her and Jane felt her cheeks warm as her thoughts collided with hazel eyes that softened. Slipping the cotton gown over her arms Maura walked over to Jane and turned around, tapping her shoulder. "Would you mind getting the ties?"

Jane looked down and neatly tied the gown closed, aware of the subtle scent of Maura's perfume and lotion when she brushed her ponytail aside to tie the top. She was also aware this time that she wanted to lean down and drown in it. She tried not to concentrate on the soft skin brushing against the backs of her fingers or the goose bumps that appeared on Maura's neck as she carefully tied a bow.

The morgue doors opening with a clang startled her and Jane hastily dropped her hands. "You're good to go." Hazel eyes flickered from under lowered lids as Maura looked back at her. Her fingers tingled and Jane took a giant step back. "Looks like the guest of honor has arrived."

She let Maura dismiss the tech while she stood there opening and closing her hands as she tried to erase the last few minutes from her mind. This entire thing with Maura was getting out of control.

"Jane!" Her name was said with enough force that Jane realized Maura was looking at her expectantly.

When their eyes met Maura gestured to the tray of tools and the computer. "I asked if you wouldn't mind reading the original report to me while I verify the findings."

"No problem." Jane went to the laptop and scrolled up and down the document for a moment. "Any place special to start?"

"Demographics first and external observations." Maura pulled the sheet down and carefully looked over the body on her tray, walking around the steel table.

Jane read off the suspected age and the weight. The minute the number left her mouth she finally made herself look at Verna's body. She sucked in air and let it out slowly. Verna looked so tiny on Maura's table. In death her skin appeared practically translucent in places. Blood had settled in some areas and drained out of others, leaving a ghostly pallor behind. "Shit, she was really small, wasn't she?"

Maura nodded. "Allowing for post-mortem fluid loss and tissue breakdown she is still petite. The original report had her at 103 pounds at intake."

Jane couldn't stop staring. Verna's eyes were unseeing, the original color obscured by the white film of death. "She always seemed big enough with her clothes on. I never realized she was smaller than you."

Maura adjusted the sliding measure on the side of the table. "I can confirm she is 5 feet 3 inches." Maura watched Jane staring at Verna. "So shorter than myself, yes." She walked around her table to stand at Jane's side. "You don't have to stay for this if you don't want to."

Jane ripped her eyes off Verna's still face. "No, I'm staying. It's just strange to see her not yelling at me for once." Maura gave her a sideways glance and Jane could tell she was debating arguing, but the medical examiner continued to carefully inspect Verna, checking through her hair, behind her ears, in her mouth, along the folds of her armpits and creases of her fingers.

Jane was reading through the blood panels as Maura started snipping through the sutures on the Y-incision, when she came to the toxicology findings. "This is total bull that Verna died as an overdose. Total crap. She wasn't a user."

Not looking up until she wiggled the breastplate free, Maura paused in her work. "We've already re-confirmed this. I had Senior Criminalist Chang, or Susie, run the backup aliquot from MGH's freezer. The levels were quite high in the blood. Verna most likely did die from an overdose, but until I've gone over the body I can't be definitive."

Jane tapped her foot. "Did you run hair?"

Maura put her scissors down with a clank on the steel table and stared hard at Jane. Jane bit her lip and held her hands up. "Of course you did." She made the best wide eyed innocent expression she could muster. "Sorry. It's just that I have Gianni dead of an overdose and Verna possibly dead of an overdose. Neither one of them was actively using as far as we can tell. Now we know there was a possibility she witnessed the whole thing."

Jane swept her hand along Verna's body. "And she had a shit life already, so if she was killed I want to nail the bastard that did it. Call it payback or whatever."

Maura nodded and picked back up the scissors, snipping the bag with the organs free. She pulled out the heart first, inspecting and weighing the organ, narrowing her eyes when she realized the entire organ had not been put back in the sack. "Jane can you make a note in my new report to set up a meeting with the director at MGH?"

Watching Jane typing her note, Maura carefully choose her next words. "It's a shame the body has already been processed. The clothing was disposed of and externally I didn't find any additional injury or disturbance not posted in the original report. Unless her organs give new insight, at this point I'm not likely to be able to rule this homicide."

Jane whipped her head up at Maura's words and stared across the table at her. "What do you mean you can't rule this a homicide? Verna's dead!"

"Yes, Verna is dead. I can comfortably say that Verna is dead." Maura pulled out the liver and placed it on the scale. "Verna being dead is a fact I can verify." Not looking at Jane she followed the original transection to observe the tissues. "I can also verify her liver was startlingly healthy for a woman of her advanced years and hardships. I will make that note in my report."

Maura straightened up and stared at Jane. "What I cannot do is state that Verna was killed by your suspect. You know how this works."

Jane folded her arms and stared across the table. "Yes I know how this works, Maura." She glared at the back of Maura's head when the other woman continued to pull organs out of the bag. "I also know that I was not the one in the parking lot who practically insinuated that Verna was probably a witness."

Maura turned her back to Jane, pulling her rolling table closer and locking the wheels so she could lay out the large intestine. "I gave you a fact from the other night. I didn't insinuate anything. I told you what Verna said to me. That is what I do."

Maura stopped arranging the intestine. She leaned her weight on the edge of the table and breathed for a moment. When she started speaking her voice was low and almost sad. "That is how we work Jane, you and I. I deal in facts and rely on you to put everything together and interpret it. It's why we usually work so well together."

She straightened up and turned around to face Jane. "You know me Jane, more than anyone else ever has. I can tell you which bullet out of twenty was the one that likely killed a victim, and you use that fact to figure out why that bullet was shot in the first place. It's not my place or my nature to guess. I thought you understood that.

Maura sighed, her shoulders falling. "I can see all the facts but I will never jump to a conclusion. If I start doing that I jeopardize the case."

Jane knew they weren't talking about Verna's death anymore. Not if Maura's expression was anything to go by, but what exactly she was supposed to say was beyond her. "So what? Verna loses out on getting the same justice as Susan and Alida Taber? All because we realized she was important to this case too late? That there were all these connections that we didn't see because she wasn't exactly dealing in reality? That she didn't use the right words and it was all too late. That it was there all along but too obscure?"

Maura turned back to the intestines, followed the loops in silence. Inspecting the incisions and verifying the findings. "Jane please note that, other than signs of mild thickening, that the intestines appear fine. Could you please also mention I want slides made to determine the reason for the abnormality?"

Jane did as requested, mind racing as she wondered if Maura was understanding anything she was trying to say.

Maura put the intestines in a bowl and moved them aside. She picked up the rest of the bowel and, other than asking Jane to note her findings, she considered Jane's outburst carefully. She pulled out the next bag, containing the lungs, and arranged the tissues out for inspection. "For Verna, I think I have the same belief that I always do. You'll find a way to bring her closure to the best of your ability. Even if you can't pin her death as murder and see her killer behind bars, you'll find a way. It might be different than what you want right now, but it will work out."

Maura walked over to her. "Lungs were normal considering her age and living circumstances. No additional findings."

Jane turned around to type the notes, intensely aware that Maura was right behind her. She finished and turned around but Maura held her ground, close enough now that their thighs brushed before Jane inched back. She chewed her bottom lip. "I don't know what you want me to do. If you don't rule it a homicide, I can't try to find her killer."

"There are other ways of getting her death ruled a homicide." Maura glanced over Jane's notes. "But facts are facts, and going by the current evidence, Verna died of an unfortunate overdose. How she came in contact with that overdose is where you come in. Perhaps with additional information we can change the ruling."

"I…" Jane sighed and finally nodded. "Okay." Standing there in the decomp suite, with the intake and outtake system buzzing in the background, Jane finally felt brave enough to ask. "Are you mad at me?"

Maura shook her head slowly. "Confused." She made eye contact with Jane, carefully and deliberately pinning her in place. "You were so supportive of me pursuing Jack. Every time I turned around you were giving me advice on how not to turn him off. When I was nervous, you pushed me. When I was happy, you seemed happy for me."

Maura fiddled with the edge of one glove. "Then the other night, when you came over for dinner, I thought you were going to throw him out for trying to help hang some Christmas decorations."

Jane swallowed and thought about backing away but she knew that was going to make it worse. "I'm sorry." She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat. "I was tired and I had been looking forward to doing that with you. Decorating our places together has become sort of a tradition."

Maura closed her eyes briefly, opening them as she sighed softly. "You need to remember I deal in facts. If you don't tell me you want to hang up my Christmas garland, I can't stop a situation from happening that puts you and Jack in an uncomfortable situation."

Words jumbled around in her head and Jane couldn't figure out which ones to let come out of her mouth. She settled for nodding slightly.

"Jack can't replace my best friend." Maura took a step closer. "And I'd like for the two of you to be able to spend time together without him, or you, feeling pushed aside. You know I'm not efficient at reading an abstract, emotional, situation. When that happens I'm forced to guess, which makes me uncomfortable, and then I believe my initial reactions make it worse."

Maura turned away to pull out the remainder of the smaller organs and Jane took several moments to breathe in and out. When Maura looked back at her from across the table again Jane still didn't know what to say.

Finally she moved back to the body on the table and looked down. Verna was there, but she wasn't. Her body exposed, chest splayed open, organs in bowls around her legs. The report from MGH had "unknown" in next of kin. It seemed entirely unjust.

Realizing Maura was still staring at her, Jane bit her lip. "I don't know what to say."

Maura nodded slowly and turned back to her table, loading organs back into bags. "I'm done with what I can do for Verna at the moment." Maura picked up Verna's heart and tucked it away. "You don't have to say anything right now, but I hope you'll think about it. Perhaps let me know more plainly when something is bothering you and why, so we can figure it out together."

Jane played with the extra material of her gown. "I can try to do that."

Maura carefully started putting bags back in Verna's chest cavity. "Thank you." With the last bag stored away, she picked up the breastbone and tried to put it back in place, shifting the piece, trying to find the exact fit. "Jane."

Jane looked up at her name, met Maura's eyes for a moment.

"Please don't hide anything either. I need all the facts." Maura returned to the bone in her hands, maneuvering it until it finally slipped into place. She carefully put the remains of the fascia together first. "Hand me the suture kit marked zero please." Accepting the kit from Jane she darted the tissue closed.

Maura held her hand out. "Closing kit please." She smiled slightly when Jane knew exactly which kit she needed. "You're not helping me if you only tell me what you believe is important for me to know."

Jane numbly watched Maura restitch the Y-incision. She wasn't certain if Maura knew what was going on with her or if she was making Maura's words into what she needed to hear.

Maura put in the last stitch. "I've been trying to make you understand for years that guessing, making assumptions, and leaping to conclusions are when mistakes get made." Her voice was soft and she met Jane's gaze steadily. "I don't want to make a mistake because I am missing out on the facts, okay?"

Jane stared at Maura over Verna's body until she finally nodded. "Okay."

* * *

><p>AN

It's 2am and Charlie laid down the beta law and said it's time for bed. Or rather _"Here is your AN: It's 2am, and Charlie thinks I overthink everything and should give up on this (_re: for **tonight**_) and go to bed tonight, for my own sanity."_

So before I go to bed, I want to let you all know I have greatly appreciated every word of support and I've enjoyed the speculation and wishes. Makes me wish to run another Synergy like story someday where I actually pick through the reviews to steer the story. I also use the reviews to see by the feedback if I'm doing my job with putting down the foreshadowing. Sometimes I go… OMG was I THAT obvious? Or I get excited to see people are reading and I know they'll be happy with what is coming next.

Now I had this question come up: Is there anything in particular that you do, intentionally, to improve your writing?

ANS: I'm not afraid to look at something from every perspective that I can. Even if I don't agree with it. Even if it repulses me because I want to know WHY it does and WHY it might not bother someone else. Then if something seems unique I'll turn it into a writing exercise. I pull from those later for whenever I need to put that type of feeling into a story. Writing exercises might be bullets of thoughts, impressions, the same sentence written three different ways or a full story. Sum of the Whole started out as a very fleshed out writing exercise that I wove a story into so I could post it. Canon of the Flesh was a writing exercise I turned into a 1shot.

I also refuse to be afraid to play around in any category I think would be interesting. It shows in the weird collection of stories I have just in fanfic. They run the gambit. I'll write fluff, I'll write drama, I'll write romance, I'll write comedy, I'll write sex and… well… angst.

I don't let myself think "I can't do that." Or "I'm not good enough to do that."

Because until you do something, you have no way to improve it.

Night Rizzlers - AA


	19. Chapter 19

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Maura picked her glass of wine up from the kitchen counter along with a plate of crudités and cheese on her way to the couch. She curled into the armrest and pulled the throw over her legs. Grabbing her tablet off the side table, she scrolled through her reading list. Despite the wide variety of new articles on her PubMed feed, she couldn't work up the desire to read any of them.<p>

Feeling slightly guilty she put the tablet down. She truly did need to catch up on her reading for work, but she was surprised at how much more she needed this quiet time. Everything with Jane and Jack had her on edge and she wasn't sure what, if anything, she could do about it.

And Jane was… Maura sighed. Jane was being predictably Jane, and had promptly disappeared after Verna's autopsy. She had no idea if the detective had understood her at all. Perhaps she had and maybe Jane would finally clarify if it was her usual territorial dislike of a boyfriend or something else entirely that seemed to make Jack particularly antagonistic.

This time the reaction Maura was interpreting was more emotional, less predictable, and harder to navigate.

She could call and ask, but she didn't know if it would help or confuse the situation more. The facts were not lining up with the emotions present. She had done her best this afternoon, but understanding Jane was impossible. Lately it seemed like she was hearing one thing from Jane, but reading something entirely different. It was almost impossible to reconcile what was truth and what was her own interpretation.

So tonight, since Jack was busy with Allie's basketball game, it had been easy to cite her own need to catch up on work as a reason to stay home without expectations from anyone. The quiet of her house was exactly what she needed to think.

When the screen on her tablet dimmed, Maura gave up on any thought of productivity. She reached over to her coffee table and picked up the latest issues of her favorite magazines, scanning the front covers. A bright pink headline on _Shape_ caught her eye and she couldn't help but glance around the room as if someone would notice her flip to the article titled: _How to Tell if He's "The One"._

Maura selected a piece of cheese and tried to ignore that part of her was hopeful there would be some magic answer to her struggle. After today she was having trouble remembering why exactly she thought a serious relationship was necessary in her life. Jane had certainly pushed the idea at first. Angela too. But dinner with everyone together had more than proven it was becoming increasingly difficult to fit Jack into her world or to figure out a way to be part of his.

Maura looked at the happy couple embracing under the articles title. She'd always read the various fluff articles with a jaded eye and a bit of good humor. It seemed a little silly to put any credence in what was written on the page, but this one seemed to sum up her struggle with the opening line, _"How to tell if a guy truly is Mr. Right—or just Mr. Right Now. Here are five tests your soulmate must pass."_

Number one was easy, friendship. Yes, she truly enjoyed being around Jack. He was engaging and entertaining. He was educated and able to discuss many of her interests with ease.

She read on and laughed when the article mentioned a good way to tell was to see if you could stand waiting in line at the DMV with your intended. She never been to the DMV with Jack, but Jane had taken her the last time her license expired and she had unexpectedly needed to travel to the UK over her birthday. Jane had picked her up at Logan and entertained her for almost two hours by making up a backstory for every person stuck waiting with them.

Next one made her pause for a moment. She and Jack hadn't discussed finances yet but, from his address combined with his job, she believed they wouldn't face too many disagreements. She made a mental note to pay better attention. At the very least he didn't tease her about her shoe collection, or comment on the amount of unworn clothing in her closet. But teasing aside she did admire Jane's determination to save towards a robust retirement.

The following question about kids made Maura pause. She wanted her options open, it wasn't an absolute yes or no for her. Jack already had Allie, and Allie was growing up to be a lovely young lady. Perhaps that would preclude him from wanting to start over with more children. Maura reached over and dipped a bit of summer squash into the olive oil and spices on her plate.

Nibbling at it she considered if she could give up any thoughts for children if Jack wished. Maura frowned, uncertain. At one point she might have been comfortable without ever having children, but then Jane had become pregnant and the thought of a baby in her life had become rather real.

She picked up her wine and sipped at the dry vintage. Just prior to miscarrying Jane had already told Casey that she planned on raising the baby by herself. That meant unless Casey settled down in Boston, Jane would have been a single parent. But Jane had asked for her help. Jane had asked her to be the guardian.

Jane's baby would have been close to having her own. It had been unexpected, but something that she had found herself eagerly anticipating.

Maura sighed heavily. Apparently children might be a topic she'd need to broach carefully with Jack, when the time was more appropriate for the stage of their relationship, and she knew what she wanted.

For a moment she wondered what it would have been like to have Jane's baby around. How it would have felt to hold that baby close and warm in her arms. Maura closed her eyes, coloring slightly when she couldn't help but imagine Jane leaning on her island, weary from being up all night. She could almost feel the weight of the infant.

Maura shook her head and pushed the daydream aside as she turned the page. Dreams were not reality and she needed to stop letting frivolous thoughts that were no longer possible cloud her thinking.

The chivalry test was easy. Jack was lovely about the little, romantic touches. He opened doors and surprised her with small, thoughtful gifts constantly. She noticed those little things and it was one of the first things she'd appreciated about Jack. It was an unconscious element that existed in her friendship with Jane that she knew she wanted replicated in a future spouse. Jane always seemed to open doors and make sure she was taken care of in little ways, like cutting her eggroll in half, or bringing the cannoli down to her first.

The final question made Maura freeze, half eaten baby carrot in hand. At first glance the mental exercise the magazine suggested was almost insipid. It was easy to understand that the magazine had meant to be romantic. Per the article, all she had to do was imagine if she and and her intended were on the Titanic as it sank and if that person would be willing to give her the last piece of wood to save her life from the churning ocean.

Maura swallowed sharply. Only one person instantly came to mind and they had already proven they'd give her that last piece of wood multiple times. First by shooting themselves on the BPD front steps to end a hostage standoff, then fighting and killing Hoyt. When she had been severely injured in the car crash she had been held close and guarded fiercely in the woods, her protector ready to take on the world to keep her safe. And she couldn't Dennis's grip, scared eyes trying to figure out how to pull her to safety.

Jane would die to protect her. It wasn't even a question.

She put down her magazine. Reading it was supposed to help her figure out her relationship with Jack. Not confuse her further. Maura rubbed her temple with one hand. She knew Jack was never going to be Jane. That was supposed to be one of his strong points.

She grabbed her wine glass and took a healthy swallow. Jack wasn't supposed to be competing with Jane. He was supposed to be the person who was there when Jane ran into a basement without backup or walked into a hostage situation. He was supposed to be there when Jane risked her life shooting herself, or tackled a 200 pound meth addict. He needed to be around when Jane decided to enter a collapsing building, or go in after a scared child in the crosshairs of a killer.

But more importantly, she needed Jack to be around for when a new Casey Jones walked into their world. The simple truth was, for all the life threatening things Jane did without thought to consequence, Jane finding someone new wasn't an experience she wanted to be alone for.

Picking at her dinner, Maura finally pushed the plate aside. She believed herself a pragmatic woman. Anything could happen that would swiftly change the life she had built for herself. There was a variety of looming possibilities that could alter her friendship with Jane.

Something like death forced the issue, but marriage and moving away? That was a choice. There was almost something worse about losing a person, bit by bit, even though they were still alive and breathing. She couldn't go through that again. She may not have been looking for a relationship when she bumped into Jack, but he happened, and he helped alleviate some of her concerns with her future.

Yet it wasn't working like she'd envisioned. Because Jack needed more than her leftover time and the other side of her bed, and that was becoming an unforeseen issue.

Maura swirled the wine around her glass and brought the glass to her lips, but before she could take a sip her doorbell rang.

She padded over to her door and looked out, eyes widening as she opened the door. "Jack, Allie, hello."

Jack held up a pizza. "Allie's team won and we thought we'd bring the celebration to you." He smiled and put his free hand on Allie's shoulder. "All her idea."

Maura stepped aside to let them pass, discreetly checking her clothing and she touched the end of her hair, grateful that she hadn't pulled it back yet. When she looked up she realized Jack was standing there.

He leaned over and kissed her lightly. "Don't worry, you look beautiful." He grabbed Allie's coat from her and slipped out of his.

Maura shut the door and accepted both coats, watching Jack laughing with Allie on the way through her living room to the kitchen. With their jackets stowed away she leaned against the closet door, smiling at the sight of father and daughter lightly shoving each other. She could picture more nights like this easily.

By the time she had made it over to them Jack had opened the pizza. "We didn't know what you liked so we figured plain cheese on half to be safe, and pepperoni on the other half. "

"That should be fine. I've already eaten a little though." Maura went to her coffee table and grabbed her glass of wine. The article mocked her from the coffee table. She brought the glass to her lips and finished it off.

She went into her kitchen and pulled down plates, handing them to Jack. "Allie, I'm afraid I can only offer you soy milk, unsweetened cranberry juice, and water."

"Flavored soy milk?" Allie opened the pizza box and the smell of warm cheese hit the air.

"Yes, vanilla, okay?" At Allie's nod Maura poured a glass and, while putting the carton away, considered the contents of her fridge. "Jack, I have beer and some pinot noir."

He walked over to her side and shook his head. "Is it Jane's Blue Moon? I'm not a fan of her taste in beer, but I am a fan of your taste in wine. I'll leave the beer for her and bring some of my brand over next time I'm here."

Maura shut the door firmly and pulled a new wine glass down. "I happen to enjoy Blue Moon myself." She poured Jack a glass and handed it to him. She met his eyes directly. "There are certain tastes I never expected to love that have become a staple in my life."

He backed up. Maura could tell he at least understood he had stepped too far this time. Jack nodded slightly before sitting down beside Allie. Maura refilled her own glass to the top before joining them.

Considering her earlier deliberation, it felt peculiar to sit there and watch Jack eating a slice of pepperoni pizza next to Allie. Maura dabbed at the grease from the cheese and, unable to shake the dichotomy from her intended night of introspection, chose to sit on Allie's other side.

Jack finished chewing and reached behind Allie to touch her shoulder. "So Allie had something she wanted to ask you."

Maura turned to the girl and matched her smile. "I'm listening."

Chewing quickly, Allie swallowed and started swinging a leg. "Dad and I were hoping you'd come to Christmas dinner at Nana and Pops this year." Excited, she leaned forward and grabbed another slice of pizza and Maura leaned back slightly as the slice dripped across her counter. "It's going to be great! Even my cousins from Florida are going to be there!" The swinging leg drummed against the wood of the island. "So will you come? Please?"

Maura had to stop herself from shaking her head no. Allie's eager eyes were looking at her hopefully. Maura picked up her wine glass and drank deeply. The girl's smile faltered and her eyes darted to her father. Maura pressed her lips together and knew it was taking her too long to answer.

Maura looked over Allie's head at Jack and cleared her throat slightly. "I'll see what I can do Allie, but I usually host Christmas dinner here. A number of people are coming here for Christmas."

Jack was grabbing another slice and raised an eyebrow. "Well you mentioned Angela hosts dinner when you invited me, but I thought that meant that you weren't running it. It gets confusing with Angela living here." He took a bite and chewed, swallowing before continuing. "How about we try to split the day? You said 3 o'clock here right? We can go down to my parents for noon and then if we leave their house by 3 you'll be back here by 4:30, at the latest. At worst that means we're here by dessert."

He clamped a hand on his daughter's shoulder before continuing. "How about you think about it, Maura? I didn't realize it was going to be awkward when I asked Allie what she would think about having you come along, but we'd truly love to have you."

Allie smiled uncertainly at her and Maura bit back a sigh. She thought about how Jane would handle this and relaxed. First order would be to put Allie at ease and second would be handling Jack. "I'll see what I can do." Allie's smile steadied and got a little wider. "But I can't promise." Maura held out her hand. "Deal?"

They shook hands firmly and Allie's smile was back in full force. Maura finally took a bite of pizza. "Tell me about your game?"

Father and daughter gave her a play by play and Maura was grateful for all the times Jane made her watch the Celtics as she followed along. At the end Allie looked towards the back hallway. "Would you mind if I go see Bass? He's so cool."

Maura nodded. "Let me get his dinner and you can feed him." She picked up their plates and dropped them off on the way to her fridge. She pulled out small bowl and reached into the drawer to pull out Bass' supplements before sending the girl on her way.

She shut the drawer and turned to face Jack, leaning against her counter. "I clearly remember discussing Christmas with you." Maura folded her arms across her chest. "You have to realize that it is unlikely that I'm going to be able to go to your parents. This is my home and the people coming on Christmas are _my_ family."

Jack ran a hand through his hair and stood up. "It was an honest mistake. When you said Angela was hosting I took that to mean that because she lives here, she was using your house. Like the other night."

Maura glanced to the hallway where Allie had disappeared. "I wish you hadn't brought your daughter into it."

Breaking down the empty pizza box, Jack sighed. "I didn't want to ask you without making sure she was okay with it." He stuffed the box into her trash. "She wasn't just okay with it, she was happy." He approached Maura. "She really likes you." He reached out and ran a hand down Maura's arm. "So does her father. I guess we both want to have you meet our family."

Maura could see the warmth in his eyes and she slowly dropped her arms. He toyed with the ends of her hair. He took another step towards her and she rested her hands on his hips. The article from earlier scrolled through her head. She picked the one bit of truth she had to offer. "I need time to think."

"Deal." He reached down and kissed her slowly, thoroughly. As his lips moved over hers, Maura tried to analyze what she was feeling. As they broke apart his hand came up to stroke her cheek. "Come home with me tonight? I have Allie or I'd be begging to stay."

"What about Allie?" Maura let him kiss her again but leaned back when he went to deepen it.

Jack dropped a final kiss near her ear. "You were going to stay over the other night. Allie, I think, would be fine with you coming back with us. She likes you. " His hand stroked down her side. "She even wants you with us at Christmas. So what do you say? We could all watch a movie together."

The mention of the domestic scene was like ice water running over her skin. Maura felt herself stiffen slightly and forced herself to relax. Intimacy, physical or otherwise, was not something she felt capable of at the moment. She reached up and kissed his cheek. "I appreciate the offer, but not tonight. I have hours of reading to catch up on for work."

"Too bad." He seemed to buy the excuse and Maura was thankful he didn't press. That was as close to lying as she was going to be able to get. He kissed her neck under her ear and she brought her hands up to grab his forearms.

He pulled away and she could see he was confused as she backed up a little. His eyes roamed over her face. "Are you sure I can't change your mind?"

Maura squeezed his arms lightly before stepping to the side. "Not tonight."

He nodded before calling out, "Allie!" She appeared in the doorway. "Say goodnight to Maura sweetie, we have to get you home and into bed."

Maura followed him to the coat closet and then to the door. She was surprised when Allie gave her a hug goodbye, and when Jack went to kiss her she carefully offered him her cheek. She watched them back out of the driveway and waved when they reached the end.

Shutting the door, she leaned against it. Maura looked at her coffee table where her magazine was still open.

She was rather positive she should go meet Jack's family and spend part of the holiday with them if she was serious about Jack. Angela wouldn't have an issue with handling dinner on her own and would probably encourage her to go. She'd probably even insist on baking something for Maura to take with her.

But the Rizzolis were her family. Jane was her family. Maura knew without question she wasn't going to leave Jane on Christmas.

As Maura stared at the magazine, she was rather certain she even understood why.

And _that_ was the problem.

* * *

><p>AN

Many many thanks to siDEADde and charlietheCAG for ringing in the New Year with me smoothing this out for the what? 4th/5th time? I lost track. It's been a long 4 or so days tweaking it.

To all:

Happy New Year all – It's been very interesting to see the various interpretations. I feel everyone's pain and it means I am NOT drunk enough to post this chapter. I'm going to fix this oversight the minute I press post.

So…I'm going to go hide in the closet now even though the wife says we don't do that in this family. BUT as I curl under the extra blankets drinking large amounts of bubbling wine, I promise that we're well on our way to being able to stand together and sing "Hit the road Jack…And don't cha come back no more… no more…"

I'm also behind on getting it to dump stage and I'm sorry… Won't change the post schedule but sigh… first apology of 2015.

PS… article mentioned is real… It was hysterical how easy it was to use… ahhh TNT.


	20. Chapter 20

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>The familiar knocking was incessant. Blinking, Jane realized the sun was streaming brightly through her living room windows. She pushed her hair out of her face and called out. "Gimme a sec."<p>

She rolled onto her side and looked at the neatly arranged beer bottles with a sigh. Another night of falling asleep on the couch. It was becoming a strange new habit to toss on whatever Christmas movie was playing and nod off after a couple of beers.

She rubbed at her eyes. It was more than a little embarrassing. Not that there was anybody there to see it.

Jane grabbed her remote from the floor and turned off the TV just as some schmuck in a Christmas sweater kissed the movie's heroine under the mistletoe. She forced herself to sit up. It only made it worse that all the cheesy movies ended the same. It was stupid and entirely unrealistic. Hollywood needed to come up with something new.

Or she needed to get a life.

Frowning, Jane looked at the coffee table and then the end table, not seeing her phone. She stretched and winced at the tightness in her shoulders and lower back. Her couch sucked.

Squinting, she looked at the clock on her cable box and instantly felt herself wake up. "Shit!" Springing to her feet Jane jogged to the door, prying it open.

Maura eyed her up and down. "You are not ready for work."

"Observant Doctor." Jane stepped aside so Maura could enter. "I must have left my phone in my bedroom or something. Missed my alarm because I fell asleep on the couch."

"That is a terrible habit you know. Your couch does not provide the optimum support for a good night's rest." Maura wandered over to the couch in question and sat down, glancing around the room. "It looks like you put most of your decorations out."

"Yes I did, and no touching while I'm in the shower. I like how it came out this year." Jane met Maura's eyes and hesitated at the smooth expression. It was Maura's 'nobody can hurt me, I'm made of stone' look. She forced herself to stand her ground. "What are you doing here, exactly?"

Maura clasped her hands together in her lap, sitting upright on the edge of her couch cushion at the accusatory tone. "Frankie called looking for you because you weren't answering your phone. He thought you were with me."

"Well, I think we both know that's not the case lately." The words came out much more bitter than she intended. Jane shut the door, almost dreading turning around, but instead of the confusion she expected to see, Maura had her head tilted slightly.

Jane grabbed her forearm across her body and squeezed it protectively against her as Maura continued to study her.

Hazel eyes were sharp and the words definitive. There was a formal edge to the tone that grated on Jane's nerves. "I do believe that is a fact. We were not together last night, but Frankie was making an educated guess at your possible location based on our history. I don't understand why you would have an issue with it."

Folding her arms over her chest Jane raised an eyebrow. "Well he needs to study up so he gets it right next time. Things have changed."

Maura was shifting her finger back and forth rapidly over her ring. She took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. "Change is inevitable." She refused to back away from Jane's steady stare.

Jane stalked towards the hall leading towards her bathroom intending to ignore the comment. At the entryway she stopped and turned around partway. "No. I don't accept that. It may be inevitable but it doesn't mean I have to like it."

Maura stopped playing with her ring. She sucked in air and let it out in a huff. "Not many people do. I certainly struggle with it, and if I truly don't like something I do my best to change it. Like with you and I. I keep trying to figure out what is going on with you lately. It would help if you'd talk to me. I keep trying to fix it and it's not working."

Jane threw her arms out, exasperated. "Well stop. Sometimes you can't fix something! Sometimes trying to fix it makes it a hell of a lot worse. _Sometimes_ the change that happens is large enough that there is no going back from it." The pressure in her chest swelled suddenly.

Maura gripped her knees. "You're avoiding me and I think this has to be about Jack."

When Maura didn't say anything else the pressure in her chest burst and her throat became thick. Jane couldn't find a way to say what exactly it was that Jack had changed. She desperately needed Maura to ask first. To figure it out. "Damn it! Not everything is about him."

Maura looked startled and Jane didn't care. "Here's a couple of examples. I can't go back and tell Frost to drive home a different way! I can't go back in time and know that I would end up miscarrying the baby by going in to save Tasha!"

Her breathing was harsh and rough. Jane almost hated the way Maura looked sitting on her couch, present but untouchable. She hated how far away they felt. "Things happen because you do your best with what you know at the time but then you're stuck with the outcome regardless."

Maura stood up and stalked over to her. Jane refolded her arms over her chest. Maura's eyes flicked down to arms and back to her eyes and she took a step closer, forcing Jane to lean back so she could stare down at her.

Maura's voice was serious and quiet. "Would you have made a different decision about going in to save Tasha if you knew the outcome?"

"I don't know! She was in there by herself!" Jane hated the way her voice sounded strangled and high pitched. She wanted to move away but the wall was right behind her. "What am I supposed to say now? It's an impossible choice, she was a kid!"

Maura nodded and rested a hand on top of Jane's folded arms. "You did the best that you could at the time. That is all that any of us can do. That was all I meant earlier. We're only human."

Jane had to look away. "I'd like to think I'm better than that. More than that."

Stroking her thumb back and forth on Jane's arm, Maura sighed. "You are always more. At least to me." She sucked at her bottom lip for a moment. "But you can't run away from the fact that something happened. I know I made that mistake with Casey. Maybe if I had said something sooner you would never have faced losing the baby. Life doesn't stop while you try to figure things out."

The sadness in Maura's voice made Jane look back at her and meet her eyes. For a moment Jane was acutely aware of them breathing in unison. Countless words and phrases pushed against her chest and jumbled in her head. It was hard to let one of them through, her voice tight and small. "I didn't mean to hurt the baby."

Maura's arms went around her instantly, pulling her down and Jane melted into the embrace. Maura squeezed her tightly and Jane felt a kiss pressed into her hair. Warm, tender words washed against her ear. "Of course you didn't. I never thought that you did."

"But I made the choice to run into that building." The warmth and familiar scent of Maura was intoxicating and Jane leaned her head on Maura's shoulder. "I lost the baby."

"You saved Tasha." Maura took in a deep breath and let it out and Jane felt the stiffness in Maura's body relax. "You made a decision based on the facts you had at the time. A decision that came naturally to who Jane Rizzoli is. That is an irrefutable fact that I understand. I would never blame you for that."

It was too comfortable in Maura's embrace and Jane pulled away, straightening up."You and your facts."

"Yes, me and my facts." Maura stepped back and pointed to Jane's sweat pants. "It is also a fact that you are still not ready to leave and we are already going to be late."

Jane looked down at herself. "I don't know. I think we should all try Casual Fridays at BPD. I could be a trendsetter."

Maura smiled softly. "Well as lovely as that look is I don't think you'll want to be dressed like that if you're going along with Raphael's team to search Alverez's sister's home."

Jane started slightly. "Wait, what?"

Maura's smile grew wider. "This was what I came to tell you. Frankie is securing a warrant to search Alverez's sister's apartment in Jamaica Plain and you're supposed to be headed over there as soon as it's signed. Raphael offered to have his team go along as backup since they're familiar with the neighborhood and Alvarez. "

"No shit?" Jane felt slightly better. "Cannoli and now cooperation? Martinez must be worried he's on Santa's naughty list."

She ran a hand through her hair, fingers catching on the tangles. "I wonder how Frankie managed that one. The sister hasn't been tied to anything by us. I know Vice has her in their sights, but nothing concrete. We wanted to put her under electronic surveillance, but we couldn't touch her. Nina couldn't find anything to try for a warrant, and even with Martinez's people asking around with regular unmarked sweeps of the neighborhood we found nothing that could get us in the door. No sign of Alverez at all for weeks, nothing."

Maura face lit up and Jane instantly recognized the look. "Okay, so that is totally the 'I got a secret look.' Spill it, Isles."

Maura's cheeks flushed and the words came out in a rush. "All the Febreze canisters were the same scent. When the research report came back on the air freshener it indicated the fragrance was a special run that was discontinued two years ago."

Maura started smoothing her hands along her suit coat. "When I was reviewing the lab findings before I signed off on the reports, I noticed that there were several fingerprints on the canister that were unidentified, which considering it's a common commodity was alone was not unusual, but the length of time since the scent was manufactured made me think we should look into it."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "Why do I feel like there is more?" She realized Maura's eyes were traveling up and down her body and Jane pulled self consciously at her tshirt.

Maura seemed to notice her fidgeting and met her eyes steadily. "I thought possibly we'd find additional DNA on the underside of the tape."

Jane let go of her shirt. "Sometimes it scares me what you can do."

"As it should." There was something about the tone of Maura's voice and her expression that made Jane twitch, but it was gone too quickly to figure out what it was.

Maura's tongue darted out to wet her lips. "I didn't want to get your hopes up yesterday and initially I was correct in my assessment. There wasn't anything useable that was transferred by touch to the tape."

Jane pulled her eyes off Maura's mouth, backed up a step and felt the wall at her back. "But? I'm assuming there's a 'but' in there."

Maura raised her eyebrows. "You are always in such a rush." She ignored Jane's snort. "_But_, in the process of removing all the tape, there was a single long hair caught on the adhesive. The rootball was intact and it was a familial match, likely a sibling."

Jane let out a low whistle. "Alvarez only had one sibling." She leaned against the wall. "Nice Maura, judges have hard time denying a warrant when there's DNA evidence."

This time when their eyes met, Jane let herself openly admire the happy confidence in Maura's expression.

Maura looked away first, blushing. "Well you know as well as I do that it's easy to get the warrant, but that DNA in this situation can be explained away by the defense."

"Guess I'll have to do my job then. Put it all together." Jane took a few deep breaths, held her hands at her sides, resisting the urge to reach out and make Maura look at her again.

Maura's eyes seemed to settle on the mantle with the missing angel. "You had better get ready quickly then and call your brother before Vince tries to go in your place." She stared at the empty spot. "Though I'm sure Raphael can handle it without you, if you'd like to go to breakfast instead?"

Jane laughed as she made her way into her bathroom, voice picking up volume as she walked away. "Oh please, Martinez will probably get the address wrong." She grabbed a towel, feeling better than she had in a week. She owed Maura one for this.

Before closing the door Jane leaned out and yelled into her living room. "If you want to start fixing any of that Christmas shit, have at it. We both know I just pulled it out of the box and stuck it wherever it would fit."

Maura's voice floated back to her. "Where is that singing polar bear Frost gave you as a gag gift?"

Jane walked back out. "It's possessed. Or glitchy. I left it in the box under the desk, why?"

Pulling the bear out Maura placed him in the angel's empty spot. "I figure he's the perfect thing to keep this spot occupied for now."

Maura hit the play button on his hat and Jane turned around, leaving, as the spooky mechanical voice filled the air.

"Have a holly, jolly Christmas. It's the best time of the year. I don't know if there'll be snow…"

The music chased her into the bathroom until Jane shut the door and turned the shower on. The rushing water should have drowned out the music, but she heard it clearly through the walls.

"Oh ho the mistletoe, hung where you can see…"

Jane got into the shower and rested her forehead against the wall, muttering "Fuck it" as she sang along. "Somebody waits for you; Kiss her once for me."

* * *

><p>AN

Many many thanks to siDEADde and charlietheCAG for jumping on this and getting it done. And the I "tweaked it" and so they re-did it. Because it's always so much fun for people to REDO work. I'm going to need to give them cupcakes after this.

To all:

Now I know I said I was going to go hide in the closet and drink myself silly last night but that was _ME_… FFnet was **NOT** supposed to join the party.

I mean that is the only reason I can come up with the glitches with chapter 19. Either that or 2015 wanted to let me know it has ARRIVED. Which is great… fabulous… (insert sarcastic witty phrase of choice) that's exactly what we all need, right? A diva of a year.

Here's to hoping FFnet is sober tonight ;)


	21. Chapter 21

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Maura pushed through the bullpen door and carefully scanned the room. Jane still wasn't back from the search at Alvarez's sister's home. She'd hoped. She had checked for texts throughout the day, but her phone never flashed with Jane's name. She was trying not to worry.<p>

Walking to the corner, Maura looked in the computer lab, but she didn't see Jane or Frankie with any of the techs.

She exchanged brief pleasantries with some of the detectives on her way back, aware of their eyes on her ass and legs as a perfunctory event. She had changed for the holiday party before coming upstairs and the red skirt was designed for attention.

Crowe gave a low whistle as she passed and she turned to give him a cold stare. It was one she'd perfected over the years and his ears instantly colored. For a moment she missed Jane's presence, knowing her stare would have been backed up with a precise arrangement of words guaranteed to make Crowe's face mottle in a most spectacular fashion.

Once she was at Frost's desk she glanced furtively about, but it didn't appear that anybody else was watching her. From her blazer pocket she pulled the tiny Santa hat out and placed it on the Chogokin figure's head. With her pinky she arranged the little white ball hanging down at the end of the hat over the toy's shoulder.

"Ahhh, Dr. Isles, I should have guessed."

Feeling her cheeks warm, Maura looked up and met Korsak's smile with one of her own.

He gave her a wink and walked over. "It's been the talk of the bullpen, everyone wondering who the secret Chogokin Santa was. My bet was on Frankie, but you actually make the most sense." He tapped the little hat. "It's been the perfect touch this first Christmas."

"I thought it would be nice to have something cheerful here." Maura glanced up and found herself comforted by Korsak's kind eyes. "I have been worried about Jane lately. I thought she'd smile more if I added a little holiday cheer every time she looked over."

"Hmmm…" Korsak went over to his own desk and started pulling open drawers. "In that case." He held up a candy cane. He brought it over and put it in Chogokin's other hand, struggling to get the striped candy to stay upright. "I've been hiding this from Jane for the past few days."

He fussed with the toy's arm, until the candy was finally upright."I don't know if Jane mentioned it, but last Christmas, Frost ran a prank on her for weeks. Every year Jane gets this candy cane taped on a Christmas card from a family she closed a cold case on, years ago. One of her first solveds if I remember right. "

Korsak grimaced and shook his head "Ugly case, too. Involved a murdered little boy that happened two days before Christmas back in '02." He stared at the toy with its candy cane. "And every year Jane pulls off the candy cane and leaves it on her desk." He met Maura's eyes. "You know how she can get. So she'd stare at the candy cane, pick it up, play with it and start brooding until she'd go work on a new cold case. Eventually the candy cane would disappear. End of story until next year."

"Type of stuff nobody talks about around here. We all got our things." Korsak fixed the figure's hand so it was angled out towards Jane's desk. "Anyhow we both know Jane's not the most organized person in the room."

Maura chuckled. "That's not fair, she's gotten much better. I no longer have to worry about potato chip crumbs all over my couch."

Korsak gave her a knowing look. "Anyhow, I think he caught her sitting there looking a little lost, holding the candy cane, one too many times. So last year Frost started hiding it all over her desk. Jane would go nuts looking for it. It took her over a week to realize she was being pranked. She was pissed at first, I actually thought she was going to slug him, but then she started laughing."

He rested a hip up on the edge of Frost's desk. "That's what made them a good team. Really good. He got Jane and better yet, he let her be Jane. But he also had a way of making her lighten up when she was a bit too… Jane." He paused and stared at Chogokin for a moment. "Only person better at it than Frost was, is you."

"No, I'm not." Maura felt her cheeks flush, embarrassed by the admission and she stared at her hands. She hadn't meant to respond like that but now that she had, she swallowed and continued. "Not lately. I'm always hurting her, no matter how hard I try not to."

"I don't think that's the truth, Doc." Korsak glanced around but everyone was busy. "You're not hurting Jane."

"Yes, I am." Maura lowered her voice as her eyes filled and she had to swallow around the lump in her throat. "I don't know what to do about it. I keep trying to figure out what is bothering her But when I try to fix what I think is wrong, it makes it worse. This is why I don't guess."

"Ahhh well, might be you can't fix it. Maybe you have to wait it out a bit. Let things settle." Korsak stood and pulled his pant legs up a bit so he could sit down on Frost's chair. "You and Jane have one of the closest friendships I've ever seen. Can't really call it a friendship. You two are family. I've seen you at Angela's Sunday dinners. You two have a certain way of being together."

Korsak smiled at her when she looked up at those words. "Like it goes without saying who is going to wash the dishes and who is going to dry them. That means when something gets off track it hits you a little harder."

Maura pressed her lips together, picturing them at the sink the other night. She sighed. "I know. Jane's the only person I've ever had that with and I love it. I don't want it to be off track. I certainly don't want it to change."

Korsak braced his hands on his knees and leaned towards her. "That's not realistic. But I know you Doc. I bet you understand that. As far as things never changing, the way I see it, that's a choice nobody can make but you."

"I don't know if I have a choice!" Maura looked at him, willing him to understand. "Until last weekend, I thought I knew exactly what my options were, and I was okay with them."

She twisted her ring around her finger. Korsak was looking at her patiently, kindly. She gulped in air and let it out. She needed help. "After Casey, I thought I knew what Jane needed in life. No matter what he put her through, she wanted him. When she kept pushing me to give Jack a chance, I thought I truly understood. But now everything Jane is saying doesn't match up with her behavior. I'm lost."

Maura dropped her hands to her side and looked at Korsak. "Any decision I make has the potential to hurt somebody, myself included. It's all based on impressions and that's no way to draw a conclusion. My experience with human relationships shows I should never go with my assumptions."

Tentatively she reached out to briefly touch Korsak's sleeve. "Vince, do you know what is going on with Jane?"

They were both staring at Chogokin, the silver ball on one hand, a candy cane in the other, with a wreath around his neck and the Santa hat flopping over his shoulder.

"You know Doc, lemme tell you something." Korask gave a big sigh. "I was hurt, and frankly, offended when Jane replaced me." He reached up and scratched the side of his neck. "But I also hadn't been the easiest person to have as a partner either. I'd done my time, put in my years, and I was annoyed as hell they paired me up with this… green-bean, wannabe detective with a chip on her shoulder."

He drummed his fingers against the desktop. "So maybe I wasn't as easy to get along with as I could have been. And maybe I didn't listen as closely as I should of. If I had, it might have stopped her from going into that basement after Hoyt."

Maura watched Korsak look across the room and out the window. His voice was serious. "That will always be my burden to carry. And I am sorry for it. More than you'll ever realize. But it wasn't until she put in for a new partner and I saw her with Frost that I realized how much being her partner had changed me for the better."

He paused for a moment before glancing at her. "Being partnered with Jane forced me to change or get left behind. It gave me new drive to run down leads. Forced me to use a different perspective to look at evidence just to keep up with her. Stuff like that made me better and I took it for granted until I was back on my own."

Korsak looked at her steadily. Met her eyes squarely before continuing. "That's when I truly knew I had lost out on something special. I don't think Jane knows to this day that I was actually pretty impressed with her by that point."

He reached out and tapped the candy cane, catching it before it fell. "But she was good with Frost, it healed something for her and he was a good addition. Made us all use technology as a part of the process, instead of a last resort."

Raising an eyebrow he smiled at her as he slipped the candy back into place. "Frost even managed to get me texting." They laughed. "So it worked out okay. I got used to it and eventually everything sorted out. Gave me the chops to put in for Sargent."

When the candy cane rolled out of Chogokin's hand again, Korsak pried open Frost's desk and pulled out some tape. "But I wonder what would have happened if I spoke up earlier. Maybe Jane and I would have stuck together and I'd still be sitting at the desk across from hers."

Korsak carefully applied the tape, making sure the candy cane was secure. "Sometimes I think that's the problem with all of us up here. We're great at reacting. It's almost a job requirement. Give us a suspect to chase with guns drawn and we'll do it. Ask us to protect a witness and we're there, no questions asked. If you analyze too much you can get scared. Lose your nerve."

He fixed the toy so that it faced Jane's desk. "But like that candy cane on Jane's desk, we know stuff runs under the surface. It's there but we don't ask, we do. I don't even know what it was about that case or that candy cane that got to her. Frost didn't either. He shook her out of her mood, but didn't ask."

Korsak reached out along the desk towards Maura, stopping just short of touching her hand. "I'm sure my ex-wives can tell you it makes us hell to live with."

Maura met his eyes and could see a bit of purpose and something almost sad in his features. His voice lowered a little. "And sometimes being all "go", instead of stopping to think about what drives you to do something, means missing something vital that is happening as a result. Then when you figure it out like I did, you realize it's too late."

He gave a small shrug. "But that's just my story. Not sure it helps."

Maura flicked her eyes over the desk before landing on Jane's empty chair. Korsak sat there and didn't say anything else as she stood there fiddling with her ring. She turned to look at him. "Vince…" She tried to figure out what to say as she crossed her arms over her chest, rubbing her biceps briskly. "I…" He was looking at her patiently. Her voice was soft. "Thank you."

He gave her a half nod. "Now, it would seem that half this building has already left for the party. Can I interest you in my escort services or have you invited someone? Angela is meeting me downstairs as my guest, and walking in with two lovely women would make my night."

She gave a last look at Jane's empty chair. "No, I had invited Jack but decided to attend alone tonight if Jane wasn't able to go. I actually came up here looking for her. She hasn't checked in at all and I was worried."

Korsak pulled his phone out of his pocket and pulled up his texts. "Well I'm her boss, so she has to check in with me." He typed a few lines and waited. The screen buzzed a moment later and Korsak gave a low whistle before reading it out loud. _"It's good. Lucky Martinez was here. Christmas for Vice came early. At least 80 grams. Sister is high as a kite, got to leave her in holding. Wait til I see you at the party."_

"So it looks like she's okay." He held out his arm. "Maura, can I interest you in the fine BPD holiday party at the very swank VFW hall? You'll be walking in with the Guest of Honor."

Maura ripped her eyes off Jane's desk. Tried to put on a convincing smile. "I have to run down to gather my things, but I'd like that. I can drive if you wish?"

Korsak shook his head. "We can drive over separately and I'll meet you in the lot behind the VFW. I have to freshen up before we go. Angela is actually here with my suit."

She tilted her head and looked at what he was wearing. It appeared to be sufficient. Finally she nodded. "I'll see you there."

* * *

><p>AN

Many many thanks to siDEADde and charlietheCAG for handling this while I was off in la-la land for most of the day. Or what I call writing. Which has to qualify as some sort of alternate universe. Charlie has also given me strict orders to tell the readers to absolve the betas of any sins for this chapter.

It's always, always good to keep the betas happy.

Always.

To all:

Now I come from a long line of accomplished cooks on both sides of the family. This means I'm great at eating, can occasionally cook….

And despite what they say, I can verify that a watched pot does boil ;)


	22. Chapter 22

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Maura answered Jack's call with the automatic text option and tucked her phone into her suit coat pocket, as Korsak's SUV drove into the lot. She got out of her car and pulled her coat tightly closed, admiring the crimson red of the December sunset against the city skyline.<p>

The minute Korsak got out of his car, Maura started smiling. When he wedged the Santa hat on his head she was trying not to laugh. By the time Angela got out of the passenger side dressed head to foot as Ms. Claus, she didn't think she was going to be able to stop.

He walked over to her, adjusting his bright red coat and pulling his white beard into place. "I look good, don't I?"

Maura lightly gasped for air, nodding, as her laughter started to trail off. "You do. You look fantastic." She turned to Angela. "You both do."

"See, it was the right choice to come with me. I told you I was the guest of honor." Korsak went to step forward and then stopped. "Almost forgot." He returned to his car and opened the back, pulling out a red bag.

Angela nudged Maura lightly with an elbow, talking low and out of the side of her mouth. "Don't tell my daughter, but I think I'm developing a little bit of a Santa fetish. Vince wears that suit well."

Maura looked quickly between Korsak and Angela and realized Angela was being serious. "Red is complimentary to his complexion."

Angela snorted. "I'm not interested in his color palette."

He held up the bag. "Chocolate Santas and…" he held up Chogokin. "Officer Chogokin looked lonely sitting back at the office, all dressed up with no place to go." He offered both arms. "Ladies, shall we?"

After checking in their coats Vince led the way to a pair of double doors. He straightened his hat and checked his beard. "Brace yourselves."

The function space was chaotic. Maura came to a sudden halt when childish shrieks broke out in the room the minute the kids spotted Santa. Vince gave her a wink and handed her Chogokin. "Find a spot for him where he can be part of the action. I have work to do here."

With the toy clutched in her hand, she froze for a moment. Korsak was walking away with Angela, children following him towards a giant fake tree in the corner with red and silver bulbs on it. People were spread out haphazardly, clumping in groups. There were round tables with paper table cloths set up everywhere with scraggly poinsettias in the middle. The walls were littered with paper reindeer,menorahs, and snowflakes.

A toddler started wailing, terrified, as Korsak gave a deep 'ho-ho-ho'. Maura took a step back.

"Dr. Isles! Maura!" Gratefully, she looked up at her name and spotted Nina waving at her. "Over here."

Maura exhaled sharply as she spotted two of her lab techs sitting with Nina and her fellow analysts. As she walked up to the table with a small wave, Nina moved her chair over so she could sit down. Nina looked at the action figure in her hands. "Chogokin is dressed for the occasion."

"Vince meant well, but I need to find a safe spot to place him for the evening. Jane won't take it well if something happens to him. " Maura glanced around trying to find the perfect place.

Nina stood up and helped her search. Finally she pointed towards the bar at the back of the room. "That shelf with all the trophies, by the bar register, would work if we had a step stool. It's out of the way." Nina craned her neck around. "In fact, I can do you one better. Come with me. That new rookie, Ben Wizboski, is standing in the bar line. He makes even Jane look short."

As they got closer, Maura had to agree with Nina's assessment. Officer Wizboski was surprisingly tall. She had to tilt her head up to meet his gaze as Nina made the request.

He took the figure and shook his head. "I haven't seen one of these since I was a kid. My big brother had one and I wasn't allowed to touch it. I was such a klutz growing up that he was scared I'd break it."

Alarmed, Maura reached out and put her fingers on the toy. "If you'd rather not have to put him up, I can manage."

He smiled at her and stood up on his tiptoes, reaching up until he pushed Chogokin in place. "All set and I have a finishing touch." He dug around in his pant pocket and pulled out a plastic piece of mistletoe on a string. He wedged the thread under the plastic foot of the figure. "Mission accomplished."

Pleased he stood back and admired the toy. "Could I offer either of you ladies a drink?"

Nina shook her head. "No, thank you, I have one back at our table. Dr. Isles?"

Shaking her head, Maura looked around the room. "I think I'll have something to eat first. Thank you Officer."

Walking back to their table, Nina leaned in to ask. "What was the deal with the plastic mistletoe?"

"Incoming rookies hide it around the room." Maura sighed. "Ritual holdover from days better left to a different period of our history. But I have learned to accept that certain social practices in the BPD are based in tradition I may not agree to." When Nina looked skeptical she tried to reassure her. "HR has made it clear it is only intended for the spouses and significant others in attendance so please don't worry. "

Nina rolled her eyes. "You forget that I was in uniform. I'm sure there are lots of things written by HR that aren't worth the paper it's printed on."

Maura went to reply when suddenly people started clapping. She turned around and stared.

It was Jane. Sauntering in, owning each step, with her brother on one side of her and Martinez on the other. Her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail and her bulletproof vest was over her red shirt. Four other members of Vice trailed behind them.

Maura watched from the outskirts as people circled the group, congratulating them. Jane was turning around, shoulders back, laughing with her coworkers. She punched Jimmy Brown back on his arm before shaking hands with Ron McCarthy.

Maura couldn't take her eyes off her as Korsak tossed Jane a chocolate Santa with Angela shaking her head slowly in the background. While she watched, Jane leaned down to let McCarthy's daughter give her a high five and offered her the chocolate.

As Jane straightened up she started to turn slowly, intently scanning the room and Maura swallowed hard. Jane turned and their eyes met. It was dark, bold and daring the way Jane's eyes roamed over her. Maura couldn't look away as Jane strolled over.

Jane stopped just out of reach. Maura's heart was thudding against her ribcage. The truth from last night rotated through her thoughts. The anger from this morning still quivered in her chest.

Anxiety from Jane being out in the field and out of reach coiled through her body.

Korsak's words echoed in her head, fusing with Jane's innate bravado, playing havoc with her senses.

Her fingers twitched at her side, ready for contact.

Jane's eyes darkened and dropped to her lips for a moment, before falling down to her skirt, pausing for a moment before brazenly meeting Maura's gaze. Her voice was low and intimate. "We coordinate."

Maura unconsciously rubbed her lips together. "Well, technically. I thought red was appropriate for the party. It's why I suggested that shirt this morning. It's festive."

Jane quirked an eyebrow. "Right. Festive."

Maura took a deep breath and ripped her eyes away. Her gaze retreated to the safety of Jane's bullet proof vest. She touched the hanging Velcro straps. "You wore this closed, yes?"

"It was actually a very straightforward search. Alvarez wasn't even there, but I didn't expect he would be. No way he's that stupid." Jane stepped back, pulling the vest over her head to toss it onto a table. "But I wore it in here as proof it was on. I know better when I'm walking in here to face you and Ms. Claus over there." She glanced over at her mother and Korsak. "Good ol' Santa too."

"You suffer so, with too many people caring about your safety." Maura stepped forward, reaching up to fix Jane's shirt collar and as she finished flipping it back into place she looked up into Jane's eyes, forcing herself to drop her hand. "Your collar was up."

Without breaking eye contact, Jane tilted her head towards the bar. "Can I buy you a drink?"

It was easier to nod, to keep her mouth closed and follow Jane over to the bar. The unmistakable curling in her stomach made her press an arm across her body. Maura didn't try to rationalize the phenomenon. It was a fact that Jane was attractive, and when Jane was in this sort of overconfident, smug, swaggering frame of mind… Maura shivered. She was only human.

Martinez was at the register when they joined the back of the crowd at the bar. He spotted them and held up his beer and gestured for them to move up. He pointed at the officers behind him. "Let my girl Rizzoli through!"

"Fuck you Martinez. Only girl in this room is you." Jane moved through the crowd with Maura at her back. "I mean, aren't you Vice? I didn't see you finding 83 fucking grams of blow today." Jane pushed up to the bar and turned to Maura. "What's your poison tonight?"

Martinez threw his head back and laughed. "Like old times, Rizzoli." He raised his glass and sipped his drink. "God damn fine work. I forgot how good you are."

Maura frowned at the way Martinez was leaning on the bar, looking at Jane. She ripped her eyes off of them long enough to see they were serving Kendall Jackson as the wine options. She looked back and Martinez was sipping a fingers worth of dark liquid out of a highball tumbler. She edged her way between them to review the bar offerings. "Johnnie Walker, Black Label. On the rocks."

"MDG and Johnnie Walker…" Jane paused mid-order to look at her for a second. "Not messing around tonight, are you?" She finished ordering and looked back at Martinez. "Well, selective memory was always your trouble."

Maura startled when Jane's arm came around her shoulders and stared up, watching Jane meet Martinez's cocky grin with one of her own. "Person you should be thanking is Maura. If she hadn't found that hair, we never would have been able to get in the front door."

Martinez's eyes flickered over her, lingering on Jane's arm around her shoulders. "Jane's right. I do owe you thanks Doc. Not just for the DNA."

Jane shifted away from her to pay for their drinks. Maura picked hers off the bar and sipped at it. "I'm glad I was able to help."

Jane chuckled and grabbed her beer. "Oh you more than helped. You just don't know how much yet." Jane took her elbow and backed them up several steps. "Sorry, but that was getting crowded." She looked at Martinez. "You want to tell her? It was your find."

Martinez leaned against the wall and grinned at Jane. "Sweet of you to admit it Rizzoli. Careful, or I might actually think you like me."

An officer jostled Maura slightly as he passed by. Maura barely noticed as she judged the way Martinez openly assessed Jane's ass as he sipped his drink.

Maura moved to Jane's side.

"Don't press your luck Martinez." Jane tipped her beer at him. "Now, are you going to tell the damn story or not."

"Always in a rush." He winked at Jane. "So Doc, it goes like this. We get to the apartment building and into his sister's place without too much fuss. In fact, the sister was so high, she was halfway out of her mind. Thought we were Santa's elves coming for a visit or something. The broad was almost cooperative for the entire search, until we started poking around her pantry."

He sipped his drink, rattling the ice against the sides of the glass. "She's not yelling or anything. Just sitting at the kitchen table telling us her brother's not in and to leave her kitchen alone. First, I figured it was because that food closet was so organized I almost felt bad touching it. So I'm going over the shelves, looking under and behind them, and my guys are inspecting every open box. I didn't think we were going to find anything."

He knocked back the last of his drink. "That's when I spot like 20 Febreze canisters all lined up, labels neatly facing outward. I mean we're talking like OCD, I could have put a ruler between each one and come up with the same spacing. I call Rizzoli in to see if it's the same from her case and she looked like somebody punched her in the gut."

Frowning Maura looked over and realized Jane was blushing slightly, sipping her beer and staring out at the room. She tucked herself against Jane's side and as she did Jane Jane lowered her voice, humor gone for a moment. "You okay?"

Maura nodded and gestured to the crowded bar. "People keep brushing my arm. I didn't want to spill my drink." She looked up at Martinez. "I'm sorry, please continue."

His eyes dragged over them slowly. He stared at Jane. Finally he cleared his throat. "So Jane tells me to bag them all and behind me the sister starts crying at the table. On and on, she's wailing about her brother not being there. We figure she's starting to come down from whatever high she's on. Because she starts telling Jane it's time to go visit her angels."

Maura looked up sharply and Jane was waiting for her. Jane nodded slightly. "Yeah, I know." Martinez had confusion written all over his face, but Jane shook her head at him. "Long story and not important Martinez, and you're worse than Fox News. Get to the point already."

Martinez frowned into his empty glass. "Play nice Rizzoli."

Jane rolled her eyes. "You'd be bored." They stared at each other.

A familiar feeling bubbled under Maura's skin at the way Martinez naturally assumed he could flirt with Jane. With Casey she'd been afraid to label it. With Martinez she let her mind finally categorize it. Envy.

Maura looked up at Jane. "Are you finished?" Her tone seemed to make Jane stare at her curiously for moment and Maura met her eyes evenly.

Jane wet her lips. "Yeah." She shook her head. "No." She sighed and stared at Maura again for a moment. "Right, so, Martinez was busy in the kitchen with his guys. But the sister was half out of her head about the angel. I grabbed Frankie and told the sister to go get her angel. We follow…"

Martinez laughed. "Oh come on Rizzoli! You can do better than that. That's when things actually got interesting Doc. The sister flips out, yelling that we can't go see her angels. That they're all hers. Charges right at Jane and it takes her and Frankie going all out to pin the crazy bitch up against the wall so they could slap cuffs on her. It was like a damn rodeo for a good five minutes. Haven't laughed that hard in a long time."

Maura didn't even care what it looked like as she spun around and faced Jane. "That does not sound like a 'straightforward search'." She quickly studied every visible patch of skin, finally seeing the start of pale bruising along Jane's collarbone. "Damn it, Jane."

Jane flinched when their eyes met. "Martinez is making it more dramatic than it was." She glared over at him. "Isn't that right Raf?"

He grinned at them. "You say potato, I say we could have gone viral on YouTube."

"No wonder you didn't call me." Maura pulled Jane's shirt collar aside, noting the bruising was light. "Any place else?"

Jane groaned. "Not that you're getting to examine in the middle of an office party." She brushed Maura's hands aside. "You can yell at me later. Now, do you want to hear the end or not?"

"I do." Maura folded her arms and turned to face Martinez. She purposefully stepped back into Jane. "But I want_ him_ to finish the story now."

Maura could only imagine the expression Jane must be making by the way Martinez started laughing. But his words caught her completely off guard. "Christ Rizzoli, your old lady doesn't take any of your shit does she?"

Maura glanced over her shoulder at Jane, but Jane looked as startled as she was. Martinez didn't seem to notice as he continued the story.

"Okay, so after Jane gets the woman cuffed and leaves her with Other Rizzoli, she goes off in search of anything angel-like and I'm loading up all those cans of Febreze into evidence bags when I get towards the last few and I notice they feel different in my hand. I get out of the pantry closet and the sister sees it in my hand and starts sobbing about her brother."

He tapped his fingers on his glass. "I love those moments when you know you have something. So I start looking at every inch of it and I notice the top had been cracked. I gave it a good twist and the whole thing broke off in my hand." Martinez tipped his glass to chew at the melting ice. "Entire thing was filled with cotton balls and a thumb drive. Seven other cans came up the same way."

Now he pointed to Jane. "Right as I was dumping out the first can, Jane comes out of the bedroom with this giant white angel statue in her hand and the Alverez sister freaks out again. This time Other Rizzoli manages to grab her, but it sends them both flying forward and Jane gets knocked into the counter, shattering the angel's head on the edge, sending pretty whitish powder pouring to the floor."

Maura looked up at Jane, who gave her a strangled smile. "Straightforward search?"

Jane bit her lip. "Not even a scratch from that time. That was one of eight angel statues hidden in the crawl space of her bedroom! At least 80 grams, maybe more!" She looked at Martinez. "Tell her!"

He laughed. "She did good Doc."

Maura softened and turned around. "She always does good work." She reached out and grabbed Jane's hand. "You know I feel that way, right?" Her phone buzzed in her pocket, vibrating against the cloth.

Jane stiffened and pulled away. "Yeah, I know."

Maura went to grab her hand again when Jimmy Browns voice boomed across the room.

"YO! RIZZ-OL-I!"

Jane turned away from her as the Vice detective strutted up. Jimmy slapped Martinez on the back and leaned towards her. "You're going to want to kiss me."

With one eyebrow raised, Jane crossed her arms and took a step back. "Doubtful."

Maura went to move with her when she realized exactly where they were standing. She reached out and grabbed Jane's forearm pulling lightly. "Jane, I wouldn't…" Her pocket buzzed and Jane ignored her as she stepped back again.

"Even if I told you my CI might have an idea where to find Victor Alvarez?" Jimmy wiggled his eyebrows at her and stepped closer.

Maura refused to let Jane go, eyes looking up. "Jane!" Her phone buzzed rapidly. Incoming texts.

Jane shook her head at her before holding up her index and thumb, moving the digits closer together at Jimmy. "Slightly better than if hell froze over."

Maura realized Martinez had figured out what Jimmy was doing when he started laughing. "Rizzoli, Doc's got something she wants to say." Maura felt her phone buzz, reminding her of the text, and she covered her blazer pocket with her hand.

Jane glared at him. "Dr. Isles needs to go answer her phone." She stared at Maura. "Might be work."

They both knew she wasn't on call.

Jimmy took a big step forward. "How about if I told you this CI was going to take a little walk through Chinatown based on a tip from the sister and we'll know any moment if we have to roll?"

Leaning back slightly, Maura tried to pull Jane with her. "But Jane."

"Not now Maura." Jane ripped her arm away, still focused on Jimmy. "Maybe you'd have half a chance. " Jane held up a hand to stop Jimmy as he stepped closer. "If I was trashed out of my mind."

Jimmy held a hand over his heart. "Ouch." He pointed over her head. "Bet you wouldn't want to cause a whole year of bad luck."

Jane craned her neck up. "What the hell? How is he up there?" Chogokin stared out from his perch. "Is that a santa hat?" She stared harder. "And a candy cane." Her eyes widened. "And what the fuck is mistletoe doing hanging from his foot?"

Jane quickly looked back to Jimmy and the hand she had up to stop him curled into a fist. He yelped when it landed squarely in his chest. "You wouldn't fucking dare."

Maura watch Jimmy back off, head thrown back laughing, pleased with his joke, just as Martinez eyes landed square on Jane's mouth. He elbowed Jimmy out of the way. "Maybe Brown doesn't have the balls but I do…"

After that it was almost as if it happened in slow motion.

Maura was aware of the fact that her phone was buzzing.

She was aware of the fact room was echoing with hundreds of muted words.

But her arms tingled with the memory of Jane wrapped in her arms that morning. Her heart was hammering and her breath came in rapid bursts. There was something Korsak had said, something about if you analyze too much you can get scared. Lose your nerve

She couldn't think, watching Martinez lean in towards Jane. She only had one choice.

Maura's arm shot out across Jane's body, fisting the red shirt tightly, yanking down for all she was worth.

One second it was the unique scent of her place of safety and Jane's shocked dark brown eyes.

The next brought the taste of soft skin under her lips before she lost herself, turning her head just enough until there was a gentle brush of lips under her own.

Maura's head was static, her lips parted as lingering shock melted away and Jane lips tentatively moved against hers. Her hand unfurled and dropped from Jane's arm and the warmth of Jane's touch lifted away.

She took a deep breath and let it out, noises starting to filter in.

Voices.

Maura blinked. Jimmy was laughing and Martinez was an interesting shade of red. She sucked in air and backed up a step. Somebody was clapping. She shook her head slightly as Jimmy shook Martinez's shoulder. "Boom! Doc just showed us how it's done."

Maura became aware that her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking. Terrified she looked up at Jane. Brown eyes were wide and staring at her.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and Jane's eyes narrowed as her hand grabbed Maura's elbow.

"That's it, we have to talk."

* * *

><p>AN

Many many thanks to siDEADde and charlietheCAG for continuing to handle this. Charlie even did a last pass on this under heavy influence of cold medicine tonight.

To all:

New writing tip: When your dear friends offer to tour you through the additions to their scotch collection, and you still need meet with your beta to polish up an update to a fic, the intelligent response is a negative response.

My intelligence is in question.


	23. Chapter 23

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

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><p>Jane barely noticed her mother's eyes following her out of the room. Barely noticed that Maura was taking short, quick steps to keep up with her, each one of Maura's steps beating staccato against the linoleum as Jane stormed up the dark hallway. Along the way she ran her hand over door handles, testing each one and finding everything locked.<p>

They reached the hallway's end, the square window providing the only light, the sounds of the party gone. The cold from the outside fought its way in through the edges of the glass and Jane shivered as she turned to face Maura.

Staring at Maura in the muted light, Jane became acutely aware that they were both breathing harshly. Goose bumps raced over her skin and she crossed her arms over her chest. "What in the hell was that?"

Maura sucked in air as if she was about let out a torrent of words, but then she was exhaling in a silent rush and shaking her head slowly. Jane felt her stomach go hollow as moonlight bounced of the gathering tears in Maura's eyes.

Jane swallowed hard, she felt frozen, her own eyes started to burn hotly. She had to look away, staring out the window at the world cloaked in muted shadows. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip as if she could recapture the softness of Maura's kiss. The burning in her eyes became painful and she blinked, feeling pressure release wetly against her cheeks.

Jane didn't have to look to know Maura was still crying. A soft sniffle made her shut her eyes. Her voice was scratchy, rough and tired. "What are we doing to each other?"

Forcing herself to open her eyes, Jane looked back to Maura and waited. Watched the downcast eyes, watched Maura's shoulders move up and down with each rapid breath. Finally a heavy, small, voice broke the silence. "I thought…" Another sharp breath before a whisper. "I don't know."

Maura raised her head and Jane couldn't look away. This time Maura was looking right at her as she repeated herself, the tone stronger. "I don't know." Maura rubbed her hands over cheeks, brushing away the tears. "I thought I knew. But look at us." She cleared her throat. "I was wrong."

Every part of her begged to disagree. Jane had to look away. She focused on the shadowed wall behind Maura's head. She put the truth on the table. "You're with Jack."

"I am." Maura held her hands out. "But, I keep telling you I'm confused. You encouraged me to be with him at every turn."

"I know, but at the time… it was…" Jane glanced at her before looking out the window. "… it made sense. You were going on and on about how attractive he was. You doubted yourself and you were scared." Jane sniffed. "It's my job as your best friend to remind you how amazing you are. You deserve anything you want."

For a moment Jane wished she could float out the window. "But I also didn't realize..I didn't know..." She leaned against the icy glass, watching her breath fog briefly against the pane. "I don't want to lose you."

"Jane." Maura clasped Jane's wrist, her hand warm and her grip firm. "You are my family. You can't lose me."

"Yes I can." Jane rolled her head enough to look down at Maura. "I did." Her chest hurt with the effort to breathe. "But when I realized it, Jack was around and you were happy." Jane could see the uncertainty on Maura's face, the questions in her eyes. "I want you to be happy."

Maura squeezed her arm. "But I want you to be happy too."

"I'm going to be fine." Jane felt her eyes prickle again as the truth burned in her chest. "I just don't know how to share you." She wanted to explain, but she couldn't. She'd been trying to rationalize it to herself for days. "Any part of you."

Her heart started to pound and Jane closed her eyes as she whispered. "You're Maura."

Maura's hand on her arm gripped her shirt tighter, tugging. Jane was grateful for the low light as warmth washed over her cheeks as she met Maura's eyes. Almost desperately she waited to see what Maura had to say.

Maura's phone buzzed between them, the vibration rattling them both.

"See!" Jane shook her head and straightened up. "He's always here, even when he's not. That was the part I never imagined." Maura's hand slipped on her arm as she backed up a step.

Maura followed her, not letting her retreat. Jane saw her hand hover again before falling to her side. Maura's voice was tiny and sad. "You don't even know that it's him."

Jane let out a groan."Yes, we do. We both know it's him." She reacted without thinking, hand diving into Maura's blazer pocket, glancing at the screen before holding the phone up to Maura's face "See?"

"You are out of line." Maura ripped phone out of her hand. "Not that it is any of your business but he's been trying to apologize all night and I've been ignoring him."

Cold anger froze her in place. Jane stepped forward and stared at the phone, her voice darkening. "What did he do to you?"

"Nothing!" Maura's voice echoed in the empty hallway. Jane took a step forward as Maura shoved the phone in her pocket and held a hand up. "Stop. He truly did not hurt me. If you must know he wants me to go to his parent's home for Christmas dinner and he realizes that he might have been too aggressive in his manner of request. He wants to come over later and apologize in person."

Jane could feel her heart pause, her features freeze. And here they were back again to this. Jack and his ability to take away Maura piece by piece simply by the nature of his position in Maura's life. There was no avoiding it. Her response was stilted but clear. "You should probably go with him."

"God damn it, Jane! I just kissed you!" The volume startled Jane as Maura's hand landed square on her chest and she flinched. Everything poured out of Maura in a rush. "This is what I'm talking about! You're confusing me. I am not going to Christmas dinner with Jack. I was never going to go."

Jane watched Maura take a deep, tattered breath, words spewing between them in a torrent. "Why haven't you figured it out yet? You come before Jack."

Maura's hands clutched the front of her shirt, fisting the material tightly again. Jane couldn't tell if it was to hold her in place or push her away. "I am always here for you. You need a case worked on? I do it personally. You need a place for your mother to live? She comes to stay with me. You hurt yourself for the umpteenth time and need a place to recover? I won't tolerate any other place but _my_ home, under _my_ care."

Maura's chest heaved. "For the last time, stop saying one thing and doing something entirely different!"

Their eyes met and Jane felt every word echoing in time with her pulse. Felt every desperate bit of confusion mirroring her own as it curled through her chest. When Maura's eyes flickered towards her lips it was over.

"Alright." Jane was aware of blood roaring through her ears. Her heart hammering until her fingers went numb. "You want clarity? You're so positive you want to know everything?" Jane's right hand found the warm silk of Maura's shirt under her blazer. "You belonging to Jack in any way is killing me."

Jane's left hand cradled Maura's jaw before she could think it through. "But I especially hate he can do this."

Maura's body yielded instantly with a whimper, lips parting as their mouths roughly brushed together.

Jane tasted frustration in the way Maura pushed against her tongue. Anger in the way Maura's hands bunched her shirt but pulled her in sharply. She pressed forward. Offering Maura every drop of her longing, every bit of her regret, every brush of her lips was steeped in need.

Maura's hands opened, stroking up her chest, locking behind her neck, pulling her closer. Jane groaned into her mouth, deepening the kiss, feeling Maura take every trace of her want and meet it with her own hunger.

Jane was burying her hand into Maura's hair, tipping her head back, scoring Maura's bottom lip lightly with her teeth when a familiar voice filtered through yelling her name.

Heavy running footsteps made her pause until Maura reached up and captured her lips again.

"Janie!" From a distance, Frankie's voice teased at the edge of her awareness. "Oh thank god, there you are. We gotta go."

Overhead lights clicked on. Frankie's footsteps stopped. "Christ Jane." He raised his voice. "Martinez is right behind me."

Body pounding, pulse thudding, Jane broke the kiss. Breathing heavily she held onto Maura, afraid to open her eyes.

"Jane." Frankie's voice held an edge of warning but it was too late.

Martinez's voice boomed up the hallway. "Whoa. So I wasn't wrong thinking the Doc wanted your ass. Not bad Rizzoli. Merry Christmas. But the party is leaving. You wanna stay here and make out with the Doc or go play cop?"

Jane forced herself to open her eyes. Maura's eyes were dark and her lips were swollen. She swiped her thumb along the soft skin of Maura's cheek.

"You keep asking for facts and now you have them." Jane squeezed Maura's waist before dropping her arms and stepping back. "I don't know how to be your best friend anymore. I didn't mean to do this to you but somehow, everything changed. I keep trying, but there doesn't seem to be an easy way to go back."

Jane let herself take one last look. "Least not for me."

Jane spun away and focused on Frankie, refusing to look back. She grabbed her vest from him and shoved it under her arm. Not even Martinez said anything as they grabbed their coats from coat check and stepped into the frigid night towards the car.

Jane ripped open the passenger door and dropped herself into Martinez's unmarked. She sucked at her bottom lip, ran her tongue over the swollen surface. She stared out the window as Martinez started driving.

They were driving past Franklin Park Zoo when she realized what direction they were headed in. "What the fuck Martinez. You should have gone up Columbia. This is going to take at least an extra ten minutes."

Stopping at a traffic light, Martinez turned and looked at her. "Hallelujah, she speaks." He laughed at her expression. "Doc must be some sort of kisser. What does this make her, three outta three for the Rizzolis?"

From the backseat, Frankie suddenly jumped in, words rushing out almost as if he was in a panic. "She's right. This time of day Washington is going be bumper to bumper."

Martinez shook his head. "More direct this way, we can go down by Boston University if we have to."

Frankie groaned and they started arguing about the merits of skipping part of Washington to go up Tremont.

The light turned green and Jane lasted two more stoplights before Martinez words registered. She slowly turned around in her seat. "Martinez what did you just say?"

"About the the fact that Tremont means we're stuck going up Herald?" Martinez started the car again. "Or about the fact the Doc's got some sort of magic hold on the Rizzolis from what I can tell."

"Yeah. That." Jane craned her neck around and stared at Frankie. "Why would this asshole think that you would know what kissing Maura was like?" She whipped her head back to Martinez "And for the damn record, Tommy _tried_ to kiss her."

Frankie ran his hand through his hair. "I tried to tell you earlier. Maura and me. It could have happened. She was interested."

"She wasn't. I would have seen it." Jane's voice was little more than a growl.

"Well you didn't." Frankie leaned forward. "And she wouldn't because of you, but it happened."

Jane turned around and shoved his shoulder "When!?"

"Back when you were caught up with that mess with Casey." Frankie leaned back. "Hell, I kissed her in the hallway outside your apartment, can't get much closer to you than that."

"You kissed her." Jane latched onto the words. "She didn't kiss you?"

"Fuck. Jane. I don't know." Frankie tried to ignore Martinez starting to chuckle in the front. "She was there, we kissed." Martinez was openly laughing at him now in the rearview mirror while his big sister was ready to kill him. He squared his shoulders. "Doesn't matter. She liked it. She said wow."

Jane went to twist around more when Martinez arm shot out and blocked her. "That's it!" Jane glared at him. "Both of you knock it off. You two can piss on each other's shoes and argue about who gets to fuck the Queen of the Dead later."

In unison two voices raged at him "Don't call her that!"

"Ahhh that sounds better." Martinez whipped the car against the sidewalk and slammed the brakes on. The car jerked violently to a stop. Both siblings stared at him and he grinned. "Teamwork." He looked at both siblings. "You two going to be able to get your head in the game, or should I leave you here to slug it out?"

Jane folded her arms over her chest. "Good try Martinez. Seniority or not, no fucking way are you taking full credit for this." She turned to glare at her brother but shrugged. "We're good."

"Excellent." There was a knocking on his window and Martinez rolled the window down. "What do we got, Brown?"

"Tips look good." Jimmy Brown's breath curled white in the streetlight. "One of Alvarez's girls has a room share two blocks over. Not registered as a tenant and only moved in last week so that's why we missed it in the first sweep." He pulled his collar up against his neck "Made a move on the roommate's underage cousin. She was more than happy to help."

He nodded. "What do we need?"

Jimmy shoved his hands in his pockets, against the bitter cold. "Dispatch could give us two cars. You're with Millis, outside front. I figure me and Rugger take the T station entrance down to the corner. Conner, Nickleson, and Sanchez know the building already, so we'll send them in. We can use the Rizzolis on the left side."

"Sounds good." Martinez turned back to Jane and Frankie. "Rizzoli and Other Rizzoli, you two friends?" Two sets of eyes rolled in tandem. He shrugged. "I'll take it." He flipped his earpiece into position and tested that they were all connected as he whispered. "You heard Brown, rear left side exit."

They left the car, splitting at the street. Jane and Frankie walked quietly for a block before ducking through a public alley. Frankie nudged her shoulder. "Hey." She looked at him, watching him turn down his com and she did the same. He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry."

"I feel like I missed out on everything for a while. Neither of you said a thing, even when I asked." Jane chewed her lip for a moment.

"If it makes it any better, we talked about you a lot." Frankie sighed. "That should have tipped me off, huh?"

Jane shrugged. "We're best friends."

"Jane, I love you. But you're an idiot." Frankie paused at the end of the alley. "Greenfield Street is to the right?" Jane nodded and he continued as they started walking the last stretch of the way. "That's not what it looked like back at the party. I mean I loved Frost, but I didn't put my tongue down his throat."

"Yeah well, it also looks like she's taken." Jane ignored his look, slowing down as they approached the building. Turning up her com she waited for him to do the same. They slipped up Greenfield and and crossed back over until they were in position. Jane leaned against the ice cold brick listening over her ear piece as Frankie checked them in.

It was only them and the sounds of the city at night. Jane shivered and braced a foot against the wall. Her breath curled in the light filtering down the alley. Idly she ran through her personal checks, fingers trailing over her gun, verifying the snap was off the holster, double-checked the station her radio was tuned to and ran her fingers over her vest. She noticed Frankie down the way rocking back and forth slightly near the dumpster.

Over the radio she followed the progress. Nine times out of ten nothing happened. She'd spend time freezing her ass off and she'd have nothing but blue fingers to show for it. Then the other times…

Everything blasted to life all at once. People were yelling. There was the sound of breaking glass and a woman yelling obscenities. Jane heard the sirens from the marked cars approaching, at the same time her and Frankie's names blasted into her ear. The rear fire door near Frankie crashed against the side of the building and she watched her brother leap as she started running.

Suddenly her brother went hurtling off to the side with a loud "Fuck!" and a "Jane, he has a knife!"

As she sprinted past her brother, she couldn't help but look down. Frankie had his hand grabbing his arm, but he was already getting to his feet. She picked up speed.

Alvarez was small but fast. He bolted across the street so Jane sucked in air and lengthened her stride. She saw Brown and Rugger, down the street, and pointed to the next alley. She saw the oncoming traffic as a light changed to green. She hated Chinatown. Too many people, too much traffic, and too many tiny alleyways that lead every which way.

As she reached the next alley the siren roared past behind her and she felt victory singing through her veins. She slowed down and could hear Brown and Rugger's steps.

They had this bastard.

Jane took two cautious steps in, when hands grabbed her and her world went sideways. Arms flailing, she went to catch herself, her foot hitting ice. The next thing she felt was the sharp numbness of her head bouncing off the wall.

Through falling eyes, she saw legs run by and she struggled to sit up. The side of her head pounded and she needed to sit still to stop the ground from tilting. In the back of her mind she could hear Maura telling her to breathe in and out slowly.

Shivering she sat there listening to the com until there was Martinez's voice calling for her. She croaked out her location and he was there within minutes.

He crouched down beside her. "I called a bus for you and Other Rizzoli."

Woozily she tried to glare at him. "I'm fine." She struggled to her feet when her stomach lurched. She spun around and puked, avoiding falling over when Martinez arm wrapped around her middle.

Finished, she stood up and pressed the back of her hand against her mouth. He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, you look perfectly good to me."

Moaning, Jane didn't fight him when he put an arm around her waist. "Fine. I'll let the EMTs look at me, but I'm not riding in on the bus."

As they walked towards the flashing lights of the ambulance, she could make out her brother sitting inside. "We didn't get him, did we?"

Rubbing his hand against the back of his neck, Martinez let out a breath. "Night's not over yet."

Her nose was starting to run and Jane sniffed, realizing the night truly wasn't over yet. "Crap, Frankie got stabbed. My Ma's going to kill me." She groaned. "That is, if there's anything left after Maura's done."

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><p>AN

Many many thanks to siDEADde and charlietheCAG. Especially tonight. Sid's words were "brain trying to liquefy and run out my ears, eyes, and nose" and Charlie's parting words were "I'm going to go curl up and die coughing"

AA true confessions time: The real crime in this story is the fact that I've murdered two betas. Brains dripping out of various facial features, oxygen deprivation leading to cardiac failure… sigh.

So…to all:

Early update since my vacation comes to a close tonight and I must put aside all fic before 2am. I don't approve of this adulating. Though bed before midnight holds an interesting promise.

Considering all the factors combined there might be a delay in the next chapter but that's chance vs a guarantee


	24. Chapter 24

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

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><p>Maura hung up Jack's coat and turned around to watch him making his way towards the kitchen. His cologne swirled around her. She breathed in deeply for a moment, analyzing how it it made her feel. It was a smooth, even scent. One she had enjoyed lingering on her sheets. But now it left her with a hollow knot in her chest.<p>

She took her time making her way over to him. Jack's profile was still pleasing as he poured wine into the waiting glasses. Maura tried to pick through all of her imagined opening conversational lines. At one point in their relationship she had gone through this process to avoid alienating him. Tonight she was going through it for an entirely different reason.

Maura knew he'd ask questions. She didn't have many answers that would be easy to give or to hear. She accepted the wine glass he held out for her. "Thank you."

"No, thank you for letting me swing by tonight." Jack sipped his wine. "It bothered me all night after Allie and I left." He reached out for her forearm and Maura felt the weight of it keenly. "All day I wanted to apologize. Over the phone or by text didn't seem to be enough."

Maura let out a soft sigh. "I did understand your intentions." He was occasionally out of line and territorial. But so was Jane. "But it is an issue that has to be addressed. We're both busy people with full lives."

She glanced at the digital clock on her stove and over to her silent phone on the kitchen island. Maura squeezed the stem of her wine glass. It had been at least two hours since she'd rushed out of the VFW.

"We have moved rather quickly."

Jack nodded. "You're different Maura. Special. I keep trying to make myself slow down, but when I'm with you it's hard." He ran his thumb along her arm and the sensation irritated her.

Stepping aside, Maura smiled in response and bought herself a few moments to think by opening up her refrigerator and pulling out the last of her grapes and cheese. "I feel it has contributed to a problem I'm having."

Moving through her kitchen Maura washed the grapes and arranged them on a platter. "I needed more time to adjust to having new people in my life who wanted my time." She reached for her cheese board, slicing methodically. "And you needed to realize that I do have people that will always be a priority."

Jack moved so he was against her back. She could feel his body heat. Smell his scent. He put a hand on her hip. "I do realize that. We could split up for Christmas dinner. You could drive down and join us for dessert."

He leaned down, nudging her hair aside to kiss her neck. Maura compared the pleasant tug to the flash of want earlier under Jane's hands. Curious she turned for a moment, knowing he would kiss her. His response was instant and his lips met hers with an easy familiarity. She kissed him back and his hand grabbed her hip. Tendrils of awareness moved over her skin but there wasn't need ripping through her to complete the connection.

It solidified that there was only one choice she was willing to make.

She broke the kiss, placing her hands on his chest when he leaned down again. "Let me finish putting the food together." Again she reviewed her options on how to start the conversation. She knew she was going to hurt him, but that had always been the problem. Like she had shared with Korsak, somebody was bound to walk away from this situation wounded.

It was a relief to turn around again. It bought her time to organize her thoughts. She needed something concrete to use to help him understand that it wasn't anything particularly wrong, but that the situation as a whole would never work.

Not for her. Not anymore.

Maura pulled open the cabinet, grabbing her favorite crackers off the bottom shelf when the jar of marmite caught her eyes. It did not belong there. With a small exasperated sigh she moved it up two shelves, reaching on tiptoe to slide it in place.

For a moment as she looked at the jar on her shelf all Maura could picture was Jane chugging wine to get rid of the taste. That was the night she truly realized that her relationship with Jack was an issue. At the time, she had assumed that spending more time with Jane would fix it.

That night she thought Jane's face had been devoid of emotion but now Maura understood what was running under surface. Maura closed her eyes, feeling Jane's lips taking hers, fitting into hers. She sucked at her bottom lip, trying to stifle the memory of Jane's hand gliding over her hip.

Longing, want, jealousy and need.

That night had nothing to do with finding a tree or meeting Jack's parents, but everything to do with losing the person you wanted to another.

But then Jane had encouraged her to go with Jack to Allie's performance. They'd argued about it. It was an interesting parallel with a key difference.

It gave her a hypothesis to test.

Jack's hand brushed along her lower back and his voice was close to her ear. "Are you okay? You looked a little lost for a moment."

Maura turned around to break his hold and handed the platter of food to him. She tested her theory. "What if you and Allie changed plans and came here instead?"

Maura knew the answer before he spoke. Jack's words were almost exactly what she expected. "God, wish I could, but my parents are counting on me and, more importantly, Allie to be there."

His reasoning was perfectly valid. Maura even knew it was coming from a solid sense of family and responsibility, which she admired and appreciated. However they both had those obligations.

Putting the extra cheese away, Maura picked up her phone as she walked by it, double checking to make certain she hadn't missed an update. She looked up and Jack was watching her. Not putting the phone down, she pulled out a chair beside Jack and sat down, placing the phone in her lap.

"Jack, I don't think you realize that this ongoing struggle we're having over Christmas day has highlighted a significant issue for me with our relationship."

Jack looked confused as he picked up his wine and took a sip. "Not sure I realized you had an issue with our relationship." His face shuttered, features hardening. "I think you know I have a responsibility to my family Maura. To Allie and to my parents. They're not young people, and Allie is still a child."

Maura tilted her head, swirling the liquid in her wine glass. She tested it further. "I asked you to bring Allie, and I would like to extend my invitation to your parents as well."

Jack shook his head firmly. "That won't work. It's too difficult."

Maura sighed. "I know." She looked squarely at Jack. "It's not that you and I can't compromise, but rather we're unwilling to. Do you truly want me to go with you because I feel obligated? I should want to go because spending the holiday with you is more important to me than any other option. Conversely, the conversation we just had demonstrates you would be unwilling to change for me, and you've pushed your point strongly enough to suggest simply allowing me stay here is problematic."

Jack put down his wine glass. "You're reading it wrong. I want my girlfriend with me over the holidays to meet my family. I want them to be able to meet you and get to know you."

Sipping her wine, Maura closed her eyes. "I know, but I could meet them on a different day. You could recognize that being here was important to me and insist that I stay." She opened her eyes. "Because my happiness is more important than what you want."

Jack turned in his chair and leaned forward, an arm across the back of his chair and the other spread out over her island. Raising his voice he started to object. "That's not exactly…"

Her phone started ringing and Korsak's name flashed across the screen. Maura grabbed it and turned around. "Dr. Isles."

Korsak sounded tired. "Hey Maura. I wanted to give you a heads-up. Frankie already warned Angela. Tough night. Not only did we miss Alvarez, but Frankie took a knife to the shoulder and Jane knocked her noggin pretty good."

Questions must have spewed from her mouth because Korsak's voice boomed over the phone. "Maura! DOC! Take it easy. Half of that I couldn't answer if I had a medical dictionary in front of me. Look, Frankie took a few stitches, and Jane needs to go in for a CT scan. They couldn't get her on the bus but I figure you can handle her. She'd have called you herself, but she's too queasy, so I ended up with the honors."

Maura squeezed her phone. "Where is she?"

Over the connection Korsak's voice competed with the familiar squawk of the radios. "Probably on her way to you by now. Martinez has her and Frankie." There were muffled voices and Maura realized he was probably still on scene.

"Thank you Vince, I'll be waiting." Maura said her goodbye and cut the connection. She looked at Jack. "I'm afraid we're going to have to discuss this later."

Jack looked at her and slowly she could see the changes in his face as he started to understand this was not merely spending time together. Before he could say anything headlights flashed outside her window. Maura sprang to her feet and rushed to the courtyard door with Jack at her back.

Ripping open the door she saw Frankie illuminated by headlights retreating down her driveway. "Frankie!"

Warily, Frankie looked at her, jacket draped over one shoulder, his arm immobilized in a sling. "Hey Maura." She craned her neck down the driveway but didn't see Jane. When she looked back she could see the discomfort on his face.

The guesthouse door opened and Angela came running out in a robe and slippers. "Francesco Rizzoli! How did this happen?!"

He ducked his head to avoid the side of her hand. "Ma! I'm injured."

Angela swatted at the back of his head again. "I want to know how this happened if you were wearing your vest!"

"I don't know, I think it glanced off the edge and the EMT said I was lucky where it hit." Frankie stood still while Angela lifted his jacket and looked at his shoulder. "Hit mostly bone. I'm supposed to try not using it for a few days and I'm good to go."

Angela seemed to realize they were not alone. She looked at Maura and narrowed her eyes at Jack. She looked back to Frankie. "Where is your sister?"

Frankie ran a hand through his hair. "She asked Martinez to take her to get her head examined."

Angela through her hands in the air. "She couldn't take five minutes to let her mother know she was okay? She didn't think that maybe I should take her?"

Frankie looked pointedly at Jack, and when he spoke Maura realized it was directed at her. "Ma, I kinda think she was in a rush. Martinez offered. Now can we go inside? I'm freezing."

In a rush of clarity Maura realized Jack's car was in her driveway, but Jane had no idea why she had let him come over. Jane's words were in her head. _'You belonging to Jack in any way is killing me.'_

She spun around, brushing past Jack to run over and grab her phone off her kitchen island. Maura dialed Jane's number, ending it the second it went to voicemail and dialing again. She let voicemail pick up. "Jane, call me please." She quickly typed out a text and redialed the phone, shoulders falling as voicemail picked up.

Maura didn't even notice that tears were falling until Jack's fingers touched the back of her hand and she hit end on the call.

Maura looked up and saw awareness and empathy warring with dejection and misery on Jack's face. He looked away and cleared his throat. "This isn't going to work is it?"

She sat down and buried her head in her hands, shaking her head no. When he didn't respond she realized he was still unable to look at her. She took a shuddering breath. "No. It isn't."

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><p>AN

Many many thanks to siDEADde and charlietheCAG. Charlie has apparent cross-contaminated the girlfriend so now beta work for me is causing an epidemic. Excellent. I'm super talented!

To all:

People asked questions… I think one was if I ever wanted to become a writer. I enjoy writing. Love it even, but I'm not formally trained so I don't believe I ever thought of it as a career option. I have a job that I love in a field that I'm passionate about, but hobbies make us whole.

The other question was more academic in nature… how many chapters? this is drafted for another 6 beyond this one… but here's the deal. I always scope out the "case" (lets use that word really loosely here) first if I am going to use one in a story.

Why do I share that? I can in theory take this comfortably out for 13 vs. the 6. For those who are in this only for the M rating, the speed/pattern towards that fine moment won't change, the story will simply continue beyond the falling in/on the bed/floor/couch/shower naked part - so noooo throwing rotten tomatoes at the poor fic writer :) I said this was an angst story, not torture device ;)

Issue? I'd have to actually fully write about 6 more to get to 13 but I'm not opposed.

It will probably run to the end of hiatus if I go that route which I thought could be fun. So the answer is 6 beyond this one if I take the short route/case light version or 13 if I take the longer road. Either way I don't think anybody will leave feeling shortchanged. It' will be a time available thing on my part.

Okay now really… who wants to sing with me? _"Hit the road Jack…"_


	25. Chapter 25

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

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><p>Jane opened her eyes as Martinez put the car in park. He turned in his seat to look at her. "Have a nice nap, Princess?"<p>

"Cute. Pain meds kicked in." Jane yawned and looked out the passenger window at her building. "Hey Raf?" Jane turned to face him. "Thank you for this. I know you have better things to do than play taxi for me and wait around for my results."

Martinez looked at her for a long moment. "You and I have history, Rizzoli. I wasn't going drop you off and find out later you lost your mind, stripped naked, and ran through the halls of MGH. I wanted to be there for that shit."

She laughed and then grabbed her head. "Not funny for so many reasons, my head being first." Jane waited for the throbbing to subside a little. "And thank your sister for getting me through the line."

"Yeah, helped that she was on shift." Martinez yawned. "So you want me to come up and tuck you in?"

Jane sighed, seeing the exhaustion on his face. "No, the ride was enough. All I have to do is swallow some pills and make sure my head stays in one piece for a few weeks."

"That isn't exactly what the instructions were." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "You aren't supposed to be alone." He winked at her. "Sure you don't need me to kiss it all better?"

For a moment Jane pictured Maura, backlit by her doorway with Jack highlighted behind her. She thought about her empty apartment. Even Jo was off with Tommy for the night. The words were out before she even thought it through. "What if I said yes?"

Martinez's face was the perfect picture of shock in the dark car. Gone was the teasing from his tone. "Yesterday I would have been out of this car and up your steps in two seconds flat." He cleared his throat a little. "But that was before I saw you kiss the Doc." He took a few breaths. "I always regretted the way it went down with us and you are still one hot piece of ass…"

Jane felt herself blush and Martinez started drumming his fingers against the wheel as he spoke. "But I'm not going to even think I can match what I saw back at the party."

Jane exhaled sharply. "Yeah, well you also saw that she is home enjoying a lovely evening with her boyfriend."

"I also saw the way she kissed you back." He shrugged. "You can't fake that." Jane tried to think of a response, but Martinez suddenly grinned. "So Rizzoli, tell your old buddy Raf, why haven't we gone out cruising women together yet?" He reached over and slapped her thigh. "I'd make a fine wingman at Dyke Night. I'm willing to be fully available for the more adventurous set. We can throw that closet door wide open."

Jane shut her eyes and groaned. "You and I will never do that. Never. Burn that image right out of your head. Besides, I'm not some closet case, Martinez."

"Well last I checked, you spent some time knocked up by Captain America and you never seemed interested when women hit on you undercover." Martinez chuckled. "Yet there you were, practically bending the Doc over backwards. I think her toes curled. That didn't come off as inexperienced to me."

Jane braced her hand against her forehead. "My head hurts too much for this right now." She took a deep breath. "I can't explain it, okay?" She cracked an eye open. "It's just Maura. I don't think it's some new, gotta have boobs and no penis thing. So I don't know what that makes me." She swallowed as her stomach churned. "Can we just leave it? I don't have it in me tonight."

Martinez's voice softened. "I'm just riding your ass, Rizzoli. If the Doc can't see what's right in front of her then she's not the genius we all think she is." He reached out and rubbed her shoulder. "But seriously, if you want me to stay, on your couch, so you're not alone, I'm happy to do it."

Jane opened both eyes and smiled softly at him. "I'm good Raf." She opened up the car door and got out before leaning down. "And thank you, really." She shut the door and walked up her front steps, watching him drive off before turning to open the main door to her building.

Walking up the first flight of steps, Jane tried to prepare herself for going inside and facing the night alone, knowing exactly where and who Maura was with. She shivered as her stomach clenched and her head pounded. That image of Maura with Jack at her back was burned into her mind. Part of her couldn't blame Maura. Here she was, injured again, while Jack was right there, perfectly whole.

Jane hit the landing and started up the second set. She debated turning around and going for a quick walk. She reached for her phone to check the time and remember she'd turned it off when the flurry of calls had started coming in from Maura and her mother. She checked her watch instead. Almost time for her meds. This was good. She'd take some painkillers, set an alarm, and deal with everything tomorrow.

Reaching the final step, Jane reached for her keys as she stepped into her hallway.

The metal hit the carpet with a muffled thud. Maura was sitting on the floor in her hallway.

Maura raised her head from where she was sitting on the floor against the apartment door, phone clutched in her hand. Puffy hazel eyes met hers as Maura struggled to her feet. "You didn't answer your phone."

Jane grabbed her keys off the floor and her stomach lurched at the motion. As she stood up, she looked at Maura standing there against her door, wearing yoga pants and sneakers. "Martinez took me to get my head scanned."

Now tears were falling and Maura walked up to her. "You couldn't text me back? You had to know I'd be panicked the second you dropped Frankie off!"

Jane brushed past her and opened her door. "Fucking A… Maura, you can't be surprised that I'm not at your beck and call at the moment, alright?" She pushed open her apartment door. "And why didn't you just use your key?"

"I forgot it at home when I couldn't find you! I tried and tried!" Maura threw her purse down. "Not one hospital had you listed anyplace. I used every single connection I had! I disturbed colleagues at home. I had people paged! I finally thought you were foolish enough to come here and tough it out!"

"I'm NOT stupid, Maura! I told you before I can take care of myself!" Jane clutched the bag with her pills and marched into the kitchen. "And you're not the only one that can pull strings with the medical staff around Boston. Martinez's sister is head of ER nursing at MGH. She pushed me through between patients."

Jane looked behind her and the sight of Maura completely disheveled and determined made Jane yield for a moment. "It's only a concussion. I'm going to live." Her hands were vibrating from the pain as she opened her cabinet, but Jane managed to grab a water glass, catching the marmite jar as it fell out against her chest. She glared at it for a moment before tossing it on the countertop, struggling with the pill bottle top.

Maura was immediately there, prying the bottle out of her hands. "What did they give you? Did you see a doctor? You can't take just any NSAID." She seemed satisfied by whatever was on the label and shook out two pills, handing them over before filling the glass with water.

Jane swallowed the pills with a sip of water, closing her eyes when the combination hit her stomach. She pressed her lips together and begged any deity that was listening not to let her throw up. When she opened her eyes, Maura was staring at her with tear filled eyes.

Jane pointed a finger at her. "You do not get to be upset."

Maura started to shake her head and backed up. "Upset?" She threw the medication bottle on the counter. "I am _not_ upset! I am _furious_ with you!"

"With me?! What the hell?" Jane bit back a groan when her head throbbed at her own raised voice. She forced herself to take deep breaths until she could speak again. "Damn it, you were standing there with Jack. After everything I said how are you even a little surprised I left? Fuck, what was I supposed to do? Come in and let you take care of me while he made us tea? I kissed you Maura! I poured my guts out and I _kissed_ you!"

"And I kissed you back!" Maura was shaking her head rapidly. "The second you showed any kind of interest like an idiot I was right there!" She swiped at her face, at the tears. "Do you know how pathetic I am? You kissed me and I broke up with Jack! That was it!" Maura gulped in air. "I am always there for you! Always waiting. Do you even know what it's like Jane?"

Maura pointed at her. "I have watched you shoot yourself and almost bleed out in front of me! You walk into hostage situations, unarmed, against protocol, to save a bleeding victim! It doesn't matter if a building is collapsing, you'll fight your way in if you think you should."

Maura's voice bounced off the walls, startling them both. "Damn it, Jane! I've seen you kidnapped and tortured. I couldn't do anything!"

Maura dropped her hand and wrapped her arms around herself. "That day with Tasha we both know it was only a matter of minutes before I would have lost you along with the baby."

Jane swiped at the tears on her face, angry that her own body was betraying her. She couldn't stifle the sob that escaped.

Maura was just looking at her, red-rimmed eyes, hugging herself, and Jane started to cry harder, bile burning the back of her throat. Her pulse rammed against her skull.

Pressing her lips together, Maura seemed to take several minutes to be able to speak again. "Jane, I watched you jump off a bridge." She closed her eyes. "I was running right behind you, yelling your name." The next words were a whisper. "And still, you jumped."

Jane realized Maura was trembling, that her hands were clutching her sides. Maura looked into her eyes and Jane felt locked in place. "And I can handle that. I love you for who you are. Even if I lost you, I can survive." Maura took a deep breath. "But you don't get to shut me out all of a sudden because I started dating someone. For two years I was right there. Two_ years_, while you chased Casey"

The desolation in Maura's voice ripped a hole in Jane's chest. "No matter what he would do to you, I was there. No matter how he treated you or controlled you, I was there. Do you know how many times I wanted to save you? But I thought he was what you wanted. So I listened, researched, and supported you every step of the way." Maura took a deep breath. "And when he asked you to marry him and you said yes, I eventually found peace with it. For you. And in the end when he left you in Boston, I even would have raised his baby with you in any capacity you asked, because that baby was also YOU."

Maura shrugged, holding herself hard enough Jane could see her knuckles turn white. "Because I am always right here, even when you don't see me."

Maura turned away. "Jack was nice. He was safe." She closed her eyes. "But he's not you."

The space between them was still. Jane closed her eyes against the thudding in her body. Dragging her hands under her eyes, she approached Maura slowly and stood behind her. Her eyes traced the elegant length of neck. The slope of Maura's shoulder. Fragile, vulnerable.

Jane couldn't help herself. She traced a finger along the delicate expanse. She rested her forehead against Maura's hair. Maura's voice was quiet. "I love you, but you terrify me."

Verna's words of warning echoed in time with the pulsing in her head. Jane wrapped her arms around Maura, gently prying her hands free. "I'm so sorry. I don't mean to ruin your life."

Maura turned around instantly and buried her head against Jane's neck. "Didn't you hear what I said? You don't ruin my life. I want to be here. But you don't get to leave me again. You do your job and you do it full force Jane Rizzoli, but you can't ever shut me out again. Not when I'm standing right here."

They stayed there until Jane felt the tension ebb out of her body and she felt Maura shiver under her arms. "I don't have any graham crackers or frosting. And I'm pretty sure you're not going to let me drink wine with the painkillers, but I have gingerbread cookies Ma gave me."

Maura didn't move for several minutes but finally Jane heard a soft, "No cookies, but _It's a Wonderful Life_ is playing on channel 12 tonight. It restarted at 11."

"Really? That movie?" Jane arched an eyebrow when Maura lifted her head to look at her and nodded.

"Okay." Jane found herself reluctant to let go entirely, reaching down and pushing their fingers together.

Jane grabbed her remote as they sunk into the couch together and turned the TV on. She found the movie and set the alarm on her phone.

Pulling the blanket from the back of the couch, Jane tossed it over them. On her screen George Bailey was bemoaning his life. She chuckled and winced. "Ow. My head hurts."

Maura looked up. "You said you'd live."

"But it hurts." Jane groaned. "Fix it"

"You have a concussion, it's going to hurt." Maura reached up and ran a thumb back and forth along Jane's jaw. "I thought you could take care of yourself?"

"I can, but I don't have to." Jane sighed and leaned into the touch. "Not if I have you."

Maura's lips were soft against her forehead as she quietly murmured. "Good." She shifted closer and rested her head on Jane's shoulder. "However, that will have to do until you're allowed more painkillers."

Jane lifted her arm and Maura curled into her chest. She wanted to freeze this moment.

The movie played on and as her eyes became heavy, Clarence was looking at George Bailey, his voice serious._ "Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"_

Jane tightened her hold.

* * *

><p>AN

Many many thanks to siDEADde and charlietheCAG. Between sick kids and misbehaving poodles it's amazing how editing work gets done. Love to you both ladies.

To all:

The unofficial vote has been noted and I will do my best to take a really hard look at my schedule. You all remember that this is angst yes ;)? Well Maura's single so there is that.

Today starts a special day in my household. It's officially wine-o-clock season. What kicks off wine-o-clock season you ask?

When school sends children home with these lovely plastic instruments called recorders. You know it's bad when the dog hides.

Or maybe it's worse when you ask what exactly you're being serenaded with.

_Kid: Well we're really trying to explore the classics._

_Me nodding sagely: Title?_

_Kid: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I have to practice every night for 20 minutes._

These are the moments when you finally accept your child is not a hidden musical prodigy and remember that supporting the local winery is good for small businesses.


	26. Chapter 26

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>"<em>Have a holly, jolly Christmas! It's the best time of the year."<em>

Groaning, Jane shifted carefully, trying not to disturb Maura. She'd slumped over at some point and Maura's head had migrated to her thigh.

Slowly she opened her eyes and looked over at her fireplace mantle. The bear raised his hat up, mechanical voice whirring brightly _"And when you walk down the street, say Hello to friends you know and everyone you meet."_

"Really? Again with the bear?" Jane rubbed a hand over her eyes. The pulsing thud in her head was still dulled from the meds. "You're already dead, Verna. I think that covers dramatic entrance."

When she opened her eyes she was surprised Verna wasn't standing right there hovering. The bear was silent.

Jane carefully turned her head, eyes scanning the room until they landed on her living room chair. On the TV "It's a Wonderful Life" flickered, highlighting a familiar shaggy hat and its disgruntled owner.

Jane shook Maura's shoulder. "Maura?" No response and Jane shook Maura harder. No way in hell was she going through this alone again. "Maura, come on, wake up. I can't go crazy by myself."

"Shhhh!" Verna sprung to her feet and grabbed Jane's hand tightly. "You never listen! Only you!"

"There are lots of people that would probably agree with you about my listening abilities, but I don't think that matters right now." Jane shook Maura again and still nothing. She grabbed Maura's wrist and lifted it, letting it flop back down. She squinted up at Verna. "Well shit."

Verna waggled a finger at her "Leave that language to the whores." Jane didn't even have time to reply before Verna was patting her on the head and crooning. "You found the troll's ship. Troll with the devil's hand can't run forever. He can't take your dinner."

"Ow! Your damn troll bashed my head, watch it! And just FYI, in this world we call them cars." Jane reached up and grabbed Verna's hand, almost surprised that she could, surprised it felt warm. "Weird. You don't feel dead."

Scowling, Verna snatched her hand away.

"By the way, it took me awhile to figure that one out. Next time try blue SUV, with a giant dent in it. Locations are good too. Consider it like a Christmas gift." Jane let out a deep sigh. "You know, I want to point out that even George Bailey managed to have a more coherent angel and his was both wingless and second class."

"I'm not an angel!"Verna threw her hands into the air.

"Good to know we can agree on some things V." Jane draped an arm over Maura.

Verna spun in a slow circle. "You promised to protect my angels! Cops always promise but I know better! I see them sell their lies! Trolls with the devil's hand, ALL of you!"

Jane rolled her eyes. "I will have you know that the last angel I broke was a good thing. But I don't see you giving me credit for that." She combed her fingers through her tangled curls. "What in the hell am I even saying? You're not even here. I damn near split my head open tonight. Coincidence? I think not."

"MY angel can see everything." Verna pointed a finger at her. "Go see her with your lies, then you'll know! The whore and the trolls think they hide but she sees their tricks."

Jane slumped onto the arm of the couch, burying her head in her arm. "Well can she tell me how in the hell you randomly pop into my life?"

"You made me come here!" Verna's voice was so close Jane lifted her head up and was face to face with Verna. "You said you were ready! The angel made me come!"

Jane let out a huff. "Verna, not that time spent with you isn't special, but could you please tell me how I called you so I can avoid a repeat? Is it a word?" Jane glared at her. "I know after the last time 'I wish' is the last phrase I've used. Please? I'll take mystical dream sequences again at this point. Anything. How did I make you come here?"

Verna scowled, muttering under her breath and walked away. Jane craned her head around trying to see her over the back of her couch but it was impossible.

When Verna returned she grabbed Jane's arm, pulling until she could open up Jane's hand and put the Marmite jar in it. "Love!"

Jane could feel the lines in her forehead forming. "Verna, we gotta work on your definitions of things. That's a jar of inedible yeast spread."

Pleased, Verna sat on the coffee table. "One more wish." Verna started laughing. "One more till I'm free!"

"Good to know that part of the crazy train hasn't dropped off." Jane stared at the jar of Marmite in her hand. "So if I make this wish all of this… whatever it is that's happening to me, goes away?"

Verna lifted up three fingers "One to let you see, two to show you the way, three to see you free." She wiggled them at Jane and laughed. "Three Christmas wishes!"

"Poetic. Nonsensical, but poetic." Jane pursed her lips, trying to find any hint of logic. "Jesus nothing is easy with you." She shook her head. "Damn it, now my head is throbbing again."

Jane held up the Marmite. "So how do I do this? Light some incense, call a priest?"

Verna grabbed her hat off her head and threw it on the ground. "You're a nitwit!"

"Glad you have such faith in me. Really heartwarming." Jane tried to pick up the hat but it was just out of reach. "I'm starting to think that's a term of endearment."

Verna simply crossed her arms over her head muttering, "Last one. Last one and I fly home. The stars will show me the way."

"Great. Godspeed. Save me from having to justify another CT scan with my insurance company." Jane sighed "Because fuck if I can explain why I'm holding a jar of expired Marmite talking to a dead lady. That's usually Maura's shtick. Only they don't talk back and they stay dead." She gently stroked Maura's shoulder. "Right Doc?"

"Shhhh…. you'll wake Doctor Maura!" Verna slowly let go of her head and scooped her hat off the floor, pulling it firmly down over her ears. "Such a good girl. She fixes."

"I'll give you the 'good' thing but if the Doctor hasn't woken up yet, I think it's safe to say we're fine." Jane stared down at Maura, watching the even rise and fall of Maura's chest. She was so beautiful. "Besides, this angel isn't part of my brand of crazy. That's you and me V."

Verna pointed at Maura "I tried to warn her!" She leaned forward and Jane shivered, caught in Verna's gaze.

"I think we're actually finally on the same page for once." Jane tried not to think about feel of Maura sleeping against her. "Look, all I want is for you to fix this. If your mystical angel sees everything, then you saw her tonight."

Jane took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly. "I didn't mean to do it, but she's right. She was there every step of the way and it was killing her. The most important person in my life and I didn't even see it."

Jane looked down at Maura. Ran her hand over the solid warmth of her. Her eyes started to burn. "It took her finding happiness with Jack for me to even figure out how I truly felt about her."

Jane squeezed her eyes shut but the tears still escaped. "So I don't care how you do it, but everything's a mess and somebody has to put her first. I tried with Jack. I did. But I couldn't stop myself."

Jane opened her eyes when Verna's hand started brushing away her tears. For a moment Jane wished it wasn't so dark. She wanted to see Verna's eyes. The old woman cupped her cheek for a moment. "Love is a sinner's game that only the foolish play."

Jane could barely squeeze the words out. "You're the one that said it. So that's it. That's my wish." Each syllable felt like broken glass in her throat. "I, Jane Clementine Rizzoli do solemnly wish on the power of the damn magic Marmite jar that you put everything back the way it's supposed to be." She closed her eyes and felt the weight and warm of Maura against her. "I'll let her be happy this time, I promise."

Verna sat up suddenly, hand slapping the coffee table. "It's NOT magic that makes wishes!"

Startled, Jane flinched. "Really?!" She shook her head back and forth slowly. Tear tracks started to turn cold on her cheeks. An almost hysterical need to laugh bubbled up. "That's what you got from all that? Nope, pretty sure I'm right on this."

Jane couldn't stop herself, chuckling darkly, trying to breathe through her clogged nose. "Trust me, Christmas wishes granted by a dead woman count in the category of magic and supernatural experiences."

"NOT magic! You won't learn. I warned your angel!" Verna ripped the jar out of her hands. "Love!"

Jane laughed harder. "Really Verna? Love makes wishes come true from a jar of expired Marmite?" She pointed her finger and sucked in air, when she finally let it all out "Oh never mind. What the hell do I know? I give the fuck up. So do I get my wish?"

Verna placed the jar on the coffee table, arranging it carefully. "There, all done. No more wishes."

Jane clenched her jaw tightly and squeezed her arm around Maura for a moment. This was crazy but suddenly it felt so real. Verna's fuzzy hat and wrinkled skin seemed to go hazy at the edges. Jane's hand shot out and grabbed the edge of Verna's coat. "And now what? You go float off into some obscure part of my mind until I have my next full-out breakdown?"

Verna shook her head and scowled.

"So this is it?" Jane hesitated, uncertain what exactly she was feeling. "No more freaky dancing bears? No more dead deer? It's really over?"

"Only three wishes."Verna stood up and reached down, holding Jane's face in her hands. "Look and see what my angel knows. Stars in the heavens point to the truth. The whore tried to trap me but now I'm free."

Verna let go of her face as she turned around. "Verna! Wait a second." Jane blinked against the prickling in her eyes. Jane looked at Verna, from the top of her shaggy hat down to the familiar boots. "I'm going to miss you on my walks."

Jane looked over at the polar bear on her mantle, tears slipping down her cheeks. She looked quickly back at Verna. It was worth the chance. "Can you…umm… can you let Frost know I miss him?"

Verna patted her cheek softly and Jane shut her eyes. "Angels always know. They see everything."

Then the touch was gone.

When Jane finally opened her eyes the only thing she saw was Clarence on her TV, trying to help a panicked George Bailey as he desperately swiped at his brother's gravestone. _"You see, George, you've really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?"_

* * *

><p>AN

Everyone send thanks to siDEADde. Poor Sid ran solo on this one. Thanks babe.

To all:

Soooo happy Tuesgay. Bet you thought I forgot about you. Nope. But when my vacation ended, so did siDEADde's and for some strange reason charlietheCAG thinks law school is more fun than playing beta for me. I don't get it. But I'm also pretty sure I'm going to need a good lawyer soon….for reasons… so I'm going let her roll with that;)

So when the betas heard I was going with the long version they did ask if I was nuts. Probably. But they waited for me to go through and put bits in, plus I heard a rumor that Sid wants to meet same time/same place to go through more and Charlie has offered her weekend.

Onward!


	27. Chapter 27

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>For a few minutes after waking up Maura simply closed her eyes again and relished the moment. She could feel Jane's steady breathing under her. It was warm and comfortable with the weight of an arm against her back, holding her close.<p>

Eventually the pinch of the underwire in her bra made her remember exactly why sleeping in her clothes was not something she enjoyed. Maura lifted her cheek off a taut abdomen and tried to understand how Jane had managed to fall asleep quite in that position, with an arm pillowing her head, her torso twisted, and one long leg hanging over the edge of the couch.

For a moment she felt guilty. Necks were not designed to hold the position Jane's was bent at. Nor were legs, but it created a perfect space to sleep in. She should have tried harder to move them to the bed last night after she'd given Jane her pain pills.

Maura inhaled, taking in the scent of Jane mixed with this moment. This was what Jane offered that none of her other relationships had. This wasn't intimacy that lingered from sex. This wasn't closeness that came from the definition of being part of a couple.

Her childhood hadn't provided this level natural comfort. Her own proclivities mixed with her parents nature set up a situation designed for self soothing. Her relationships had been varied, providing outlets and meeting needs that she often hadn't realized she had. Sex in particular provided an avenue that allowed her to ask for and receive contact.

With Jane it had never taken the actual act of stripping herself bare, allowing the physical pleasure of sex to make her vulnerable enough to let someone inside. It was organic in a way that had grown around and through any of her personal barriers.

Maura let herself close her eyes and steal a few more moments. This was why Jack never had a chance when Jane needed her. Her relationship with Jane was rooted so tightly in all the places that had been empty since she was young that even sexual attraction couldn't find him a permanent place in her world. Her mind, her heart, and now her body, belonged to the one person who had grown to be so much a part of her existence that she wasn't certain where she stopped and Jane began.

And that was why when the alarm had gone off last night she'd silenced it quickly, grabbed the pain pills and water out of the kitchen, fully intending to usher Jane to bed the minute she was medicated. But when Jane had sleepily protested and collapsed back down, Maura couldn't help herself.

The limited space of the couch had offered a welcome excuse to crawl back under the blanket and reclaim the warm spot against Jane's side and let their connection soothe her back to sleep.

Now in the light of morning it felt foolish and a little selfish. Jane needed appropriate rest. Carefully Maura pulled her arm out from where it was trapped against the cushions, moving slowly she wiggled her body down enough so that she could slip off the couch. Just as she got to her feet, Jane flailed for a second, sleepily reaching out as she mumbled almost incoherent words. "Got a body, gimme a minute…"

Maura smiled, using the semi-wakeful state to push one long, lean leg back up on the couch before smoothing the wrinkles from Jane's forehead with her hand. "We don't have a body. Get some rest." She didn't understand what Jane said back but her eyes remained closed and her body went slack.

Unable to help herself, Maura bent down and replaced her hand with her lips. She lingered against the warm skin, felt the softness over the bone.

She loved this woman.

It wasn't one thing she could point to and say "That's it, that's why". She'd tried on more than one occasion to isolate out the particular variable. It wasn't Jane's bravery or her loyalty. Not for her body or her mind. It was the complete unique package.

But, with the reassurance of Jane's skin under her lips, she knew the largest reason was for her heart. That metaphorical explanation that meant Jane would sleep at any angle necessary to make her comfortable, protect her at any cost, even try to help her find a husband if that was what she needed to be happy.

It was difficult to stand back up. Maura watched the reassuring rise and fall of Jane's chest, observed the darkened skin under her eyes. Last night had taken a toll on both of them.

Faced with the evidence of Jane's exhaustion in the bright light of morning, last night started to replay through her mind in startling clarity. Maura took a steadying breath. She hadn't ever meant to say what she'd said to Jane's face. Never. Her cheeks flushed hot and warm and she adjusted the blanket, covering as much of Jane as she could before rushing into the bathroom.

With the door closed she felt like she could breathe again. Maura peed, washed her face, and brushed her teeth, all while she replayed the night before. She'd been so panicked, so worried. And Jane was missing and she was hurt.

Suddenly, Maura couldn't handle her own reflection in the bathroom mirror. She turned around and leaned against the sink. Jane had been injured. She was a doctor. She was supposed to heal, not cause harm, and she had let her emotions get the better of her. She knew better. She was trained better.

Pulling open the drawer that Maura knew Jane kept her hair elastics in, she quickly ran a brush through her locks and banded it all together. She forced herself to face the mirror. Looking at her reflection, Maura reminded herself that Jane was not her patient and her words were at least honest, if perhaps poorly timed. Maybe if she had said something sooner they could have avoided needing last night.

Truthfully, it didn't matter. It had happened. Maura forced herself to leave the bathroom and with practiced eyes, scanned Jane's apartment. It was a bit more of a whirlwind than usual. She could help here, she knew exactly how things were supposed to be. Moving as quietly as possible, Maura gathered a couple of stray sweatshirts and a pair of running shoes by the desk. There was an empty coffee mug by the window and mail scattered along the kitchen island.

The plants needed to be watered and cluttering both end tables were the notebooks that Jane liked to write stray case thoughts down on. She picked them up and put them neatly on the desk.

The photo of last years softball team caught her eye. They were all happy, smiling. Jane's arm was across her shoulders holding her tightly and she had tucked herself against Jane's side. Looking at it now she was surprised she hadn't seen the change in her relationship with Jane coming sooner. As she stared at the image she noticed Barry's face for the first time. He was laughing like the rest of them, but his face was turned towards her and Jane. He looked almost indulgent.

Like he knew.

Maura took a deep, steadying breath and blinked several times. She looked at the mantel and the tacky bear with his giant hat. She wished Frost was still with them so she could ask. Did he see something? Did Jane ever say anything to him? When an urge to ask the bear had her almost opening her mouth Maura turned quickly away. A stuffed toy wasn't going to give her any answers.

With a glance at the softly snoring Jane, she went back to picking up.

Maura found a fork on the rug near the couch and picked up all the spare pens hidden under the coffee table. When she straightened up, she noticed the jar on the table near the water glass and pill bottle. Confused she picked it up and stared at it.

Maura was positive Jane had detested Marmite the other night. It wasn't all that easy to find in Boston. Intrigued she turned it over in her hand until she found the expiration date. Blinking slowly, Maura focused on the woman sleeping on the couch.

Gripping it tightly, Maura felt the tangible press of the jar in her hand.

It had been such a silly gift. It hadn't cost her much. She'd forgotten about it entirely.

But here it was.

* * *

><p><em>~R&amp;I~R&amp;I~R&amp;I~R&amp;I~R&amp;I~R&amp;I~R&amp;I~R&amp;I~R&amp;I~R&amp;I~R&amp;I~R&amp;I~R&amp;I~ <em>

Jane shook her head but the soft stroking against her forehead wasn't going away. She cracked open an eye and a blurry Maura slowly came into view. The pain in her head was instant and she groaned. "Why did I fall asleep on the couch again?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you stay there." Maura held a mug of coffee like a peace offering as she sat down on the edge of the cushion against Jane's thighs. "I have your pain pill."

Jane leaned up on an elbow grabbed the pill, tossed it into her mouth and gulped it down with coffee. Flopping back down she closed her eyes. "Give me a minute. I have to let that kick in."

Resting her arm along Jane's side, Maura sipped at her own coffee. "Take whatever time you need, but I have to warn you that your mother is on her way over. You still have your phone off and I forgot I had mine silenced. She's in a panic."

"Call her back and tell her I'm dead." Jane's eyes cracked open. "My head hurts too much for that right now."

"Well, it will probably continue to hurt because she didn't exactly ask my permission. I believe she plans on spending the day taking care of you." Maura rubbed her hand over Jane's upper back, holding a finger up the second Jane opened her mouth to object. "Be patient with her. She needs to see you're okay. After last night I know exactly how she feels right now."

"You don't play fair." Jane deeply inhaled and let it out on a sigh. "Do you know how angry she is about Frankie?"

"From what I saw, I believe your brother had to face his own consequences this time." Maura looked away and stared at the window.

Jane sipped at her coffee for a few minutes before she had to ask, "What are you thinking about?"

Maura seemed to pull herself together. "I was thinking about last night." Maura sipped at her coffee. "But I shouldn't. We don't have time right now, not when your mother is going to be here any minute."

Jane didn't know if was she was disappointed or relieved. This was what she had wished for right? "Maura, did you sleep okay last night?"

"About as well as I could expect while clothed and on your couch." Maura peered into her coffee cup before draining the last sip. "I woke up briefly when your alarm went off and made you take your pills, but that was the only thing that disturbed me." Maura stood up. "I want to go in to the office and oversee the processing of the evidence you brought in from Alvarez's sister's apartment. Do you mind if I take the first shower?"

"You're going in to work?"Jane quickly put her mug down on the coffee table and sat up. "I'll come with you. No way do I want those fools in Vice running the interrogation on Alvarez's sister on their own. Martinez let Jimmy take lead and he's wet behind the ears."

"You most certainly will not, and Jimmy has been a detective longer than Frankie." Maura put a hand on her shoulder and pushed Jane down. "Partially in thanks to your robust injury schedule, I'm up-to-date on basic protocol for head injury. You need to rest. It's Saturday."

Jane groaned at the expression on Maura's face. "No way. I'm supposed be half of the interrogation team. It was hard enough waiting last night until she sobered up and had a lawyer assigned. Besides, Jimmy has to move his stuff out of his ex-wife's place and I'm helping him remember?"

Maura raised an eyebrow. "He'll forgive you, considering. I'll buy everyone pizza as an apology from both of us, but you're not helping him with either the interrogation _or_ with moving."

"You seriously expect me to hang out with my mother at your place while people touch my case?" Jane slumped against the back of the couch. "And the evidence from the sister's place wasn't linked to a death, so how come you get to be involved?"

Maura let go of Jane's shoulder and sat down beside her, thigh to thigh. "It's an inter-department effort and linked to your case. If I didn't request involvement, the case is large enough we both know most of the evidence would be processed in the Maynard facility. Then you would have to wait for the reports to be reviewed. So I offered to share my lab space this morning when I heard from Peter Rinehart that the Boston laboratory was backlogged."

Maura let out a sigh. "This is the best way I could come up with to help you."

Jane ran a hand through tangled curls, pulling sharply when her fingers were caught. "We have more laboratory space across the Charles River than almost any other state in this country and the Commonwealth puts most of our lab stuff out in Maynard. I still don't get it."

"It's a State laboratory. BPD is hardly the only department needing its services. Even I send most of our DNA work out to them." Maura reached out and pulled Jane's hand out of her curls and held it in her lap. "I'm not trying to frustrate you, but I meant what I told you last night. Under my roof, under my care."

Jane gave a slight nod.

Maura was quietly looking at her and Jane wondered what was going on in her mind. Finally Maura's hand moved to her forehead. "How does your head feel?"

Gentled fingers probed along her skull and Jane closed her eyes. "Like I cracked it on a brick wall."

"You do have some swelling. It must hurt." Maura pulled her fingers back and wrapped her fingers around her coffee mug, and stared at the ceramic. "Since we're still alone, I wanted to say I'm sorry that I was rather untoward last night. That wasn't the best timing, considering your injury."

Jane shifted, turning on her side more so she could face Maura. That was not what she was expecting. "Not as sorry as I am that I never realized you were going through any of that."

When Maura was still looking down at her coffee mug, Jane nudged her with a thigh. Troubled hazel eyes finally glanced at her. Jane winked. "We're a sorry pair, that's all I know for sure."

Maura's hand brushed against the side of Jane's face, as she tucked a stray curl out of the way. Her fingers idly played with the brunette locks. "That's okay. I'll take it."

The words were simple but Maura's tone offered so much more. Jane fell into Maura's eyes and she never wanted to leave. Right now she had everything she wanted, how she wanted it. But, shouldn't Maura be pulling away?

It was going to hurt when this ended but Maura's eyes fell to her lips and Jane couldn't stop herself. Not from reaching out and drawing Maura's face towards hers. Not from leaning closer until Maura's eyes fluttered closed.

The fact that her mother's knock pounded from through her apartment only made her want it more. For a minute there was only Maura and the feel of Maura's sigh against her lips when she brushed them gently together.

Her mother's exasperated voice could be heard through the door and Jane leaned back and dropped her hand. Part of her wanted to laugh hysterically, the other part was almost grateful.

Maura opened her eyes, smiling softly, dimple creasing her cheek. They stayed like that for a moment until Maura's phone started ringing from the kitchen. They both laughed softly. Maura's hand came up to brush her cheek. "We probably have less than a minute before she uses her key. Go get in the shower. I'll let her in and try to get her focused on making breakfast."

Jane couldn't imagine a day stuck waiting. "Let me come to work with you. Please? I'll observe next to Korsak." Maura seemed to sway a little towards her and Jane leaned into the touch. "I'll stay behind glass the whole time. Think about it, you can keep a better eye on me there."

"Now who's not fighting fair?" Maura leaned over and kissed Jane's forehead before standing up "Don't think I'm oblivious to what you are trying to do here." She narrowed her eyes. "You're not as charming as you think you are, but fine, you can come. Observation _only_."

As soon as Maura turned around, Jane had to look at her coffee table. It was completely clear. And cleaner than she would have left it. But no matter what, it meant one thing.

No marmite jar.

Jane stood up and glanced quickly at her mantle. "Hey Maura, did you pick up in here?"

"A little." Maura paused on her way to the door. "I should have asked first, I'm sorry."

Jane stood up and turned around, looking on the floor, still not seeing the jar. "Doesn't bug me when you do it. You don't try to reorganize everything."

Before Maura let her mother in, Jane pressed a hand to her head and hurried into the kitchen to the cabinet with her drinking glasses. She yanked it open and didn't see the Marmite. She pushed the glasses aside and her fingertips still didn't feel anything.

Her mother's voice rang out and Jane quickly pulled her hand out before before walking off entirely confused.

* * *

><p>AN<p>

siDEADde & charlietheCAG much love to you both for sticking with me.

To all:

Like second hand vagina talk, going after the betas is never going to fly with me. Beta work is volunteer work without even the joy of having people interact with you. So I will always, always, thank them, or write a quick blurb about them in my A/N. What kind of person would I be if I didn't thank the people helping me?

I didn't even realize something had been said about one of them until the beta pointed it out and it broke my heart that I had let that go up to where they could see and be hurt by it.

It's not easy what they do. They have to know when to push, when to call me out on something, when to make me cut something out I may want to have in (trust me they have your back people). It means they try to keep up with my post schedule even though they have busy personal lives.

So if I can encourage a beta through a teasing note to not worry about not being able to help me for a few chapters while they focus on school or if another needs time for their family, I will.

I can also request and hope that readers will be kind to my betas. Many of you already are - thank you. My betas deserve that kindness.


	28. Chapter 28

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Frankie pulled in line behind the flashing police cars and put his cruiser into park. He immediately grabbed Jane's arm before she could move to get her seat belt unbuckled. "On a scale from one to shooting Paddy Doyle, how much shit am I going to catch from Maura when she realizes you are not at her house?"<p>

"I'll handle her." Jane unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to open the door, but her brother pulled her back. "Come on Frankie! You promised to take me back to her place when we were done interrogating the sister. We never promised anything about running right home."

"Not so fast." He tightened his grip. "I said I'd take you with me. I never said I was letting you out of the car."

"What the fuck, Frankie?" Jane tugged, but Frankie merely raised his eyebrows.

"Did you or did you not steal half my coffee to swallow a pain pill?"

"Not." Jane twisted out of his grip. "Advil. Smartass."

"Smart enough to know you shouldn't be here." Frankie hit the door lock.

Raising one eyebrow Jane swirled a finger around the lock button before she hit it, unlocking her door. "Don't be a dick. I highly doubt there is going to be much danger lurking in a store that sells rosaries and Bibles."

"It was an empty warehouse you ran into not too long ago." Frankie stared at her, not relenting "You might not care if Maura is going to kill you, but I've seen the woman cut open a body. I like my insides where they belong." Jane finally groaned and lifted her hand off the door. He reached over and patted her shoulder. "Perkins is manning the door. If he says it's clear I'll come get you."

Jane watched her brother walk towards Perkins standing under a sign for The Good Word. She craned her neck around trying to figure out who from BPD was there by the cruisers. She couldn't help but notice St. Vincent's across the street and a shiver ran down her spine. Damn dream.

She was about to put the window down to yell at Frankie when her phone chimed with an incoming text. She winced when she read the message and the name, muttering, "What, is she psychic now?" Pursing her lips, Jane tried to come up with a response that wasn't an outright lie.

"_I'm fine but we're not at the house yet. Running a quick errand to grab some snacks before going back to your place."_

The response was almost instant. Jane bit her lip. Technically, they were at a store. Just not the kind that sold milk. But, there was that little market near Maura's place that they'd pass by on the way back from here. She typed back, _"No problem. I'll pick some up."_

Frankie rapped on the window by her head. Jane quickly tapped out another text before she opened the door._ "See you tonight, checking out now."_

As they approached the entrance there was a thin man wrapped up in a wool coat pacing back and forth. "That the owner?"

Frankie shook his head. "Nope, he's a lawyer for the church across the street I think. Was sent over here as a favor or something until the owner's lawyer gets here, but the owner kicked him out."

"Weird." Jane turned around and stared up the block at the imposing church that had featured so much in her life lately. "St. Vincent's has a lawyer that can come at a moment's notice?"

Frankie just shrugged and Jane looked between the church and the Catholic gift store.

Jane checked in with Perkins and walked into the store. She stopped and looked over the space. Slowly she walked around, noting the Bibles and crosses. She walked up to a glass case and pointed inside. "Remember when Tia got me that Infant of Prague statue for my First Communion?"

Frankie laughed. "Ma didn't live down the scandal for an entire year when you changed the vestments to a mini Red Sox shirt over Lent."

"I had to sit down and talk to Father Passeri every Saturday for a month." Walking towards the back she started to pass the checkout counter when she spotted the angel statue on the back counter, tucked in a corner.

Jane stopped, reached into her blazer pocket and came up empty. "Shit, Frank, do you have any gloves on you?"

He grinned at her and pulled out a pair. "Finally, I get one up on you." He held them above her head when she went to take them. "Beer is on you next time at the Robber."

Jane rolled up on her toes to snatch them out of his hands. "I don't have time for this. Vice should have found this the second they walked in her." The minute she pulled the second glove on she picked up the statue. Empty. She ran a finger along the inside, through the small hole on the bottom. Clean.

She scanned the store but didn't see another like the angel in her hand. Jane examined the figure again. It looked similar to the ones they'd found in the sister's place, but there was only one way to be certain and she was fucking tired of not being certain.

She spun around and pointed the statue at Frankie. "Damn it, where is everyone? I need to talk to the owner!"

"Jane! Calm down. I was in the car with you, not like I know where he is either." Frankie backed up a step. "Probably in the back with Martinez's crew."

She burst into the back office. Martinez startled and turned around to look at her. The bald guy sitting across from him jumped, holding his hands out, cuffs locked in place. She marched up to him and leaned down, placing the angel statue in front of him. "Where in the hell are the angel statues like this one?"

The guy was looking at her, breathing hard. "You don't understand." He looked at Martinez. "You both don't understand. All I wanted was for my store to be left alone."

"Well make Lieutenant Martinez understand. But as for me…" Jane leaned in a little closer. "Do yourself a favor. Where are they?"

The guy looked like he was going to cry or throw up, possibly both. "The cleaning supply closet, in the toilet paper box." He buried his face in his hands. "My family has had this place for 63 years. Taxes skyrocketed, the recession, and then the Catholic church scandal…"

Martinez grinned up at her before turning back to the suspect. Jane brushed past him and grabbed her brother. "I need to find the cleaning supply closet." She stormed through the back, passing the stock room where Martinez's detectives were combing through the supplies.

She yanked open the first door. Nothing but a bathroom. The next one held the electrical panel and security system.

The third room was small and dark. Jane flipped on the light and made her way into the cramped space. The mop and bucket she rolled towards Frankie. She scanned the boxes. Pulled down the first box with pictures of toilet paper on it, ripped the tape off and found only rolls of tissue in it. The next was the same thing. She started moving boxes off of shelves.

Bending up and down and pulling boxes off shelves made her head throb and her stomach rolled. Jane paused, breathing deeply until it passed.

Frankie was immediately at her back. "You don't look so good."

Jane closed her eyes and swallowed back bile. "I'm fine." She breathed in and exhaled slowly. "I just need a minute. Tell me, are there any other boxes of toilet tissue or paper towels?"

She could hear Frankie moving around and checking boxes. Jane heard the hollow thunk of plastic hitting the ground and carefully opened her eyes. Frankie was standing on an upturned white utility bucket.

"I'm going to make you happy. Smaller box of toilet tissue up here, way behind the paper towels." Frankie stood up on his toes, leaning over and carefully trying to maneuver the box off the top shelf. "Heavier than it should be."

Jane could see it coming a second before it happened, Frankie's foot slipped forward on the plastic surface, the bucket started to tip and he let go of the box trying to stop his fall.

Without thinking she leapt forward right as Maura's voice rang out from behind her.

"Don't!"

Maura's shoulder hit her side and Jane felt her leg slide out from under her sending them both hurtling to the floor, narrowly avoiding the heavy box as it crashed to the floor.

Jane barely had time to shove Maura off of her, as she leapt to her feet, hand over her mouth, and sprinted towards the bathroom.

Heaving the contents of her stomach into the toilet, Jane coughed and braced shakily against the toilet, almost afraid to lift her head. She heard Maura's heels behind her and then the sink turn on. The cool, damp, paper towels against her neck were a welcome relief.

Maura didn't say anything but Jane felt her muscles relax as she ran her hand up and down her back.

When she was positive she wasn't going to throw up again, Jane cautiously raised her head and stood up, immediately missing Maura's touch as her hand dropped away. "Thanks. For right now _and_ for saving my ass back there."

Maura bent over and pick up the dislodged paper towels, walking over to the trash and throwing them away. "It wasn't your ass I was scared for. That box almost hit your head."

"I didn't realize. I wasn't…" Jane hesitated. "…really thinking. I saw Frankie and the box, and I didn't…"

Maura nodded. "I know. You reacted."

Jane flushed the toilet and stepped back to lean against the wall.

Maura turned to face her. "You promised me you'd go home with Frankie. There's a reason the medical profession recommends you limit activity for a few weeks following a concussion. You need time to heal. You risk causing further injury or worse, permanent damage, if you cause additional trauma."

"I'm sorry." Jane knew the words were not enough. The dull thud in her head told her that what Maura was saying was true.

"Don't apologize to me, we both know you'll do it again." Maura seemed intent on scrutinizing every inch of her and Jane dug a thumb into the scar tissue on her palm when Maura took another step towards her. "But something like this is exactly why I came over here."

"How did you figure out where I was?" Jane narrowed her eyes at the bathroom doorway. "Did Frankie call you?"

"Leave your poor brother alone." Maura grabbed her elbow tightly and held it until Jane looked back at her. "I asked Vince how the interrogation went."

"Korsak didn't know I was coming here." Jane didn't know if she wanted Maura closer or further away.

Maura crossed one arm over the other and stared at her. "He was standing right beside you during that interrogation. The minute Rosa Alvarez signed that statement he knew you'd never be able to stay away." She raised an eyebrow. "Jane, as complex as you are, you are decidedly predictable about certain things."

"But how did you get here so fast?" Jane couldn't decide if she liked that Maura knew her that well or hated that Maura thought she was predictable. "Look if you talked to Korsak you know the only thing the sister said was this was one of the buildings she cleans and she put the owner in touch with her brother. If we don't tie this back to Alvarez better, it'll be too easy for the bastard's lawyer to try to pin this on his sister. He killed his ex and his own daughter but all I have is blurry video of that, he's not getting a chance to get out of this too."

Jane waited but Maura didn't say anything. She reached her hands out, tempted to close the last bit of distance, before letting them drop when Maura didn't move. "You have to understand, I get this case better than any of them. I eat, sleep, and breathe the damn thing. It took me five minutes to spot that angel statue. So yeah, maybe Martinez would have caught it, but what if he didn't? What if he didn't find it right away and we didn't get it out of the owner?"

Jane could see warring emotions filtering over Maura's features. Maura sighed. "You think I don't understand why you're here? Jane, it's the same reason I'm trying to oversee the evidence processing. I trust my people better than anyone else."

Maura was drumming the fingers of one hand against her bicep. "As far as why I was here as quickly as I was, I went upstairs to drop the thumb drives off with Nina when I spotted Vince at his desk, and you were not at yours. While I'd like to think after last night you'd have gone home with Frankie, I'm not naïve. I was texting you on the way to my car."

"I think that counts as entrapment." Jane took one look at Maura's body language and the rapidly moving fingers. "Or guessing."

"I believe it translates to understanding your quarry." Maura picked her purse up from the floor by the doorway where she had dropped it on the way in. "However, it also means when you said you were stopping by the store on the way home I knew exactly where you were."

Maura grabbed her elbow and Jane almost tripped as she was forcefully dragged to the sink. "We can talk more about this later." She rummaged around in her purse and pulled out a small, clear, vinyl bag. She extracted a collapsible toothbrush and travel-sized toothpaste and offered them over. "Here, why don't you freshen up?"

Jane hesitantly reached out to take the items, picking both out of Maura's hands slowly. The items were so characteristic. Maura was right there, clearly annoyed at her, probably worried, and she was still calmly taking care of her.

Jane looked up from the items in her hand and realized how right Maura had been last night. She was always right there, every step of the way. It was just now she could see it.

Maura sighed, mouth falling at the edges. "You have been intimately acquainted with my mouth over the past 24 hours. I don't believe that the toothbrush should be a problem considering the circumstances."

Jane grabbed Maura's wrist. "No! That's not it." She squeezed the toothbrush, trying to figure out what to say. "Thank you, for taking care of me." The words felt decidedly flat but she turned around quickly and turned the sink on, grateful for the rush of water. She peeled off her gloves and took her time washing and drying her face.

Maybe this was how her wish was going to happen. She did exactly what Maura had been upset about last night and she truly hadn't meant it. Coming here seemed harmless, concussion or not. It was a simple search of a cleared store. It hadn't been a gun or a bridge. But that box came so close.

Jane glanced out of the corner of her eye but that only made her head twinge. She should say something, anything. Instead, she vigorously brushed her teeth.

Almost too scared to turn around Jane swished water around in her mouth, noticing a familiar canister of Febreze. She spat the water out, grabbing the canister and spinning around. Maura's eyes widened as she grabbed her arm. "Look!"

Wide hazel eyes were almost unblinking as Jane held the can up. "Dragonfruit Summer!" Jane sprayed it and the floral scent filled the room. "You said this stuff was discontinued years ago. The sister cleaned here. We need to get people looking for it, I gotta tell the guys."

She went to the door and yelled into the hallway, "Frankie!" He appeared in the doorway and she spotted fresh blood on his shoulder. "You pop a stitch?"

"Yeah, was going to have Maura look at it. Just one though. Might be okay to leave it." Frankie glanced at the red spot. "Worth it, eight more angel statues, only two shattered when I dropped the box. All of them were filled with what looks like coke."

Jane held up the Febreze. "See any of this stuff in there?" He shook his head. "Look for it." When she turned around Maura was crouched under the sink, gloves on, patiently holding up another Febreze canister. "Or I could have have waited a minute and looked under the sink, huh?"

Jane quickly went to take it from her but Maura pulled the canister back. Maura pointed to her hands. "Gloves first this time. But yes, before you ask, this is an altered can. And before you glove up, please grab us an evidence bag from Martinez's team. The ones I have in my purse are not large enough."

Afterwards, Jane would swear she didn't know what it was that made her hold on to the Febreze canister when she walked back towards the storeroom to get a few bags from the guys. She also wasn't sure exactly what made her meet the eyes of the store owner as she passed by the office. Nothing in particular made her halt and stare at him, watching his mouth drop when his eyes landed on the Febreze canister, his chest starting to expand and contract rapidly.

She never said a word, but in a split second Jane knew what was going to happen before it all exploded.

The store owner bolted before Martinez even realized Jane was in the doorway. He plowed through her, heading for the front of the store, sending a curio cabinet flying to the floor, shattering glass over the Infant of Prague.

The noise sent everyone running from out back. From outside Officer Perkins pulled open the door, his gun drawn and the suspect charged forward like an enraged bull, sending the weapon flying off into the store and Perkins onto his ass.

Jane managed to rush by a flailing Perkins, clearing the door, only to watch in slow motion as the city bus squealed, the driver bracing against the steering wheel, barely missing the guy. She ignored her wavering vision as she dashed between parked cars, hearing Martinez call his position right at her back.

Together they were just in time to see the city garbage truck, grinding gears, trying to stop as the right side headlight knocked the guy clear off his feet.

Then there was blaring traffic and pedestrians turned spectator. White tendrils started to float off the blood and body fluids seeping onto the pavement. Jane braced a shaky hand on the garbage truck's grill.

Maura flew past her, yelling orders at the officers to call for an ambulance, at Frankie to grab her kit out of the car, and at Jane to sit down just as her vision started blur.

Jane sat on the ice cold pavement, breathing in opaque bursts, forehead against her knees, listening as Maura's order switched from an ambulance to a coroner's van.

Then Maura was crouching down beside her, fingertips moving swiftly, checking her over before her low voice told her to go home with her brother, get into bed, and she'd find her later.

There was the brief moment of a delicate hand cupping her cheek making Jane look at her. Their gazes entwined tightly. Jane's breath hitched and she shivered before hazel eyes shifted back into professional mode.

Over the parked cars and gathering crowd, the bell tower of St. Vincent's loomed against the grey December sky.

* * *

><p>AN

siDEADde & charlietheCAG – I'd promise not to tweak but then you'd be bored. Thanks ladies :)

All:

I had a request to stick this as my next A/N from Jay and I laughed when I read it because some things are funny at 1am on Tuesday morning that might not be quite so amusing in the light of morning. Much like most of my early 20s ;)

Q: Wanna hear a joke about sodium?

Ans: Na

Good night/morning Rizzlers….it's just better if I leave you all now….


	29. Chapter 29

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Maura walked through her front door and the sight of Angela cleaning her kitchen and Frankie loading her dishwasher left a warm feeling under her breastbone.<p>

Frankie noticed her first. "Hey. We were wondering if you were going to make it back anytime soon."

Angela pulled a plate out of the oven and checked how warm it was. There was a place set at her kitchen island waiting for her. "Here honey, comfort food tonight. Chicken in red sauce over risotto."

"Thank you." Maura stood there for a moment, absorbing the magnitude of the domestic scene. This was a large part of her life that she never wanted to lose. That feeling of walking in her front door to people that took care of her without her needing to ask.

Frankie held the door open on her wine fridge. "Only bottle open is a Merlot, does that work?"

Maura turned around from hanging up her coat. "Yes, everything sounds perfect. It is perfect." Her gaze floated around the room, suddenly needing the one missing element that made her house a home. "Jane?"

Angela pointed towards her stairs. "The day combined with her medication finally knocked the fight out of her. I managed to get her into bed."

"Let me change and I'll be right down."Maura climbed her steps and listened at the top but all was quiet. Disappointed, she ducked into her room and quickly went through a basic routine, leaving relaxed and barefoot. She paused as she exited, unable to stop herself from turning left, instead of right.

Maura stood outside the guestroom door, fingers flexing against the metal handle, but the silence stayed her hand. Professionally, she knew rest was precisely what Jane needed right now. Personally, she had spent most of the day struggling to stay in her morgue and attend to her duties.

By sheer willpower, Maura turned around and went downstairs. It would be rude to let Angela's dinner get cold.

Angela was brewing herself tea and Frankie was already sitting with heaping bowl of ice cream. Maura took her seat and once her napkin was on her lap she immediately sampled the food. It was simple flavors that melded together impeccably. The type of dinner that Maura could imagine a young Jane sitting down to after a day spent playing in the snow, ruddy cheeked, and eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Delicious Angela." Maura sipped her wine slowly. "Was she in much pain this afternoon?"

Frankie pulled the spoon out of his mouth. "Naw, second she sat down like she was supposed to, it went well. I had to hide her phone though." Grinning he reached over to the basket of wine corks on the island and fished around in it until he pulled out Jane's phone.

Maura laughed. "She must have been out of her mind, but that explains why she never answered my texts. I thought perhaps she took a nap."

Angela pulled the tea infuser out and set it aside. "I'm the one that pulled it away from her and turned it off. Reading the screen was only making her worse." She clutched the mug in both hands. "I told her it's my prerogative as her mother to take care of her." Angela took a seat beside Maura. "That could be said about both of you."

Maura swallowed and carefully wiped her mouth. "I'm not certain I understand."

"My mother's prerogative is to look out for my children and take care of them." Angela made eye contact. "What was that last night at the holiday party?" Angela sipped her tea. "Hopefully I don't have to explain which part."

Heat instantly flushed her cheeks and Maura stared down at her dinner. "I knew Jane wouldn't wish to kiss Raphael in that setting."

"Hmmmm." Angela put her mug down. "I think that's part of the truth, but I also watched _you._" She shifted until she was facing Maura. "Honey, that wasn't the actions of a friend coming to the rescue of another friend. Neither one of you was laughing, it wasn't a kiss on the cheek." Angela rested her fingertips against Maura's wrist. "I'll ask you the same question I asked my daughter this afternoon. Are you aware of how that looked to everyone in that room?"

Maura shifted her eyes to Frankie who had stopped eating his dessert long enough to wink at her. "I do understand what it looked like, but I had limited options at the time."

Angela sipped her tea. "Well yes, it was either kiss Jane or let Raphael kiss Jane."

Maura nodded quickly, seeing an easy deflection. "Jane specifically wished not to kiss him, we'd discussed it. I'm sure she could tell you herself."

"My daughter told me to ask you." Angela looked to Frankie for help, but he spooned a giant mouthful of ice cream in and smiled around the mouthful. "Minus the rolled eyes and choice words, she said that you knew more than she did, since you were the one doing the kissing."

Maura's mouth opened and shut. She whipped her head over to Frankie who sat there holding the spoon in his mouth shrugging. "That's deliberately misleading!" She was going to give Jane hell when she got her hands on her. "Out in the hallway she's the one that more than kissed me!"

She twisted and glared at Frankie. "Tell her Frankie, you were there!"

The spoon clattered in the bowl as Frankie faced both women staring at him. One set of eyes practically pleading, the other clearly stunned. "Well, uh. I did see Jane kiss Maura in the hallway before we left."

"I knew it!" Angela's astounded voice echoed in the room. "I knew there was something else! Jane thinks she can hide something, but you'd think she would know by now her mother can always tell."

Maura had to duck back when Angela pointed a finger at Frankie. "You didn't think to mention this to me? All day you sat around, saying nothing, while I tried to get your sister to understand that maybe Maura had a crush on her and maybe she needed to be a little clearer with her before she lost her to Jack?"

Maura rapidly tried to absorb this bit of information. Angela had clearly noticed her affinity for Jane, but to term her deep affection in terms of a crush seemed erroneous. A crush usually indicated juvenile romantic intent and infatuation.

Frankie buried his head in his hands. "She made me promise not to say anything." He tipped his head so he could look his mother. "There were promises of revenge, and I'll remind you, you're talking to a guy who has an entire childhood full of proof. By now I know one thing, I don't go there. You're forgetting Jane's the one walking around like a wounded bear because _her crush_ got a boyfriend."

Frankie let out a long sigh. "And I'm stuck working with _BOTH _of them, so leave me out of it."

Angela went quiet. Almost too quiet. Maura picked at her food, afraid to not eat, occasionally glancing over, trying to discern potential ways to circumvent the current trend in conversation. Frankie left his head down. They both waited while Angela stared at the kitchen sink, sipping at her tea.

Finally Angela looked at Maura. "This is all I'm going to say about anything regarding you and my daughter. Tell me you and Jane are not simply reacting to all the recent changes in her life and in yours. I want to hear that both of you are serious." She put down the mug. "Or at least tell me that you both understand what damage you would do to each other if you're not."

Maura put her fork down. She didn't have an answer for Angela."I can only speak for myself and all I know for certain is as soon as she kissed me, I broke up with Jack."

Both Frankie and Angela immediately looked at her. Angela met her gaze evenly. "Does Jane know?" Maura nodded. Angela let out a long sigh. "I hope you both know what you're doing."

Maura picked up her wine glass and stared at the liquid for a moment, before finally taking a sip. "Angela, how do you feel?"

Angela pushed back from the kitchen island. "This is not about me, and you don't parent Jane for 38 years without considering she might bring home a girl someday." Angela stood up and went to the sink and quickly washed out her mug. "I care more about the two of you than anything else. So as long as both of you are happy, I'll figure it out."

Angela dried the mug and put it away before turning around and leaning against the countertop, hands on her hips. "But here's what I expect from you and Jane. I've seen how you both take care of each other when injured or sick. I've stood back and noticed the way you both long for the other's attention. But I've also seen how lost you both were the last time you stopped speaking. So be careful with each other. Promise me that?"

Tears pricked behind her eyes and Maura nodded. Angela walked by and squeezed her shoulder. "Good night."

When the door closed Frankie turned to face her. "You okay?"

Maura nodded still struggling with her emotions.

"So you and my sister?" He gave her a half smile with an eyebrow raised. "Real deal?"

Maura drank from her wine glass, tasting the tannins. The vintage was lovely, but one that would have been better left to come to room temperature before drinking. Considering the conversation, the bitter edge suited her needs exactly. "Yes, for me."

Frankie's expression was odd, his mouth slightly pressed and off to the side as he looked at her. With a sigh he went to the sink and rinsed the bowl out before sticking it in the dishwasher. Without turning around he asked. "Did you and I ever have a chance?"

Maura twirled the stem of the glass in her fingertips. When Frankie gave up waiting and turned around she answered carefully. "If you weren't Jane's brother? No, I wouldn't think we would have had a chance to discover the friendship we have." Maura stilled her hand and finished off the glass of wine. "If Jane had never shown any interest in me? Perhaps, but not in a way that would be fair to you. It's a large reason I did move forward with Jack."

Frankie's brow was furrowed, reminiscent of Jane's. "What do you mean by that? Not fair how?"

Maura thought Frankie looked like he didn't know if he should be offended or not. She decided to handle it as transparently as possible. "Sexual relationship with you aside, Jane would have always been my primary emotional relationship. She told me once that you fall hard and fast and to be respectful of that with you." Maura could see him thinking and offered a little more. "You spend enough time playing 'Other Rizzoli'. I care too much to put you in that position between your sister and me. Imagine tonight if you were Jack."

Frankie rubbed his thumb under his lower lip, eyes focused on the floor. After a moment he looked up and gave a soft sigh. "Fair enough." He walked over to Maura and leaned down, kissing the crown of her head. "Take care of my sister."

After Frankie left, Maura sat for a while before pouring herself the last of the wine. The bottle was closer to room temperature now and the flavors melded effortlessly. Looking at the label she realized it was the bottle she opened while she and Jane had decorated the other night. She tossed the cork in the basket with the others and sat back down, trying to think.

But her thoughts were fragmented and scattered.

Her attention was clearly upstairs and Maura gave up resisting. She quickly cleaned up and prepared for bed, tossing a set of silk pajamas on so she could check on Jane.

Maura opened the guestroom door as quietly as possible and went over to the bed. Jane was peaceful, relaxed. For the first time since forcing her to go home with Frankie, Maura felt sense of tranquility, as if everything in her world was synchronized again.

Finally feeling ready for bed, Maura leaned over and kissed Jane's temple.

Jane shifted under her touch, brown eyes appearing black in the limited light from the hallway. Sleep bogged down her voice. "Hey, you finally came home."

"I didn't mean to wake you up." Maura brushed the hair out of Jane's face. "I wanted to check on you before I went to bed myself."

"I only came up here to avoid my mother. She was on a roll this afternoon." Jane glanced around the room. "I must have been more tired than I thought. It's dark out. What time is it?"

Maura sat down on the edge of the bed near Jane's pillow so she could face her. "Probably a little after 10. We processed the store owner right away. I wanted to pull blood considering the rest of the case."

Jane shifted upwards, sliding towards the head of the bed."Drugs?"

"No, he was clean." Maura grabbed onto her silk pants, squeezing the material, resisting the urge to run her fingers along the angles of Jane's face. Trying to remind herself that Jane was injured. "I sent the rest of the samples out that we couldn't process."

"Why'd he run?" Jane's fingers started to trace idle patterns onto her knee. "Horrible way to go."

Maura inhaled sharply when Jane's fingers moved from her knee to her thigh. "It was actually rather efficient as a manner of death." Maura tried to focus on the facts of her brief autopsy. "The blunt force trauma to his head would have rendered him unaware quickly."

"Suicide or accidental death?" Jane's fingers stopped their exploration, hand resting on the inside of her thigh.

Unable to help herself, Maura shifted onto a hip, resting her hand against Jane's upper back. "After Nina told us what was on the thumb drives, suicide."

Jane ran a hand quickly over her face before rising up on an elbow. "You're calling suicide? Now I'm awake. What was on them?"

Maura knew better than to avoid anything other than a full report. "Child pornography. Some was very explicit. What was interesting is there was one file on the disk, in a separate folder and titled with the name of the store owner, and the store name. Those photos were less explicit but were taken in the store's office. Alida Taber featured in all of them."

Jane sat up. "Maura! Why didn't you call me?"

Maura pulled her other leg up and scooted back against the headboard. "I did, but you didn't answer. I heard what your mother did with your phone. It's waiting for you on the kitchen countertop."

She reached out and pulled at Jane's arm until they were side by side. "Nina found what she thinks were the original files of almost all the videos and pictures on the store computer. They predate when the thumb drives were created."

Maura debated going into the next part, but it seemed prudent to continue rather than have Jane find out later she held anything back. "Martinez interviewed Rosa Alvarez again. I watched for you. He doesn't have your talent but he managed to get her talking. It seems there isn't so much love for her brother as there is fear. The drug addiction might have given him the control, but she wanted to talk about this."

"She probably felt guilty." Jane leaned against Maura. "They always want to talk if they feel guilty."

Maura twitched as the scent of Jane's shampoo wrapped around her. She cleared her throat. "It seems that one night when she was there cleaning the store, she caught Alex Schmitz watching videos. If I understood correctly, she told her brother thinking he would fix the problem. Instead Victor Alvarez appears to have used his own daughter as bait. He supposedly blackmailed Schmitz so he would let him use the store to front the drugs and sell the drives to registered offenders whose internet use was restricted."

"Fucking bastard. His own kid." Jane slumped downwards. "I should have been there. That little girl's death is my case. This is why I needed my damn phone. I'm going to kill my mother."

"No murdering Angela tonight. You're supposed to be resting." Maura shifted down until she was back against Jane's side. "I'm grateful she took your phone away. When you didn't answer, I was worried you'd be upset, but Vince was right, once they had the information from Rosa there isn't much that you could do. After all, you can't interrogate a dead body. That's my job."

Jane sighed but didn't argue. "Find anything?"

"No. I don't even believe he drank." Maura watched in amusement as Jane flopped onto her stomach, growling expletives into her pillow.

Jane pulled her face out of the pillow. "Victor Alvarez is practically Teflon-coated. No wonder Martinez hates him. How can one person murder his ex-girlfriend and child in front of a major department store, kill her fiancé, dump the damn body 20 miles away in a state forest, and escape an arrest?" She turned on her side, face against Maura's thigh. "This case is going to drive me insane."

"I believe that may be a _touch_ melodramatic." Maura rubbed along Jane's upper back. "However, it's certainly adding to your injury tally."

She stilled her hand, picturing Jane and Martinez bolting through oncoming traffic, the sickening crunch and thud of Schmitz flying to the ground. When she looked down she realized Jane was staring at up at her. The dark room made it easy to be transparent. "I will never forget the sound of that man being hit. And all those cars were coming at you. Brakes were squealing and you kept going. I was terrified. I thought you were next."

Maura grabbed Jane's shirt in her hand and squeezed for a moment. "I was running, but I knew I wasn't going to reach you in time. It was like the bridge all over again, except you weren't going to disappear into the water. You were going to to have the life crushed out of you right in front of me."

Maura let got of Jane's shirt and roughly traced a finger along a prominent superciliary arch. "Schmitz had 23 broken bones. The right side of his face was shattered." Maura shook her head to try to rid herself of the image. "I kept imagining he was you this afternoon."

Jane instantly reached out and wrapped an arm around Maura's lower back. "I'm so sorry." She scrambled up until she could bury her face in Maura's lap. "You have to believe me. I never thought anything like that would happen. I thought I'd see if they found anything and then leave. Next time I'll go right home with Frankie like I promised." The next words were almost indiscernible. "I don't mean to keep scaring you."

Maura tried to wrap her mind around the dramatic change in atmosphere. The almost desperate way Jane was draped across her lap. "I'm not mad at you." She ran her fingers through tangled curls, carefully separating each one. "Not like you seem to think I am. I told you back at the store, I knew where you were and that also means I understand why you were there. I wasn't surprised."

When Jane didn't do anything other than tighten her grip, Maura continued. "Did you scare me when you ran into busy street? Yes." Maura rubbed her fingers along Jane's neck. "Am I a little upset because you should have been like this all day, resting and healing because a head injury is not a scraped knee? Definitely, yes."

Jane wrapped her other arm around Maura. "I thought you'd want a break from my life after today. All afternoon, I figured it had to be coming."

Maura chuckled at the irony. "I have already stuck around after watching you shoot yourself and jump off a bridge. Sadly I think oncoming traffic is almost an improvement. However, next time I'll make sure you can't circumvent the system in the ER. That way you'll end up needing a visitor's badge to get into work. Then I know you'll be more than happy to spend a few days on my couch watching ESPN rather than be stuck with solid paperwork."

Jane finally looked up at her. "So there's going to be a next time?"

Maura sighed but ran a finger along Jane's forehead and down her cheek. "Another time that you'll wind up injured? With a fair degree of certainty, I can say that yes, you'll end up injured again."

"Well not that exactly." Jane's grip flexed against her. "The next time you'll still want me recovering here?"

Maura tried to understand the plaintive tone, the tension still running through Jane, but she'd say it a million times if that is what it took for her to finally understand. "Under my roof, under my care." When Jane turned suddenly and burrowed her face into silk of her shirt, Maura felt the heat from her rough breathing washing against her abdomen.

The warmth stole outward and Maura was surprised at how quickly her body responded. She shifted back enough to remove the pressure and Jane looked up at her. "Why don't you tell me how you feel?"

Jane let out a shuddering breath and moved back closer to Maura. "My head hurts, my whole damn body hurts, but I haven't thrown up again."

The renewed contact sparked up her spine and Maura shivered. "Good. I should go to bed and let you get back to sleep."

Jane's arm tightened and squeezed lightly. "You could stay in here tonight." She closed her eyes. "Please?"

There was something heartbreaking about the request. "Of course." Maura pulled back the covers and slipped her legs under. She had expected that Jane would roll way as she slid down, but instead Jane shifted with her, renewing her hold on her almost desperately, head pillowed just under her breast, arm tossed across her middle.

As the minutes slipped by Maura felt Jane's breathing even out against her. She tightened her arms. Love, tenderness, need. Never had she been more aware of another person.

The warmth now tingled across her body and curled between her legs. Her nipples tightened. She felt almost desperately empty. Maura took a deep breath. There wasn't a name for what she was feeling. This was not simple sexual arousal. Desire was there, but she needed more than Jane's hands on her skin. It was almost a craving to somehow pull Jane, body, mind and soul into her. To protect her. She ached to find a way to hold Jane close and never let her go

On a deep instinctual level Maura realized that this need went far beyond sex, far beyond pleasure. She craved completion when she had always believed she was whole.

Whatever she and Jane were, or wherever they were going together, there wasn't an uncomplicated way to stop it.

And she wasn't sure if that should elate or terrify her.

* * *

><p>AN

All the love to siDEADde & charlietheCAG . Any remaining mistakes are mine from those last minute temptations to change I can never resist.

To all:

Somebody asked about timeline. The original story was scoped for about a week in the life of Jane and Maura, the extended version will add about 3 days. A little condensed to go from one woman having a boyfriend to sleeping with her, also 'straight', LLBFF but that's the joy of fanfic. (TNT take note: you've had **5** seasons)

I share that because I think there is a little confusion on how this is being written. Original story/pacing didn't alter beyond extending past where I would have stuck an epilogue on. Like I said at the end of Ch 26, nothing gets delayed from writing a longer story because it "can't" change without massive rewriting that I don't have time for. I'm drafting/writing the extended 6 at the moment.

In really good news: Now that I'm NOT on vacation I've learned energy shots come in grape flavor… so that's a total achievement unlocked for society.

It's all grapey goodness from here on out ;)


	30. Chapter 30

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Jane opened her eyes and saw the floral silk of Maura's robe. She followed the flower pattern until she met the smiling eyes of her best friend. Fingers were gentle against her temple as Maura brushed a stray curl off her face. Maura was sitting much as she had been the night before, except now the morning sun bounced off the highlights in her hair.<p>

"Good morning." Maura held up a coffee cup. "I came up to warn you that your mother is downstairs cooking you breakfast."

"Thanks for the warning. I'm not surprised." Jane closed her eyes, the exhaustion coupled with the odd swollen feeling across her eyes and nose making her almost wish she could go back to bed. "We have to figure out a plan to get me out of here today."

Jane waited, expecting a hundred different reasons insisting that she stay right where she was. Instead Maura's hand slipped between her shirt and her back and fingertips pressed into the tight muscles, rubbing up and down. "I don't disagree. I thought perhaps we could have breakfast and see about keeping our plans to pick out a tree. If we stick to the tree lot in Allston that delivers, I can't see the harm."

Jane nodded but stayed where she was, eyes closed, enjoying the soothing touch. With each breath she was aware of her the thrum of her own heart pulsing through her body, the way the gentled press of Maura's fingers seemed to travel along her body.

The speed in which her body became attuned to the single point of contact was almost a cruel joke. As if fate was taunting her with how very good her life would be with Maura if she hadn't made that stupid wish. Best friend, partner in life, all rolled into one.

She wanted to sit up and rip that mug out of Maura's hands. She wanted to taste the coffee as it lingered her lips, to recapture the feel of Maura's body under her. This time she'd drag the silk out of her way before she buried herself against the soft surface.

Just like last night, tendrils of panic started to tease through her. Fucking, idiotic, wish. It was looming, hovering.

It had haunted her all afternoon as her mother had pushed, badgered, and pressed about that kiss under the mistletoe.

The only thing she'd been able to focus on was the memory of Maura crouching beside her on the freezing pavement while sirens and chaos wound around them. Jane could almost feel the clinical way Maura had run her hands over her. The shuttered hazel eyes, quickly categorizing details but never really seeing her.

They had been sitting in the middle of a maelstrom that Maura never would have been near if it hadn't been for her. That's what she brought into Maura's life.

Then Maura had finally, truly looked at her, a split second that Jane felt something wrap around her heart and squeeze tightly before it let go. At that moment Jane thought she was tough enough to handle letting her go, but by the time Maura had woken her last night she knew it was a lie.

She wanted her too much.

Now in bright morning light nothing had changed. That same need to wrap herself around Maura and never let her go was thudding through her body. Simply thinking about it was enough to make her heart start to race.

Jane cracked an eye open, Maura was looking towards the window, bright morning light seemed to soften her features and obscure her hair as she sipped her coffee.

The urge to mark where neck met shoulder made Jane shudder and crumple the duvet in her grip. She quickly sat up and suddenly she was eye level with Maura. Her hand twitched, she could almost feel the smooth slide of silk along the solid curve of Maura's thigh.

Something must have registered on her face because Maura's mouth parted, the shine of her her lower lip captivating. Jane tore her eyes off Maura's mouth. She thought about her mother waiting downstairs, she thought about her wish. She took a shaky breath and held a hand out towards the coffee. "Share?"

Maura almost looked disappointed as she offered her the coffee mug. Jane gratefully sucked a mouthful in, the sweet liquid surprising her. "This has way too much sugar for you."

There was the smooth sound of silk on cotton as Maura pressed against her side like last night. "I made it for you." Maura tilted her head, looking at her from the sides of her eyes. "Incentive to hurry up and come downstairs and help me with your mother." Maura's hand caressed her thigh briefly through the duvet before she stood up. "I'm going to go get dressed."

Jane swallowed, watching her go, aware of how badly she wanted to follow.

The second Maura was gone, Jane marched into the bathroom and faced her reflection. She didn't look insane. Only insane people believed in wishes being granted from dead people right? Right.

She took her time in the shower. Tried to take stock of her body. Her head hurt but it was better. The sunlight hadn't made her nauseous, and she was able to wash her hair without wondering if she should sit down to do it.

There was the lingering awareness of Maura riding under her skin. Soap and warm water played havoc on her senses. It wasn't hard to picture the hand that had rubbed her thigh running upwards. Imagine the first brush between her thighs.

Jane turned and rested her head against the tile as she pulled her hand away. She took a deep breath and rushed through the rest of her routine.

Over breakfast Jane thought she participated in coherent conversation. Or at least she did enough chewing to avoid having to say much. Because in reality she was sitting at Maura's dining room table, eating pancakes, acutely aware that Maura's cream sweater was hugging every curve that begged to be touched. To make matters worse, every so often Maura would look at her as they chatted with Angela, blush, and duck her head briefly.

Whatever Maura said must have convinced her mother that she was capable of helping pick out a tree, because she was following Maura through her living room deciding that Maura in pants and tall boots was a good look. It was almost disappointing when the sweater was covered up by Maura's coat.

Maura was lifting her arms to free her hair from her jacket collar when Jane couldn't help but notice the glint of gold at her throat. The pendant was a favorite of Maura's. Or at least Jane thought it was. Maura wore it enough. It was pretty and it always seemed to accentuate whatever top it was paired with. Like this cream sweater. It was easy to admire the circle, hanging just above the swell of Maura's breasts, offset by smooth skin and the low neckline.

"Jane!" Maura's voice was insistent and she ripped her eyes off Maura's chest. Maura was pulling a knit hat down on head and she glanced down at her own chest before raising an eyebrow in question. "I was trying to remind you that with your injury and the pain medication, I'll be driving."

Jane knew her cheeks must be red by the heat washing over her. "I've always liked that necklace on you." She quickly looked down to zip up her coat before letting Maura lead the way to her car, this time staring resolutely at the pavement.

They were out of the narrow streets of Beacon Hill and fighting their way to Mass Ave when Maura turned on the radio and the announcer welcomed them to Boston's premiere station for holiday classics.

"_Have a holly jolly Christmas…_"

"Oh, hell no." Jane hit the off button on the screen as hard and as fast as she could.

Maura frowned and reached towards the console to turn the power back on, but Jane quickly blocked her. "But I wanted to listen to Christmas carols on our way to pick out the tree! It sets a proper ambiance."

"Any song but that one." Jane swatted at Maura's hand when she tried again. "I'll suffer through any rendition of any other song."

"That's a classic." Maura's thumb hit the Bluetooth icon her steering wheel. "Radio on."

"_Oh ho the mistletoe, hung where you can see. Somebody waits for you. Kiss her once for me._"

Jane slumped into her seat, muttering under her breath. "She already did that. I hope someone, someplace, is finding this funny."

"What did you say?" Maura was merging onto Storrow Drive, clearly distracted.

"Nothing important." Jane found herself admiring the way Maura's knit hat complimented her profile. Maura had a way of putting on something most people would call cute and making it decidedly sexy.

When Jane realized she was outright staring she quickly turned and looked out the window, watching the joggers running by the Charles River. Pure physical activity seemed like a very good idea. "We should go for a run or something this afternoon."

"Not that you're allowed to, but we won't have time. Didn't you hear your mother at breakfast? She's going to have Vince and Frankie over later to help with the tree." Maura eased off Storrow Drive, heading up Cambridge street. "You asked her to make stuffed shells."

"I did?" Jane tried to remember when that part of the conversation occurred and she realized Maura was humming along to the song on the radio. She focused in and listened, recognizing an obscure song from her childhood. One of her mother's favorites.

"_Santa make her my bride for Christmas. Santa, it wouldn´t cost very much. Just a sprinkle of reindeer dust, a sprig of mistletoe and the sound of your laughter as you fly above the snow…_"

Jane shut her eyes and groaned. "You have got to be kidding me, what, did my mother light 17 million prayer candles or something?"

Maura got in line with the other cars trying to take a left into the parking area of the Christmas tree lot. "I'm not sure I follow?"

"That song. After yesterday with my mother, just trust me." Jane unbuckled her belt the minute the car was in park. "When is the last time you heard it on the radio? They never play it. Hell, how do you even know that song?"

"It's a favorite of your mother's. She has it on one of the CDs she likes to have us play over the sound system at Christmas."

"Exactly. Either the universe is having a grand old time screwing with me, or I have a guardian angel with a twisted sense of humor. Probably both." Jane ignored the utterly baffled look Maura was giving her and gave her a little push towards the mass of evergreens. "Okay so lead the way or I'm picking out the first tree I see and I'm only giving you 30 minutes this year. Let's repeat the mantra. Trees are natural creations. You're not going to find perfection, got it?"

Maura glared at her over her shoulder as she started walking, the effect entirely ruined by the knit hat. It made her entirely kissable instead.

Jane froze.

She was in the middle of a very public parking lot and if Maura hadn't been walking away she would have done it. It was almost overwhelming. Jane bit her lip and jogged a couple of steps to catch up and linked their arms together. "Do you have a type of tree in mind?"

"Fraser fir. I loved last year's tree." They wound in and through the crowd heading towards the row of trees marked 12 feet and over. Maura guided her firmly away from the end of the row."But not over 12 feet. I thought you all were going to crack your heads open trying to decorate the top last year."

"Well if Frankie had held the ladder better, he never would have had to catch me." Jane tried to pull Maura back towards the 14-footers."You need a real tree."

"He didn't catch you so much as you fell on top of him." Maura locked her feet into place.

"Counts as catching." Jane pulled hard and Maura fell against her, ruddy cheeked and laughing under that damn hat. Their eyes met. Jane felt Maura breathing against her, not struggling. Instantly hazel eyes roamed her face, falling to her lips.

Jane lasted exactly one tandem breath. "Ahhh fuck it." Maura's lips were as soft as she remembered. Cold from the winter air and warming quickly as she teased the surface, tasting the smile she matched with one of her own.

A throat clearing broke them apart. Jane released Maura, swallowed and stepped back. The tree lot attendant was layered in Carhartt overalls and layered hoodies. White hair stuck out from under a Patriots hat and he had at least a week's worth of stubble on his craggy cheeks. "You ladies want a tree or a kissing ball? Those are in the front."

Maura seemed to recover first. "We'll buy one on our way out. We need a tree." She glanced at Jane. "14 feet please."

Jane shoved her hands in her coat pocket and watched Maura debate each tree. She made a game out of guessing which one would make the final cut. When the third one was pulled fully upright she took one look at the way Maura tilted her head and figured that was the winner. Five more trees later Maura rapidly shook her head and gestured back to option three.

Maura waved at her. "Do you like it?"

Jane gave her two thumbs up as she walked over. "Perfect."

The tree lot attendant called over to a young boy built like a mix between a bulldog and a boulder. "My grandson Derek here will help you check out. You need delivery?"

Maura jumped in before she could answer. "Yes, we do." She looked a Jane. "Not a word, you shouldn't be hauling that tree in with your head, your brother shouldn't with his shoulder and Vince will never admit it, but he's not in any kind of shape for it."

Jane wrinkled her nose. "Fine, but having some random guy in your house setting up a tree feels wrong."

Maura rolled her eyes. "What could possibly happen?" She looked to Derek. "I'll follow you."

Watching them go Jane pulled out her wallet and shoved money into the old man's hand. "Sorry about the kissing."

Grinning he tucked the wad of cash into his pocket. "Girlie, you two kissing was the whole reason I came over. You think I haven't seen that before? Cambridge is right next door." He patted his pocket. "You lesbians always tip better."

"I'm not…" Jane thought about it and gave up. She was about to say something else when her phone rang.

A few minutes later she ran through the lot and grabbed Maura's arm. "We gotta go. Have you paid?"

"Yes, I was going to look at the wreath stand though."

"Later. Martinez just called. He's on his way to a scene. We have to run."

It was only after they put the address into Maura's GPS and were flying up the Mass Pike that Maura spoke. "I didn't get a call. Is this a body?"

"Martinez was weird. Gave me the address and told me to get my ass there. Can't you go faster?" Every car in Boston felt like it was getting in her way.

"You're lucky it's Sunday and traffic is greatly reduced." Maura pushed the car faster, weaving through the light traffic.

Jane gripped the door handle and didn't say anything else until they were pulling up to a worn, squat building in Chinatown's meat market district. The smell of live chickens and blood assaulted her the minute she stepped out of the car.

Martinez was parking his own car behind them and he jogged over to her and clapped her on the shoulder. "You made it. Jimmy called me. Seems an anonymous tip came in to headquarters on where we could find Victor Alvarez."

Maura put her hand on her elbow. "She doesn't have her vest."

Martinez chuckled. "Not going to need it, but I'll give her my extra from the trunk. It'll be big."

When he returned, Jane slipped it over her head and left Maura in her car. They walked into the building stepping over, chipped and faded mud tile. The sounds of chickens squawking echoed up the hallway. Martinez pointed towards the back. "Live market on the bottom floor, rooms for rent by the week upstairs."

The stair treads were uneven, the walls missing parts of old horsehair plaster, stains almost obscuring the paint. At the top of the third floor Jimmy Brown was waiting for them grinning. "I was worried you guys weren't going to make it before we had to do something." He pointed to an open door. "Enjoy."

Jane and Martinez pushed through the uniforms near the door.. The room had stains running down the wall. The red carpet was faded to orange in places. There on the bed was Victor Alvarez, naked, cuffed arms and legs. A purple scarf was wadded and tied in his mouth. Jane felt her heart start to thud. She stepped closer, breathing hard.

Her hands closed into fists and she leaned over him. Staring at him. His eyes were bloodshot, mucus ran from his nose. She purposefully glanced at his flaccid penis before dragging her eyes slowly over the rest of him. Alvarez took one look at her face and struggled wildly against his restraints.

She raised an eyebrow at him as she stood up. "Got you, you motherfucker."

Jane turned around to face Jimmy. "Nice work."

He grinned. "Did nothing but show up to the address that was called in. Merry Fucking Christmas."

She went into the hallway and found Martinez waiting for her. "I'll let Jimmy have the arrest, but he's mine."

"You know you'll have to share." He grinned. "How about you and me? We can show the boys how it's done."

"You mean I'll show them how it's done, while you bring me fresh coffee?" Jane crossed her arms. "Sure. Still remember how I take it?"

Martinez laughter filled the hallway. "From the look of things I can ask the Doc. She must have made it for you this morning. Where were you when I called again? Something about getting a Christmas tree together?" Jane glared at him. "Come on Rizzoli, give me something."

"I'm going to go down to Maura and see if she wants to drop me off at the station. Otherwise I'll head back with you goons." Jane turned around and was walking down the steps when she called over her shoulder. "Steamed soy, nonfat, fair trade organic, dark roast."

He yelled back, "What in the hell happened to you while I was gone."

Jane hit the bottom step and hollered "That's how Maura likes hers."

Still smiling, Jane made it to the passenger side door of the Prius before a flash of red caught her attention. Across the street, leaning against the dark entry of the alley a woman was watching her. Bare legs and a scrap of a skirt offered little protection from the icy December air.

Cars and busses drove by. They continued to stare at each other. Finally the woman pushed away from the building and walked out of the shadows. Long brown hair glinted in the sun. She was younger than Jane had suspected. Deliberately, the woman looked over at the brick building and then back to Jane. Jane let out a long breath and nodded. With a barely perceptible lift of her chin, the prostitute ducked back down the alleyway.

Jane searched the shadows for another moment before she got into the car.

Maura gestured towards the alley. "I know that woman. I treated her once at that murder-suicide we had on Union Park. She had a badly sprained ankle from falling down a set of steps trying to run away when the gunshots started. She was out back, remember?"

Jane nodded, clearly picturing Verna convincing Maura to go with her and Jane arguing every step of the way. "Yeah, I do. Verna had her stashed behind a dumpster. One ankle support later, you managed to get hero status. I, on the other hand, caught hell."

"You probably deserved it." Maura chuckled at her rolled eyes. "So are you going to tell me what is going on?"

Jane looked towards the alley. "I think that woman caught Alvarez for us."

* * *

><p>AN

There needs to be a special, non denominational blessing I can wave over the betas. All the love to siDEADde & charlietheCAG, love you both.

To all:

I promise I am going to answer the PMs :) I just had a completely insane few days in the bricks and mortar building I call my second home. AKA the office.

That insanity also made me realize I was a day later than I had meant to be in my cycle of posting. Now I know I should be funny and witty but I'm watching Transparent. I happen to have friends who have become family and over the years some of those friends have transitioned. There is a line in the show about someone who is transitioning to look around and 5 years later they won't have any of their family left.

Broke my heart thinking about it.

Not in my family.

So dear reader if you are transitioning and feel alone? You're not. Tonight I'm thinking about you. And for every person that does seem to walk away, some of us will be forever thankful you never left before we got to know the real you.


	31. Chapter 31

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>The table was a stark and flat expanse between them. Jane was aware of Martinez hovering against the wall. Aware of the expensive cut to the suit Alvarez's lawyer had on.<p>

Alvarez eyes glittered keenly. Gone was the fear she witnessed earlier. He was relaxed, arms and legs splayed out. The only evidence from earlier was Coban gauze wrapped around his wrists as he leaned forward to answer her question. "I do not know, I do not recall."

The words grated over her nerves. This asshole knew the game. His lawyer made eye contact with her when she leaned forward, the warning implicit. She steadied herself. "You don't recall the reason your SUV is caught on video out by Harold Parker State Forest or you don't recall how your DNA is on every single can of Febreze around that dead body and on the gas cap of Gianni Salvatore's van where his body was found?"

He grinned at her. "I told you, I lend my car out often chica. I can't tell you where somebody drove it."

Jane drummed her fingers against the table. "And the damage? There were deer hair and guts smashed into it."

"I don't know how that happened. You'd have to ask the person driving." Alvarez glanced at her fingers and stretched his arms before looking at his lawyer. "Feels like we've been in here long enough."

Jane knew the clock was running down but she refused to let him rattle her. "Then why don't you tell me who did it?"

The sardonic grin was back. "I don't recall. I told you, I'm generous."

Jane stared at him, let him sit there grinning like a fool. She pushed at him. "Your DNA on the cans? The van?"

Alvarez didn't even flinch. "Gianni did electric work on my sister's place. Did you ask her? She has a terrible drug problem though. Out of her mind half the time. I try to go over and take care of her, but you can't help everyone."

Jane felt her fingers start to curl against the table. She forced herself to relax. "How did you know Gianni?"

His eyes glinted. Alvarez was playing with her, enjoying every second. "Already asked and answered. He was an electrician."

The lawyer put a hand on his clients arm and held out his watch. "We're due a break for the evening. One last question, Detective."

Jane spread her arms out, grabbed the edge of the table and leaned forward. His green eyes, so similar to his dead daughter's stared into hers. Arrogant, assured. But earlier today she'd smelled the sweat and fear. That wild terror when he had no control.

His weakness, stripped bare, laid out before her.

Jane blocked out Martinez behind her, ignored the two-way glass at her back, the lawyer at his side. She knew his fear, intimately.

She raised an eyebrow. "Tell me, what was it like, knowing Susan was spreading her legs for Gianni. Did you dream about his hands on her body?"

Alvarez eyes narrowed, he became still and his nostrils flared.

The room buzzed in her ears as she looked into his eyes. He was almost hers. "Did you imagine her going to him, stripping out of her clothes, laughing about you while she fucked him?"

His lawyer grabbed his arm a minute too late, yelling at her at her to stop. The door to the room crashed against the wall as uniforms rushed in, helping Martinez grab Alvarez right as he lunged across the table. Jane refused to relent. "What was it like, knowing she picked him over you?"

"Fucking puta!" Alvarez was fighting the officers who were slapping cuffs into place. "She thought she could leave? Thought she could just walk away? I warned her it was time to come home, that the scam was over!" He twisted in the tight hold. "He filled her head with lies! I gave him a chance to be a man. A man doesn't take another man's family! He was stupid enough to think he could blackmail me, but I showed him what it was like to lose them. Made sure he was right there, watching them fall to the ground."

The lawyer was in Victor's face, yelling at him to shut up, telling Martinez they were over the legal time for interrogating. Jane refused to break eye contact, tossing out one last question. "The old lady you killed, she told us what she saw. She identified your car. She was following Susan that day. To keep her away from you, to keep her safe. She saw you kill Gianni Salvatore."

Suddenly Alvarez was calm. He started chuckling, getting louder until he was outright laughing. He shook his head at Jane. "You need to go back to school detective. You should know better than to tell stories. Why would I kill him? He needed to suffer. I wanted him to live with seeing that whore's blood on the ground. Let him wake up every day knowing she was dead because of him. Next time he'd think before putting his hands on another man's woman."

He sobered up, eyes boring into hers. "For the record, that bat shit old lady never bothered me. She was a pest, always there, following me like a ghost, but out of her mind. Why would I risk killing her? Nice try."

Whatever he saw on her face made him start laughing again. She pointed to the door. "Get him out of here."

His laughter followed him out of the room and down the hall.

Martinez let out a long whistle. "I forgot what it's like being at the table with you. I didn't think we were going to even scratch, never mind break him. When you get in their heads like that…"

Jane took a deep breath. Realized her hands were trembling and dropped them into her lap, clutching them together. "Yeah, well we still have to make it stick." She looked to the door and wanted to escape. "And that was only the woman and the kid for sure."

"It'll stick. Doc has the evidence locked down. Everything else is gravy at this point. We got him on drug charges through the sister, and murder on the ex and kid." Martinez sat on the table next to her. "It's a good day's work even if the other stuff doesn't pan out."

She looked up at him but didn't bother responding as she stood and walked out the door.

Jane took her time going back up to the bullpen. Alvarez's eyes were still burning in her head. Martinez was wrong, she didn't get into Alvarez head. All she had to do was hold up a mirror to her darkest feelings from when Maura was with Jack. Sharing snippets of her own nightmares.

By the time she pulled open the bullpen door and walked to her desk she was feeling the tension grinding up her neck.

Korsak looked away from his computer as she sat down. "Good work Jane. It was like watching you share his head. Can't figure out how you know when and how to do that sometimes."

"Not as hard as you'd think." Jane gritted her teeth against the lingering twinge in her head. She knew she should turn on the computer and start her report, but instead reached out and turned the Chogokin around. The new addition to his wardrobe made her mouth drop. "What the hell!"

She turned towards Korsak. "Did you know about this?"

Korsak started laughing into his fist. "I think it's fitting."

"Fitting that some asshole put a pin on him that says 'I'm straight but not narrow.'?" Jane leveled a glare around the room, but what people were in on a Sunday were refusing to look at her. "Come on, own up. Which idiot did it?"

Korsak pushed back from his desk and rested an ankle on his knee as he leaned back, grinning at her. "Give it up kid. You're the one that answered most of the men, and probably half the women's, juvenile dreams when Maura kissed you Friday night. I never saw a room get so still so fast."

Korsak came over and picked up Chogokin. "Besides, this little development between you girls would have made Frost's day." When she went to protest he held up the statue in defense. "Not as a joke either. He used to think Maura was good for you."

"We're not _girls_." Jane grabbed the action figure back and put him where he belonged. "He never said anything."

Korsak shrugged and sat down on her desk. "I didn't either." Jane raised her eyebrows but Korsak didn't seem dissuaded. "I know you well enough not to tease you about that. But Maura's a much better option than Casey ever was."

Jane leaned back in her chair. "You didn't like Casey? Vince, come on. He used to call you his dog's damn uncle. You helped him out all the time. Hell you saw more of him than I did."

Korsak shook his head. "Never said I didn't like him, I said Maura's a better option." He grinned at her. "Don't give me that look! You don't think I'm the progressive type? Besides, I'm around you and Maura all the time. I put facts together for a living and I've been doing it since you were practically in diapers. I saw this coming for a long time."

Jane crossed her arms. "I call bullshit."

He sighed. "Look Jane, it's simple. Casey didn't even try to understand you. He cared for you. Probably even loved you, but he couldn't figure out that by asking you to leave this job and Boston he was asking you to give up a big part of who you were. You would've been miserable."

"Well I didn't say yes to Casey. Even pregnant with his baby." Jane reached out and picked up Chogokin. She wiggled the candy cane in his hand. "But you approve of Maura? Skirt wearing, long hair, boobs included, _female_, Maura?"

Korsak reached out and put a hand on her shoulder, waiting until she looked up before letting it go. "I do. So will most of the people around here and screw the rest. You have a thick enough skin. Maura gets you and if she's confused she tries to figure it out. That's something not many of us find in life."

Jane tapped a nail on Chogokin's new pin. "Yeah, well, don't get your hopes up too high. Relationships and I don't exactly mix."

"Well you have been mixing with this one just fine for years." She went to protest but Korsak held up a hand. "I've said my piece. We can talk about when you've had a chance to think about it." He pointed to the candy cane. "This reminds me, what's the story behind you the candy canes?"

Surprised he asked, Jane ran her finger over it again. "Remember that cold case I solved like 8 years ago? I hadn't been in homicide for long so all you assholes were piling up the files." When Korsak chuckled she rolled her eyes. "The mother showed up with a Christmas card with a candy cane on it to say thank you. After giving it to me she started talking about her son."

Jane sighed. "Guess the kid was a regular hellion. Got into a lot of trouble, really an active, hyper kid. She said they had him on medication but it didn't always help. They tried keeping him on a natural diet." She took a deep breath and let it out. "Day before the kid got snatched he apparently pulled all the candy canes off the Christmas tree and went a little crazy. She found him in his bedroom covered in bits of red and white. It was everywhere else too. Stuck in his hair and all over his bed."

Jane looked up at Korsak. "She yelled at him. Grounded him. Later that night he came into her room and apparently he still had one candy cane left. He gave her a kiss and said that it was for her, that he saved it special." She rubbed the back of her neck. "Next day he was gone and two days later they found his body."

They shared a look. "She told me she wished that she had looked at that moment differently. Taken a picture of how ridiculous he looked covered in candy cane. She wished she had hugged him longer that night instead of taking the candy cane, tucking him back into bed, reminding him to stay put and go to sleep."

Jane put Chogokin back on his spot on Frost's desk. "Every year she drops off the card, and every year it kind of reminds me to try to look at things from a new angle on whatever case I'm stuck on. Like this current one. It's not making sense. I'm missing something with it. It's almost too neat and easy. I feel like I'm hurtling towards this pretty conclusion, but there is still all this unresolved stuff that doesn't quite add up. I'm even dreaming weird shit."

"Then don't give up, but you're done for tonight. Stop thinking about it for a few hours." Korsak raised his eyebrows. "Why don't you go home? You shouldn't even be here. Go see Maura. Get some rest. Paperwork will still be here. Alvarez isn't eligible for another interview until the morning."

Jane thought about protesting but she was too worn out to do anything besides grab her coat and head out of the building.

Her problem was that once she hit the frigid air she didn't know which way to go. Jump on the T and head back to her place was an option. She had promised Maura she'd check in when they were done with Alvarez, but she could send a text or even call her for a ride.

She wasn't ready to deal with that right now however.

The December sun glowed red between the buildings as night pushed the last bit of day out of the way. Jane zipped her coat all the way up and shoved her hands into her pockets as she started walking.

* * *

><p>AN

So many words and changes that keep beta's hopping. siDEADde & charlietheCAG thank you :)

To all: Now we're back on the right posting schedule. Which means I'll see you all on Tuesgay. Because it's Tuesgay and there is only one way I can think to celebrate it properly.


	32. Chapter 32

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Shivering, Jane stopped walking, noticed how far she'd come and where she was. Without even realizing it she'd walked past the turn to her apartment. Jane curled her shoulders in as a delivery truck flew by, wind buffering her in its wake.<p>

Now it was a compulsion to turn right at the next crosswalk. Jane couldn't stop herself. With each step she kept her eyes forward and focused.

Remnants of the police tape fluttered off the door of The Good Word. Jane glanced at where Schmitz had killed himself before looking up. The bell tower of St. Vincent's reached out towards the stars through the city glow. Imagined or not, Verna's words from the other night tickled her gut and there was only one way to find out.

Jane jogged down to the next crosswalk and darted around the people in her way. The distant lights from the shelter were her only company as she walked up to the window. She stood about where she figured Verna died. She looked up at the colored glass, the darkness obscuring the details.

A muted glow from the inside the church outlined a giant angel, sword in hand.

She stepped back and still couldn't see any sort of message lurking in the glass. Turning around she looked back at the store. Nothing remotely unique.

Jane took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Fucking stupid dream. She should probably go see a shrink or something. She didn't even know which was crazier, following up on a dream or thinking there would be some mystical answer in a stained glass window.

Alvarez, Susan, Gianni, Schmitz, Verna. Her gut burned. She knew she was missing something. It was close enough that she could almost taste it. Martinez might be happy but she sure as hell wasn't. She felt like she did the night she had that weird dream about being in the woods, like she was hurtling along, following something, thinking she was running in the right direction.

Jane turned her back on the window and left the church, barely noticing the crush of people around her, pressing into her as they rushed through the bitter winter night. She retraced her steps, deliberately passing the turn to her apartment and then the precinct.

Walking helped her think; helped her focus.

The Dirty Robber flowed past her on the right. Jane looked in the windows, barely noticing the Vice crew celebrating at the bar. It must be later than she thought. She started walking faster, crossing two blocks quickly until the bright glow from Boston Joe's made her stop.

Jack was by the front window, surrounded by coffee cups and what must be students. She watched him talking animatedly. Intent listeners were scribbling notes, others were laughing.

Jack made for a clean cut picture, tall and handsome in his sweater. He was leaning forward, both hands gesturing.

His world looked pretty from where Jane was standing, the cold numbing her nose and face.

Jack would have never prostituted out his own daughter. He would have never killed his ex-wife and child to keep them away from someone else. Something like that would probably never cross his mind if it wasn't part of the 11 pm nightly news. His world was one that didn't live with that kind of depravity as a regular event.

Jane didn't fight the urge to cross the street. She pulled open the door to Boston Joe's and was assaulted with the familiar smell of coffee as she blinked, adjusting to the bright store lights. Around her were people calmly talking, writing on their computers or studying.

This side of the world was trendy tables and expensive coffee. Jane felt like an imposter as she got into line.

In her mind she couldn't escape the image of a tiny lifeless hand reaching towards her mother's body. Her nostrils flared with the bloated stench of decay combining with the sickening sweet smell of flowers. The partially nude photos where a child's green eyes glowed back, terrified were burned into her eyes. She couldn't stop hearing that final sickening crunch of bones and muscle when a child molester found a way to permanently avoid answering questions.

As she finished paying for her coffee and turned around, Jack was staring at her. Jane watched while he said something to the group of students before approaching her. Face to face, his aftershave smelled smooth and pleasant while she felt the stale odor of Alvarez's sweat and anger wafting off her.

"Jane."

Not a greeting. Nothing but her name.

She sipped at her coffee. Without the sugar it was bitter and strong. He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off. She had come in here for one reason. "If I didn't exist would you have broken it off with Maura?"

Jane could tell he didn't know what to do with that question, but she was done with anything other than indisputable facts. "Jack, it's a yes or no question."

He backed up a step and studied her. "I feel that it's a disrespectful question. I was coming over to ask how she was."

Jane shrugged and sipped at her drink. "Don't answer it then."

Jack sighed. "I will never understand what it is about you that Maura finds so appealing." Jane continued to stand there. Finally he yielded. "Yes, we'd probably still be together. I was falling in love with her and I like to think she loved me."

Jane bit the rim of her cup for a second before she gulped her coffee, letting the heat and the bitterness burn her throat. "If I wasn't in the picture would you go back to her?"

Jack shook his head. "No." He met her gaze. "I know how she feels about you now. You could jump off another bridge and it still doesn't erase the fact that even with you dead, I'd be playing second fiddle."

Jane gave a slight nod. "Well that's where you and I are different I guess. I was willing to play second fiddle to you just to be around her."

Jack's bark of laughter was cynical. "Jane, don't you get it? You have taken over Maura's life. You didn't have to be willing to play second fiddle because you never were. Sure I could have handled some things differently, but I want more out of a relationship than to be a prop Maura used to fill in the little parts of her life you can't, or won't, seem to fill."

He shoved a hand in his pocket. "Look, I have students here for a finals help session, so I'm going to get back to them. Tell Maura I said hello."

Jane watched him walk back and rejoin his students. She took one last sip of her coffee and this time the taste repulsed her entirely and she walked back through the dining area, tossing the rest of it in the trash by the door.

Jane refused to look at Jack again as she stepped back into the frigid air and rushed up the sidewalk not stopping until she was looking up the façade of the familiar brownstone. She shivered, desperately cold. A light glowed softly from the second story window. She looked at her phone. Maura was probably warm in bed, waiting for her call.

She knew if she knocked that Maura would answer. Knew if she took what she wanted Maura wouldn't refuse.

Jane could picture Maura, ready for bed. Imagined her opening the door, knew that hazel eyes would be soft and welcoming. It would be so easy to walk in, brush close enough to smell Maura's perfume, stand there waiting for her to close the door before grabbing that small dip above Maura's hip and turning her until she could back her against the wall.

But just as she was about to claim Maura's mouth, Alvarez's stare burned from the recesses of her mind, laughing at her.

Jane shook her head, clutched her phone.

She picked out Maura's number, struggling between calling or texting. With a last look at the warm glow upstairs, she took the coward's way out and sent a brief message promising coffee first thing in the morning.

Finally she was done with walking, even more done with trying to think. Head down, Jane trudged back down the narrow streets, trying to hail cabs once she hit Beacon.

When yet another cab passed by, Jack's claim that she had taken over Maura's life mocked her. Had she really made it that impossible for Maura be in a relationship?

Five blocks later, her nose was frozen and her legs felt numb, but Jane was willing to admit Jack was not wrong. As an outsider trying to make a spot in Maura's life for himself, it must have been hard. He'd come into Maura's world and found Jane's mother living in the guest house. Most of her large family events occurred around Maura's dining room table. From TJ's failed Christening party to her father coming back to announce he had cancer, all things Rizzoli happened at Maura's.

Fuck. Maybe it would be understandable if Maura was a Rizzoli. It was almost understandable if Jack thought about it like Maura was an honorary Rizzoli. Like they were sisters or something.

Except Maura didn't interact with her entire family quite like she interacted with her, and Jane knew they did not act like sisters.

Jane took a deep breath. She had siblings. She wasn't overprotective of her brothers. She'd defend them in an instant but she never wanted to tear someone apart for making them cry. Never once did she feel as if she was in competition with any person for her brothers' attention. She never got jealous of her brothers dating anyone.

Besides, none of that could really explain the way Maura's relationship with her family centered on her or conversely why her own life was centered on Maura. Christ, she loved her brothers to death but she didn't want to spend all her free time with them.

So if she were Jack, a total outsider being faced with all of that? Some of the shit he did made more sense. Even the kimono. She knew at the time he wanted to make her uncomfortable. It was his smug look when she couldn't make eye contact. Deliberately shoving the fact that he'd been fucking Maura all night in her face. But now she almost understood. It was an attempt to claim something she didn't have with Maura. A statement.

And she'd reacted to those little claims in a way that he had never anticipated. Hell, she'd never anticipated it. Because she and Maura were two, supposedly straight, women. But in the end Jack's attempts to posses Maura forced her to face one fact.

She wanted Maura. Simple, concise, case closed.

But understanding that desire was what broke Alvarez. Because she knew in the darkest place of her soul what made him tick. Jane could see Susan Taber crumpled on the ground, the tiny body next to her soaked in blood. He'd killed rather than let them go. His motive wasn't even all that unusual.

Possession.

Sharing any part of Maura scared the shit out of her and what did that say about who she was?

And that was why, when a cab finally pulled over, Jane got in and gave him her address.

During the short drive she stared at her phone, waiting for a text, hoping for a call. Part of her desperately wanted Maura to call and tell her she was being ridiculous, to tell the cab to turn around and come back to her home. Back to where there would be dinner and a smile and someone who understood how ugly the world could be.

But her phone remained silent and when the cab pulled up in front of her place she paid him and climbed up the stone steps.

When she made it to her floor she checked her phone one last time and still, nothing.

With a soft sigh, Jane unlocked the door to her apartment. The noise from the TV stopped her in her tracks.

Not again.

With a sense of dread she looked at the mantle, but the polar bear remained still in the dark room.

Realizing her heart was thundering, Jane couldn't help but laugh as she kicked off her shoes and tossed her coat down. Now forgetting to turn off her TV before she left was freaking her out? She needed to get her ass into bed and deal with everything in the morning.

It was only when she hit the light and the blanket on her couch started moving that she realized she wasn't alone.

When Maura sat up and yawned, her hair askew on one side of her head, Jane melted. "Hey."

"Hi." Maura gestured to the TV. "I was watching the original Miracle on 34th Street and I fell asleep."

Jane glanced at the screen where a black and white Kris Kringle was talking to a little girl in ringlets. She walked over and sat down against Maura's knees. "Well this is a surprise. I went by your place but all the lights were off, so I came home."

Maura pulled her legs back and shifted until she was sitting against Jane's side. "We wanted to wait for you to decorate the tree, so when Angela canceled dinner, I came here."

"Well, I know that now." It was almost frightening how natural it was to curl her arm around Maura's shoulders. To have Maura waiting for her on the couch. "What are you doing here?"

"Testing to see if I know you as well as I believe I do." Maura ran her hand down Jane's thigh and clasped her knee.

Jane felt her body relax for the first time since that morning. "I went to your place first."

"You have a key, yet here you are." Maura's fingers were outlining her kneecap. "I brought you something to eat. Why don't you go get comfortable while I warm it up?" With a last squeeze Maura stood up and went into the kitchen.

Jane glanced at the screen where a black and white Kris Kringle dramatically proclaimed, _"Now wait a minute, Susie. Just because every child can't get his wish, that doesn't mean there isn't a Santa Claus."_

Jane grabbed her remote off the coffee table and hit the power button, muttering, "Trust me kid, skip the fucking wishes."

The day felt gritty on her skin. Jane grabbed her sweats and a t-shirt from her bedroom and went into the bathroom, turning on the shower. She couldn't even look at herself in the mirror, not certain she could face what she'd see.

Turning resolutely around, she stuck her hand into the water, testing the temperature before she stepped under the spray. Surrounded by steam and the rhythmic sound of splashing water, Jane tried to reconcile the fact that Maura was currently in her kitchen.

She scrubbed at her skin, letting the heat chase away the bone-deep cold. Maura was in her kitchen. Maura had picked to come here, to her. When she finally felt clean enough, she toweled off quickly and ran a brush through her hair before leaving the bathroom.

At the edge of her kitchen, Jane leaned against the wall. Maura was standing beside her island sipping from a glass of wine. "So did you figure out how well you know me?"

Jane self-consciously crossed her legs as Maura ran her eyes along her body. Their eyes met and Maura put her wine glass down, gaze lingering a heartbeat more before she went over to the oven. She pulled a dish out and held it up. "I knew that you wouldn't have anything for dinner."

Jane pushed off the wall and walked around her island, sitting down where Maura put her plate. "Well, I think there might be some bagels left from Ma's visit the other morning, I'd have survived." Jane looked up from studying the stir-fry on her plate and met narrowed hazel eyes. She quickly took a bite. "But it wouldn't have been as good as this."

Maura put a glass of ice water down next to her plate. Before Jane could complain, Maura held up the pill bottle and shook one out. "I had these in my purse, I know you're overdue. Your head has to be bothering you."

"I… yeah, thanks." Jane swallowed the pill before turning back to dinner. Maura settled across from her, wine glass back in hand.

Jane continued to eat and Maura slowly drank her wine. Finally Maura reached over and touched the back of her hand briefly. When their eyes met she asked, "Why didn't you go into my house?"

"Lights were out downstairs." Jane quickly looked away, pushing a piece of water chestnut through the sauce on her plate. "Alvarez is disturbing as hell. Interrogating him made me restless. I didn't want to keep you up if I couldn't calm down." She stabbed the white vegetable with her fork. "In his head, killing them was warranted because Susan left and Gianni couldn't have her. It was the only time in the interview that he showed any sort of emotion. But not because he was heartbroken. He was mad at Gianni. Susan and his daughter were objects, not people."

Maura sighed, but seemed to allow the change in conversation as she took a quick sip of wine. "I prefer my side of our line of work for exactly that reason." She swirled the remaining liquid. "I would rather deal with counting stab wounds or determining a cause of death than figuring out what drives a person to end the life of someone else."

"At least he was honest about it I guess." Jane pushed her empty plate away slightly. "That was really good, thanks." Even with Maura sitting across from her it was hard to believe that she was really there. Jane chewed at her bottom lip, trying to come up with a plausible reason to walk around her kitchen island and bury herself in Maura's arms. Watching Maura sip at her wine, close enough to touch but still so far away made her chest burn.

But as acute as the ache was, she couldn't move until she knew. "Did I do that to you and Jack?"

Maura tilted her head slightly. "Do what precisely?"

"Break the two of you up so I could have you to myself?" Jane looked past Maura, eyes falling on her kitchen sink. The words tasted metallic on her tongue. "I might not have killed anybody, but I'm not all that different than Alvarez, am I? You were happy, but I killed your relationship."

"Jane." Maura's hand reached out across the table. "The very fact that you asked that question proves that you are already nothing like Alvarez." The grip was warm and Jane turned her hand over so their fingers threaded together. "I broke up with Jack because I wanted to. And while I find you immensely charming, when have you ever been able to control me?"

Jane snorted. "Never."

"Exactly." Maura squeezed her hand and Jane looked up. "I'll point out that I'm the uninvited one waiting for you here tonight." Their eyes met and Jane swallowed. "Whatever this is between you and I, it could never be like anything like Alvarez's twisted perception of a relationship."

Jane wanted to believe her, looking to study the way their hands fit together. "You would've been happy if I hadn't acted like a possessive freak."

"Don't be ridiculous. I would have been settling. I even knew that but I thought that was my best option." Maura released her hand and stood up. "But I know you enough to understand that when you're like this, you're still going to doubt me. So I even have proof."

Jane watched Maura go over to the cabinet next to her stove, opening the door and standing on tiptoes as she pulled something out. When she turned around she held it out. "Didn't I give this to you years ago?"

Jane couldn't take her eyes off the Marmite. Not missing, not magically gone. It seemed to mock her as it sat in Maura's palm. "I was wondering where that was…" Jane got up and slowly walked over. "You brought it back from that conference over in London. I told you I wanted something authentic. I was thinking about some sort of craft brew but…"

"It's unopened and expired." Maura raised an eyebrow and took a step closer. "Why are you keeping it?"

Jane rubbed her hand against her neck, looking away. "Makes people think I have culture."

"Which people? People who go through your cabinets?" Maura stopped when they were toe to toe. "I can buy you another jar that isn't expired."

Jane shrugged. "That's okay. I like this one." She plucked the jar out of Maura's hands. She held it tightly. "I have a history with it. I already saved it from the trash once."

When Maura tilted her head slightly, Jane felt heat run up her neck. "Remember when Casey cleaned out my place? Well he tried to toss it along with my shredded wheat. I had to hide it behind my water glasses. He wanted to buy me a new one."

"So why did you save it?" Maura was studying her face. With each passing second Jane's heart thrummed harder under her skin and when their eyes met, she felt naked and exposed.

"I… You picked it out for me on your trip." Jane felt her pulse start to thud in time to her words as she let herself melt into Maura's eyes. "I think it was one of the first things you ever gave me."

"Oh… Jane." Maura's voice was very soft "You don't know how very sweet you are." Delicate hands reached up to cup her cheeks and her eyes closed as Maura pressed their lips briefly together. "That's how I know I'd be settling."

Maura drew her head down again and Jane yielded to the pressure, exhaling softly as she captured Maura's bottom lip, running her tongue over the edge.

Maura pulled back enough to whisper. "That is why I had to break it off with Jack."

Confused, Jane opened her eyes and searched Maura's face. "Because I kept a jar of Marmite?"

"Yes." Maura swept a thumb along her jaw. "And because I have a basket of wine corks on my kitchen island."

"I don't…" Jane forgot her question, staring at Maura's lips until they brushed against hers again.

Maura replaced her lips with her fingertips, tracing Jane's bottom lip as her eyes held them together. "Each one is from a bottle I had when we were together. They're my little pieces of us. I've emptied it more times than I care to remember. At this point I have an entire bag saved in the pantry. I should throw them away, but I can't."

Jane closed her eyes when Maura leaned in, the heat of her words flaring against her neck. "Don't you see? This is why Casey hurt me and Jack hurt you. Neither one of us is willing to let even a small piece of the other go to make room for someone else."

Maura tugged the Marmite jar out of her hands and Jane heard the plastic knock against her countertop. "I've taken all those pieces in and made them a part of my life a long time ago. I picked you. My love and devotion to you above all else. Remember?" The whispered words sparked down Jane's spine. "And then you kissed me."

Jane struggled to open her eyes. Maura was looking up at her through lowered lashes. "Jack's gone. Casey's gone. So now that it's just you and I..." Fantasy twisted with reality when Maura's hand circled her wrist and placed her palm against the small dip in her waist. "...do you want me?"

Jane flexed her fingers and Maura's eyes closed as she swayed closer. Maura's perfume wrapped around her. With each breath the pressure built, landing molten between her thighs. She stroked down the indentation of Maura's waist, clutching her hip, squeezing. Hazel eyes opened, dark, dilated, wanting.

Wishes, cases… tomorrow didn't matter.

In a breath Jane claimed Maura's mouth, backing her up against the counter, their bodies finally pressing together. The second her thigh slipped between Maura's legs the response was instant, hands grabbing her hips, pulling her in, mouth parting, warm, wet and waiting.

With each brush of their tongues the need to feel Maura's skin consumed her. Jane broke the kiss, shaking.

Even if it was just this once there was only one option. "I want you so much it terrifies me." She pushed her hands under Maura's sweater, over the smooth skin, the heat seeping into her palms.

Maura started pulling Jane's shirt out of her pants. "Then take me to bed."

Jane had never been so grateful for the size of her apartment until the second Maura's hands found the bare skin of her back. By the time they made it through the bedroom door her shirt was gone. Her fingers fumbled in the dark over Maura sweater until hands covered hers, stilling them.

Maura reached down and turned the bedside lamp on. The highlights in her hair gleamed in the soft glow, curling loosely over her shoulders. Maura traced a finger over Jane's collarbone before dropping her arms to her side. "Now we can see what we're doing."

This time Jane's hands slipped back under the cream sweater and found warm skin. She slowly skimmed her fingers up against the soft skin of an abdomen until Maura's breathing hitched. Her fingers brushed the underside of Maura's breast and Jane paused, not wanting to rush.

The smooth silk and lace of Maura's bra rubbed against her palm. Her own breasts tingled painfully as she ran a finger back and forth over a hardened nipple. Maura's teeth flashed against her bottom lip as Jane tested the weight and the feel.

Jane buried her face against Maura's neck, tasted the salt of her skin. She could barely speak as the words caught in her throat, weighted down by the truth of her confession. "I need you."

Maura's hands instantly ran up the bare skin of her back and Jane felt each clasp of her bra give way until it dropped between them. Cool air washed over her breasts, leaving her defenseless.

Wordlessly Maura grabbed the hem of her cream sweater and pulled it over her head, letting it fall to the floor. Unhooked her own bra and tossed it aside.

For a moment they were face to face. Maura's eyes reached for hers, connecting them closely together.

Jane bit her lip, breathing hard. Looking into Maura's eyes was like pausing at the edge of a cliff, hazel ocean churning below, knowing the next step would send her freefalling into the unknown. With each beat of her pounding heart everything narrowed to familiar twin pools. Her palms broke into a sweat, goose bumps prickled over her skin, and she couldn't breathe as Maura moved into her.

The bare skin of their stomachs brushed together, their breasts met and Jane moaned against Maura's mouth, yielding instantly to the sweeping quest of a tongue against her lips.

Maura hooked a finger under Jane's waistband, sliding sweatpants and underwear down Jane's thighs. Along the way, warm lips placed open mouth kisses against quivering abdominals and Jane couldn't stop the whimper from crawling out of her throat as her hips arched up. Maura mouthed words against her trembling skin before she stood up. "Those were in my way."

Naked, determined, Jane pulled at Maura's pants, needing the last barriers gone. Trembling fingers freed the button, ripped down the zipper before helping Maura slide them down.

Then it was hips and curves fitting against her, pushing everything else away.

With each step that Maura took forward, Jane took an unsteady one back. Her hands opened and closed against Maura's waist as lips and teeth marked her jaw.

Legs hit the edge of the bed.

This precipice, this second, the smooth slide of Maura's bare skin against her own. Groaning, Jane dropped into nothingness, pulling Maura down with her, desperate to feel anchored by her weight, frantic to find her skin.

Maura hovered over her, eyes locked as their bodies slowly melded together

When Maura's weight finally covered her, Jane's hands ran up over flexing muscles, around twitching thighs, ripping the last barrier of lace and silk off and tossing it out of the way.

She closed her eyes as Maura parted her thighs and melted into her.

Shaking, Jane lifted her hips as Maura slid over her, skin rubbing against skin. Warmth burst from deep within, pooling between her legs. She needed more.

Rocking her hips, Jane ran her hands over the swell of Maura's ass, pulling her down, stretching up to find waiting lips, pouring herself into the kiss. Jane tried to memorize each sigh, each groan vibrating from Maura's throat as her hands explored every curve and valley.

If this was gone tomorrow, she needed to remember tonight.

She arched up, rolling them over. Maura was looking up at her, chest rising and falling rapidly. Jane buried herself against Maura's neck, inhaling the heady combination of Maura's familiar scent mixed with rising arousal. Her lips traveled along a sensitive neck, blunt nails and grasping fingers pushing her on.

The swell of Maura's breast filled her hand, her nipple fit between her fingers. The whimpers and moans Maura uttered as Jane squeezed the sensitive tip were addicting. She found the other breast with her mouth, tongue and teeth, rolling it, tasting the salt.

When Maura's hand slipped between her legs, Jane released it with a groan, pressing down as Maura rubbed her clit. Jane leaned down forehead to forehead, breathing heavily as warning shocks raced up her thighs. "I'm not going to last long if you keep doing that."

Maura reached up and met her lips roughly, open mouthed, wet. "Good."

Shuddering, Jane pushed away the edges of her orgasm, dipping her hand between their bodies, seeking until she glided through slick wetness. Their eyes met and Jane brought their mouths together loose and frenetic. She matched each of Maura's movements as they rocked together, her stomach clenching, her clit twitching.

When Maura's finger dipped inside, Jane's eyes slammed shut. When a second finger joined the first, Jane lifted her head as the first wave of her orgasm pushed at her. "Fuck."

Fingers swirled and the need to grind faster sent ripples over her stomach. She forced her eyes open, her vision hazy at the edges. Meeting Maura's eyes, she took her fingers off of Maura's clit and sunk two fingers in, fast and deep.

Maura arched off the bed, burying Jane's fingers deeper, meeting her thrust and Jane pressed back. This time when the sparks started radiating over her Jane didn't try to stop them. Maura's hand clutched at her ass, their hips ground together. Her world narrowed to the feel of Maura moving inside her, claiming her, owning her. Narrowed to the feel of her fingers sliding deep within Maura, surrounded by her touch, taste, feel, and sound.

Her body tensed, coiling, winding until she couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Jane buried her face into Maura's shoulder as she exploded, falling into a warm rush towards oblivion. Under her, Maura ground upward, clutching her tightly and Jane lifted her head in time to watch Maura fall apart, shuddering around her.

They breathed together, connected, until the sounds of her apartment and the city started to filter back in.

Heart still thundering, Jane slipped her fingers free, rolling to her side, pulling Maura with her. Maura gently pulled out and burrowed into her chest. Jane wrapped her arms tightly around her, never wanting to let her go.

Together their breathing slowed. Jane ran her fingers through the ends of Maura's hair, holding her, memorizing the scent and the feel of her. Deep in her gut, she knew with absolute finality that, no matter what might still happen, Maura was it for her. No wish could take something away that was woven into the very heart of her.

Jane closed her eyes and memorized the steady rise and fall of Maura's chest against her. A quiet sense of peace washed over her and she promised herself that she would never forget this moment.

When Maura's hand started to stroke her cheek, Jane opened her eyes. Gentle hazel eyes reached out for hers. Transparent and clear. So filled with trust, so filled with love, offering her a place to find safety, understanding, and peace.

Jane let herself drown in the depth and the complex colors staring back at her. So perfectly indicative of Maura. Beautiful, unexpected, owning her instantly. Jane kissed her forehead, relishing that she could leave her lips there as long as she wanted to. "I love you."

Maura's arm curled around her waist and held her securely. A leg wrapped around her hip, melding them together. "I know."

Maura looked back into Jane's eyes, locking their gazes together again as if she needed to see her words land safely in brown eyes. "I love you too."

It was the same look of adoration and affection Jane had found solace in for years. "I know."

* * *

><p>AN

To the betas, siDEADde & charlietheCAG thank you does not express it enough:)

To all:

The basket of wine corks used to be on Maura's kitchen island at least in S2. It was always my private head canon that she saved them as memories. I had it written down for a long time waiting to use it in a story.

Happy Tuesgay Rizzlers.


	33. Chapter 33

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>The alarm wind chimes from her phone slowly escalated, waking Maura up. As the tinkling continued to build she took a moment to relish the soft skin of Jane's breast under her cheek, the warmth of a rising abdomen under her arm and intimate tangle of their legs.<p>

Jane's voice rumbled under her ear. "Make it go away."

Maura rolled over and hit snooze before reclaiming her spot against Jane's side. Jane shifted in a sensual arch under her until an arm could wrap around her shoulders. Maura smiled against skin that was a delicious combination of Jane, sex, and them. Unable to help herself she ran a thumb over the slight ridge of Jane's ribs and along the underside of her breast.

Squirming, Jane rolled towards her until Maura was captured in lean, strong arms. Lips pressed into her hair. "Don't start something you can't finish."

Maura kissed a prominent collarbone as she ran a hand over Jane's hip and up along her back. "I'm not trying to, but I like you like this. You feel so good."

Jane's thigh pressed between hers and Maura immediately closed her legs tightly as her body instantly woke up. She bit Jane's shoulder lightly before touching her tongue briefly against the skin. "Now who's playing dirty?"

Jane whispered into her ear, hot breath sending goose bumps down her arms. "Call in sick."

Maura considered it for a moment as Jane's thigh flexed against her center and skin rubbed along her clit. Her body betrayed her, seeking out more friction. "I can't. I called an all staff meeting this morning for nine."

Insistent lips traveled down her neck as Jane's hand cupped her breast, thumb brushing against her nipple. Maura could barely concentrate on her words when the hand slowly moved down her stomach. "All staff, huh? Must be some case."

"Multiple…" Maura's breathing hitched when Jane's finger teased along the crease of her thigh. "…cases and you know it." Jane started circling her clit, barely touching, taunting, before trailing her fingers back up over Maura's stomach, along her ribs. Jane lightly pinched her nipple and the fact that the alarm started chiming in the background again didn't matter. Maura ground down against Jane's thigh, shuddering, trying to increase the pressure. "Fuck Jane."

Jane's mouth was hot against where her neck met her shoulder. Suddenly she shifted enough to sweep long fingers down Maura's clit. "That's the general idea, but I thought you had a staff meeting?" When Maura groaned, she started slowly rubbing circles.

Nothing mattered except the feel of Jane's touch. Maura gave up any pretense as Jane picked up the pace, her hips chasing each touch, silently asking for more. Jane's thigh increased the pressure from her fingers and the effect was instant. Her orgasm started to bloom heavy and wet, curling hard throughout her body before leaving her gasping her release quietly into Jane's shoulder.

Jane eased her thigh and hand away, kissing Maura's forehead and cheek. "Good morning."

As her body slowly came back to itself, Maura pinched Jane's backside, chuckling when she squirmed. "Good morning."

Her alarm continued to remind her that she needed to get up.

Jane sighed and ran her hands up and down Maura's back. "Your wind chime alarm is much easier to take than that foghorn sound I use, but right now I hate it." She hugged Maura for a moment. "Give me a second to go to the bathroom and the first shower is yours."

Watching Jane leap out of bed and sprint to the bathroom made Maura appreciate the aesthetic pleasure offered by well-defined gluteus muscles. Realizing she was still staring at the doorway, Maura forced herself to get up before Jane's suggestion of playing hooky became irresistible.

She grabbed a towel out of the linen closet and the minute Jane walked out of the bathroom she quickly ducked in, shutting the door and temptation behind her.

Maura quickly used the bathroom and turned on the shower, letting it warm up while she brushed her teeth. Her reflection made her smile. Her hair was in utter disarray, her lips were slightly swollen, but her eyes were sparkling.

The water pressure beat against still sensitive nipples and she had to turn her back. Looking down she realized there was faint bruising on her hip and a hickey along her chest. Last night had been thoroughly satisfying. It was as if Jane was determined to cram years of missed opportunity into a span of a few hours.

Maura picked up her body wash and borrowed Jane's loofah, scrubbing quickly. Every inch of her felt touched, taken, claimed. It was only when she grabbed her bottle of shampoo that she had to laugh.

Marmite in Jane's cabinet and her toiletries spread around Jane's apartment? Working up a lather in her hair, Maura realized she had more personal items in Jane's place than she did at Jack's or he had at hers.

Rinsing her hair and applying conditioner, Maura paused as she ran her fingers through her slick locks. However that did remind her that Jack did have personal effect still in her home. Shit. She was going to need to deal with that quickly.

She was making a mental note to call Jack and trying to figure out when to handle a quick exchange when the bathroom door opened. Maura turned around to hide her smile as she listened to the sink running and the buzz from a toothbrush. She truly did know Jane, but it wouldn't hurt to play along.

The shower door opened and wild curls appeared.

Maura thought the whine was a nice touch as Jane batted deep brown eyes at her. "Maauuraaa, you're taking forevvver… We're going to be late."

"We were already late the minute you put your hands on my body." Maura had to turn to face the spray to hide her smile. "But I think at this point you should probably join me. I'm almost done."

Jane barely waited until she had stepped into the shower before she had Maura up against the tile. Maura met her kiss, mint and water mixing against her tongue. She pinched a hip and turned her head. "This is not going to help our timely arrival to work."

Jane's hands cupped her breasts, thumbs brushing over her nipples. "Don't care."

Maura stared into chocolate eyes and leaned into the touch, her body hummed, the slight soreness mixing with the tingling pleasure. As Jane started to lean down to kiss her again, Maura used the distraction to give a quick push, reversing their positions. "That's because you're not the one leading a staff meeting."

She put a hand on Jane's shoulder and pinned her to the shower wall. "Not so fast." Maura grabbed Jane's loofah and soap. She fit herself against Jane, steam and warm water increasing the friction of their skin. "I'm not the one that needs to get clean in order to get us on our way." She ran the soapy loofah over Jane's side for emphasis.

Maura leaned forward and sucked lightly at Jane's pulse point, feeling Jane suck in air and let it out in a rush. "I love your body. I love how you feel, and how we fit." She replaced her lips with the soapy cloth, gently rubbing foamy circles down Jane's neck, over her shoulders. She moved down enough to flick a nipple with her tongue and Jane instantly shifted her legs. "Right now, and in each other's lives."

Maura drew the nipple into her mouth, relished the combination of water, skin, and Jane murmuring her name. She kissed her way across Jane's chest, finding the other breast and this time when Jane's fingers buried themselves into Maura's wet hair, she bit the tip.

Jane groaned and when Maura looked up her head was tilted back against the tile. Her lips traced a path over ribs and mapped out firm abdominal muscles. She continued running soap over twitching skin as she stood up. "Turn around. I have to wash your back."

Her teeth marked the back of Jane's neck as her hands wrapped around to toy with sensitized nipples. Jane slapped the wet wall. "Jesus." Maura laughed against the reddened skin, going back to exploring, hands spreading white foam over shoulder blades, down the bumps and dips of spine and hips.

Maura rested her chin on Jane's shoulder, mouthing her words against Jane's neck as she brought her hands around to Jane's stomach. "I think you're all clean now. I should go get ready."

Jane's hands captured her fingers as they brushed down over her belly button. She brought Maura's hands into the heat between her legs. "You are such a tease."

Running her fingers back and forth over Jane's clit, Maura stepped up against her back, pushing Jane into the wall. "If I was a tease I wouldn't do this." Three fingers cradled, pressing against slick wetness and sensitive flesh, her other hand pushed just below Jane's navel, melding them together but not moving.

Jane's forehead hit the tile, hips begging. "No, still teasing."

"How about this?" The strokes were broad, firm, slipping down each time to dip fingertips into growing warmth, torturously slow.

Jane groaned and pushed against Maura's hand. "God damn you."

"For other things perhaps, but not for this." Maura dipped down and around, over and over, increasing the pace as Jane leaned into her. Finally Jane had to brace herself against the wall, breathing heavily and Maura gave in. Hips to backside, arm tightening, pulling them together, fingers moving relentlessly until Jane went taut against her, breath coming in gasps.

As Jane went slack, chest against the tile, Maura held her, forehead pressed between shoulder blades, the water raining down over them.

After a few moments Jane turned, looking for her kiss, arms holding her tightly. When they finally broke apart Maura closed her eyes, imprinting the feel of the water and Jane, knowing they truly had to get on their way.

When Maura leaned back in her hold, Jane shook her head slightly. "That was not my plan."

Maura ran her hands down Jane's sides and finally took a step back. "Complaining?"

"Hell no." She frowned when Maura briefly stepped fully under the spray before turning resolutely towards the door. "Well, maybe about the fact that you're leaving me."

Maura looked over her shoulder. "You have 10 minutes Detective, or you're going to need to drive yourself in today. As it is, I'm going to have to be creative with my hair."

She stepped out of the shower, ignored Jane's grumbling and set about trying to get her hair dry enough to twist up in a style that looked polished.

It took a little bit of cajoling and a fair bit of staying out of arm's reach, but Maura managed to get them both out the door. Unfortunately even forcing Jane to wait in the car while she ran into her place to change didn't make up the difference between getting to work on time and being late.

Maura rushed into the conference room, the clock on the wall declaring she was five minutes late.

Curious eyes watched her and Maura knew her own actions were flustered as she pulled out her lab notebook. Absently she touched the twist in the back of her hair and double checked to make certain her shoes matched. Looking around the conference room she remembered that she was in charge. She took a deep breath and met her staff's gaze firmly. "Okay, let's run through the updates and get our week on track."

It was only afterwards, as she walked into her office and the poinsettia caught her attention that she realized most of her staff both knew she was seeing Jack and had been at the party Friday night. She rubbed a finger over the red leaf. Now the intense curiosity made sense.

So much change had occurred over 48 hours. Her levels of attachment to Jane were something she was quite familiar with. However last night and this morning? Never had a sexual connection to a partner driven her to this desire to be in constant contact with the other person. This intense need to be possessed or to take Jane in return was a decidedly different. For the first time in her professional career the idea of calling in to work and shutting out the rest of the world had been a viable option.

She'd read an MRI study once, early enough in her friendship with Jane that she'd still been confused by the intense desire she had for Jane's attention and presence, but far enough into it that she knew her interest went past friendly allegiance.

The study had focused on brain and hormone patterns of long term couples who still admitted sexual attraction past the initial courtship phase. At the time, she'd skimmed it and dismissed the science as barely peer reviewed, however this morning she wondered what her brain would show on a scan, because for her that was what she and Jane had always been. A couple. Platonic perhaps, but couple none-the-less. Jane had courted her friendship and her affection years ago.

Certainly the length of her relationship with Jane and the intensity of the connection had never lessened over the years. It was as much a part of their friendship as wine and beer. But now, with the lingering feel of Jane's touch on her skin, without question her blood levels of oxytocin and vasopressin would be abnormally elevated.

As far as her brain scan… Maura smiled. If she added in her already established commitment to Jane mixed with last night? Her ventral tegmental area would be lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Dr. Isles?" Maura looked away from the plant to see Susie standing in the doorway. "I have the final round up of all the lab findings from Detective Rizzoli's case, like you asked." Maura accepted the manila folder and went to turn back to her desk when the plant caught her eye again.

"Susie?" When the criminologist turned back Maura picked up the large tree and handed it to her. "Would you mind placing this in the conference room? Or perhaps in the cubes? You can decide."

Maura had not been ready to see her eyes go wide or the giant smile cross her face. "Of course." Susie hefted up the the poinsettia. "After Friday I had thought you two had finally figured it out but… we all thought maybe…" She didn't say anything else, merely winked and walked out.

Maura realized she was was gripping the manila folder hard enough to dent it and took a deep breath. Well that had been rather unexpected.

She stared at the door for a moment longer before forcing herself to get to work.

An hour later Maura realized she was still working on the same page of autopsy transcription. Her mind was firmly dedicated to wondering wondering which other co-workers besides Susie had thought she and Jane had been destined to be a couple. That kiss under the mistletoe couldn't have been more than a few seconds at best.

But by the time Susie was finished putting that plant down she was sure half her staff would be aware exactly why she was late this morning.

Her cheeks flushed and Maura closed her eyes, resting her forehead against her hands, trying to come up with a plausible way out that wouldn't involve lying, but it was of no use. There was no out. As the minutes ticked by she wanted to find Jane, grab her, and tell her she'd changed her mind entirely about being at work for the day, but perhaps not for the intended reasons.

With a sigh, Maura pushed back from her desk. She had never backed away from any situation in her life before and she wasn't going to start now. She grabbed her lab coat and shrugged into it and headed into the labs. Walking over to the giant white boards on the wall she analyzed what still had to be done and picked out one of the pending experiments. She initialed the responsible column and started gathering supplies.

As she worked there was a calming effect in the repetitive motion of her pipette to aliquot tubes. Secondary to the morgue, the lab was the place she felt most at home. Aliquoting the extended saliva let her mind wander without having to recall extensive details that could make or break a homicide case.

Maura realized as she worked, that other than a warm smile or a question about an ongoing experiment, the pace in the lab hadn't altered at all. An effervescent feeling bubbled up and she couldn't wait to see Jane. She glanced up at the doors as she continued to work, waiting for her to appear.

By the time everything had been placed into the freezer her watch told her it was almost lunch time. Excuse enough to go upstairs.

She found Jane at Nina's desk, both of them running video on separate computer monitors. Maura answered Jane's smile and buried her hands into dark brown curls, rubbing tense shoulders. "This is the footage from the state forest again. What are you looking for?"

Jane straightened up and leaned back against her and Maura relaxed at the contact. Nina glanced at them out of the corner of her eye, lingering on the position and the casual intimacy before looking back at her screen.

Jane sighed. "Probably nothing. Same story. I can't shake that feeling that this whole case is resolving itself too neatly for how messed up it really is. I realized I stopped paying much attention to the video once we found Alvarez's name."

Maura squeezed the tight trapezius muscles. "Did you find anything new?"

Jane shook her head and the back and forth against her abdomen making Maura press down on her shoulders to still the motion. Jane looked up at her and slowly a satisfied smile made dimples appear. Jane winked at her. "Actually what's frustrating is what _isn't_ here." Jane gestured to Nina's screen. "Nina, can you play it again?"

The way Nina was looking at them left no doubt in Maura's mind that she'd noticed the change in relationship status. Her eyes lingered briefly on where Maura's fingers were absently tracing Jane's collarbone and Maura quickly stilled her her hands.

Nina clicked play on a file on her desk. "Back when we were trying to isolate out the time the body was dumped, I linked all the video from the area together by time of issue. From the moment of the deer strike it looks like you have a full run until they turn into Bradley Palmer. We wouldn't anticipate video from that point onward, but watch, the timing seems off with the rate of travel."

The patchwork of video showed the van and the SUV moving through the street in varying picture quality until eventually it vanished around a bend in the road towards the state park.

Confused, Maura asked to watch it again and then one more time. "I don't believe the video is from the same day."

Maura pointed to the setting sun in the first few frames. "The sun moves approximately 15 degrees in an hour. The stage the sun was at this time of year would have meant that there was complete darkness within three minutes, four at most, yet the video you are currently showing runs six minutes. The van and the SUV remain clearly discernible and they shouldn't be. If anything the light improves."

Both Jane and Nina went still. Nina clicked on the video again. When it finished she stared at Jane. "She's right. Because the feed runs from several sources and not all systems have a date stamp I never considered it might be from two separate days. It came over from the state packaged under the same date. We were so focused on looking for clips of the SUV and the van."

Jane reached up her body and grabbed Maura's hand. "Nina, can you go back to the deer strike? There were two cars that went before the van and SUV. Can we attempt to track those vehicles through the video instead? Then we might be able to figure out which pieces belong on what day."

Nina turned her back to them so she could grab her phone. "Let me see if your brother has time, we're going to have to go back through everything."

Jane sighed. "I'll stick around and help too. Maybe with three of us we'll figure it out before midnight."

With the phone to her ear, Nina smiled quickly over her shoulder before turning back around, starting to speak into the phone.

Relaxing back against Maura, Jane squeezed her hand and looked up. "Have I ever told you, you're perfect?"

"Nobody's perfect, I didn't…" The words came out in a tangled rush.

"I know you probably have lots of reasons you think you're not perfect." Jane brought Maura's hand to her mouth and placed a kiss against the palm. "But I bet all the reasons you're gonna list are only going to make me realize how perfect you are for me."

Jane dropped Maura's hand as Nina started to turn back around. "I should probably warn you my mother called me but she's looking for you. Said you weren't answering your cell."

Maura left her hand where Jane dropped it. "I was in the lab."

"Figured as much." Jane sighed and looked at Nina. "Okay, where should we start?"

Nina pointed to the work station next to hers. "All the way back to the raw files."

"All the way back? Crap." Maneuvering the mouse Jane pulled up the first file, saw the hours of footage and looked up at Maura in apology. "If you came to get me for lunch, I can't go."

Trying to hide her disappointment, Maura ran her hand back to Jane's neck and slid her thumb over the ridges of bone. "I did come up to see about lunch, but why don't I go out and bring you something back?

"See, I still say you're perfect." Jane smiled at her before suddenly frowning. "Oh, second warning. Ma is going to ask you if we can have everyone over to decorate the tree tonight. I told her it probably wasn't a good night."

"I don't mind." Jane started to shake her head and Maura leaned down to whisper in her ear. "They all have to leave at some point."

"Maura!" Jane reached back to awkwardly slap at her knee, but Maura easily sidestepped and walked away, noticing that Detective Crowe was staring hard at her as she walked by.

* * *

><p>AN

siDEADde & charlietheCAG one day this will be over and then you'll secretly miss it ;) Thank you.

To all: Been a bit… but I can't leave you all hanging too long. I get distracted with the writing (almost done!), trying to finish it up so I can turn the rest over to beta.

Special dedication to devilinred who made this drawing on tumblr for this story. I stumbled on it (to be honest I am not the most savvy tumblr user so this is a miracle. Ask Sid) and asked to use it as the cover but apparently that lovely sketch wasn't enough. She made TWO covers for it. And then I had to choose. Which I couldn't.

So I did the super mature thing of flipping a penny, having the kid call it in the air and there we go. For those of you who want to see the options go to the magically terrifying place called tumblr and check it out (I think you can look up devilinred and see it that way) THANK YOU.

True life fact: the MRI study used loosely (very, very loosely, it's fic people) was actually published, I picked a free one so people could look for fun: doi:10.1093/scan/nsq092 (Neural correlates of long-term intense romantic love)


	34. Chapter 34

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>Light glowed warmly from the windows of Maura's brownstone, cutting the shadows as Jane weaved her way up past her brother's cruiser and her mother's car.<p>

Snow drifted lazily down, catching in her curls and melting instantly on the hood of the cruiser. The heat coming off the hood meant she hadn't missed dinner. Frankie was bringing Korsak and her mother would hold off serving for them.

She probably owed Nina a coffee tomorrow for cutting her off when she did. Not even Korsak was able to stop her when she was focused on something. But Nina shut the machines off and told her that it was time to go home. Kinda hard to argue when the monitor screen was black. As a side benefit she was almost on time for dinner instead of trying to figure out which excuse would diffuse her mother the best.

The din from inside poured out into the December night as she stepped through the door. TJ's squeals of hysterical laughter bounced off the walls along with Jo Friday's barking. He peeled around the corner, chubby legs flying, and leapt into her arms. "Aunt Jane!" He scooted up her shoulder, burying his head in her hair. "I hiding!"

Frankie made monster noises as his head appeared from behind Maura's half wall, eyes crossed, face askew. "The tickle monster hears a little boy."

Jo Friday careened around the corner standing in front of Jane, bouncing in place, barking at Frankie as he lumbered around the corner. "Where is TJ? Where is that little boy? The tickle monster is going to get you!"

TJ screamed into her ear and clutched her neck, laughing. Jane tilted her head away when Frankie reached them and TJ screeched again. "I don't know Uncle Frankie. I don't see any little boys around here."

Frankie circled them slowly, his voice deep and gruff. "Tickle monster smells Nonna's cookies. That little boy is around here someplace."

His finger poked TJ's leg and the little boy started kicking. "No!" He crawled further up her shoulder "Jane!"

Jane winked at her brother and took off into the living room, Frankie right at her back, Jo Friday skittering at her heels. TJ clutched her shoulders tightly as they dropped to the couch together. Jane wrapped her arms around him tightly and whispered into TJ's ear. "You should go hide under the table. On the count of three… one… two…"

"Feee!" TJ leapt out of her arms and ran under Maura's dining room table with Frankie slowly stalking him.

Jane stood, still smiling, and hung up her coat. In the kitchen, her mother was clearly lecturing Tommy, sauce spoon punctuating every word. Curious she walked behind her mother and tried to sneak an olive out of the salad but Angela spun around and grabbed the bowl away. "Do not stick your dirty hands into that salad. Go wash up."

Jane ignored her and sat next to Tommy, nudging him with a shoulder. "Sauce spoon lecturing. Must be serious."

"It is!" Angela furiously stirred the pot of sauce. "Because of your brother we won't have TJ for any part of Christmas day! I'm not going to see my only grandchild on Christmas! All because he got in a huge fight with Lydia."

Jane leaned against the countertop. "Uh oh. What did you argue about?"

Tommy glanced quickly at his mother. "I don't know. Nothing."

"So what's the problem?"

Tommy shrugged but Angela put a hand on her hip. "He thinks that just because he's sober again that Lydia should stop seeing the man she's been dating. Lydia refused, Tommy threatened to take her to court for custody, and now Lydia is keeping TJ for all of Christmas day. I don't even blame her."

Tommy turned to face Jane, eyes pleading. "Jane tell her I'm right on this. Please? Lydia and I were supposed to get married. They're my family. Why does some guy get to come in and take my place like that? I fucked up. I admitted it and I got help. I go to a meeting every day. TJ's my son not his. She owes me a second chance to make it right."

Jane let out a sigh. "No Tommy, that's not true. She doesn't owe you anything, and you messed up more than once. Remember when you found out she was pregnant? Or after she had TJ? Even then it took Stuart coming around for you make a move. I love you, but if I was Lydia? I'd probably want someone more responsible if I was trying to raise a kid."

"Fuck you!" Tommy hit the counter. "Who are you to lecture me on responsibility? You ended up pregnant but nobody's talking about the fact that you didn't slow down, not even a little. Everyone is giving Hero Jane a free pass. So don't lecture me about messing up." Tommy stood up and stormed off to the bathroom.

In the living room Frankie was lifting TJ over his head, trying to distract him as Tommy rushed by.

Jane couldn't look at her mother. Her hands rubbed against her thighs. "Well that was fun."

"He didn't mean it, baby. He's stressed. I wish I knew how to fix things for him, but I can't this time." Angela walked over and kissed her head. "And you did nothing wrong in saving that girl's life."

Jane stared at her hands, focused on the scars. "Tommy's problems are nobody's fault but Tommy's." She looked for TJ and watched him roll on the ground trying to avoid Jo Friday as she pounced, licking his face. "I love my brother, but I don't think it's a bad thing if Lydia finds someone more responsible than Tommy. She's not exactly a brain surgeon herself and TJ deserves some sort of structure."

"Jane." Her mother's warning was implicit.

Jane chewed the inside of her cheek. Suddenly all she wanted was to put her arms around Maura. "Is Maura upstairs? She left a few hours before me. I thought she said she was coming home."

Angela pulled the shells from the oven and placed them on a trivet. "She was here but when you were going to be late she decided to run a quick errand. I'm supposed to tell you the files you wanted are under the desk. However, I'm warning you as your mother, if you touch those while I'm here, I'll smack you. No murder before dinner."

When her mother bent over to pull out the tin foil, Jane quickly reached out and plucked an olive off the top of the salad and popped it into her mouth. "What did Maura need? I could have picked it up on my way home."

"It wasn't anything you could have helped with." Angela started covering the shells. "I hope this keeps until Vince arrives." She looked up at Jane and narrowed her eyes. "What are you chewing?"

Jane swallowed quickly and looked over her shoulder at her brother who was burying TJ on the couch under cushions and blankets. "I thought Vince was coming home with Frankie."

"He wanted to have his car for later tonight and there was a bakery near his house he wanted to stop by when he heard I loved turnovers." Angela hit Jane's hand as it went for the salad again. "Be useful. Go wash up and take TJ with you."

Jane raised an eyebrow, quickly grabbed another olive before turning around, clapping her hands. "Who wants to go make bubbles with Aunt Jane?"

TJ popped up from under a pile of couch pillows. "Me!"

"Okay, but we're going to have to go all the way upstairs to the bathroom in my room." Jane grabbed his hand and pulled him up. "Bet you can't beat me to the bathroom."

"I got super speed!" He tore off for the bathroom and Jane hurried after him, surprised at how fast he had dashed up the stairs. She barely made it in time to pry him off the bathroom sink as he tried to leap on it. She picked him up with an arm and balanced him on a thigh.

Filling the basin with liquid soap and water she swished it lightly until it started to foam. "See? Bubbles. You gotta help me though."

He dove in, vigorously splashing as water ran over the edge and up her arm. Jane kissed his head, looked at their reflection in the mirror. He was nestled against her, trusting her to hold him up. Fuck Tommy. She wasn't so bad at this. She would have made an okay mom. "What do you think bud, do you love your Aunt Jane?"

TJ giggled. "I'm makin' a mess."

"Well how about you make a mess on me." Jane leaned on her elbows, surrounding him, offering her hands. "Get them all clean with bubbles okay?"

TJ painted sudsy foam on her hands, splattering bubbles up her shirt as he patted it. He leaned down and stared at the back of her hand. A chubby finger rubbed her scar. "You have a boo-boo?"

"Something like that."

TJ bent over and kissed it. "All better!"

"Yeah buddy, all better." Jane kissed his head again, breathing in childhood and fragile innocence. She couldn't imagine sending TJ in as a pawn to some monster. She'd take a bullet for him. He was family. She also couldn't have lived with herself if Tasha had died because she sat around waiting. "Let's rinse off and go show Nonna that we're sparkling clean."

She kept a tight hold on his hand so he wouldn't run down the stairs, letting him loose once they were in the living room.

Tommy was hunched over the island, head down, and her mother was adjusting the heat under the sauce. Korsak was helping Frankie set the table. Still no Maura. Jane wandered over to the window and looked at the dusting of snow building over the cars.

"Vince, were the roads okay?"

"Melting when it hits the pavement." He started distributing the forks. "Traffic's a mess though."

Turning away from the window she met her mother's eyes and when Angela gestured for her to come over she swallowed a groan.

Tommy looked up as she approached. "Sorry Jane. That was low."

"Yeah, it was." Jane tried to pick her words carefully. Not giving him an out but not dragging it out any longer. Both of them had demons to fight. Going at each other wasn't going to help either of them. "Thanks for watching Jo for me this week."

He looked at her for several long moments and nodded. "I had kinda hoped that Lydia would hang around when she came to pick up TJ if Jo was there, but it didn't work this time."

Jane didn't have to look at her mother to know that Angela's heart was probably breaking at his tone. Hell, she felt it too. "It will get better Tommy. Stay sober because you have a kid. An awesome kid. Nobody can take that from you if you stay clean."

Before Tommy could reply, the front door opened and Maura walked in, the actual rush of relief rolling over her body made Jane sigh, acutely wanting nothing more than to feel Maura against her. She settled for going over and grabbing Maura's coat from her. "Hey."

Maura's eyes flickered over her body, lingered on her lips. "Hi."

Unable to help herself, Jane reached out and brushed melting snow off Maura's hair, resisting the urge to tuck herself around Maura and stay that way for the rest of the night. "Dinner's ready."

Angela's voice boomed from behind them. "Girls! Come sit down, everything's getting cold and there is a tree that needs ornaments before a little boy has to head home for bed."

"See?" Jane rolled her eyes and gestured in front of her. "After you."

There was a certain satisfaction to sitting next to Maura. A renewed appreciation at having that spot back as hers. Jane barely tasted dinner as the conversation flowed and she concentrated on picking out the sounds of Maura's voice.

Korsak helped himself to more sausage and passed Jane the bowl. "At least I finally made it here. This city forgets how to drive whenever there's even a flake of snow. Took me 20 minutes to make it through the lights on Warren Street."

Maura shook her head when Jane offered her the bowl of sausages and sauce. "I had the same problem on Beacon Street by the reservoir. However, my students now have their grades in."

Jane swallowed quickly. In the insanity of the last week she'd forgotten that Maura was wrapping up teaching a class. And more importantly, that course was at BCU, where she'd met Jack.

Frankie was taking a second helping of stuffed shells, ignoring Angela trying to block him from taking more than one. "You guys don't do that stuff online?"

Maura hesitated. Took a long sip of her wine. "Online is an option, but I had a few personal items I had to collect from campus."

That was all Jane needed to hear. She stole a glance out of the corner of her eye at Maura's face, noticed the smooth contours. Maura's poker face. Only Jane knew her well enough that it didn't hide a damn thing. Fucking Jack.

Jane bit the inside of her cheek, trying to push down the rapid fire questions burning on her tongue. Her fingers went cold as she rubbed them on her knee. She stole a glance at Maura, who was picking at her food. The buzz of conversation seemed to close in on her.

TJ started to try to scramble away from the table and it gave her the excuse she needed. Jane stood up quickly and grabbed her plate. "Since the little mister is done, I'm going to change and grab the ornaments before he starts scaling the shelves."

The second her plate was by the sink she headed upstairs. Once she was in the guest room she forced herself to take a deep breath. There was a house full of other people and she didn't own Maura.

Jane ran a hand roughly through her hair. People around or not, she was not going to question Maura. She was going to get her shit together and shut her mouth. Especially when every thought running through her mind was going to make her sound like a jealous shrew. So what if Maura had gone to see Jack?

Tall, handsome, Professor Jack, who had already swept Maura off her feet once.

The cold pit in her stomach wouldn't let her calm down. She wanted to run downstairs and kick everyone out. She wanted to pin Maura against the wall and kiss her until they both forgot Jack's name.

Damn it.

Jane ran a hand roughly through her hair, strands pulling out when she hit a tangle. After last night she was not okay with stepping aside anymore. If Jack wanted Maura back he was going to have one hell of a fight on his hands.

She went into the bathroom and turned the cold water on. Washed her face and rinsed it until her skin felt numb. Grabbing the hand towel she dried off and when she looked into the mirror she realized she wasn't alone.

Maura was standing there in a skirt that highlighted her curves and a silk blouse that was cut low enough to see the shadows between her breasts. Jane turned around, unable to stop staring at the skin peeking out of the neckline. She could taste the salt of Maura's skin on her tongue and the memory of moans vibrating against her lips.

"You didn't kiss me hello." Maura stepped into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. When Jane didn't move, Maura's eyes searched her face. "Jack had a few things here that I needed to give back to him and he had something for me."

Jane gritted her teeth. That was reasonable. What wasn't reasonable was the hot feeling that started to burn in her chest knowing why he had anything over here in the first place. "Okay." She couldn't help herself. "I know it's none of my business. I don't own you."

Maura held up her wrist, and tapped the heavy silver watch on it. "I left my Cartier at his house and he wasn't comfortable putting a $10,000 watch in the mail."

Jane stared at the shiny metal, her chest constricting as images crashed through her mind.

Maura's watch at Jack's place. Maura taking her watch off at Jack's place. Her clothes off. Jack's hands roaming over her naked skin. His body claiming hers. Jane swallowed harshly, her pulse racing, the burning in her chest exploded.

It was one step across the bathroom and one hand on Maura's hip. It was the sound of Maura's back hitting the wall and the taste of her lips a second later. It was the whimper of surrender and the mouth that instantly yielded.

Jane was beyond thought, beyond reason. All that mattered were Maura's lips pushing back, stealing her breath, stealing her soul, absolutely devastating her. She needed Maura. Needed to be inside Maura. The skirt was tight and in her way.

Determined she clawed the material up, ran a hand between Maura's thighs. Felt the heat and the wetness under nylons and lace. Ripped through the barrier, pushed aside underwear, and thrust a finger deeply inside.

Maura pulled her mouth away, breath panting against her cheek. Met each thrust in with a moan of approval. Jane added a second finger, caught Maura as she sagged into her, could feel herself begin to shake and her arm began to burn as they pushed together faster. She needed leverage. Maura whimpered in protest when she pulled out. But it was one turn, one step back until Maura was up on the counter and she buried herself back inside.

Mouths met, unscripted and needy. With everything in her, Jane claimed every sound, every taste, greedily swallowing anything Maura offered. Her thumb curled over Maura's clit, sliding up and down, driving her on and in seconds hands were clawing at her back, holding her desperately. She twisted up and Maura tore her mouth away, breath hot against her neck. Jane drove in harder, and suddenly thighs were tight against her hips. Maura went tight around her fingers and teeth sharply marked her neck as she came hard in a trembling rush.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Jane ran her hand up Maura's back. Truly realized what had just happened. Heat washed over her face. Jane opened her eyes and saw them reflected in the mirror together. The image of Maura curled into her while she was still buried inside.

Jane went to pull out when Maura grabbed her wrist and whispered against her shoulder, "Not yet."

The tension drained from her body as they leaned against each other and Jane realized she was shaking. Maura finally let go of her wrist and she gently pulled her fingers free. Jane looked at their reflection again. They hadn't even undressed. She wrapped herself around Maura, kissing the side of her head. "I'm sorry."

Maura lifted her head instantly. "Don't be." Jane couldn't meet her eyes. Maura's hand grabbed her chin, forcing Jane to look at her. "I didn't try to stop you, I encouraged you. You don't think I needed this too?"

"What do you mean?" Caught in liquid hazel, Jane felt her heart start to pound.

"Part of me has been terrified all day that you regretted last night. We work in the same building and I barely heard from you. I walked in the front door tonight and you hardly touched me. That wasn't us when we were only friends, never mind now." Maura released her chin and ran her thumb over Jane's bottom lip. "And tonight, this. What is going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

Jane opened her mouth to explain and felt her cheeks start to burn as she thought about the fact that her entire panic was based on a cup of coffee and not kissing Martinez. Maura was going to think she was going insane. "Can you promise you won't think I'm nuts?"

Maura frowned at her. "How can I promise something if I don't know the context?"

"Maura!" Jane leaned her forehead against Maura's shoulder. "Can you at least promise you'll try not to laugh?"

Maura buried her hand into dark curls and rubbed the nape of Jane's neck. "I'll try."

Jane took a deep breath, ready to continue, when the bathroom door handle started rattling.

Furious tiny knocks rammed against the door. "Aunt Jaaane!" TJ's plaintive voice matched the furious knocks. "Nonna says come!" The door handle shook again. "I wanna make the tree!"

Jane rolled her eyes. "He must be in training." She called over her shoulder. "Just a minute buddy."

Chuckling Maura straightened up and slid off the counter, tugging her skirt back in place. "You should probably go help him or I bet one of your brothers is next. I'm going to go freshen up and change." She unlocked the door and TJ hurtled through.

"Found you!"

Jane braced herself as he wrapped himself around her legs. "Hey bud, you totally did. Go wait for me in the bedroom though, okay? I have to change my clothes."

"You need pry-ba-ci?"

Jane worked that out in her head. "Yeah." He scampered out.

Jane reached out and grabbed Maura's arm when she went to follow TJ, not willing to simply let her go. "Look, I'll explain later but I'm probably an idiot." She pulled Maura into her arms, kissed her forehead. "But until you tell me differently, I'm _your_ idiot, okay?"

Maura's sigh was soft. "Okay."

* * *

><p>AN

Many thanks to siDEADde & charlietheCAG and…. The spousal unit :)… guess it does take a village.

To all:

Sometimes I wonder if the wife is actually a lesbian or not. Then within a minute I realize her femmish self makes me look positively heterosexual.

Me: Did you think about what type of car you want.

Spouse: I told you a Subaru Outback.

Me: But we can't be _those_ lesbians.

Spouse: It has all AWD and it's so sexy

Me: This has to do with the weather forecast, right? I'm just making a solid commitment to drinking as my new hobby I won't even notice a few more feet of snow. You should try it.

Her response: I won't need to. I'm moving.

Me: Where?

Spouse: Seattle? Portland? Honestly I just don't care at this point but I cannot sustain my bright and bubbly personality in these conditions much longer. (bleeped out job) are a need everywhere and both those cities have major airports so you could impart your wisdom nationally as a consultant.

Me: Gee… no San Francisco? Key West?

Spouse: We're not that gay.

Me noticing that she is seriously putting DEBS into the DVD player: Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that.


	35. Chapter 35

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>The front door closed with force, echoing off the ceiling, along with Jane's voice. "I thought they'd never leave." There was a dramatic groan. "Who would have ever thought my mother would be the first one to rush out? Vince took the hint and went with her, but my brothers are like twin stumps sometimes."<p>

Jane continued to grumble and Maura smiled as she reached into the fridge and pulled out a beer. They were finally alone.

Jane sauntered through her living room, arms above her head, a tempting slice of abdomen flashing with each step. "Just listen. So peaceful, so quiet. As much as I love TJ, he's exhausting. And loud."

Maura popped the top off a beer, sliding it over before refilling her wine glass, deciding not to mention whose voice TJ's reminded her of. "He certainly is… active."

Jane snagged the beer off the counter and took a long swig. "Who knew he could scale a ladder that fast? Or screech like that?"

"You took a jar of candy canes away from from a three-year-old Rizzoli and put it up on the mantle where he could still see it, but not reach it." Maura gave her a pointed look from under lowered lashes. "Of course he was going to take that as a challenge, he's related to you."

"Cute." Jane leaned her back against countertop edge, looking out over the living room. "And to think he's only my nephew. Can you imagine what my own kid would have been like? The world probably dodged a bullet on that one."

There was something about Jane's tone that made Maura turn around. She noticed that Jane was focused on the mantle and the jar of candy canes, lines along the side of her mouth pronounced. Carefully, Maura matched Jane's position, but tucked herself close enough to touch. "I think the world missed out on something special. I know I did."

Jane exhaled, looked from the candy canes to the tree, seemingly mesmerized by the multicolored lights. "It's for the best really. Can you even imagine? It would have been impossible trying to figure out how to raise a kid with my job."

"Other detectives do it all the time. You would have figured it out." Maura quickly scanned Jane's face and noticed that Jane was clenching and unclenching her jaw. Maura sipped at her wine, finally making up her mind to be transparent. "And I did imagine what it would have been like to have a little you. Quite a bit actually."

"Well you got a taste of it tonight. Mayhem and some kid hanging off a ladder screaming while I tried to wrangle them down." Jane sighed. "Though who knows, with your influence my kid probably would've been screaming in twenty different languages while I tried to pry its little hand off the top rung."

Maura laughed, the picture almost believable. "I highly doubt our three-year-old would know 20 languages, but see? You can imagine it."

Jane chuckled but the sound was strained. "Yeah. Maybe." She sipped at her beer. "Our three-year-old." Jane's lips formed a thin line. After another sip of her drink she looked at Maura. "I don't think I ever thanked you for taking care of me while I was pregnant. Especially since I wasn't doing all that great a job of it myself."

Maura glanced up at her, trying to gauge what type of support Jane needed. She couldn't tell. "You're the one that took your vitamins and gave up coffee."

"Because you made me." Jane ran her fingernail over the beer bottle label. "You know, I basically asked you to co-parent my kid, and you said yes. I could tell you were even excited about the baby. All that baby stuff you researched and everything, but I don't think I ever asked how _you_ felt after I miscarried." Her nail ripped the label. "It was your loss too."

"I felt incredibly grateful that you were alive." Maura chewed at her lower lip before letting out a long sigh. The baby had barely crossed her mind while Jane was in surgery and she'd felt awful afterwards when they'd updated her on the miscarriage. "I was sad when I found out, but I was overcome with happiness knowing you were going to be okay. Sometimes I feel guilty about that."

Maura studied the strong profile, the vitality that made up Jane Rizzoli. Jane alive had been all she had wanted. Afterwards when she thought about the miscarriage she'd come to an embarrassing conclusion. Until now she'd kept her thoughts to herself, but if it might help… "To be honest, when I took the time to truly think about what made me sad, I believe I was more upset that I'd lost the chance to have a permanent connection to you. The baby was still very abstract in concept to me."

Jane's fingernail ripped another line of through the paper. Glanced at her before nodding slowly.

Maura took one look at the jagged bits of paper hanging off Jane's beer bottle and pushed off the counter. When Jane stopped answering it was always best to change the topic. "I brought those files home like I promised. All the forensics from our case and copies of everything from Vice and the State Police."

"Oh, I forgot! Ma mentioned them but wouldn't let me pull them out before dinner." Jane's expression instantly shifted, relaxing the deep furrows as she went to the couch. "I vote coffee table and comfy seating. I've been in front of that monitor with Nina all day."

Jane dragged the coffee table close to the couch, put Maura's wine next to her beer on the end table, and accepted the stack of folders handed to her as Maura sat down.

Yawning slightly, Maura sat down and pulled the top folder. "How would you like to proceed? What are you looking for?"

Jane shrugged. "No eff'n clue really. A common thread or something. I probably watched ten solid hours of video clips today only to figure out we were missing a chunk. Nina asked the State for them but nobody was feeling overly cooperative tonight. Eventually she kicked my ass home." She spread the files out along the coffee table. "I'll take a road trip tomorrow and see if I can get the lead Detective from the body dump to help if I have to."

Maura was about to ask to go with her, mentally reviewing what she had to complete in the morning, when she suddenly sat up. "Oh!"

Maura put her fingers on Jane's wrist when she almost dropped the folder in her hand. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you but I almost forgot. I called the St. Vincent's shelter this afternoon to make a donation in Verna's memory and found out from Marcie that they are holding a memorial Mass for her tomorrow morning."

Jane's forehead furrowed. "A memorial mass for Verna? I didn't know you'd released the body."

"I didn't. But I believe they suspect no one will claim the body and she'll be buried as indigent when I do. I plan on going and I'll drop off the donation while I'm there." Maura leaned over and started opening each folder, ordering them by serial number at the top. "I was hoping you'd go with me."

"So a memorial Mass, before the funeral?" Jane sat still for a moment. "I can't work out the logic on that, but yeah, of course I'll go with you. Unless more video magically appears or a new case comes in." Opening the folder in her lap Jane started flipping through the papers. "So can you walk me through the new forensics?"

Maura got up, went to her briefcase and pulled out her laptop. Settling next to Jane she logged in, connected her VPN, and waited while the system engaged. "It's a mix of our work because of the bodies, the State department, and the crime techs that work with Vice. I did verify or personally handle whatever lab samples I could."

Her eyes skimmed the first report. "The cocaine found next to Gianni's body was not the same as what we found in both the sister's apartment or the statues in the store. From around the body the product was cut with polyethylene glycol and in all the statues the cocaine was combined with amphetamine."

Jane looked up from the page she was reading. "Better quality shit in the statues. What did the state say the street value was of the coke next to Gianni?"

Maura had to flip to one of the folders on the table. "Around $40,000."

Suddenly Jane's head was on her shoulder as she read the paper. "Ugh, somebody must have wanted to boost their numbers because there is no way that amount of dust cut with laxatives would've been worth that."

Maura shivered when Jane reached across her body, arm brushing her breasts so she could scroll down the page. Jane pointed to something on the screen. "I mean seriously, that stuff in the statues was not for street corners. That's high end. Private buyers. Makes more sense why it flew under the radar. Probably pretty white people in designer clothes wandering in after Church buying a new Bible and a bucket of blow."

"Angel actually, there weren't any buckets present." Maura lightly pushed against Jane's face. "If you want to keep working I suggest you stop distracting me."

Jane's eyes glinted. "Distracting you? I had no idea I had that power." She turned her head until she could give a slight nip to a soft ear. "I'll have to remember this at the next crime scene."

Maura stiffened as each word danced down her spine and she pressed her thighs together. "If I didn't think you'd be up all night later, I'd tell you to remember it right now… upstairs." She firmly pushed Jane away. "So please, let's get through this so we can go to bed."

"Killjoy." Jane went back to reading the next page in the file on her lap. "So what else is new?"

"Full tox results came back on both Gianni and Verna." Maura clicked on another file. "Gianni had cocaine and traces of amphetamine." She pulled up another. "What I thought was interesting was Verna's original samples had methamphetamine in addition to the cocaine and trace amphetamine."

"What?" Jane was back leaning against her in a second. "Verna was never a user."

"It was present in hair samples too." Maura rubbed Jane's forearm. "She may not have realized what she was taking or she may have been trying to self medicate."

Jane relaxed against her. "Anything else?"

Maura nodded. "The intestinal tissue slides surprised me. Surface thickening may have been from exposure to regular ingestion of an acidic compound." She glanced at Jane. "Cocaine is very acidic."

"You don't ingest cocaine." Jane grabbed the laptop and looked at the screen. "Not that all these lines aren't pretty, but what's all this?"

"Essentially I had her brain matter tested and you're looking at the mass spec results proving cocaine was present." Maura watched Jane studying the screen, lines of frustration building around her eyes. "Verna had been already autopsied and the stomach contents were not present. Cocaine breaks down rapidly in the body and I didn't see evidence in her nose or lungs of habitual inhalation or a needle mark on her body."

Jane sighed. "I told you she wasn't an addict."

Maura leaned over, scrolled past the graphs to the small write up under. "If it's too late to run my own bloodwork I have to trust the original lab results that the metabolites were present following death. To be honest, I'm not happy with the original report. I assume they studied her heart because part of it was missing, but there was no mention in the original report. I sampled again, but all findings were within limits for her age and living standards."

Jane passed her back the laptop and leaned forward, burying her face in her hands. "This is why I never look at anything other than your report."

Maura slipped her hands under Jane's shirt, ran her palms over warm skin. Fingertips categorized the delicate arrangement of bone, muscle, and skin. She loved the way Jane felt. "My report is that Verna was exposed to cocaine, amphetamine, and moderate levels of methamphetamine." She ran her finger along a prominent shoulder blade before pulling her hands away, battling with the temptation to continue. "The methamphetamine may account for her more intense episodes of dementia. Methamphetamine causes hallucinations."

Jane turned and looked at her from under a wall of curls and Maura reached out and tucked the mass behind her ear. Jane met her eyes for a moment. "I'll give you she got stranger than usual at the end, but I don't see Verna as a meth head." She sat up and traded the folder in her lap for another one. "But I hear you. Test results are the test results and all that."

Jane ran her thumbs over the scars in her palms as she stared down at Gianni's photo from the morgue. The bloat of decomposition distorting his features. They had been damn lucky the body was found when it was. Much longer and even more of the forensics would have been lost.

Jane felt a little click fall into place. She flipped through the folder and pulled out the report from the State Police and started to read again. "We were lucky those horses spooked and that woman fell off. Otherwise it might have been at least another day before decomp would have been strong enough to really make someone in the area stop and even then they'd need to be on foot."

Maura pulled up Gianni's autopsy report. "The cold winter conditions helped preserve the body but based on the rough timeline between when the shooting happened at Macy's and when the body was discovered, the time of death would have been shortly after he ran from the scene."

"So why would you want to try to hide the smell of a body after you dumped it, in a location you knew it was going to be discovered?" Jane stood up and started wandering around the living room. "You don't dump it in a public access spot with a giant state forest around you unless you want it to be found."

Maura knew the question wasn't directed at her and watched Jane walk around, stopping here and there to fiddle with her hands.

"Guy like Alvarez isn't going to want a body found. He's going to dump it in one of the ponds or deep in the woods, buried." Jane was staring up at the picture above the fireplace. "But a guy like Alvarez isn't going to think about driving it all the way out of the city and dumping it in a state park either. Plenty of places in Boston you can stash a van and a body until it's found. It's a lot less risky too. These guys don't like to stray from home, it's survival for them."

She turned around and Maura could see Jane trying to fit little parts of everything together. Rereading a paragraph from the State Police report, the horses spooking stuck out to her. "Jane?" Brown eyes met hers. "The horses would have smelled the decay well before the riders. Any attempt at masking the odor would have been wasted on them. As prey animals, they would have fought moving past anything that might indicate a possible predator."

"And you know this how?"

"I was on the intercollegiate dressage team during college, remember? Horses are keenly aware of their environment. It was always a challenge to keep the horse engaged during my test."

Jane stopped for a moment. "I still can't picture you up on some horse, prancing in circles. It's like watching paint dry, no wonder the horse didn't want to pay attention. Seriously, why not something interesting like racing or jumping?"

"Dressage is the art of riding. It's highly technical." Maura ignored the eye rolling. "It's extremely challenging physically and mentally. Racing uses professional jockeys and jumping never appealed to me."

"I don't get it… Ugh, never mind." Jane exhaled noisily. "Actually, though, that's a good point about the horses. Its winter, not too many people are out in the forest. Riding or otherwise. So if I'm the killer and I want the body found, but I want it found at a particular time, I'm not thinking horses. I'm thinking cross country skiers, people out hiking, stuff like that. Sure, it may start to stink, but with the flowery smell and the fact that everyone is passing by, you figure you might have at least a couple of days before anybody notices something is fucked up beyond a stinky car."

Jane turned back around and went over to the clear medical sundry jar filled with candy canes on the mantle. Maura watched her turn the glass in circles, analyzing the contents.

Spinning around Jane rushed back to the coffee table, falling to her knees as she started pawing through the folders. "Maura, help me find all the trace evidence reports. This whole time I didn't notice that I was assuming the killer knew decomp and trace evidence, because it was fucking clear that they did."

Maura started pulling reports from files, trying not to focus on the fact that everything was becoming chaotic and disordered.

Jane held up a report from Gianni's folder triumphantly. "I never questioned that the packaging over the coke next to the body didn't have a single fingerprint because I figured the shit was planted by the killer. Same thing for the Alvarez siblings fingerprints all over the packaging inside the angel. That made sense. But what else do we have? Plenty of odds and ends but nothing unusual. A few unidentified fingerprints, random fibers. The only thing I'd call a break was Rosa Alvarez's hair caught under the duct tape."

Maura felt her breathing hitch as Jane's intensity hit her. She could start to see where Jane was going and she couldn't help but look on, awed. She offered up a small stack of papers. "Here, these should be most of the findings."

Jane shoved the folders up and cleared a spot. She put all the reports next to each other. "The person that dumped the body would have known that the greater the decomp, the better chance you lose some evidence while other stuff would stick around. They also knew we'd figure out Alvarez killed his wife and daughter so the faster we found Gianni, the faster the case would likely close with us pinning all three on Alvarez. Leaving crap like fingerprints on the van, or knowing that the coke next to the body would have made us look for it during the autopsy, but if the peripheral bloods were degraded we'd never be able to have an idea of any of those metabolites and other crap you love."

Jane walked her fingers over the paper. "Someone knew how and where we'd be looking. They didn't try to hide anything, but they certainly knew what to obscure and what we wouldn't pay attention to."

Maura swallowed hard when Jane looked at her from her spot on the floor, pure power rolling off of her. This was Detective Jane Rizzoli, in her element. Maura's skin flushed as she instantly responded. There was an instant when Jane figured out the effect she was having. By the time Jane stood up and strutted back to her, Maura wasn't sure she could speak.

Their thighs brushed as Jane grabbed Maura's hand. She ran her fingertip over the pad of Maura's thumb. "Like your fingerprints. They're on file so the crime techs can identify them in the course of reviewing evidence, but exclude them in interpreting the results." Jane dropped her eyes to Maura's lips. "Sometimes when something is right in front of you, it's easy to miss."

Jane's fingers laced between hers. Long fingers squeezed Maura's hand. "I'm going to need a list of everyone on all the teams involved and I'm going to need Nina to cooperate." Jane twisted around, looking towards her kitchen. "But what was that you said earlier? I'm too distracting? I should stop distracting you and call Kosak, let him know what I'm thinking. Where did I leave my phone?"

Maura pressed her finger to her thumb, feeling the echo of the touch between her thighs. Ran a tongue over her lips, still feeling Jane's gaze. She quickly assimilated what Jane had just said.

"Jane." She placed her laptop down on the coffee table and grabbed Jane's shoulder, holding her down when started to stand up. "Vince does not need you to interrupt his night." She cupped Jane's cheek and turned her head so she could look into her eyes. "It's late. Nina can't do anything until the morning."

Maura could feel the energy thrumming under her hand. She gracefully moved up to her knees, never losing eye contact and straddled Jane's lap. With Jane's legs firmly between her thighs, her weight holding her down on the couch, Maura leaned down to trace Jane's upper lip with her tongue. "That means you're mine to distract until then. Unless you object?"

Jane's hands closed around her waist, her eyes dark and dilated. "God no."

"Good." Maura leaned in slowly, pressed their tongues together, gliding into the heat. The slide of their lips met gradually, thoroughly. She lost herself in Jane. Gave her senses over to the the taste of Jane, the feel of her, the sounds of their breathing growing uneven.

Jane started to move, to change their positions. Maura rocked her hips, pushing her down. "Stay." Jane yielded instantly. The hands at her waist clutched and Maura could feel the strength as the feeling shot down to pulse between her thighs. Maura pushed down again, sliding her hands off shoulders, down arms and up again. So much passion always riding just under the surface, all of it and the woman it came from, was hers.

Maura tasted a path over a defined jaw, nuzzled against a delicate ear. Captured the soft surface between her teeth and sucked until Jane's hands moved from her waist to clutch at her ass. Open-mouthed kisses trailed down a long neck, teeth grazing the tender hollow of a broad shoulder.

When Jane's shirt got in her way she pulled it off. The same for her bra. She ached for the feel of Jane's skin against hers. Maura leaned back, her own clothing joining Jane's on the floor. She went to lean forward but a hand on her stomach stopped her. Jane's eyes blazed a path over her torso and Maura ran her fingers over over twitching abdominals.

Jane reached out and cupped Maura's breasts, her thumbs brushed over over hardening nipples, the touch pulsing in her clit. "Shouldn't we take this upstairs?"

Maura rocked her hips against Jane's thighs, watched brown eyes melt into black. "Porch light is off." She ran her hands over Jane's breasts, rubbed upwards, watched Jane's mouth part. "Nobody is going to interrupt us."

Maura leaned into the long fingers rolling her nipples, closing her eyes to savor the tingling sparks coursing over her until she couldn't resist. She captured Jane's mouth, breathing her approval against a seeking tongue as Jane's hand stroked down her abdomen, fingers dipping under her waistband.

When Jane's hand moved to stroke between her legs, Maura shuddered and grabbed her wrist. "Not yet." She moved Jane's hand to her hip, started to kiss her way down Jane's chest, pushing gently until Jane took the hint and together they moved until Jane was under her.

Maura nuzzled against the side of a breast, tasting the soft underside, hovering over a nipple until Jane's hands buried into her hair and a whispered groan floated from over her head. "Don't tease."

Jane's response vibrated under lips as she drew the nipple against her teeth, soothed it with her tongue. Hips pushed into hers. Maura drew back with a kiss before moving to the next breast, the fingers in her hair tugging, the body under her, heaving.

Maura took her time moving down, paying homage to each bump of rib, across each line of abdominal, tasting the firm splay of muscle under the feather soft skin. She kissed down and under Jane's navel before she sat up, breaking Jane's hold. "You're beautiful."

With a tug of her hand, Jane's pants and underwear started to move down, baring more skin to Maura's touch. She let herself explore tensing thigh muscles, flexing calves, until she could toss the clothing out of her way. She parted Jane's knees, fitting between them, kissing the inside of one and then the other. Jane's breathing started to come in panting gasps as Maura left a wet trail up her inner thigh.

She went gently at first, teasing the place where thigh met body, running a tongue over edges and through slick wetness. Jane's hands found her hair and Maura tested the tip of her clit with her tongue. She took the instant whimper for approval, sliding the flat of her tongue over the surface, increasing the pressure when hips arched into her.

Jane's hands tangled in her hair, her voice rough, needy, "Maura...please."

The words pulsed between Maura's legs, drove her to bite down lightly, suck harder with each unsteady roll of Jane's hips. Two fingers thrust in easily, curled up, and drove Jane on, the concentration of strength and power now controlled by her touch, making Maura increase the pressure, drive in the friction.

Jane's body was corded, fighting the spiral upwards, muscles trembling. It only made Maura want more. She sucked harder, twisted her fingers, refusing anything other than complete surrender.

Jane rocketed up, bracing hard against her, shaking as she flew apart under Maura's mouth. Maura went still as Jane slowly started to relax, legs quivering. When Jane started to tug at her, Maura moved up, covering her body, kissing her jaw, her forehead, her lips, before snuggling into her neck.

Jane's hands were running up and down her back. After a while a soft sigh ruffled Maura's hair. "I have a whole new appreciation for this couch."

Maura snuggled into Jane's neck. "It has excellent support."

"Should have tested it out years ago." Jane wrapped her arms around Maura. "And what does a porch light have to do with privacy."

Maura looked up, not wanting to miss Jane's expression. "After a few awkward moments, your mother and I came up with a system to let the other one know when it's not a good time to be disturbed. We turn off our outside lights."

"Okay." Maura could see the second the full impact registered with Jane, when brown eyes went wide. "Wait a second. Ma knew it was only me over here tonight?"

"Yes."

Jane covered her eyes with her arm. "So I guess this means she knows we were having sex."

Maura chuckled and pulled at Jane's arm. "Probably, but she already noticed the contusion I gave you on your neck earlier, so it's not a surprise."

"What?!" Jane clutched her own throat. "I did not have a hickey this morning."

Maura pulled Jane's hand away and kissed much lower down where the small mark was. "It must have occurred in the bathroom and it wasn't noticeable right away. But while we were decorating the tree your mother cornered me in the kitchen and I couldn't think of a way to get out of it."

"Maura!" Jane squeezed her eyes shut. "She's going to be impossible over breakfast."

Maura rubbed her thumb over the wrinkles in Jane's forehead until she opened her eyes. She wasn't certain exactly what Jane was concerned about. "Do you care that she knows? She knew we were both moving towards this after Friday. She seemed accepting."

Jane cupped her cheek. "Of course she's accepting. Hell she's probably happier than a pig in shit. Ma loves you and she loves me. But she also doesn't shut up. So when she rolls in here at the crack of dawn, probably before I've even had my coffee, and starts firing off a million questions, I'm sending her to you. Safer that way for all of us. Deal?"

Maura felt Jane shift under her and goose bumps prickled her skin. She looked down into clear brown eyes. "Deal." She turned her head and kissed Jane's palm before sitting up. "Think you're ready for bed now?"

Jane frowned, reaching out to stop Maura from leaving, her hand swiping through the air. "Come back! I don't want to go to bed yet. I'm not even a little bit tired."

Maura gave her a slow wink. "Neither am I."

There was a flutter of falling paper, a muffled swear but Jane was at her back before she even made it to the stairs.

* * *

><p>AN

Many thanks to siDEADde & charlietheCAG… we really are winding to a close.

To all:

Those who follow me on tumblr… I posted a lovely photo that demonstrates that Jane, Maura and all Boston Rizzlers are currently buried under 5 ft of snow. We will see the fandom again right around the S6 premiere. Donations of liquor and flame throwers are appreciated.


	36. Chapter 36

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

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><p>The smell of beeswax, lemon and musty paper instantly transported Jane back to her childhood. She shook the hand of the priest at the door and followed Maura into the sanctum. Maura's heels echoed against the marble before hitting the runner up the center aisle.<p>

The place was almost empty. Jane saw Marcie and a few of the shelter staff sitting up in the front row and when Maura looked back at her in question she quickly nodded. Halfway up the aisle they started to pass Verna's window, light filtered in falling on empty wooden benches. She grabbed Maura's elbow. "Changed my mind. Let's sit here."

Maura glanced up at her face and followed her line of sight, expression softening when she spotted the angel. "Of course."

A quick genuflection later and Jane encouraged Maura down to the end of the row. Verna had said her angel would show the way. While she waited for Mass to start she studied the stained glass art in the light of day.

The window was beautiful, powerful. The colors were difficult to make out in the low light of the church but the stained glass was welded together to form a giant angel, arms outstretched, sword in hand. Giant wings surrounded by dark navy glass with diamonds of white. Children clustered at the feet of the icon, almost hidden in its robe.

Verna's angel.

The organ started to play and people stood up, waiting for the priest to pass by and the Mass to start. Jane clutched her hands in front of her, acutely aware of Maura by her side. Up at the altar, the priest opened the Mass and Jane started responding reflexively, familiar words feeling wooden on her tongue.

She turned to look at the angel again and was caught by Maura's profile. In the background the priest's cadence echoed through her brain.

"_Blessed are you, Lord God of all creation, for through your goodness we have received the bread we offer you: fruit of the earth and work of human hands. It will become for us the bread of life."_

Sunlight pushed through the glass, glowed through the angel, the children huddling at its feet. The filtered light caressed Maura before spilling over to her. As Jane clutched the wooden pew in front of her she moved her fingers, watching the light play over her skin.

Maura turned to her as the Lord's Prayer started, the words spoken in unison through the congregation. Years of church and Sunday School allowed Jane to speak without thought.

"_Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."_

It took the sign of peace to break the spell. Everything in this case had always returned to St. Vincent's. Jane narrowed her eyes and looked around the room. She noted the faces. Several of them familiar enough that they would have known Verna as well as anybody could.

Jane accepted communion, looked into the eyes of the priest, returned to kneel next to a sitting Maura as the organ played in the background. Lost in her head, snippets of memorized prayer bounced with thoughts of Verna's last moments and Maura's findings.

By the time she'd returned to her seat to hear the words of remembrance, Jane was ready to leave. She needed Nina's help. Buried in her thoughts she almost missed the priest praising Verna's service as the church organist for years.

Startled, she stared up at the priest as he recalled years of faithful service to the Lord and asked for the God to welcome Verna back home to the kingdom of heaven. No wonder Verna thought of this place as home.

Jane barely heard the concluding hymn. She let Maura grab her elbow and guide her out the doors and after picking up their coats, they headed down the front steps. They were walking through the parking lot towards the shelter when Maura finally spoke.

"You know, you don't attend Mass or confession regularly. I would think that accepting the Host during Communion was…"

Jane shook her head. "Really Maura? You're going to lecture me on Catholic proprietary? Let's not discuss why you know so much about a religion you don't believe in." Maura pursed her lips and Jane took a deep breath. "Forget about that. I'm sorry."

With a quick glance back at the church, Jane stared at ground while they walked. "I had no idea Verna was ever involved with this church. In all the years we've been dropping her off nobody ever mentioned why they always found her a bed." She glanced over at Maura quickly. "Doesn't that strike you as odd?"

"You should ask Marcie about it while I drop off the check." Maura went up the shelter steps and pulled open the front door and Jane had to jog up the last few to catch up.

This time they knew their way to Marcie's office. The same paper cartoon fawn curled up in the snow with the cardinal on its head and a wreath around its neck looked back at them. Jane stared at it hard. The snow around the deer and the small red bird, the evergreen wreath, she could almost feel the cold from her dream as she ran.

"Detective Rizzoli, Dr. Isles, sorry I was late. I wanted to thank Father Carmichael for holding Mass for Verna." Marcie quickly stuck her key in the door and opened her office.

The same chaos met them but this time Jane didn't sit next to Maura. The Mass, the stained glass angel, Maura's irritation with her all combined and buzzed along her nerve endings. The night Verna had died she had supposedly ran from here. Ran from the place Verna would have considered home. Jane clasped her hands behind her back and wandered the small room While Maura and Marcie spoke about the service.

When she started to wander over to the window behind Marcie, Jane could tell the woman was starting to get uncomfortable with her prowling. Marcie finally turned around and stared at her. "Are you okay, Detective Rizzoli?"

"Sorry, habit from when I was a kid. Sitting through Mass always makes me restless."

Maura was running her eyes along her body and Jane knew that she'd figure out the lie in a second. Maura didn't disappoint. "Marcie, I need a copy of my check for tax purposes, would you mind making one for me here?"

"Not a problem Dr. Isles." Marcie went to the door. "Stephanie?" She waited a second and called out louder "Stephanie?" Still no reply. Marcie turned to them. "If you'll excuse me for a moment, we only have the one copier."

The second Marcie was gone Jane went behind her desk.

Maura stood up as well. "What are you looking for?"

"I don't even know." Jane pushed stacks of paper, rifling through it quickly. "Maybe nothing but Verna died outside that church after being in this shelter. The same shelter that housed Susan and Alida Taber. And there's a stupid deer on the office door."

Maura looked behind them quickly. "You don't have a warrant or consent."

Jane turned around and the view out the window froze her for a second. She could see The Good Word across the street and Verna's stained glass angel glinting in the December morning sun. "I know Maura. I'll deal with that later if I see something. Right now I'm just trying to figure out how the shelter fits into this whole mess."

"Jane." Maura's tone made Jane close the desk drawer she had opened. Maura was pointing to a photo pinned into the wall above Marcie's office phone.

Jane leaned down and looked at it. Marcie's arm was around a tall handsome man with a clean cut jaw. The shock of red hair and bright blue eyes were just as startling as the first time she had saw them.

"Joe Venno. Fucking, Detective, Joe Venno."

They were both sitting when Marcie walked back in the room. Jane clutched her phone, waiting for Korsak's text back. Marcie handed Maura the copy of the check. "Thank you very much for your support Dr. Isles. If you'll excuse me I have to meet the weekend staff down in the kitchen to get the volunteers organized for tonight's dinner."

"Not a problem." Jane waited for Maura to stand up and they followed Marcie out to the door.

In the parking lot walking to Maura's car Jane's phone buzzed. She scanned the message. "Korsak says to come in."

Without looking up from her phone Jane went to open the passenger side door but it was locked. Looking up she found Maura smiling at her. "Okay so that's an Isles I-know-something-you-don't-know look."

Maura held up the paper. "I need you to get the keys from my purse." Jane flicked her eyes from the paper to the purse trying to figure out what she was missing. Maura's dimple appeared. "And then an evidence bag out of the back. I wouldn't want to lose potential fingerprints for your case."

"Oh my god, you really are fucking brilliant." Jane blinked slowly. "I can't… I thought that was to get her out of the room." She rushed around the car and grabbed Maura's purse, pulling out the keys. "I'm going to open the door for you. Get in the car and I'll grab the bag from inside okay? Marcie's office window looks out over the parking lot and if I were her I'd be making sure we were gone."

It wasn't until the piece of paper was safely stowed away and they were approaching the first traffic light that Jane felt the shock wear off. She held up the bag, looked at Maura as laughter bubbled up and escaped. Maura glanced at her and immediately joined in.

Catching her breath, Maura flipped her blinker on and turned down the street the BPD was on. "Don't get your hopes up we're going to find a match. It's only a chance."

"That's one more than I had when I woke up this morning." Jane shifted to face Maura. "Speaking of this morning that was sneaky getting up that early to go commune with nature or karma or whatever it is you do in that mediation room. I woke up alone."

Maura's dry tone and side-eyed glance wasn't lost on Jane. "After yesterday morning I was not going to take a chance that I was going to be walking in late to Church. I have my limits." She pulled into the BPD parking and maneuvered into her spot. "I'll also point out that a benefit of an early departure was missing your mother's scrutiny over breakfast. You can thank me by bringing me something to eat later since I'm now working through lunch."

Jane opened her mouth to protest and shut it just as quickly. "I'm not even going to try to disagree with that."

Following Maura into the BPD, she immediately spotted Korsak waiting for her by the front desk. He nodded at Maura. "Jane, I only have a few minutes to show you what Frankie and Nina have put together with the video before we need to meet with Cavanaugh."

She turned to Maura who merely held up the bag with the note in it. "I'll let you know the second we have an answer."

"Thanks." Jane touched Maura's arm when she went to leave. "Any preferences for lunch?"

Maura shook her head. "Surprise me."

When the doors closed and they were alone in the elevator, Korsak sighed. "Your text said you think the lead detective for the State Police is involved?"

Jane bounced on her heels slightly. Explaining why she suspected Joe Venno wasn't going to be easy. "He's a guess based on that photo I texted you about, but do I think its one of us? Yeah, I do." The elevator stopped on their floor and she headed for Nina with Korsak at her back. "Maura and I pulled copies of all the files yesterday so I could go through the evidence with her. It's the only explanation."

Korsak studied her silently. Finally he groaned. "Jane it's gotta be airtight. Please tell me you have something more than a guess."

Folding her arms over her chest, Jane raised an eyebrow. "Maura believes me."

Korsak chuckled. "There's a perk to being in a relationship Maura I hadn't thought of. Personal validation from the Chief Medical Examiner. Jurisdiction issues need not apply."

"Nothing new about that. Maura's definitely validated me more than once." Jane smirked at him. There. Let Korsak think on that. She put a swing in her step, winking over her shoulder.

"Never said I thought it was new. Though according to your mother, the method of validation might have gotten more personal and that mark on your neck says she's right." Korsak cuffed her shoulder, laughing as she practically bared her teeth at him, drawing stares from the other detectives.

"Korsak! NOT another word." Jane refused to look at him, quickly doing up another button as she rushed ahead to where Frankie was pointing at Nina's computer screen.

Frankie leaned back to look up at them. "Hey."

Korsak rested hand on the back of Nina's chair. "We're going to need the condensed version and we'll come back after we sit in with Cavanaugh."

Frankie sighed and wheeled away from the desk so he could face them. "Condensed is the easy part. We've been through everything the state sent over and we have plenty of video leading up to the deer strike and then nothing else from that night clear enough to see vehicles. Some of the raw stuff had some timestamps on it and after the accident it's already dark out pretty much like Maura said. Headlights and that's it. Typical shitty home security footage."

Nina caught Jane looking at her and nodded her agreement. "The rest of the footage that shows both the van and Alvarez's Explorer are from a different day."

"Shit." Jane looked at them, feeling hope dwindle. "What about the idea of following those other two cars in the strike footage?"

Frankie grinned at her. "Bingo. That turned out to be the key. Pretty much proves we're missing footage. When we ran the same home security cameras that were a little further up the road we used Maura's suggestion of the lighting and it became obvious the file was spliced together."

Nina started a video and slowed down the playback. "Plus, see here in the woods you have deer running through the trees. Then right here..."

Korsak whistled. "Gone, just like magic."

Jane slapped Nina's desk, startling all of them. "See Vince! Now are you willing to believe me this case isn't solved?"

Korsak rubbed a hand over his face. "It's not a matter of me believing you." He let out a long sigh. "But alright Jane, let's go see Cavanaugh."

* * *

><p>AN

siDEADde had to deal with me all on her own for this one. Thanks dahhhlin'

To all:

Okay so someone nominated this story over at Rizzles Fan Awards for best angst/author…. I need a better way to say it other than thank you… but truly thank you.


	37. Chapter 37

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>"But!" Jane jumped out of her seat. "Sir!"<p>

Cavanaugh didn't flinch. "But nothing Rizzoli. Do you understand what you are implying?"

Jane turned to Korsak, pleading with him silently for help. "I do, but you heard Korsak, we already have tampered video. Detective Venno's picture was hanging in plain view in Marcie's office. He works out of the barracks in Andover, right on the edge of the state forest."

"Sit down, Detective." Cavanaugh waited until she finally gave in and dropped back into the chair. "You want me to to go the DA and tell him we believe that the A-1 State Police detective division is, what? Dirty?" He stared at her. "And I'm supposed to do this because you have a gut feeling and saw a picture?"

"Yes!" Jane winced at her own outburst and took a deep breath. She hadn't expected Cavanaugh to be this inflexible. Skeptical yes, but not this adamant. "Well maybe not the whole of A-1 but Venno is certainly worth a look, not that he would have been able to act alone. Sir, it's the only thing that makes any sense. Think about it. Call in Martinez. Go look up Alvarez's Chinatown bust. That whole case fell apart in court on missing evidence from the State central storage."

When he didn't stop her, Jane pushed on. "And the drugs in the statues, where did it come from? It was good stuff, not crap a street hustler like Alvarez would be able get his hands on. Certainly not in the quantity that was sitting in his sister's place or the store. He was working for someone."

Jane leaned forward, words pouring out of her. "And he was selling it off in bulk. That stuff wasn't even bagged into splits. What if it came from skimming off the top in some of the bigger busts? All it would take is a couple of guys from all the right teams, one of the evidence techs. If you don't get too greedy… push it through a few contacts like Alvarez and boom, instant money."

Cavanaugh's picked up a pen and started tapping it against his desk. After a minute the tapping stopped. "Korsak?"

Korsak braced his hands on his knees, ignoring Jane as she turned quickly to face him. "Yes Sir?"

Cavanaugh pointed the pen at Korsak. "Who killed Susan and Alida Taber? Gianni Salvatore?"

With a sigh Korsak avoided Jane's glare. "Victor Alvarez."

Jane threw her hands up. "No, he didn't! He denied killing Gianni Salvatore!"

"I'm sure he did." Cavanaugh now pointed his pen at Jane. "Where's your proof that he didn't? Thought I read that fingerprints were pulled off the air fresher canisters and on the underside of the van's gas cap. It was his car on the video that gave you the break, wasn't it?"

Jane barely kept from rolling her eyes. "It was DNA but yes, it belonged to Alvarez. But he had no problem admitting that he killed Susan and his daughter. He had a motive. So why would he deny killing Salvatore too? Plus Gianni had some expensive toys that we couldn't figure out how he afforded. He worked at the shelter and was dating Alvarez's ex. What if Susan told him what was going on? Or he found out about it somehow? Hush money could explain it."

Cavanaugh didn't look like he believed her. "Electricians can work under the table and that was your theory before. It's one that still fits. None of this would hold up in court." He met her eyes squarely. "Who did Rosa Alvarez say was responsible for giving her the drug filled statues she left at The Good Word?

Jane sucked in air but let it out in a rush. When Cavanaugh went into stare down mode it was time to tread carefully. "Victor Alvarez."

When she backed off, Cavanaugh relaxed, sitting back up. "And the storekeeper with the child pornography was ruled a suicide?"

"Well, yes." Jane could feel any chances she had at keeping the case open rapidly disappearing. She played her last card. "But what about Verna?! We don't know who killed her yet."

Cavanaugh's eyebrows formed a vee between them. "Who?"

Korsak reached over and grabbed Jane's arm, answering Cavanaugh himself. "Indigent death. Dr. Isles pulled her as a re-autopsy to rule out a suspicious death tied to to the Taber killings."

Cavanaugh loudly sighed. "What was Dr. Isles' ruling?"

Korsak tightened his grip on Jane's arm. "She ruled the death probable cause due to illicit drugs."

This seemed to satisfy Cavanaugh. "Not a homicide?"

Jane felt her stomach drop when Korsak confirmed quietly, "Not a homicide."

Cavanaugh pushed his chair back. "Rizzoli, I hear you, I do, but put yourself in my shoes. You want me to blow up every cooperation agreement we have with the State Police with nothing to back it up. Sorry, but not yet. Find me something real and we'll talk."

Not even Korsak's warning squeeze could stop her. "But!"

Cavanaugh shook his head. "Conversation is finished until I have something real to show the DA."

Korsak practically dragged her out of the office and into the bullpen. "Look I know that it's frustrating. But keep it clean, Jane. Because of the Macy's connection he's going to be careful no matter what. You're asking him to accuse the State Police and that means he's going to have to face the DAs for both Boston and Essex County. This type of accusation going wrong could kill a man's career."

Her face must have said it all because he dropped her arm and picked up her coat, shoving it into her arms. "Take a walk or grab lunch with Maura. Just go clear your head and eat something. This isn't over yet but we need more."

Bursting out of the building and facing into the cold, Jane considered the lunch options in the area. A quick look at her watch and she made up her mind. The walk down Sudbury was frigid as she walked into the stiff winter wind, but there was only one place that wanted to go to for lunch.

Jane dashed across the street before trying to crowd into line in the tiny space in front of the register at China Dragon.

Behind the register Xiange spotted her and waved. "Detective, the usual?"

"Yeah, mine and Dr. Isles' version of number 20." Jane ignored the annoyed expressions from the crowd around her. The small restaurant was uncomfortably warm.

Xiange waved her off. "Dr. Isles means a special order. 20 minutes."

"I know the drill. I'll come back."

Back outside Jane paced to the corner and then slowly walked back, looking into the windows of the familiar stores. Next to the restaurant there was a tiny, cubbyhole-sized store that Maura insisted on stopping in whenever they came over here to order lunch.

In the past, based on the window display alone, Jane had resolutely refused to step over the threshold. Like death and taxes some things were guaranteed and walking into that kind of independent, eclectic boutique with Maura meant she would end up coerced into buying something she'd never use. Like the weird giant, multicolored, bag filling up the front display.

Forget the money she'd be out, Maura would undoubtedly find a way to make her use it. So no. Tactical avoidance of anything boutique-like was essential, and largely consisted of dropping Maura off at the store and offering to go buy lunch while she shopped.

But today when she peered at the display, the odd combination of elegant and eclectic in the window reminded her of Maura. Her hand was pulling open the front door before she realized she was going to do it.

Spicy incense and flowing scarves competed with wind chimes and unique statues. The woman behind the counter was dressed in a heavy knit dress and beaded jewelry. Soft grey hair and warm blue eyes joined a welcoming smile. "May I help you?"

"No thanks, I'm only browsing." Jane walked past cluttered glass shelves and noticed each case had a small placard on a stand. Quickly reading, she understood Maura's affection for the store. A collection of jewelry made her bend over and study the designs through the case, an idea rapidly forming.

Jane went to catch the shopkeeper's eye and realized the woman was already staring at her. She shoved her hands in her pockets. "So is this like an artist cooperative?"

With a small clap and a giant smile the woman stepped out from behind the counter. "Yes, otherwise we'd never be able to afford the rent. Everything in here is hand-crafted."

"I have a friend…" Jane paused and looked into the blue eyes that were watching her closely. There was something about the way this woman was looking at her that invited openness.

Swallowing quickly, she let the words roll off her tongue. "My girlfriend is a big fan of this place. I was thinking you might have something unique, like a necklace or something, that she could wear… I don't know… whenever. Like for work or at home. Nothing too fancy. But meaningful." Jane shifted uncomfortably. "I don't even know what I'm trying to say."

"Let me see if I can help." The shopkeeper rested a fingertip on the display case. "Anything in here will fit the unique description, it's all one of a kind, but I have a feeling you're looking for it to do something else too."

Jane curled her fingers in her pockets, and pushed down, forcing herself to stop fidgeting. She looked away, eyes retreating to the display case. "We were friends first. For a really long time. This part of the relationship is sorta new. I thought maybe I could get her something that lets her know I'm always there for her, no matter what happens."

The shopkeeper's smile grew, reaching her eyes. "How beautiful. She's a lucky woman." She moved closer. "Would you mind if I showed you something particular?" She didn't wait for an answer, unlocking the case and selecting out a necklace.

Jane studied the delicate silver oak tree inset into a circular pendant. About the size and shape of a quarter the leafless branches fanned out, teasing at the stamped phrase inside. She opened the pendant and the words instantly lodged in her heart. "It's perfect."

The blue eyes twinkled. "I'm so happy. That piece is a favorite of mine and I think it was waiting for a situation just like this. I'm sure your girlfriend will get a lot of use from it."

Jane could only nod and follow her to the register. The necklace was tucked into a small silk satchel and then put in a jewelry box. The woman bagged it and ran Jane's credit card. "It will dress up and down nicely. I hope she gets years of enjoyment from it."

Quickly signing her name on the receipt, Jane tucked the bag in her coat pocket. "Me too. Thanks for the help. I'm going to have to come in with her next time we're over here and let you know how she liked it."

"Anytime. I'll look forward to it." The woman took a moment to let her eyes wander over Jane. "And if she doesn't like that necklace, feel free to come back on your own to return it and I'll help you drown your sorrows."

The realization and warmth traveled over her cheeks and down her neck. The woman winked at her and Jane mumbled a quick goodbye as she hurried out.

Next door in China Dragon the crowd had grown. Jane had to open the door carefully and when Xiange pointed to the brown bag on the counter Jane let out a sigh of relief. Threading around the packed bodies she grabbed it. "Thanks for this. I know a special request at the lunch rush wasn't fair."

An impatient hand waved her off. "You and the doctor are regular customers. Her order isn't hard but it's not on the menu."

Jane laughed, knowing he was right. Maura's food had so many omissions and changes it was nothing like the lunch special the medical examiner thought she was ordering. "Yeah, maybe you should add it. I mean all you have to do is chop up tofu and vegetables and remove anything resembling flavor. Great profit margins."

He grinned, waving the next person up. "Better to be healthy like your doctor. But you should know we double the vegetables on your order per her instructions." He passed another bag to an impatient customer. "She takes good care of you, not all wives would be so diligent."

Jane blinked at his smiling face. Her local Chinese food place assumed they were married? She didn't say anything, squeezed through the crowd to the register, paid, and texted Maura that she was on her way with lunch.

Heading back up Sudbury, Jane let out a groan when headquarters came into view. The morning stress instantly came back and if Maura hadn't been in there waiting for lunch she would have kept walking.

Fucking Cavanaugh.

Korsak might've been right about getting out and calming down, but that didn't change the fact that Cavanaugh was being a moron. Whatever happened to a good cop when they became Brass was a mystery to her.

Jane clutched the bag tighter and started walking faster. At the very least Cavanaugh could've listened to the whole theory. Or let her bring Marcie in for questioning. Anything.

But oh no, who in the hell cared what the truth was if they could mark a trio of murders closed and Vice could check Alvarez off of their list? Macy's would get a sound bite on the news and Cavanaugh would get his pat on the head from the rest of the suits in management. Fuckers.

Frankie and Nina were starting to see it. Korsak was trying, but she wasn't positive he thought she was right. Martinez was fucking thrilled. His guys booked Alvarez and the cherry on the top was a dead kiddie porn dealer. Everybody was happy.

Jane stopped outside of the BPD and looked all the way up at the tall brick building. Around her the winter wind funneled by the buildings and she felt it bite through her clothes. People came in and out the front doors together. Cops, detectives, civilians. Nobody said a word to her.

Screw it. Until Brass pried the files out of her hands she wasn't done.

Barely paying attention to the front desk or security, Jane went on autopilot through the lobby, hitting the down button on the elevator, trying not to elbow her way through people exiting when it finally arrived.

Jane rushed through the hallway and burst into Maura's office. "I'm not giving up!"

It was to Maura's credit that she merely stopped typing and calmly stood up. "You rarely do. However I think I need more context in this circumstance to understand."

"This goes deeper than Alvarez. Joe Venno's involved, Marcie's involved and I'm going to figure out why." Jane held up the paper bag. "And I brought lunch from Golden Dragon."

"Well you did think that earlier and I'll admit your theory is compelling." Maura went to her couch and sat down. "Why the sudden affirmation?"

"Cavanaugh shut me down until I can bring him actual evidence. Wouldn't even let me bring Marcie in for questioning." Jane sat down at the other end and started pulling out containers. "So I need you to help me figure out the evidence to support my theory. We already have tampered video as a start. Any luck with the fingerprints yet?"

"I don't disagree with Lieutenant Cavanaugh's insistence on facts to back up your ideas." Maura paused, hand on a takeout container until Jane stopped covering eyes with her hand, groaning. "Stop whining, facts are important but to answer your question, no. I'm still waiting for the crime lab to process the paper from this morning. There were fingerprints but we have to get it into the system and we only have one person on staff this morning qualified to run the comparisons. I believe we were next up."

"Can't this cut the line or something?" Jane stabbed a spear of broccoli with her fork, truly noticing for the first time that half her container of lo-mein was vegetables. "Because you owe me. China Dragon ratted you out, Isles." She pointed the broccoli at Maura. "Extra vegetables!" She shoved the broccoli in her mouth and chewed.

Maura's tone was dry and unrepentant. "I'll point out that I made that request two years ago and you're only noticing now."

Jane finished chewing the snap pea in her mouth. "Of course you did. Fine, it's on principle then. Go play Chief ME and tell your people to hurry up." She pushed aside the vegetables, digging until she could fork up some noodles. "These are why you get lo-mein." She offered the fork. "Try them. Flavor and carbs. It will rock your world."

Maura rolled her eyes but leaned forward and accepted the bite. "Delicious." Their eyes met and Maura pulled away, smiling.

As she was admiring Maura's smile in profile, Jane spotted the flowers. Two dozen roses in a variety of colors sat on the edge of Maura's desk. She swallowed quickly. "Son of a bitch. He doesn't give up, does he?"

Maura was chewing, holding up a finger.

Jane jumped to her feet and stalked over to the roses. "And to think that jackass told me he wasn't going to play second fiddle."

Maura's chewing became more frantic as she stood up and came up behind Jane. Swallowing she coughed slightly. "Jane…"

Jane could feel Maura right at her back. She should have sent flowers yesterday. Maybe if she told Maura that she picked China Dragon because it was the first place they ever had lunch together it would count for something. Maura had to know that the two of them made a hell of a lot of sense.

Or at least they would if one person wasn't an idiot with the ghost of Verna as their guardian angel and an apparent ability to make piss-poor wishes.

She spun around and grabbed Maura's arms. "Look, any feelings you have right now about Jack are probably fake. You have to believe me."

Maura's mouth closed as she stared at her and Jane rushed on, not caring how insane it sounded. "Verna came back Friday night, and you and I had just argued… I don't know... you were so sad. I didn't know what to do and you had been happy with Jack." Maura eyes were now wide and confused. Jane spoke faster. "And his life was calm compared to ours. I thought I could give you that happiness back so I used my last…"

They both spun around at the sharp knock at the door and Jane whipped her hands away. Susie grinned, eyes bright as she walked in. "I have the test results, I just need a signature."

Maura accepted the folder flipping through the pages. Jane stared at Susie while Susie stared back, smile growing wider. It was unsettling. Jane crossed her arms and the woman actually giggled. What in the hell was wrong with Chang besides her god awful timing?

Maura didn't seem to notice anything as she tapped Jane's hip, moving her out of the way so she could grab a pen off her desk. Jane watched her sign off on the work before thanking Susie. The criminologist hovered in the the doorway for a second, shooting them both another smile before disappearing.

Jane dropped her arms in a huff. "Well that was weird. What's up with Chang?"

Maura tapped Jane's arm with the folder. "She's happy for us."

Jane shook her head slightly. "Huh?"

Maura quirked an eyebrow at her. "My staff apparently is very supportive of our relationship."

"You told your staff about us already?" Jane wasn't sure if she was more shocked or relieved. She was definitely impressed. Maura was intensely private at work. Almost too rigid. It had taken her years to refer to Susie by her first name.

"Not exactly. I believe the fact that most of them were in attendance on Friday might have lead to some initial suspicions that my late arrival yesterday did nothing to dispel. Susie made the connection and I couldn't correct her without lying." Maura opened the folder and tried to hand it to Jane. "The flowers you're upset about are from them."

Jane instantly stopped walking and stared at the roses. "Those are from your staff?" Maura nodded. "They sent you multicolored..." Jane started laughing. "Oh my god. They gave you rainbow roses."

She couldn't stop laughing. She would start to slow down, take one look at Maura's face and another round would start again. Finally Jane stumbled over to the couch, put her head down and managed to control herself. She picked her lunch back up and took a mouthful, not daring to say anything.

Eventually Maura sat down, placed the folder on the coffee table and picked up her own meal. "After some initial reservations, I thought it was very sweet of them to express their support."

Maura's tone came across as uncertain and Jane quickly shifted towards her. At the tight lines around Maura's mouth she scooted over on the sofa until their thighs touched. She reached over and ran a hand down Maura's arm. "Sweetie, it is very thoughtful. I'm not laughing about the gesture. I'm laughing about the rainbow thing."

Maura pursed her lips before letting out a little sigh. "Okay." She pointed to the folder. "Colorful flowers aside, I would have thought you'd be more interested in those results."

Jane quickly chewed and swallowed. "Those are mine?!" Her food was dropped back on the table and Jane grabbed the folder. "Why didn't you tell me? Maura!"

"I was trying but you were too busy laughing." Maura continued to pick at her lunch. "The unidentified fingerprints from the tape on some of our Febreze canisters matches several of the prints we exposed on the check receipt."

Jane pulled the folder into her lap. She flipped through the papers shaking her head. No matter how many times she read it she couldn't believe it. "Let's see Cavanaugh try to ignore this. You've got full and partial matches on here. Just wait until I show Korsak."

She finally finished reading the last page and Maura's signature caught her attention. The signature made the evidence report official. All reports were written by someone and signed off by someone.

"The reports!" Jane quickly reached over to the coffee table and started shoving her food back into the bag. She knew exactly what she could do that would convince Cavanaugh. "I have to get my hands on all the reports." Her stomach dropped. "Crap. Nina."

"I don't understand." Maura took one last bite and added her containers to the bag.

"We can't rely on any of the copies the State Police give us. They've already altered the video we have. I need access to their system without them knowing what I'm trying to look at." Jane stood up and helped Maura to her feet. "And without Cavanaugh's support, that means hacking them. Frost would have done it but Nina…" She sighed. "…she's pretty much sticks to protocol."

"Ahhh…" The edges of Maura's mouth twitched. "I'm sure with enough time, you'll corrupt her." She touched Jane's shoulder. "She sounds like me. What would you do to change my mind?"

Jane let her gaze roam over Maura. "Do you really want to ask that question?"

Maura narrowed her eyes."Before Sunday night."

Jane tilted her head as she looked down. That was a good question. How would she have convinced Maura to yield, especially early on in their friendship?

Looking into hazel eyes, Jane suddenly knew what might work. One of her favorite parts of Maura was her compassion. It was that fierce desire to help others and Maura's determination to do it no matter what other people thought of her, that had drawn Jane to the medical examiner in the first place. "I have an idea. For Nina and for convincing Korsak once and for all. You coming with me?"

Maura accepted her hand and let Jane pulled her up. "Always."

* * *

><p>AN:

Special thanks to siDEADde for tackling this for me :)

To all:

Happy Tuesgay. Hope you all enjoyed R&I tonight. I was a long hiatus, yes? True fact: I make ravioli in huge amounts every Christmas. That machine makes zero sense to me for efficiency's sake. I'm going to lend them my 100 year old pins next time Jane wants to tackle her bucket list.

To the reviewer who asked for this today… enjoy. I got caught up in RL and finishing the last of this story and had a gap in memory as to the last time I had posted. Thankfully Sid had gone ahead on her own and I was able to grab and toss this up :)


	38. Chapter 38

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers and warnings…

* * *

><p>With Maura at her side, Jane marched into the bullpen and stopped at her desk to drop off the fingerprint analysis. She looked at Frost's empty chair and then grabbed Chogokin. She didn't pay attention to the eyes that followed them to Nina's desk. "I need to hack into the State Police report system."<p>

Nina shook her head and turned away. "I can't do that."

Jane continued to talk to Nina's back. "If my brother wants to learn from you that has to mean you're good. So I know you can do this." She gripped Chogokin. "You saw that video. You know it was tampered with. Why should these bastards get away with it? If we wait they'll get smarter. Now that Alvarez has been arrested we both know they'll be more careful."

Nina wasn't saying anything but she stopped typing. Jane pulled a chair over so she wasn't looming over the tech and sat down. She placed the robot down next to Nina's keyboard and met the other woman's confused expression. "I know you're not Frost, but I can't do this on my own. Chogokin and I need your help."

Nina looked into her eyes for several minutes and Jane let her. Finally she turned to Chogokin and tapped the straight-but-not-narrow button. "Nice addition, and very fitting from what I've been told."

Jane bit the inside of her cheek when tears threatened. "Yeah, Frost was a good guy. Everybody liked him, which around here is like a freakin' miracle." She felt Maura's hand land on her shoulder, supportive. "We were a good team. It feels like my right hand is missing. I wouldn't be asking if I really didn't need your help."

Nina looked over to the desk where Frankie was watching and saw his hopeful expression. She saw Maura standing over Jane, determined. Chogokin's Santa hat blocked the robot's face and Nina fixed it. "I'm not sure how fast this is going to be and I can't promise anything. What's your first priority?"

Jane exhaled, relief flooding her body. "All the reports surrounding Gianni Salvatore's murder and everything you can dig up on Detective Venno out of the A-1 Barracks in Andover." She looked at her brother. "Frankie, do you think you can figure out what type of car Venno has for his personal use and where he lives?" He was typing before she even finished talking.

Jane went to pick up the robot, but somehow it seemed fitting that he stay with Nina while she went back to her desk with Maura. Korsak's chair was still empty. "Damn it, where is Korsak? I want you to show him the fingerprint analysis while you're up here." Frustrated she dropped into her chair. "I should text him, but he's horrible about checking his phone."

Maura sat on the edge of Jane's desk. "You handled the situation with Nina very well. Are you okay?"

Staring up at the ceiling, Jane swiveled her chair side to side. "Yeah, other than missing Frost and wishing he was around so I could tell him about you and me, it's fine." She sat up and Frost's empty desk looked lonely without Chogokin. "They're probably going to fill that seat soon, huh?"

Maura reached out and brushed Jane's curls out of her face. "I don't know, but when I'm short staffed down in the morgue, eventually everyone struggles."

Jane nodded stiffly and pulled out her phone, typed quickly and sent Korsak a text. There was no reason to keep Maura around now. She looked at the two empty desks around her. Maybe she could help Frankie and Nina. "I just realized we never finished lunch. Want to head back downstairs and eat?"

Maura checked her watch. "I can't. I should check in with the lab first, but afterwards I'm reviewing reports. Why don't you grab some files and work downstairs for a few hours with me?" She walked around Jane's chair, pulling open her file drawer. "Otherwise you'll hover over Frankie and Nina and that won't get you an answer any faster. We can consider it my service to mankind for the day."

"Hey!" Jane went to protest more when Maura's expression stopped her cold. She followed Maura's line of sight and leapt to her feet. "Those fuckers!" She grabbed the hot pink penis from her drawer and kicked it shut with her foot. The crunch of metal shut the din of the office down and everyone looked at her.

She exploded into the middle of the room, holding the dildo over her head. "Okay, which one of you misogynistic pricks thought this was a cute idea?" The bullpen was silent except for phones ringing unanswered at people's desks.

Jimmy Brown was standing with a group of uniforms in the back corner. He let his eyes fall over the the stunned room. "Guaranteed that isn't from anybody in Vice. We've worked with you. No fucking way would your dick ever be that small." The guys with him started laughing.

McCullan yelled from the back. "Same goes for SAU. Forget the size of the dick. Her balls would have to be bigger than those walnuts."

His partner Labroy nodded, jumping right in. "Yep, you gotta have some set to handle the Queen of the Dead."

Jane spun around to to rip into them when a small hand grabbed her bicep. Maura shook her head slightly.

Constantine, Johnston, LaDone and Capossela walked up to her and Maura. "HTU is out too. We still owe you both for figuring out Chris Harris was Cutthroat. Lot of girls in Boston owe you their freedom."

LaDone pointed to them both. "Nobody is surprised here. Hell, after Friday we all pitched in to order you The Joy of Lesbian Sex, because damn Rizzoli, we thought you were too dense to figure it out. This has been coming for years."

Capossela held a hand up before Jane say anything. "Don't get your panties in a wad. We canceled it after we saw that hickey."

Slowly the rage dissipated as she grabbed her neck. Jane looked around and most of the room met her eyes dead on. "Alright. Fine. Does anybody want to man up and own this?" Nobody made a move. "Too much of a pussy, huh? Figures."

"Jane." Maura grabbed her wrist and plucked the dildo out of it. "There is a perfectly logical way to figure this out."

One second it was her Maura looking at her, and the next there were the squared shoulders and the confident indifference of the Chief Medical Examiner studying the pink penis with intent.

Jane saw Korsak and Cavanaugh walk into the room and freeze. Maura's eyes had narrowed and she was stalking around the room, heels marking each slow step. She went up to various groups of officers and detectives, meeting their eyes dead on before looking down at the dildo.

Jane bit her lip to keep from laughing. With each second of Maura's steely analysis more and more of the guys were shifting and fidgeting. Finally she paused at Crowe's desk. Maura stared down her nose at him. Two fingers pointed at his hand. "There was a theory recently that a man's penis is roughly three times the length of his thumb. Consumers tend to gravitate to the familiar." Maura dropped the hot pink dildo on his desk. "You must want this back Detective Crowe. It certainly is not a match for Detective Rizzoli."

When Crowe's dusky complexion flamed a rosy hue, Jane quickly came up behind Maura, but the Medical Examiner didn't break eye contact until Crowe looked away. Loud clapping came from the crime tech's space. Nina was on her feet with Frankie following. The rest of the room joined in slowly.

Korsak's voice called out, breaking it up after a moment. "Alright, stop looking down at your thumbs you assholes and earn your paycheck." But he was laughing as he and Cavanaugh came over. He winked at Maura. "Well done, Doc."

Maura smile lit up her eyes, gone was the steel and formality. "It was my pleasure."

Cavanaugh shook his head, staring at Crowe. "Would either of you like to make a formal complaint against Darren?"

Jane rubbed the back of her neck. "Nope, I think the most of the guys will handle it. But, he's a prick to the female rookies. Make him go to some sort of therapy. If I hear anything from anybody, I'll be standing beside them outside HR's office door because enough already."

"Dr. Isles, is that good enough for you?" Cavanaugh shrugged when Maura agreed. "Alright for now. So Rizzoli, you texted Vince looking for us?"

"Well Korsak, but come with me." Back at her desk Jane handed over the folder with the fingerprint results. "You have to let me bring her in now."

Both men read the report together. Cavanaugh looked at Korsak who tilted his head slightly. He sighed. "I was going to let you do it anyhow after I thought about it, but let's get a warrant. Vince made a good point that if we can't trust our own people, who can we trust?"

Korsak nodded at Jane. "We were calling the DA in when you texted. He'll be here in about an hour. Now I need everyone to build the theory out for me and get me anything you can to back it up. Keep it close. It's going to be messy."

"Jane." Her brother's voice made her turn around. "Nina needs you, and I have the DMV info."

Nina and Frankie pulled everything up on the bank of monitors. Nina moved her chair over. "Lieutenant Cavanaugh, Sir, Detective Rizzoli… Frankie Rizzoli, was asked to look up the DMV records for Joe Venno, lead on the body dump in Harold Parker. Detective Venno has two vehicles registered. A black Ford F250 and a maroon Mazda 3."

Frankie was running a thumb over the side of his mouth and grinning at her while Nina pulled up the video of the deer strike for Cavanaugh.

Nina hit play and everyone watched the footage. First was a green Honda Civic but immediately following it was a maroon Mazda 3. Next Gianni's van drove past followed by Alvarez's dark blue Ford Escape. Then it was the herd of deer and the crash.

This time when the deer took its last breath the video continued, changing to another view by a new camera, the herd was running panicked through the trees until they disappeared like magic and video showed a quiet side road. No van, no Jeep, and no Ford Explorer. The next video camera showed stronger, brighter sunlight, and they were watching only the van and the Ford Explorer.

Nina hit stop on the playback. "Dr. Isles pointed out that the strength and length of sunlight were different on our original video and it turned out that she was right. The video packaged together for us showing all the supposed clips of the van and SUV were from two separate days. My requests for all raw footage have been ignored by the A-1."

Jane took her cue. "Add what you just saw to the fingerprint analysis."

"That's not all." Nina quickly glanced at Jane and the smile was shy and between just them. "Detective Rizzoli asked if I'd get copies of the initial reports from the A-1 detective unit." Nina pushed back and got up, walking over to the printer and handing Jane a stack of papers. "The original reports were eye-opening."

Korsak and Cavanaugh looked at her, but Jane didn't have an answer for them yet. She grabbed a chair and sat down, flipping through papers. "What am I looking at?"

Nina turned her chair around and crossed her legs. "The original deer strike report was signed off on by Venno which doesn't make any sense unless he was the most senior officer available at the time. The body dump case was claimed by him on seniority and the first detective removed." She sighed. "Once I saw that, I believe that Detective Rizzoli had a right to be concerned, so knowing the case I looked into all drug-related homicide cases in the Northeast offices. All but two cases were assigned to the A-1 Andover barracks and all of them were signed or co-signed by Detective Venno. He was the only consistent thing I saw. Even the Lieutenant in charge has changed over the past three years."

Cavanaugh ran his hand roughly through his short grey hair. Korsak smirked at him and he sighed. "Okay people. The DA is going to be here in about 45 minutes. Make it look pretty." He turned to Maura. "Dr. Isles, I'd appreciate if you could meet DA Robbins when he arrives and walk him through the autopsy reports and any other forensics your people did."

Maura gave a slight nod. "I will also make sure the appropriate techs are available."

Korsak watched him go. "I'm going to have to run home and let the dogs out. This is going to be a late night."

Maura rested her hands on Jane's shoulder and leaned down. "Well done Detective."

Jane covered Maura's hands with hers and squeezed. "Thanks, but there goes any plans for us finally having a quiet night together. Nothing nine-to-five about this life, huh? "

Maura curled her fingers around Jane's. "That's okay, I like our life just the way it is."

Jane leaned against Maura, taking a moment of peace before her world went crazy. "Me too."

* * *

><p>AN:

CharlietheCAG stopped shopping at Lowes long enough to get this all polished up for you guys… thanks Charlie :)

To all: there is a small part to this chapter that was a rip off on a little thing going around Facebook. I can't remember the exact one but was close to this one. My brother had posted it and therefore I was amused. But safe to say "show Maura" would NEVER claim the thumb rule. I take creative license….

_It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach._

_A human hair can hold 3kg._

_The length of the penis is three times the length of the thumb._

_The femur is as hard as concrete._

_A woman's heart beats faster than a man's._

_Women blink twice as much as men._

_We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand._

_The woman has read this entire text._

_The man is still looking at his thumb. _


End file.
